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Original poster

Why would you give baby your ex husbands surname when it's not his baby?

58 replies

WrendaleCountryDogs · 05/02/2023 05:48

Friend had a baby a few weeks ago, just before Christmas. She had baby registered Friday and yesterday showed me the birth certificate.
She's given baby her ex husbands surname. He's not on the birth certificate.

They divorced 12 years ago after only 8 months of marriage. They married at 19 years of age and were just too young. They have zero contact, she doesn't know where he lives etc.

The father of the baby was a brief fling. Sadly, he died by suicide when friend was 11 weeks pregnant. He didn't even know about the baby.

I can't get my head around why she gave baby her ex husbands surname. She reverted back to her maiden name, which is a much nicer surname, after the divorce. Baby's name sounds better with the maiden name too as its very heavy on one sound with ex husband's surname. Eg Lily Williams compared to Lily Brown or Maddie David compared to Maddie Jones.

Baby is her first child so it's not as if she's done it to be the same as siblings. Friend and baby have different surnames!!

Appreciate it's absolutely none of my business but I find it so strange.

OP posts:
juliettesmother · 05/02/2023 05:53

Did you ask her?

Like you said, it is none of your business.

Mutationstation · 05/02/2023 05:59

Yes, as you have described it I would think it was strange but it is her choice and I would not give it much other thought. She can change it if need be.

I would however also be very worried for a friend that is having to deal with the death of her baby’s father by suicide (regardless of how well they knew each other), and dealing with new motherhood as a single parent.

Unless you have changed the details drastically, I would delete this in case she finds it. Your only business in this matter is supporting your friend who may be struggling and not thinking quite right, hence the name choice.

iusedtobeasize8 · 05/02/2023 06:05

Yes that's strange. Also confusing for the baby growing up with a surname that belongs to neither their mum or dad.

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Rightsraptor · 05/02/2023 06:21

Maybe your friend plans to tell her child later on that her/his father was her husband. We know the time scale doesn't work, of course, but the child might not ever know that.

But ask her, OP.

DownInTheDumpster · 05/02/2023 06:23

That is incredibly bizarre behaviour from your friend. I hope her ex never finds out as that would completely freak him out I expect! I’d ask her why.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 05/02/2023 06:24

Surely you can't register a birth using any surname you like for the baby?

WeWereInParis · 05/02/2023 06:34

LadyMargaretDevereux · 05/02/2023 06:24

Surely you can't register a birth using any surname you like for the baby?

You can give any name you want. Doesn't have to be your surname, or a surname in any way connected to you.

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:00

She might also find it makes life very hard for her when travelling. She could be asked for proof it’s her child and proof the other parent agrees to her taking the child out of the country. She’ll have to travel with the birth certificate.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 05/02/2023 07:05

juliettesmother · 05/02/2023 05:53

Did you ask her?

Like you said, it is none of your business.

Well that's a fascinating opinion

Autumnflakes · 05/02/2023 07:08

Are you sure she changed her surname officially? She may use her maiden name on social media but her passport might still be her married name?

if you’re close enough to see the BC can’t you just ask her?

WestBridgewater · 05/02/2023 07:12

LadyMargaretDevereux · 05/02/2023 06:24

Surely you can't register a birth using any surname you like for the baby?

That’s what I was thinking.

Bankofrave · 05/02/2023 07:13

There must be some reason behind it.

I wonder does she think a baby has to have a man’s surname? I know that seems unlikely but people have all sorts of weird ideas about these things.

She sounds very vulnerable with all that’s been going on.

Spend some time with her and check she’s ok. Has she got other support to help out with the baby? She will need her friends right now.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/02/2023 07:17

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:00

She might also find it makes life very hard for her when travelling. She could be asked for proof it’s her child and proof the other parent agrees to her taking the child out of the country. She’ll have to travel with the birth certificate.

So not difficult at all then really. Just keep the birth certificate with the passport. Jobs a good un.

Dejavu23 · 05/02/2023 07:17

Maybe she never officially changed her name back eg passport/bank etc.

I’ve still got some things in my married (divorced) name and some in my maiden name as it was a pain to change some things over.

plumduck · 05/02/2023 07:21

She showed you it so maybe she was hoping you'd ask her about it?

THisbackwithavengeance · 05/02/2023 07:22

What did she say when you asked her? Confused

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:23

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/02/2023 07:17

So not difficult at all then really. Just keep the birth certificate with the passport. Jobs a good un.

Show quote history

Proof she has the other parent’s permission might be tough though. Anyway, depends where she’s going, some places are fussier than others.

LittleLegoWoman · 05/02/2023 07:25

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:23

Proof she has the other parent’s permission might be tough though. Anyway, depends where she’s going, some places are fussier than others.

Show quote history

Well no, it won’t be, because only one parent will ever be names on that child’s birth certificate.

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:27

LittleLegoWoman · 05/02/2023 07:25

Well no, it won’t be, because only one parent will ever be names on that child’s birth certificate.

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Yeah I was just coming back to post I’d realised this. 🤦‍♀️ Apologies.
But she’d need the keep the birth certificate handy.

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:27

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:23

Proof she has the other parent’s permission might be tough though. Anyway, depends where she’s going, some places are fussier than others.

Show quote history

Yep. I've personal experience of this and it's upsetting when you come up across a customs official who decides they think you're a child smuggler.

However, as a PP says, she probably has never changed her name back to her maiden name, which though a bit unusual would explain the baby's name.

juliettesmother · 05/02/2023 07:27

@pristinesurfacesGBTD

Oh, DFOD.

Why would you give baby your ex husbands surname when it's not his baby?
Original poster
WrendaleCountryDogs · 05/02/2023 07:48

Yeah I am going to ask her about it. I have some other concerns too but wanted to get opinions from anonymous people first. I was surprised when I saw it on the BC but didn't say anything as I wasn't sure if I should or not. I don't actually know the surname of the baby's father. I'm 99.9% sure it's not the same as the ex husband though due to cultural differences.

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/02/2023 08:05

SlicerAndEcho · 05/02/2023 07:23

Proof she has the other parent’s permission might be tough though. Anyway, depends where she’s going, some places are fussier than others.

Show quote history

There is only one parent named on the birth certificate?

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 05/02/2023 08:08

juliettesmother · 05/02/2023 07:27

@pristinesurfacesGBTD

Oh, DFOD.

Well, now I'm offended🤣😂

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 05/02/2023 08:26

WestBridgewater · 05/02/2023 07:12

That’s what I was thinking.

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Course you can. There's no policing of surnames in this country. People can use whatever they like and they don't belong to anyone.