Is my 5 yo doing something she shouldn't be?

[Polyputthekettleon]

My dd is 5. She loves picking leaves, sticks , pinecones etc. When we go to the park/for walks if there are blossoms she'd ask me to pick some for her and I would. If she can reach them she will pick them herself. If there are trees , shrubs within her reach she will pick a few leaves or twigs if she can. This is not from people's private property, but as I said, from trees on pavements and parks etc. I thought this was normal behaviour for children, but I am not sure anymore, so I am asking for your opinions. During spring/summer we see fresh flowers picked and just dropped all over the place so I am guessing my dd is not the only one who does this. Dd never does this with planted flowers in parks. It's only blossoms, leaves and twigs. Not planted flowers. Dh always tells dd off if he see dd doing this. He always says that we need to respect trees etc and tells her off and tells her not to do it again. Now spring is approaching, she is looking forward to picking blossoms, and I am not sure if I should allow/her pick blossoms , and other twigs and leaves 🤔

YABU - you shouldn't encourage this
YANBU - it's just normal 5 year old behaviour and my dh is just being weird

Ahh, I've not enabled voting- but your opions are much appreciated please x

Do you mean she's breaking twigs off the trees?
I thi1nk stuff like privet style where there's lots of leaves, or blossom of its a bit, is just a kid thing. Actually snapping branches off trees, or pulling leaves off say tulips planted I'd not be OK.

The bigger issue is he's saying not to, then you letting her then him telling her off then you encouraging her etc.

I'd let DS pick up twigs or leaves from the ground but I definitely wouldn't encourage him to pull anything living off a tree/plant. I don't think it sends a great message.

Is she taking a few blossoms home or just throwing them on the ground? I'd be telling her they are prettier left on the trees for everyone to look at if it's the latter.

Hmm, I was always told to leave plants there so everyone can enjoy them. If every child plucks away at them, it’s not great for the poor plants!
Can you not divert her attention/enthusiasm into an alternative nature related activity, eg counting different kinds of flowers, noticing differences between leaf shapes, feeling the texture of things without picking them?

Normal DC behaviour to want to pick flowers but absolutely not ok to allow her to pick flowers in public spaces. They are there for everyone to enjoy.

Can’t she gather up windfall sticks, leaves and blossoms if she wants to take them home. Or how about letting her loose in your garden or buying her a window box at home to nurture her love of nature.

I'd limit her to twigs and leaves that have fallen to the ground

Whatever you decide is right, you’ll both have to maintain the same stance, so you need to sort this out with your husband.

My opinion is not to encourage pulling bits off living plants. She is old enough to understand that it could damage the plant and it could die. Blossoms are important to feed the bees, so we don’t want to reduce their food. Maybe you could show her how to take photos of the things she likes on your phone rather than take parts with her? You can look really closely at them while they are part of the living plant. Maybe she could draw the ones she really likes?

YABU, I’m with your dh on this. Pulling leaves and blossoms off living trees is damaging them, and children should be taught not to harm living things.

We allow nothing from anyone’s private garden but otherwise only sticks and pine cones from the ground, flowers from weeds (eg daisies and buttercups) and acorns etc once off the tree. (Oh and blackberries in the autumn). I’ve ticked both DSs off in their time for pulling leaves off trees…not on at all in my opinion (partially because where do you stop?).

I have never let my children pick flowers or pull trees etc, apart from dandelion clocks. The only other exception is if the lawn is being mowed, they can take the daisies first. I'd actually choose a meadow rather than lawn if allowed anyway.

I think it's a better message to tell them plants prefer to be left to grow, unless they are being pruned for their own betterment.

I've also told my children I don't want flowers as gifts.

To answer some questions - no, she doesn't pick tulips or any flowers. It's random twigs /leaves off trees (not branches) and blossoms. She doesn't drop them on the ground, she takes them home and sometimes she'll stick the blossoms onto paper or sometimes they'll be just left in her scooter basket or kept in the living room until wilted 😳

Edit to add, having seen the previous comment, I don't discourage blackberry picking though.

She really shouldn't be picking anything from a living tree/shrub or plant.

If it's just a few to take home then I would be fine with that. Many adults will take holly home to put in a vase at Christmas. I would put a limit on it if she is wanting to take more than a few, maybe suggest one blossom of each kind, see how many different ones she can find so there is plenty left for others to look at and for the tree to grow fruits.

I used to tell dd if we all took stuff from the parks there'd be nothing left so I wouldn't allow it. She could pick stuff from the ground that had fallen or in our garden but nothing still growing in the wild

Nothing that's attached, Dts love a poo bag and picking up what they can put in in it but only stuff on the floor.

You could let her take pictures of them with your phone as an alternative. Or a flower press may be a good present, then encourage her to only take what she is going to use.

Yabu, your dh is right imo.

If every kid did this there would be no nature left.

Encourage her to pick up leaves and twigs that have fallen already, not to take things from trees. Or maybe take crayons and paper and do bark rubbings or draw pictures of the flowers instead.

You and your dh need to get on the same page about things like this though or your dd will be very confused.

Picking up dead leaves, twigs, pine cones, conkers, fallen blossom/petals acorns - Yes

Picking daisies, clover and dandelions - Yes

Picking one or two leaves eg. One from an oak tree, one from a cherry tree etc - Yes imo

Picking flowers from trees/bushes/bedding - No with possible exception for something like a small piece of blossom from a tree covered in blossom.

Your own garden- up to you.

Can you imagine what trees would look like if every kid took a leaf off it? Most parents don’t allow it and teach their kids to respect nature
Anything on floor is fine and lots of things can be made out of fallen leaves and twigs

It’s brilliant your DD is interested in nature, and you should definitely encourage it! The best thing to do is teach her to enjoy looking at the growing plants/trees/flowers (I second the suggestions of taking a photo and/or drawing them) and if she wants to take any home then they need to be the twigs/leaves/blossoms from the ground (ie that have fallen off), and just gently explain that they are there as
essential food and homes for wildlife , and for everyone to enjoy, and breaking bits off would destroy them.

Please don't let her pick the early daisies as they're pretty much the only food for early bees 😢

I've let my kids pick living plants unless foraging in which case you take a small sustainable amount and never from the root.
Actually the occasional single buttercup or a few daisies for a chain. Some of their friends were always picking every flower they saw and giving people a bouquet, but to me it's not really about the cutesy intention, or the nature crafts, kids need to learn that you love things with your eyes, and ripping out just destroys it.

We've always collected fallen petals and flower heads and leaves though. I know it's lovely seeing them explore in nature but nature deserves respect too.

@LittleMousewithcloggson ...really?! There are a lot of trees, with a lot of leaves, they regrow. Not all children are interested/collecting leaf age etc.

Children are very tactile and learn with their hands. I'm not suggesting hoardes of children ravage a rare old tree. I just don't think the odd leaf now and then is going to hurt anyone. The more children engaging in and building a love of nature, the better. Did you never make a leaf skeleton or sketch around leaves as a child?