Jobs that are almost like family?

[enweto]

I want a job where you work in a team and your group identity and work relationships are an important part of your life. Sounds a bit sad perhaps, and not what some people would want, but it is what I want. I am single and don’t have any close family within 50 miles, I devote my life to work but get little back really.

I used to be a teacher and in many ways that lifestyle fit the bill perfectly - the teamwork and camaraderie and sense of belonging were right for me. However, ultimately the relentless grind of it was just too stressful. I couldn’t keep up, I was falling behind with everything and getting so stressed and burnt out.

I left, and began working for the local authority instead, but the team is pretty soulless and nobody really gives a crap about each other at the end of the day. They all can’t wait to go home to their families at 5, which is great and everything, except my life isn’t like that. I need a more consuming career where the relationships mean something.

I watch TV police and medical dramas, and think that that sort of teamwork environment is where I would flourish, except TV drama isn’t real life is it? And anyway I have no science qualifications so healthcare is out, and as for the Police… well even if I wasn’t a complete wuss, I have got shockingly bad eyesight. And I’m nearly 40.
Another unrealistic career that appeals is an actor, or even the military (where the wussiness and eyesight would be an even worse problem!!)

Anyway. Am I being a bit silly thinking that teamwork and collegial relationships are more intrinsic to some professions, or is it luck of the draw / TV show nonsense (just like not all neighbourhoods are like Ramsey Street) or, can you think of any other careers I could consider where I feel I would get this sense of belonging and identity from my role?

Can you focus more on building friendships outside of work? It's fine having friends at work but those friendships often disappear as people change jobs, get made redundant or retire. You can't rely on work friendships to be your sole support network.

I think the trouble is the types of careers with those kind of bonds are the really intense ones that are likely to burn you out. That’s kind of the nature of it.

Work in healthcare, would say there’s an element of this and I do love it.

What about something where you have to train and do gruelling exams. That might bond you? Accountancy? Law? Not sure!

I’ve got friends, but it’s a coffee here, a theatre trip there. They have children and careers of their own to be thinking about.

I get what you’re saying but I can’t find what I’m looking for from my friends. I know workplace relationships aren’t necessarily enduring, but I need more human interaction and connection to fill my days.

I work for a small firm of solicitors. It really is like a family and I love them to bits. I'm also still in touch with - and still meet up with - women I worked with in London 20 years ago. Have been away with some of them and all sorts. So I would suggest becoming a legal secretary.

Hope you find something and some friends you love.

I agree with @Eudaimonia5. I’ve been where you are and was single with no family and hoping to feel like I belonged at work. I felt like I worked in a family in a job I got just after my break up. It broke my heart when I realised nobody else felt the same as me. They all meant a lot to me as I had nobody else at that time. They had people though.

Looking back on that job, I had poor boundaries and it wasn’t appropriate of me to hope they’d be my family. I was very lonely and am much happier now that I’ve worked on that. I feel that expecting coworkers to be like family is unfair to them. Most people, regardless of industry, are pretty much there because they have to earn a crust.

Sorry to ramble, I hope it’s made some sense. Basically, I think your hopes are indicative of significant loneliness and that your coworkers can’t fix that. I hope you find some hobbies and new friends. Maybe some will be through work but for your sake, don’t expect it. Good luck. A career change is fine as long as you’re not expecting it to make your life perfect.

Thanks, you’re right about the intensity of it I think. It wasn’t the hours or the energy levels of teaching that burnt me out, I was all fired up for a late night parents evening or school show. It was the shitty pointless paperwork and micromanagement that got me in the end.

As a previous poster said..I think the jobs where your team are like family, are the ones where you form intense bonds because you are doing difficult and emotionally challenging things together all day. Therefore very likely to have a higher burnout rate than teaching.

Thank you :-)

Thank you. I understand what you mean and I can see there is truth to it. It’s just that building a social network outside of work is really really hard.

It’s the belonging feeling of being part of a group with a shared goal.
You don’t get that from coffees in parks with friends watching their toddlers on the swings. I like doing that (sometimes) but it’s not a substitute for what I feel I need.

You sound like a really nice person OP. I hope you do find a way to form those connections you long for

It's worth looking at civilian roles in policing...I have worked in policing for years and have amazing colleagues.

I think you're on to something with acting, but maybe as a hobby not a job? I think when you create something together, when you have a baby you're all passionate about, you bond easily. Look at taking an acting class, joining a local theatre group (even as backstage help), a choir or improv.

In terms of a job, I'm a nanny and that's a job where you love the people you work with and feel a real sense of connection with them. It's quite different to office work, but it is a job that provides genuine connection with the people you work with.

