Why would you give baby your ex husbands surname when it's not his baby?

[WrendaleCountryDogs]

Friend had a baby a few weeks ago, just before Christmas. She had baby registered Friday and yesterday showed me the birth certificate.
She's given baby her ex husbands surname. He's not on the birth certificate.

They divorced 12 years ago after only 8 months of marriage. They married at 19 years of age and were just too young. They have zero contact, she doesn't know where he lives etc.

The father of the baby was a brief fling. Sadly, he died by suicide when friend was 11 weeks pregnant. He didn't even know about the baby.

I can't get my head around why she gave baby her ex husbands surname. She reverted back to her maiden name, which is a much nicer surname, after the divorce. Baby's name sounds better with the maiden name too as its very heavy on one sound with ex husband's surname. Eg Lily Williams compared to Lily Brown or Maddie David compared to Maddie Jones.

Baby is her first child so it's not as if she's done it to be the same as siblings. Friend and baby have different surnames!!

Appreciate it's absolutely none of my business but I find it so strange.

I had a google and discovered you can give the baby any surname. Made me think of Phoebe in friends changing her name to Princess Consuelo Banana Hammock

Maybe to protect him from knowing his real father who commuted suicide?

Perhaps she doesn't want the biological fathers family involved with the baby and by giving the child a different surname takes care of that 🤔

Did she officially change back to her maiden name ie: on passport after she divorced?

I did!! Married young and refused to change my name back. New partner is Spanish so our child has both names.

Thing is, that was exH name, now it's mine.

When DS is older he can drop one if he wants. And even if DP and I marry I'm not changing my name.

I have 2 passports, mortgage and banking in two countries, degrees, professional certifications and a reputation in this name.

My brother's ex-girlfriend did this. My brother's son took his surname, her second son (not my brother's) was also given my brother's surname. She was nice but a bit mad and I think she wanted both her kids to have the same surname.

My dad's very into family history and it amuses my brother that it remains a conundrum whether to include the unrelated child with our family name.

You can give a baby any surname you like (my DC have their own surname entirely apart from me and DP), but your friend’s choice does sound a bit mad. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be though for the father of your child to commit suicide when you’re pregnant – perhaps she’s unconsciously trying to erase this by giving the baby her married name, to disassociate the baby from her one night stand?

This seems the most likely answer. Otherwise, it does seem like a bizarre decision.

(My next most likely answer is that there is a confused, child free, rich, elderly relative on the ex husband's side who might be persuaded to believe that the child is a product of the marriage and will therefore leave their billions and haunted mansion to the child).

I would assume she’s slightly lost her way mind and was, in the shock of having a new baby in a fairy shocking situation, craving some sort of family unit set up. And so made the extremely odd decision to do what she’s done.

It’s such a weird thing to do, I’d be checking in with her as she’s clearly not ok.

Yeah thats weird OP.

Did she show you the BC? So you've seen the discrepancy? Because surely the only reason to do this would be if actually her legal name was her married name and she uses her maiden name for other reasons.

Curious decision.

Her business, her decision, but Not unreasonable to ask an open question as to why she made that choice.

I would have thought that had she kept the name she changed to when she married as her official name then that name would also have been on the BC as her name.

Why did she show you the birth certificate? That’s an odd thing to do in itself - she must have wanted you to comment? Maybe she’s feeling sad about the “no father” scenario, which is understandable - and, as a pp said, wanted her child to have a “father’s name”. I’d try to talk to her about it, I think.

Yes you can. It's only convention that a child has one or both of it's parents surnames, it's just convention. In some other countries its common to give different surnames to children in the family, which may or may not be the parents.

Weird take. Using her own name would be a much easier way to take care of that.

Maybe she's had a fling with the ex husband and the story about the baby's father is a cover up.

On the birth certificate it will show her name. It will also show her maiden surname.
So if she is Laura Brown it will say that. If she was born as Laura Smith it will say Smith under maiden name.
It dies sound bonkers if she is called Laura Smith to give her child the name Lucas Brown.
She will never be able to change the birth certificate either now that the father is dead.

My now exh had an affair which is why we split. The ow was also married and they split too. Exh and ow moved in and are still together. She made a big point of keeping her exh’s name.
Exh and ow had a baby within 18months and the child has her exh’s surname rather than my exh’s (who presumably is the father). I’ve no idea why and her exh was furious about it (maybe that was the reason, idk).
I occasionally wonder if my dc will ask but they probably won’t know her last name was her married name.
This sounds way more complicated written down 😂
People are weird and trying to figure them out is pointless.

I should point out ow and her exh had no dc. As often that’s the reason for keeping a married name. It’s the only reason I kept mine.

Isn't the logical answer that she never changed her surname back after divorce?

I know lots of people who use their "maiden" name on social media but have their married name on official documents because it's easier than changing it back again.

If it’s her surname then she has simply done it so that she and the baby have the same name.

I’ve been divorced for over 10 years. I have not changed my married name. It’s my name, and I can choose to keep it or not as I please. It has nothing to do with my ex husband.

the reason I kept it originally was to keep the same surname as the dc. They are more or less grown up now so it wouldn’t make a difference to them, but I’m used to the name, it’s mine, and currently I couldn’t be bothered to change it.

Depending on where she travels to/from this could be tricky, even with the birth certificate. As PP said you sometimes get awkward border officials.

Yes it's a very weird thing to do.

Unless you have changed the details drastically, I would delete this in case she finds it.

It's not Facebook, unless you come up with a sob story to ask mnhq to delete it, you don't get to delete it

Possibly not relevant in this case but I just wanted to point out that if you change your name when you marry it isn't just your spouse / ex spouse's name, it has become YOUR name. It is not something you have to give back.

Are you sure she legally changed her name back to maiden name?

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