Strange thoughts after 60

[Strangedarkcloud]

Not sure if I've posted in the right place but was wondering if anyone else can relate.
I am 60 and have retired, which I'd always planned to do if I could. Since retiring I feel like my mind is telling me 'that's it, we are done now, finished'.
I have the opportunity to do start a Masters later this year but all I keep thinking is that I'm too old and its pointless as I won't be around long enough to do anything with it. In addition I find that I am remembering all the 'bad' things I've done in my life and can't seem to stop. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I will suddenly remember something in my past that I'm not proud of. I feel like I'm reflecting on my life and judging myself in preparation for death. It's really strange but I don't know how to stop or why it suddenly started. I honestly don't think its depression but feel like I'm gearing up for the end if that makes sense. It feels a little scary. can anyone relate or offer any suggestions as to why its happening?

This is exactly me too. I'm 62. Keep thinking of all the things I've done wrong in my life, mistakes I've made, people I've hurt. It can be exhausting. Have been like this since I turned 60.

On the plus side, realising I haven't got an infinite number of healthy years ahead of me has made me happier, ironically, in that I live each day more for the moment.

Thank you OP and everyone else who has contributed, to make me feel less alone!

I think part of my 'loss' is due to the fact that I fulfilled my career aspirations and retired whilst still being wanted and sought out. I've felt a bit 'bereft' at no longer having people needing me for advice and being known for solving difficult problems. I think its the other side of the coin to feeling unfilled. Both seem to be causing a sense of loss and for me feeling like I can never be that important again. Its a bizarre feeling as I don't want to go back to a stressful career and was happy to retire. I think I just feel old and wonder if now I'm 60 that's all others see. It sounds as if I'm depressed but I'm really not, I think someone earlier said its about facing our mortality and knowing time is short. I'm definitely going to start some sort of bucket list of short AND long term goals.

MrsDanvers great username by the way.

I was the quiet bright kid who did her schoolwork and got overlooked, then the reliable employee who did her work and got overlooked.

This was me also. I lacked confidence to think about what else I could do/promotion. I think I waited for someone to notice me and suggest promotion but of course it never came. I did get a promotion once in my 20's which I instigated myself but it turned out badly (it was completely the wrong job for me).

I've felt a bit 'bereft' at no longer having people needing me for advice and being known for solving difficult problems. I think its the other side of the coin to feeling unfilled. Both seem to be causing a sense of loss and for me feeling like I can never be that important again. Its a bizarre feeling as I don't want to go back to a stressful career and was happy to retire.

Although I didn't have a senior job, I also solved problems. It was stressful at times but I wonder if my sense of loss is also connected to not being needed as such (still needed by dc who are relatively young). But yes, this sense of being needed/important resonates. I got made redundant in the end and realised I was not so needed/important after all after several years of good service.

On the plus side, realising I haven't got an infinite number of healthy years ahead of me has made me happier, ironically, in that I live each day more for the moment.

This is the mindset I want to achieve. A move away from doing toward being I suppose but still I feel I must have purpose of some kind.

I'm in my late 60s, only retired a year, and while not experiencing your thoughts and feelings of regret, sometimes feels constrained about doing the new, probably because my late DH was the one who arranged things.

Anyway, you'll get more mileage out this excellent thread by shifting it to Gransnet. Bizarrely they do not have a section called Retirement, but the sub-site is full of splendid people.

Oh, and do do the Masters.

I forgot to say once on Gransnet, click on the link at the top of the page to get into the site. A lovely aspect of the site is it resembles the old MN format, though a different font.

You don't have to be a grandparent; I'm not.

Thanks very much indeed to everybody who's shared their experience on this thread - it's been such a relief to discover I'm not the only one going through this!

I only turned 60 this month, but last September I stepped down from a mentally demanding hobby that was turning into a never-ending chore; and while I was thankful for the sudden change of pace, as soon as I had time to relax and breathe I also found myself out of nowhere remembering mean actions and poor choices from long, long ago, and brooding upon them.

I can see now that, with its main preoccupation suddenly gone, my brain had to find something else equally miserable to latch onto. I've noticed the memories tend to pop up out of nowhere when I'm going along in neutral, e.g. peeling potatoes or doing the ironing, but once inside my head they circulate round and round, clamouring for my attention and guilt.

Next time it happens I'm going to use the advice given up-thread and instead review how my behaviour/outlook/interpersonal skills have improved in the intervening decades, and remind myself of later occasions where I managed the same sort of situations better.

I’m 64, on HRT and plan to stay on it forever. But I accept it’s not the answer to everyone’s problems.

Hi all,
I just thought I'd update this as I have now turned 61 which strangely enough wasn't at all scary. Having wallowed for a while I gave myself a good shake and decided to meet this year head on. So.....
I did apply for the Masters course but for part of it they have a cut off point of 59!! Rather than giving up I retrained in a similar area of interest and since completing the course have started doing some part time work which I absolutely love and has made me feel so much better about myself. Whilst working I have been complimented on my knowledge and age related 'wisdom' which is a bit strange but I'm embracing it.
I've also joined a job Agency and have spent some time taking short term contracts (in addition to the above) aligned to my retraining which also values age and experience. I am able to choose which contracts I want to do which has led to me being in charge of when and how long I work for. The extra money has, in turn, led to me taking a number of short breaks and reignited my love of travel.
I'm feeling a lot better about my 7th decade now and I think this is in part to once again feeling needed and valued. I've realised I'm not ready to completely retire and still need to feel part of something 'bigger' I think the time will come in a few years when I will have had enough but by then I will be ready to embrace it. (That's what I'm telling myself anyway)
I'm also not having the same about or volume of intrusive thoughts. I'm not sure if it's because I'm too tired after work or if I'm happier because I'm doing things that make me feel good and hopefully making others feel good too.
I hope everyone else is doing well and have also found a little inner peace this year. x

Congratulations on your retraining and the new avenues it’s opened up.

Interesting to re-read this thread. A long and very tedious period of un-wellness has meant far too much time home alone, reflecting on all my failings and failures. I’ve acquired a worrying conviction that all the striving my new sort-of-career has involved is somewhat undignified, and I could easily let it all go. Though how to fill the next thirty odd years would be a puzzle!

Thankfully, the one piece of knowledge I’ve gained from all my millions of decades is that no feeling is ever permanent, and if I can push through this slump there’s a chance I may stumble upon some optimism sooner or later. To which end, following a random bit of MN advice, I have invested in a bottle of cod liver oil, and will see what that can do for my post-viral aching joints. Small steps.