Jobs that are almost like family?

[enweto]

I want a job where you work in a team and your group identity and work relationships are an important part of your life. Sounds a bit sad perhaps, and not what some people would want, but it is what I want. I am single and don’t have any close family within 50 miles, I devote my life to work but get little back really.

I used to be a teacher and in many ways that lifestyle fit the bill perfectly - the teamwork and camaraderie and sense of belonging were right for me. However, ultimately the relentless grind of it was just too stressful. I couldn’t keep up, I was falling behind with everything and getting so stressed and burnt out.

I left, and began working for the local authority instead, but the team is pretty soulless and nobody really gives a crap about each other at the end of the day. They all can’t wait to go home to their families at 5, which is great and everything, except my life isn’t like that. I need a more consuming career where the relationships mean something.

I watch TV police and medical dramas, and think that that sort of teamwork environment is where I would flourish, except TV drama isn’t real life is it? And anyway I have no science qualifications so healthcare is out, and as for the Police… well even if I wasn’t a complete wuss, I have got shockingly bad eyesight. And I’m nearly 40.
Another unrealistic career that appeals is an actor, or even the military (where the wussiness and eyesight would be an even worse problem!!)

Anyway. Am I being a bit silly thinking that teamwork and collegial relationships are more intrinsic to some professions, or is it luck of the draw / TV show nonsense (just like not all neighbourhoods are like Ramsey Street) or, can you think of any other careers I could consider where I feel I would get this sense of belonging and identity from my role?

Get a job teaching in a boarding school.

Get a job teaching in a boarding school.

I was about to recommend this, but then remembered the negatives of my own experience - my first teaching job was at a boarding school, we relocated to an area where we didn’t know anyone and lived in a school house on site. I loved that job and the kids and the house etc but actually found the intensity of being there really triggered my anxiety. It was like being a fresher at university again, not knowing anyone at all but living with them all and not knowing who you were actually properly friends with and who was a friend of convenience. I had some amazing times there and met one of my absolute bestest ever friends who I love dearly. But out of all the people I lived/worked with she’s the only one I’m still properly in touch with 15 years later. I’m friends with lots of them on Facebook and we contact each other occasionally if there’s a reason to, but they were superficial friends. I made some social mistakes because I was young and inexperienced and had some real fall outs with colleagues and the lines were totally blurred. There were lots of people there who needed a family for whatever reason, but I realised it was too claustrophobic for me and left.

I joined the police as a civilian aged 42. There are more civvy roles than officer role and yes, working with the team, 24/7, over holidays and high days, it's very familial.

Have you considered working pt in a pub along with your ft job.

I did this after leaving my dh, I wanted to socialise, but didn't have any friends as my dh had seen to that. But also didn't have much money, so for me it was a win win. I got paid and also made friends with some of the bar staff, but also got to socialise (of sorts), with the locals. Especially on a Fridays and Saturday night, when I'd normally be home alone. It worked really well and I enjoyed it. It didn't feel tiring as I saw it as socialising, rather than another job.

As someone else has said upthread you might enjoy a place (either paid or as a hobby) where there’s a pressure to build up to something - what about theatre where people are working towards a show or in events management? Might be a little stressful at times but I am sure there must be a lot of camaraderie and teamwork involved. Alternatively what about joining the volunteers at a food bank etc.?

I think you need to work for an organisation or in a role which isn't about work/life balance. If you woke somewhere with a real 9 - 5 atmosphere, a lot of people will be in those roles due to the specific hours and will need to leave on the dot due to childcare responsibilities, volunteering commitments or just because they always have. Instead, if you find somewhere where people regularly go above & beyond in terms of hours, they may be more likely to also have the time to go out after work.
Like PP have said, I don't think you can change roles just because of this. After all, how do you find out in the interview process? One person's family like atmosphere might be another's back stabbing gossip filled environment.
Doing some volunteering or joining some clubs sounds like a good idea. There are bound to be some other people there who are looking to fill their time and, depending on what you do, there may be an atmosphere of going out for a drink afterwards. It's also good as you can pick & choose what you do & when. So think about what times of the week you particularly struggle with? One of my friends recently split up with her husband and found the weekends without DC really hard so started doing Parkrun on a Saturday morning and going to church on a Sunday morning. Both meant she was up & had had some human contact whilst giving her plenty of time to do other things over the weekend (mainly crying for the first few weeks). The church thing only lasted for a few months but the Parkrun continued and she's made some good friends. I did something similar in my 20s when it seemed all of my friends were planning weddings and I was very single. I did an activity on Saturday morning, we'd go for a coffee after, one person would mention that they were at a loose end that evening and, if others were too (and they usually were) a plan would quickly come together for drinks, a trip to the cinema or just going around to one another's houses.

You could look at being a school governor. I’ve made great friends doing that and we have drinks after our meetings. It’s something that can endure many years longer than jobs eg into retirement. It’s very rewarding and governors are in short supply. It can also enhance your professional skills for your day job. Governing boards make collective decisions and have collective responsibility so it’s very much of a team effort.

