Upset watching DD eat toast

[Overwhelmed4]

DD is so amazing. She has the biggest smile on her face from the moment she wakes up til the moment she goes to sleep. The sort of grin that makes her whole face light up.

When I see her like this I feel awful for bringing such a pure, joyful, amazing soul into this dreadful world. I worry so much about what her future will look like.

There are different triggers but the main one is global warming at the moment. I imagine her growing up on a planet that's barely habitable with hardship after hardship.

This morning she was shrieking with excitement at every piece of her toast, brandishing it and giggling as she was eating it. I couldn't stop the tears streaming down my face. I feel so guilty she has no idea what the world is really like.

She is 18 months so I should be out of the hyper hormonal first few months but I seem to feel worse about it every day. It's not all the time at all, but it doesn't take much for it to get triggered.

Can anyone relate or have advice to not feel like this?

You've definitely got anxiety, depression of some kind, or some other mental condition which is nothing to be ashamed or feel different about. It happens to lots of people but you definitely need to see a GP and see what the best course of treatment is.

In the kindest way, her happiness is a gift but she'll probably lose it if the people around her are pessimistic and sad all the time.

Your daughter sounds amazing!
I agree with others that it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling and find a place to talk about this. Could you afford private counselling?
I'd also suggest going completely cold turkey from all news if you can. I have done this and it's made a huge difference to how I feel about life.

Weird response. I assume you are joking or not very clever.
OP I get like this about the world, but kids are very resilient and so is the world.

I think CBT could help too. In some areas you can self refer directly and don’t even need to see your GP. If you Google ‘nhs talking therapies + your area’ something should come up.

The CBT helps you sort out the hypothetical worries from the real ones and create strategies to deal with them.

I’m so sorry you feel like this, I think the last two or three years have been collectively traumatic for society, then we have had the Ukraine war, looming climate change and the cost of living stresses. It is a scary time. Humankind can be magical too though, maybe one day your daughter will be a scientist who discovers a climate change breakthrough.

Sorry OP but you sound very unwell. See if you can see somebody this week, either your HV if she is nice or your GP. I hope you are able to feel better soon.

I just had to reply to this! The number of posters suggesting the OP needs help from a GP is a bit OTT! I felt this way especially when mine were tiny as they are so vulnerable, it's normal! They are new and the world can seem so vast and scary, which it can be! That is a normal feeling as your normal parental instincts kick in and are so strong.
With the war in Ukraine, spy balloons, huge earthquakes and missing women, it's no wonder mothers feel a bit anxious about the future for their children! I do! To suggest it is just PND is diminishing what i think is a normal feeling to have at times.
What i do is focus on the moment, and that once you realize a lot of it is out of your control it is easier to worry less about it. Also the media work us all up into a frenzy with fear, i find turning off the news every now and then is good. As sometimes it is not always worth worrying about every little thing going on in the world. Just focus on your own world with your kids/life.
We all feel this at times because we love our kids x

I feel like this a lot, and my little one is now 4. Having children is double sided: overwhelming joy and happiness brings absolute terror at the possibility of its loss. Brene Brown talks about foreboding joy, which really sums up how I feel a lot of the time!

I wish I had some advice OP, but the best I've found is bouncing back between these two feelings.

As none of us personally know the OP then advising them to see the GP rather than brushing it off might be a safer option. The OP can make their own mind up about whether they do or not based on the severity of their feelings then. Id rather someone asked their GP and then worked out they didn’t need that sort of help than potentially advising someone who does need help not to seek it.

Of course there is such a thing as global warming and I think it’s natural to worry about our changing planet. Of course, in reality there’s nothing we can do about it apart from cutting back on the population (not popular).

It’s fairly normal to have intrusive thoughts, you want the best for your child and that’s normal. It’s natural to worry, but you seem to be suffering at the higher end of what is a normal level of worry and concern. Did you always feel like this or only now you have the little one?

I think you could do with a little support, talk things through with your health visitor or G.P. You should be enjoying your little one. 💐

I would also take a break from social media.

We’re not as helpless as that OP. If we all said there’s nothing we can do we would definitely have a problem.

I work in a hospital that has reduced their use of harmful anaesthetic gases by 80% purely because one of the staff members got very passionate about this and engaged with the management team to see what they could do. If that one person hadn’t started to speak up then the change would never have happened. Now we have a massive sustainability programme in place across the trust.

I hear you, OP.

Your DD is still very young. As such, so is the lens through which you perceive the world with her in it. You see things clearly. Your DD is a beautiful being, full of wonder and delight, in an imperfect world.

Global warming and climate change, with all it will bring, are realities. We, and our children, will experience unprecedented change in our lifetimes.

This can be challenging to acknowledge. The cognitive dissonance is strong: we have brought vulnerable life into a place which feels all but safe.

Hence, some decide that, because life is still tolerable in the place where they live, this environmental challenge is not real. Others frame your very natural anxiety as unreasonable or disproportionate, and medicalise a normal response to future threat by suggesting you are unwell.

If we accept that the future we face will be impacted by radical change as a result of a warming climate, we are not 'depressed' if we experience the sadness and regret that this may entail. It is a natural and appropriate response to grief and perceived threat. Your feelings are valid and yours to feel.

