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Original poster

Advice about a carer please.

59 replies

Fentylipgloss · 04/02/2023 22:35

My mother has been having carers in for her husband (who has dementia) since October.

One particular carer (who is amazing, funny, very good at his job) keeps mentioning how poor he is. On Christmas Eve he said his family 'back home' had no electricity and was telling my mum how worried he was about what he was going to do as he was out of money, so my mother being the person she is transferred him £50.00.

Today he came in asking where my son was (which was strange), he made his way upstairs and told my son that he needed to talk to him as it's what 'he felt in his heart'. He followed that up by saying his mother 'back home' was very sick and he needed £40. This time my son transferred this money to him.

As much as we love him coming, we feel that he might be taking the mick a bit.

Would you mention this to the agency he comes from and risk losing a good carer OR just say nothing and carry on as normal?

OP posts:

stbrandonsboat · 04/02/2023 22:37

He absolutely can't do that! You need to report him. He's probably giving several of his clients the same cock and bull story.

Please report, to protect yourselves, and others.

underneaththeash · 04/02/2023 22:40

Yes, you need to be really careful.

RoseBucket · 04/02/2023 22:41

Not acceptable, I wonder how many people have sent/given him money!

Interested in this thread?

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Care homes

Stardu · 04/02/2023 22:44

I’m sorry 😔 you need to tell the agency and get rid of him, he’s put pressure on a client with dementia to give jim money. That’s dishonesg and I would not trust jim around her belongings.

I’m sure he’s charming and delightful. I’ve met two conmen and both of them I liked instantly.

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/02/2023 22:54

Nope. I'm a carer, and this is never, ever, ever acceptable. I'm horrified at this actually. You need to report him straight away, so that he cannot access any other vulnerable clients.

I'm a little surprised you need to ask this if I'm honest.

NewYearNewUsername23 · 04/02/2023 22:55

I’m in my 40s, lifelong disabled and have carers coming in. So lots of experience with carer dilemmas. I’ve never had one ask for money but I have had people ask for things I’m getting rid of and it is really hard to not be taken advantage of when you’re relient on them and they seem nice.

A good carer wouldn’t be asking for money. I’d be reporting.

If I’m ever not sure if I should report something or not I think how would I feel if they did this to someone I loved who can’t advocate for themselves? If the answer is upset or angry I report it.

If this carer is doing 30 min calls and working all day, thats at least 10 visits a day. Nice little scam if they do it to each client.

CC4712 · 04/02/2023 22:56

You ABSOLUTELY need to inform the agency! This is fraudulent, manipulative behaviour!! This supposed comic is a conman who is very good an convincing you all that he is caring and professional! I'm a health professional with 25+yrs experience- this is absolutely not on! I'm very concerned about how much extra your family and others have given this thief- and you all seem to think its normal/ok!!! Its NOT!!! Its illegal!!!

PLEASE report this to the agency ASAP and refuse to allow this fraud to 'care' for your mum any longer!

Acommonreader · 04/02/2023 22:59

I am a carer. This is gross misconduct. You need to inform the agency asap. I’m sorry this has happened to your family.

IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer · 04/02/2023 22:59

I worked as a Community Carer for 20-odd years and never once accepted (certainly never asked for!) even 10p. On occasion, clients would offer me money for birthdays, Christmas, etc. I always refused.

Please report this man immediately - no matter how pleasant and friendly he might seem, he's preying on very vulnerable people (there will no doubt be others), and he's despicable.

templesit · 04/02/2023 23:17

Fentylipgloss · 04/02/2023 22:35

My mother has been having carers in for her husband (who has dementia) since October.

As much as we love him coming, we feel that he might be taking the mick a bit.

Would you mention this to the agency he comes from and risk losing a good carer OR just say nothing and carry on as normal?

He is amazing, funny etc because he is a master of manipulation.

Sorry but he probably laughs at you all when he's gone with a top up in his bank.

This is like a story you hear where a foreign man from another country finds a rich woman and asks for money.