Agree that volunteering might be a better idea.

I like my job but have no desire to feel like they are my "family".

What about a running club? A colleague met lots of friends doing a running course and now they go running together.

You don't say what your wage expectations are but the job I had with the closest relationships was in a hotel.

Working shifts with days off during the week we socialised with each other as well as worked.

I loved it! Had to give up when I had a family as it didn't fit in with childcare. I've often thought I might go back when I'm older.

Long hours and rubbish pay though.

Wouldn't it depend on what sort of wider purpose you genuinely share, OP? Regardless of how close your specific team is, you may feel part of something bigger than yourself just by working in an area that feels like a big purpose like that to you. Maybe you could work with a career coach to explore your underlying values and purpose / do some soul searching?

If you are religious maybe join the church and become a rector or a nun?

Events work is like this. Especially once you get on site to deliver the event you've planned. It's stressful but drinks every night and a real bond (maybe through trauma 😂)

Teacher at a boarding school might suit you

I volunteer at a library and feel like this about the people I work with, but that’s something that has come on slowly over several years.

I agree with the poster who said about civilian roles in policing. Policing really is a family...not since my days as a young journalist in a local newsroom have I had such a sense of that. It's always busy, but I have so many good friends at work and even when people leave, I've kept in close touch. It's very bonding, the intensity of it all.

I know it's not your original point re jobs but out of work I'm part of a young lively WI and have made lots of friends there, it is about you not children etc and also a really sociable community choir. I have volunteered but that was when I wasn't working full time. Have a look round your area there are homeless kitchens etc that may need evening volunteers
Or perhaps get an evening bar job or Saturday cafe job? If the place had your vibe of people roughly your age ?

Ex teacher here, once I’d paid off the mortgage I moved to the charity sector and love it. I’m one of several teachers. The sense of belonging and community is second to non. I genuinely love the people I work with and it feels like it is really for a greater purpose, so even the mundane parts are worth it. Work life balance is also way better. As soon as it gets to 5pm I’m done. Any work done outside of normal working hours is given back to us as TOIL, so it feels like we get extra holidays. I am roughly earning 10k less p/a but I have never been happier.

I think there are a couple of issues with your plan.

First, those intense work relationships tend to be with the newest starters, where they are putting off starting a family to focus on the job. They'll probably mainly be in their early 20s - would you "fit"? By the time people are older, they will normally only stay if they have proven themselves and can move towards a better work life balance.

Also, think about what happens when you leave/ retire. Work friendships often end when someone leaves, especially somewhere that intense because they won't have time for socialising outside of the work environment (which is why it was so intense in the first place). You don't want to get to retirement age and find you have no social circle.

Join a local amateur dramatics group, it’s great fun and you definitely feel like family after putting on a play together

I would also think about the suggestion above of joining a choir if you can sing at all. Being part of a group, all individuals with different ‘voices’, working to achieve a shared objective is a good feeling. If you are or could become passionate about a charitable or political or religious objective, that’s another way of becoming part of a bigger whole.

@enweto I think you should consider international teaching. My friends who have done this loved it, the experience of teaching is very different to the UK, they loved it, back in UK and find teaching much more challenging here. They built very close relationships with their colleagues because you're all abroad together - they were in Asia. If you are single and child free and young would give you an adventure too!

I get what you’re saying OP, I’ve had a job like that before that was really helpful in helping me get over a long term relationship break up, because it was always busy and social - but it was the nature of that company (small family business and team and a sense of camaraderie because it was doing very well at that time and we all had very hands on roles) rather than the nature of my work. It was luck more than anything.

Echoing what others have said - sign up for a club/course!

As a HR person I usually would say run a mile from any workplace described as a ‘family’ - usually means your boundaries and balances will be shat all over

I think there’s a bit of a conundrum, which you found in teaching. You want a job that takes over people’s lives but without it taking over your life. The jobs you’ve mentioned (teaching, police, medical) do all tend to be a big part of people’s life, which means they build good relationships, but the reason they’re a big part of people’s lives is because they’re stressful and take over. As you found with teaching - community based but of course a relentless grind. Any job where everyone is a ‘family’ will be like that. They bond because of the relentless grind. Of course on telly it’s a bit different, because NCIS doesn’t tend to show McGee slogging away for hours at paperwork or Tony crying in the toilets because he’s working a double double for the fourth time in a week.

Hi,

I work with a fantastic team but I don't think it goes hand in hand with my industry, more than we've been super lucky and when we recruit we look for personalities that fit (as we know how lucky we are).

Unfortunately, because if this I'm not sure where you could find it.

Although my thoughts are: go back teaching part time or potentially work in the charitable sector. Both sectors tend to have people who want to do good and work is more than just a job to them. I work for an education establishment that is a registered charity.

So like I think if you found teaching a relentless grind you’d find the same in policing. It’s just police based TV shows don’t depict the relentless grind the same way Ackley Bridge has the teachers going right home at the same time as the students with plenty of time to all pile into the pub together!