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Original poster

Strange thoughts after 60

60 replies

Strangedarkcloud · 12/02/2023 13:21

Not sure if I've posted in the right place but was wondering if anyone else can relate.
I am 60 and have retired, which I'd always planned to do if I could. Since retiring I feel like my mind is telling me 'that's it, we are done now, finished'.
I have the opportunity to do start a Masters later this year but all I keep thinking is that I'm too old and its pointless as I won't be around long enough to do anything with it. In addition I find that I am remembering all the 'bad' things I've done in my life and can't seem to stop. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I will suddenly remember something in my past that I'm not proud of. I feel like I'm reflecting on my life and judging myself in preparation for death. It's really strange but I don't know how to stop or why it suddenly started. I honestly don't think its depression but feel like I'm gearing up for the end if that makes sense. It feels a little scary. can anyone relate or offer any suggestions as to why its happening?

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 13:32

68 here and semi-retired (i.e probably going back to work because more money would be nice).

I was sorting through my bucket list files the other day - one of them was holidays. I thought about binning the whole thing because I realised that there isn't the time left to visit even a fraction of the places I want to visit even in the UK because I have no idea how many 'good' years I have left. I had a moment of unaccountable depression reading a thread in What We Are Reading because I'd neither heard nor read of any of the books despite having a biggish to read pile of my own. Like you I've been reflecting on the past and thinking about stuff I feel guilty about but not the stuff when I was a good daughter/sibling/employee/friend, and I think the awareness that mortality is uncomfortably closer than we'd like triggers all these reflections whether we want them or not. I think it's due to the realisation that this is the last major stage of our lives and we can either drift through it or grab it by the horns and make it work for us.

Like me you seem to be doing a sort of examination of conscience in preparation for moving into that last big stage at some form of peace with yourself.

PoorMegHopkins · 12/02/2023 13:34

If you will enjoy the Masters then do it. It will be great for you mentally for one thing. It will make you a more knowledgeable person. Not wasted at all.
The people who do well into old age are usually the people who keep living with a purpose.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 13:36

PoorMegHopkins · 12/02/2023 13:34

If you will enjoy the Masters then do it. It will be great for you mentally for one thing. It will make you a more knowledgeable person. Not wasted at all.
The people who do well into old age are usually the people who keep living with a purpose.

I'd agree with that. I have a plan of things for when I finally retire - studying, learning an instrument - rather than be like DM and stagnate in front of the TV.

CrkdLttrCrkdLttr · 12/02/2023 13:38

Firstly, you must start the postgraduate study. You have no idea yet how it will revivify you, and your engagement with the world. (I say this with some first hand experience.)

More widely, I suspect what you’re feeling is not unusual - it can take one by surprise, though. And I’m not sure it’s entirely related to the fact of retirement. I wonder if it’s an evolutionary hangover from a time when 60 year olds might have been well advised to make their peace with the world in preparation for leaving it! Now so many people of this age are embarking on new things - it may be that we’re the ones who manage to work through / push away that feeling of being ‘done’?

As for the negative flashbacks, you’ll be aware they do happen with depression also. But have you considered the effect of alcohol? It - or the additives added to it - can have horrible effects after middle age. If you drink at all, see if you can trace a connection to the onset of negative thoughts. And if you find one - step away from any wine that isn’t biodynamic, at least for now.

Ryder68 · 12/02/2023 13:39

I am currently going through a All The Bad Things I Have Done phase. It really is bizarre and hugely upsetting. I wonder if this is why many people take to religion in later life.

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/02/2023 13:42

I'm 67 and can relate to what you are saying. If I take after my parents I have quite a few good years left especially if I don't succumb to alzheimers like my mother but I am well aware that time is limited. I also look back on mistakes I have made.

You should do the MA if you can afford it. My mother started a part time degree course in her 70s having had to leave school at 15. Unfortunately she dropped it for strange reasons and we later realised it was the onset of her dementia. My Dad wanted to be an RAF pilot in the war but turned out to be colour blind and couldnt. I got him a flying lesson for a birthday when he was in his 70s and the joy on his face was a thing to behold. Do it while you can should be our mantra - if I could only decide what it is I want to do.

mamabear715 · 12/02/2023 13:44

All The Bad Things I Have Done plus All The Embarrassing ones! :-0
I assume it's just because we've more TIME to think about such things.. I don't tend to worry about it, I'm sure everyone has them, I push them away & focus on something else, like is it bin day today, lol!

Bonbon21 · 12/02/2023 13:45

Do the masters because you want to do it! You dont have to have a reason beyond that.
I think when you retire from work you suddenly have the 'brain space' to consider all the stuff that gets pushed to the back of your mind because you are busy and occupied in your day to day life. The thoughts that you were going to sort out when you had time. A bit like the drawer that everything gets stuffed in!!
After a lifetime of working you have so much experience, skills, knowledge and wisdom, all of which can be put to use in so many ways. Please dont put yourself down!
A bucket list is only ideas... none of them are compulsory... we gather them as we go along... but our interests and ambitions change as we do...
Be kind to yourself, this is a timea great change... get out and about, try to form some sort of routine, meet people, try new things... take time to stand and stare..
Life is good... and the future is yours!!

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 12/02/2023 13:47

I know hrt is not the answer to everything but I went through a phase of -ve thinking like that and upping my oestrogen really helped.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 13:49

I wonder if it’s an evolutionary hangover from a time when 60 year olds might have been well advised to make their peace with the world in preparation for leaving it!