You must do the right thing and report him- you have proof that's all you need.
He could be taking money from poor people who then have to struggle themselves.

FannyFifer · 04/02/2023 23:24

You need to contact whoever is in charge of him ASAP.This is 100% not allowed, he is taking the utter piss.

Dwellingbuyingdilemma · 04/02/2023 23:26

Contact the police and the agency. It's theft by deception.

FenghuangHoyan · 04/02/2023 23:30

He's a con artist and he's ripping people off.

VivX · 04/02/2023 23:43

The carer needs to be reported (and fired by the care agency / his employers).
He's a confidence trickster, so treat him as such.

He's taking advantage of a vulnerable person and the good nature of their family, who are anxious about a loved one.

His actions would be grounds for instant dismissal and a police report.

If allowed to continue, he'd be sizing up your mother's (and possibly other family members') assets and making a move on them next.

goldfinchfan · 04/02/2023 23:48

Please do report this person.

He will most likely be doing the same with others and perhaps that will include much older people who are alone.
Anyway he is taking advantage of vulnerable people.
I have had carers for many years and there has been attitudes towards UK citizens as if we are all well off.
So we can be seen as a target.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 04/02/2023 23:53

PIL had carers. Most were great. However, one lost her temper with FIL on her first session. Another became too friendly with MIL (visiting when not on shift!). In both cases DH informed the agency. The agency calmy apologised, and we never saw either of them again.
You must must must report this.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 04/02/2023 23:54

*calmly

Tessisme · 04/02/2023 23:54

No way should this be happening. I don't care how nice he seems. He is a conman.

Veryactivenymphomaniac · 05/02/2023 00:26

I used to own a care agency some years ago and instantly sacked two carers for gross misconduct for 'borrowing' money from our clients. I also reported them to our local social services team as a safeguarding alert.

This is a serious safeguarding issue, financial abuse, as defined by the Care Act 2014. You must report this immediately.

www.scie.org.uk/safeguarding/adults/introduction/types-and-indicators-of-abuse#financial

Veryactivenymphomaniac · 05/02/2023 00:33

All carers should have had comprehensive training on financial issues to the smallest degree eg they don't take their clients clubcard points when shopping even when the client doesn't have a loyalty card. They dont take the spare item of a 'two for one' offer even if the client asks them because they dont need it themselves. Carers know they must not financially benefit in any way whatsoever.

Putting vulnerable people into an emotionally manipulative situation like you describe is a MASSIVE red flag.

Original poster

Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 01:21

The worst bit is, he's a preacher! I've seen online footage where he's preached to thousands of people back home, this is why we're so confused. If a religious man with a church in Uganda, why would he even think of ripping off my mum!? My mum is also a god fearing woman, so she doesn't like to judge people or see bad in them, and if someone is in to trouble she will instantly help any way she can, even being nearly 80!

Also, mum was a carer for 20+ years, she wasn't allowed to even accept a Christmas present let alone asking for cash!!!! She was once offered £50 from a client and he was the kind of man who would be massively insulted if she hadn't accepted. My mum did take it, but handed it straight back into the office where they contacted the gentleman's family and it was deposited back without him knowing.

It's sad to think he's doing this potentially to other vulnerable people too.

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 01:33

Of course he's a preacher.
It's well known that some of them are very, very good at getting money out of unsuspecting people.
Do report him. I'd be willing to bet he has a very healthy bank balance.

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 01:36

Have you seen preachers in America? Some of them have made a lot of money from convincing people that they really need to buy their way into heaven. I suspect this guy was the same.

Slobbet · 05/02/2023 02:19

This is a safeguarding issue and would be considered financial abuse and an abuse of his position. His company will have clear guidance around such things. Please report to the company, this is very different to giving him a box of celebrations at Xmas time.

It is incredibly common for workers to support their own or extended family back home. Life can be hard.

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 05/02/2023 02:55

And check her bank statements etc with a fine tooth comb!
(I'm not new, I just can't work out how to get my name back!!)

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