You can make really positive decisions from this place of honesty and openness. What you experience when you watch your daughter eat her toast is a call to love in action. You are a positive agent in your child's future, with so much capacity -use this to live your lives in a way which supports the future you want for her and all other children living in these uncertain times.

I think you need to see the doctor. The world is not going under. You need help with what could be depression.

Climate change is a massive problem. If you're worried about your kids future it makes you normal, not in need of a visit to the GP!

There are things you can do practically -

• reduce flying
• reduce meat consumption particularly beef, swap out some dairy if you can
• pressure your MPs
• join a local group eg XR families on Facebook in your area
• if you have money available you can insulate and or add a heat pump to your home, add solar panels
• if you have money invested check where, there's a great pensions campaign here makemymoneymatter.co.uk/21x/

I think you need to read the room.

Firstly, this is the Chat board. Not AIBU.

Secondly, this is a woman who clearly needs support.

Do better.

This with bells on.

I can actually relate to this feeling. You feel your child is so lovely and sweet that this hostile world, with all its tragedies and terrible news, will just eat her up and spit her out. I do understand and have the same
thoughts sometimes - not to the extent that you do, more just finding the innocence of little ones so bitter sweet (which I’m sure many people feel!) I am an empath and I often absorb things really deeply, things like the war in Ukraine and the earthquake in Turkey & Syria occupy my thoughts to a level that I burst into tears and can’t sleep or function. It’s actually torturous to be this sensitive!! I get overwhelmed so easily.

However, it does sound like you do have some lingering post natal feelings that you should seek medical help form. There’s no time limit on when you’re out of the zone for these, in fact it’s often much later than the newborn phase because then everything is so relentless that you can be distracted. A lot of women suffer as their infants get older. Please see help, there’s no judgment.

Don’t think that is really the point here,. But in any event, all the mainstream evidence indicates you are wrong.

Hello OP I think you have mild PND. I was fine after the birth of my first, but after my second I felt like you do. I appeared fine, I told no one and I
it after about 3 years, as depression usually does if untreated (unless it becomes very severe when it stops you functioning) but I wish so much I had asked for antidepressants. I feel I spent my sons early years under a cloud.

OP, I did not realise how depressed I was until Ds1 was about 18 months. I don't know if it was the accumulation of lack of sleep, hormones, breastfeeding, adjusting to Parenthood. My realization carne when I went on holiday to a beautiful place with my H and my sister and my gorgeous baby - and I couldn't enjoy it. I can't back and realized there wasn't any time I actually felt really happy and genuinely enjoying. I felt like I was just going through the motions all the time and trying to have fun but not really having fun. That's when I went to the doctor because I didn't want it to affect my child.

Hugs to you, OP.

My dh has felt like this in the past. He has been in tears about it several times. It was just awful for him but very worrying for me too. Looking back it was a bit of a breakdown for him.

anyway he refused to go to a gp but did pay for a private therapist. He’s mostly ok these days but still has moments. He is actively involved in an environmental pressure group which is very cathartic for him, even though it doesn’t practically achieve much.

fwiw I think it’s entirely reasonable to worry. However the children are here now and we need to make the best of it. A lot of that is educating our kids about how not to treat the environment as their ancestors did (and a lot of our peers still do). Feel free to pm me.

What an utterly vile response. Perhaps you need to read the room.

OP, I totally understand this feeling but if it overwhelms you then it is definitely a good idea to seek some support. We want to protect our children but the world is a difficult place and your fears are reasonable. However, some perspective may help you feel a bit calmer. You sound like you have a lovely, happy child which is an achievement in itself

OP, yes I have been this way times. Now I have two and the youngest is almost 4 I don’t get it so much. When our children are tiny we are designed to be super protective of them and a bit hyper vigilant. It’s what keeps them
alive. But also fucks with our heads. Do I would just say, observe your fear and let it go and enjoy the joy too

Meditate like a boss. OP, I totally understand your feelings and responses. But it’s a state of anxiety that you should not have to constantly live in.

I think becoming a mother really gives our lives meaning and purpose that were perhaps previously missing (for me, it was like this). But as an anxious person who is prone to episodes of fear-driven depression, I have to do the work on myself constantly so that I get the better version of me and so do my children.
I do TM daily or shavasana and the 4-7-8 breathing technique. It’s taken me a while to realise the potential of TM. So it’s an investment. But it helps me focus on the living moment rather than the uncharted Great Unknown ahead. It stills my choppy seas. If you can lean into the spiritual side of living, the physical side of our living feels less cumbersome.

@Intrepidescape no you read the room. Fuck off with your dismissal. PND and anxiety is a very real problem as is global warming. The OP is asking for help not judgement so I suggest you take your snarky attitude elsewhere. And as for having too much time on her hands you clearly do if you’re trawling threads looking for people to be a dick too. FTFO please.

OP I had this and still do to a lesser extent. It’s made me reconsider a second tbh. But it was anxiety and I received help and counselling and it made me able to manage these thoughts and emotions. Part of it is a very normal worry, part is your innate protectiveness for your daughter and the reason you get so distressed is because there isn’t anything you can immediately do to reassure yourself she’s going to be safe. One of the hardest things about parenting! But I echo other posters, please do seek
help it will make all the difference