Think you might well be right. Up until recently 60 was regarded as the age when you had nothing to look forward to but increasing decreptitude and death while being sidelined by society as of no further use. Now 60s and olders are travelling, embarking on new careers, caring for themselves so as to have as healthy an old age as possible...it's an uncertain and to some extent uncharted time.

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/02/2023 13:50

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 12/02/2023 13:47

I know hrt is not the answer to everything but I went through a phase of -ve thinking like that and upping my oestrogen really helped.

I think those of us in our late 60s are beyond that. I didn't feel like this 20 years ago.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 13:58

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 12/02/2023 13:47

I know hrt is not the answer to everything but I went through a phase of -ve thinking like that and upping my oestrogen really helped.

I'm nearly two decades too late for that.

Dillydollydingdong · 12/02/2023 13:58

Don't be silly! Get a grip! I'm 71 and expecting to be here for another 20 years. It's just another phase that we go through.. I don't do anything any different from when I was young. I go out with the bf, help out with the dgc, go cinema, plan short breaks (and long breaks), shopping etc. Just enjoy your retirement.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 14:01

Don't be silly! Get a grip!

Really helpful to the OP, I'm sure.

Ryder68 · 12/02/2023 14:04

I think the question we need to ask ourselves is - would we still do the Bad Things now? I doubt we would!

We can balance out what we perceive as the former bad in our lives by doing more good. Tiny acts of kindness go a long way in keeping good mental health for both the giver and receiver.

I certainly do not mean becoming a martyr or doormat btw!

Ladybug14 · 12/02/2023 14:05

Do the Masters. It can't hurt to start it.

Do some volunteering.

Helping others is a great way to get out of your own head

ginslinger · 12/02/2023 14:08

I'm 66 and just starting to do loads of things - I really would do the Masters - it's for you and if you enjoy it then that's great.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 12/02/2023 14:09

Ryder68 · 12/02/2023 14:04

I think the question we need to ask ourselves is - would we still do the Bad Things now? I doubt we would!

We can balance out what we perceive as the former bad in our lives by doing more good. Tiny acts of kindness go a long way in keeping good mental health for both the giver and receiver.

I certainly do not mean becoming a martyr or doormat btw!

I like to think I have a LOT more awareness of how my behaviour and words have an impact than I did even 20 years ago. I hope I'm kinder, as well.

Parisj · 12/02/2023 14:16

Thank you for sharing your experience, its interesting to reflect on the different experiences of different life stages.
Ultimately all human endeavour is fundamentally pointless and all humans are flawed so best not to spend too much time thinking about it. But do make your peace with it. Instead of avoiding thinking about your death, think about what in your life will have been most important to you when you reach the end. Instead of avoiding thinking about things you have done wrong, write a list. Are any actions needed before you can forgive yourself? Who benefits now from you dwelling on it? Now write a list of the small strengths and achievements you are proud of, the positive feedback, compliments or support that have meant something to you. Now, what do you want to do? What would mean something? Do that.

Ryder68 · 12/02/2023 14:16

MrsDanversGlidesAgain kinder, hopefully! I have more compassion for sure. Not as quick to judge, that sort of thing.

Shitzngiggles · 12/02/2023 14:18

I turned 60 last summer. It really freaked me out for a while especially leading up to my birthday. I've just started to feel like the more positive upbeat me again. I'm determined to make the best of what time I've got left however short or long that will be.

I'd say go for the Masters definitely.

Ryder68 · 12/02/2023 14:19

Who benefits now from you dwelling on it?
Excellent question!

Original poster
Strangedarkcloud · 12/02/2023 14:30

Thank you everyone, so much is resonating with me. Mrs Danvers I think you've verbalised what I've been feeling. It feels as if I'm moving into the last big stage of my life and I'm beginning to examine my conscience to make peace with my past and myself. I also think wondering how many good years I have left is hampering me as I keep thinking it's pointless starting something new if I can't finish or use it. I should be thinking of it as a grand adventure and enjoy it while I can rather than wondering if I'll finish.
Crkd, it helps to know that what I'm feeling isn't unusual, I was beginning to think it was only me having these thoughts. Strange you should mention wine as I had wondered that and have stopped drinking altogether for a while to see if it changes anything.
Ryder68, I'm sorry you are also experiencing this, it's really not pleasant and things I'd forgotten or thought about differently are making me feel quite uncomfortable at times. Maybe this thread will help both of us.
To those encouraging me to do the M.A. Thank you. I have time to apply so I will look at it objectively to see if I meet the criteria and let you know. Fingers and motivation crossed.
Dilly, I'm glad that you are still embracing life and continuing to do the things you did when you were young. Alas for many reasons I cannot now do that. If it were as simple as pulling myself together I think Mumsnet would become redundant as people wouldn't come on here to ask for advice and support. Sometimes 'pulling yourself together' requires love and support from others. I hope you never need to experience that. This thread has already helped me to know that I'm not alone or abnormal thanks to others sharing their experiences.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strangedarkcloud · 12/02/2023 14:33

Parisj, that's so helpful. Definitely will try the list thing. I do need to change my mindset before I DO get depressed.

OP posts:
emeraldjones · 12/02/2023 14:34

An elderly friend of mine, an intellectual and philosopher, was afflicted by many problems of old age - failing eyesight, deafness, brittle bones - and was horribly affected by her loss of independence and seeming lack of a place in the world. She found a book by Helen Luke, called Old Age, very helpful.

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