Are you a "What We Do In The Shadows" Energy Vampire ?

[AcetoneForMyPhone]

And what have you done to REALLY change?

SIL told me I am one of these and I think there is a (big) grain of truth in it. More towards boring than enraging!

I have mild ASD and ADHD traits. I have obsessive topics plus I am anxiously attached so tend to initiate and then dominate boring conversations on my obsession of the moment.

The things is, even being aware of it, I haven't found any foolproof tricks to change myself into someone interesting.

I do have partner, kids, friends and hold down a good job. My neighbours & colleagues seem to like me. So I'm not a social outcast.

I think with SIL our interests don't overlap in many areas and I may have stuffed mine down her throat!!
It does hurt a bit though.

Any gems of advice?

PS I watched this clip, found it hilarious and I'm not as bad as Colin!!
What we do in the Shadows

Another gem in case the other link didn't work!

"Do you have any interests Guillermo?" 😂😂

When you’re forced to be nice to colleagues | What We Do in the Shadows – BBC

I fucking love Colin Robinson.

so so funny...

Hopefully not but I've definitely worked with a few Evie's (emotional vampires) and literally watched as she drained an entire team.

@Holihobbies oh my god YES! The NHS seems to attract them. I've worked with loads. Every day, a different drama.

I work with a few,I call them mood hoovers 😆
What we do in the Shadow's is one of my favourite TV shows.

Same here,fellow NHS worker.

I wish I could sympathise with you all but I'm on the wrong side!!

I say mood hoovers too!

Or a bar full of half empty glasses 🤣

I have a few in work but luckily can void them.

The place I find them the most is at ds swimming club!

Sorry for your experiences! It's a broad term though; I'm not into drama or negative

But I am definitely Boring, Intrusive & Clingy.

I'm looking for advice from people like me, or are we Lost Causes do you think?
😂

I work with some Colin Robinsons 🤣

Could you limit your time talking about your obsession to a couple of minutes or no more than three sentences? Then get into the habit of asking the other person a question.

Thanks Rainbowshine. Are you a victim or a fellow vampire?

OP, I don't think it's something many people would admit to. And I think you're really brave.

Could your SIL just be nasty? After all, you're in a relationship, so I assume your DH doesn't find you to be this way?

I think with your SIL you perhaps need to avoid talking about things you know don't interest her. Perhaps try asking her questions about subjects that do interest her.
Or avoid her 🤷‍♀️

Thanks Rogue1001MNer!

Well after the initial hurt I decided to take the point!! I also realised I had had this feedback from time time from other people at different times and it was time to fess up. Most people don't want to hurt your feelings and you never learn so I appreciate her honesty.

The thing is trying to do as Rainbowshine advises, my brain goes into autopilot mode due to social anxiety and chatters over the others. It's so hard for me to imagine they might be totally bored. I know it's down to a lack of imagination but I need concrete ways to improve that part. I know it must come off as a lack of respect towards others.

Even now, I think I"m boring you all with my comments!!!

Reading between the lines I think your SIL has been pretty rude really. Fine to have an honest conversation and tell someone you would rather they didn't talk so much about their interests. Not fine to tell someone they are an energy vampire - that's horrible.

I'm thinking the problem is more your SIL than you. If other people get on ok with you maybe she makes you nervous and that's why you talk about things a lot - as a way to feel safe?

She is a nice person but East European and comes across a bit blunt, but to be fair she is married to my brother is pretty vampireish at times. He has full blown ADHD. And my Mum has plenty of the traits. I think she is just drowning in it in my family.

That's a really unkind thing for your SIL to say. Even if there is some truth in it, her saying it out loud shows her to be a nasty person.
I'd rather spend time with a nice person, who talks about what interests them, than a bitch like your SIL.
You sound kind, clever and lovely. I bet you're interested in some cool stuff.

PS The Energy Vampire comment was made on a Whatsapp chat group with 3 siblings (she is the only non sibling) - we rarely meet up as we live in different countries.
She did backtrack a bit the next day. However, I do know she's right!

Thanks that's really sweet Bashfulinseduary

I can sense none of you nice people commenting are vampires though!! Aren't there more of us on here?

OP, you sound empathic and funny. I think you may be right that your SIL is projecting some of her frustration with your DB onto you.

Have you ever listened to the Neurodivergent Moments podcast? You might enjoy it and it’s great for normalising some of this kind of thing.

No wise words, but I love this show and Colin Robinson is amazing.

I used to be too talkative and I just have to stop myself. I saw a religious devotee in some documentary wearing a "silence is bliss" badge and he simply avoided unnecessary conversation. He seemed very at peace, so I try to adopt that policy when I think I'm going off on one. I save my unnecessary chat for people who actually like it (my siblings - we're all the same) and try to spare other people

Also think your sil sounds rude though.

My cat is called Colin Robinson. I bloody love him but man he can drain my energy like no one’s business. He’s highly emotionally manipulative too.

I think that might just be all cats @Skinnermarink 😄