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Original poster

Advice about a carer please.

59 replies

Fentylipgloss · 04/02/2023 22:35

My mother has been having carers in for her husband (who has dementia) since October.

One particular carer (who is amazing, funny, very good at his job) keeps mentioning how poor he is. On Christmas Eve he said his family 'back home' had no electricity and was telling my mum how worried he was about what he was going to do as he was out of money, so my mother being the person she is transferred him £50.00.

Today he came in asking where my son was (which was strange), he made his way upstairs and told my son that he needed to talk to him as it's what 'he felt in his heart'. He followed that up by saying his mother 'back home' was very sick and he needed £40. This time my son transferred this money to him.

As much as we love him coming, we feel that he might be taking the mick a bit.

Would you mention this to the agency he comes from and risk losing a good carer OR just say nothing and carry on as normal?

OP posts:
Slobbet · 05/02/2023 03:22

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 01:36

Have you seen preachers in America? Some of them have made a lot of money from convincing people that they really need to buy their way into heaven. I suspect this guy was the same.

Yes it potentially could be a scam for his own profit but alternatively his family might be facing illness and neglect through poverty. Poverty leaves huge numbers of people fighting for survival. If the home situation is genuine I think I’d want to find a way of helping through a charity. However taking money off service users is certainly an abuse of position and a safeguarding issue that must be dealt with.

JustJamie5 · 05/02/2023 03:27

This is abuse! Report him. What starts small will grow.

Just because someone is religious doesn’t mean they’re moral/good/correct…. Lots of people of faith commit crimes, some horrific crimes at times!

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/02/2023 04:35

You need to report this asap.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Care homes
FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 07:11

Slobbet · 05/02/2023 03:22

Yes it potentially could be a scam for his own profit but alternatively his family might be facing illness and neglect through poverty. Poverty leaves huge numbers of people fighting for survival. If the home situation is genuine I think I’d want to find a way of helping through a charity. However taking money off service users is certainly an abuse of position and a safeguarding issue that must be dealt with.

Show quote history

He might also be over here posing as a carer because he's taking a break on his way to cure cancer, but I seriously doubt it.

I've come across enough scammers to know he and his sob story fit the bill entirely and as far as I'm concerned his "preaching" would have just been his apprenticeship, as his current actions are anything but those of a religious person.

I might be wrong, but the "money for my sick mother" routine is as old as the hills and even if I am, which I again seriously doubt, he's still taking money from vulnerable people.

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 13:16

@slobbet

Back home he's got a nice house, but he's still having to keep them etc.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 13:20

Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 13:16

@slobbet

Back home he's got a nice house, but he's still having to keep them etc.

Or so he says...........

DaisyDreaming · 05/02/2023 13:27

My friend had a huge amount of money stolen from her by a carer which started like this. She also had an emotional breakdown and carries a lot of shame from it (she doesn’t have dementia and feels really stupid to have been conned). She thinks the carer also took some of her medication and belongings. She really liked the carer at the start too. Please please report it, not just for the sake of your relatives but for others too.

Throwncrumbs · 05/02/2023 13:42

Call the police, if you report to the agency they will just remove him from your home and may not even sack him if he says you are mistaken. He will then get away with it but continue to scam other people, he may not even be allowed to work here so the agency may be employing people that are not even trained or have a dbs certificate to be in the job. The agency could be in big trouble if this is happening! Police asap!!

Dwellingbuyingdilemma · 05/02/2023 13:46

Throwncrumbs · 05/02/2023 13:42

Call the police, if you report to the agency they will just remove him from your home and may not even sack him if he says you are mistaken. He will then get away with it but continue to scam other people, he may not even be allowed to work here so the agency may be employing people that are not even trained or have a dbs certificate to be in the job. The agency could be in big trouble if this is happening! Police asap!!

This. Straight to the police and follow their advice as to how to proceed

2bazookas · 05/02/2023 13:48

I would IMMEDIATELY report this to the agency, as he is very likely doing this to ALL his client list, some of whom are very vulnerable, and unable to afford the money he's milking them for.

It's totally, totally unacceptable in that work field.

RedDiamond · 05/02/2023 13:48

This reply has been deleted

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LIZS · 05/02/2023 13:53

Boundaries! No he should not be giving sob stories and accepting cash. Chances are he does it to all his clients and is boosting his income at their expense.