I was just about to suggest civilian police work. The other thing that might help you is volunteering for something. Is there something that interests you? I went to a costume store/hire place at a theatre the other day, manned by volunteers. It was amazing. They look after all the costumes and help people find what they need. And they get to wear the costumes for free… or working on the canals to maintain them…. or national trust places, cubs, loads of things where you get to know other people.

I am not sure it is the type of job as much as the specific team you are in. People do my job in many different teams but my team is really supportive but other teams in other locations are less supportive.

Would you consider something more residential - boarding school, international schools, or even something like a kids club on a cruise ship? Trouble is as with any job if your team is a good strong team then life is good. If your team is petty and arguing then it would be much worse.

Instead of looking for work fullfillment would you consider your living arrangements? A shared house, community living etc?

Hi @enweto! Yeah, it’s not totally unreasonable to want what you want, you should just not be too open hearted or you might get hurt. As another poster said; you sound truly lovely and like you’re the kind of person who craves connections. There’s nothing wrong with you; it’s just a little hard to find what you’re looking for sometimes.

This is a bit random but pole dancing is a community where you can form very good friendships with people. The moves are very challenging and the choreography requires real passion. Also, learning a language and practicing it with people can be very bonding. I’m just thinking of how you said you want to have shared goals with people that form a bond. Activities like that fit the bill.

Professionally speaking, healthcare is a good field to form bonds as you’re all looking out for patients. You don’t always need science qualifications to work in healthcare. I also found retail to be quite a friendly workplace. I know retail is quite lowly but it’s because of that that you get quite a bit of down time and get to talk to lots of your colleagues.

Following this thread with interest. I've always thrived in this kind of environment! But seconding what the other poster said, even in such close-knit environments, if work is the only thing you have, the asymmetry between you and others will become apparent eventually.

I would take that sense of teamwork, camaraderie and belonging as a source of strength, security, and motivation, to also additionally form some bonds outside in your own time, as hard as this sounds. When you're less desperate, you may find some bonds (eg around where you live) start to form more naturally and are more fun.

On a random note, if you're really lonely, you could look into a job where you stay together like hospitality. You live together, dine together, etc... The culture will differ in each work environment of course but generally it's like family!

If you're looking for a short term reset, along the same lines of living and working together but more exciting and bonding, I would recommend a hostel volunteering stint, or workaway holiday, etc. Although you all part ways at the end, it can be a great source of confidence and social reset, and you generally tend to keep in close touch for a while afterwards!

I used to be a secondary teacher and loved it. I'm now a foster carer and love that too. The foster son I care for had a very hard life. I've seen him flourish and become more confident. It's a very rewarding job. There are also lots of fun social events we can attend too.

My dsil is a dental nurse and the practice she works for seems like one big family. Most of them have been there for years and they go into work early to eat breakfast together and stay behind after work to chat/drink coffee. Its much more than a place of work, they really seem to see each other as family.

I had this working at a charity. Pay wasn’t brilliant, but the people were nice and we all cared about what we did. It gave me a sense of purpose, so even if the actual task was dull, it didn’t feel soul destroying or like I was wasting my life to do it.

I’m surprised nobody has mentioned hospitality yet. I worked in a hotel from age 16 to 22, it was like a social life, we were either all at work together or we were all out together, especially during busy times like Christmas, I loved it and still have many of the friends I made there over 20 years later.

I was going to suggest volunteering.

• women’s refuge (friends with staff, client women will come and go)
• religious group if that’s your thing
• theatre group (lots of time with one another, intimacy of a friend type, sense of purpose)
• Sitting on the board of a small charity e.g independent children’s centre, campaigning group
• grass roots activism or politics

Could you volunteer somewhere part time and still keep your day job? I volunteer in a charity shop and while I wouldn’t say we’re like family, we’re definitely a gang.

On a totally random pivot, identity based environments (in a positive way) can be a great source of community and bonding too. For example women in tech - my friend who is in tech has this whole great social and work life built upon it and it looks like great fun. They're not really a tiny minority as there are obviously tons of women in tech but it's a shared identity. They even do 24/7 all nighters hackathons (fun sort of event).

This is just a random example, you can consider any identity/demographic/cause you truly find interesting or resonate with (ie not just for the sake of trying to belong somewhere). But if you do want to get into tech there are tons of entry routes for newbies into it, like coding bootcamps and then mentorship programmes. Both free and paid, and either for women or both genders. Those are all very bonding!

Thanks for all the ideas and kind advice.
I am really lonely to be honest. I need to feel a part of something bigger than myself, I like looking out for others and feeling like they’re looking out for me.

I think volunteering is a really good idea actually, because as a single person I really have to maintain my salary as it is, I can’t afford to take any sort of pay cut. I quite fancy something hands-on.