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 14:36

@RedDiamond

Not following? I could post screenshots of my mother sending the money over on Christmas Eve and my son sending money over to the same bank account yesterday. Would that satisfy your doubt!??? Why would I lie about this? Trust me, not that bored!!!!!!

OP posts:
Munchyseeds2 · 05/02/2023 15:15

This is so wrong!!
Please report him to his company first thing tomorrow, I would also contact the police
Don't let anyone transfer any more money

DaisyDreaming · 05/02/2023 15:38

It’s good advice about reporting to the police not the agency. Everyone I know who has been abused by a carer and sadly multiple times by carers, that carer has been reported to the agency and allowed to just hop to a new agency.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 05/02/2023 15:53

@DaisyDreaming This happened to my gran. When she died last Christmas we found out she'd been paying carers to bring her items she shouldn't be having and falling for their sob stories and giving them large amounts of cash. Worst of all, they'd taken irreplaceable items from the house and all of the money she'd hidden.

The police weren't interested because we didn't have evidence of them doing it.

Justmeandthedog1 · 05/02/2023 15:59

You must tell the agency. It’s against their rules and a safeguarding issue as he is caring fir vulnerable people.
Dont be fooled by the preaching — that and his requesting money are two separate things.

Jamiesgran · 05/02/2023 16:04

I think you have to call the police as well as his agency. This is a well practiced routine. His thinking will be that your family are wealthy , in his eyes, and he’s probably trying the same thing all over.
He’s caring for vulnerable people who may not all have family to protect them. The police will have the powers to check his bank accounts and home for any stolen goods, whereas the agency will dismiss him and he’ll move on to another.

Iwantabloodypizza · 05/02/2023 16:20

You need to report him. He will be sacked (or should be, if it’s a good company they will sack him on the spot, unfortunately there are some awful care companies), but he should not be doing this.

I would also be reporting to the police and let the company he works for know that you have done that too.

How many other people is he telling tales of woe to get money?

I worked in care for a long time. This sort of thing isn’t rare.

Absolutely disgusting.

ChocHotolate · 05/02/2023 16:22

For any decent agency this will be a huge safeguarding concern. He will definitely be doing this to other clients and will continue doing it to your family too. For the sake of others who may not have family to protect them, please report him

Iwantabloodypizza · 05/02/2023 16:23

Throwncrumbs · 05/02/2023 13:42

Call the police, if you report to the agency they will just remove him from your home and may not even sack him if he says you are mistaken. He will then get away with it but continue to scam other people, he may not even be allowed to work here so the agency may be employing people that are not even trained or have a dbs certificate to be in the job. The agency could be in big trouble if this is happening! Police asap!!

They all employ people who aren’t trained in anything. It’s just crappy on line training, and a day of moving and handling.

I’ve worked with people who shouldn’t be allowed to care for dogs, let alone vulnerable people.

Original poster
Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 16:28

@Iwantabloodypizza

He's not asked my step father with dementia cause there's no stage of that illness that my SF would ever part with his money, he's gone to my mother who he knows is very religious and is aware of her ridiculously generous nature.

OP posts:
Iwantabloodypizza · 05/02/2023 16:36

Fentylipgloss · 05/02/2023 16:28

@Iwantabloodypizza

He's not asked my step father with dementia cause there's no stage of that illness that my SF would ever part with his money, he's gone to my mother who he knows is very religious and is aware of her ridiculously generous nature.

@Fentylipgloss I think you tagged me in error, but you made me laugh.

My dad sounds like your step dad. He’s got dementia and is in a home. There is no danger of him every parting with a penny to anyone! His tightness is the one aspect of his personality that remains unchanged!

DaisyDreaming · 05/02/2023 17:43

He’s gone to your Mum though who is emotionally vulnerable. You’ve all let this man into your life which is a big thing. He’s built up a relationship with the family and is now preying on them after sucking them in. I’m sorry but it’s part of a scam that these people do. It’s tough having someone with dementia and when you have someone in caring for a loved one daily or regularly you become very fond of them and become very grateful for the ‘excellent care’ they are giving your very vulnerable loved one. Please please report him, he has sucked your family in and he will be doing it to others.

HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 20:18

A preacher?! Ffs. He's a def a con man. Report him op.