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Original poster

How do be socially satisfied?

76 replies

CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:14

About a year ago I posted saying I don't have enough local friends. I was feeling miserable and hopeless about it.

Now I've in two groups of friends and have made another 3 individual friends.

But I still don't feel like I've got enough friends to fill my weekends.

I'm trying to understand is this because I had no idea how many friends people actually have and my expectation was a bit off for how many friends would make me feel socially satisfied. Or is it because people spend most of their time with family and only really see friends maybe once a week? Or do people have a really tight nit set of friends so they only see them every weekend.

OP posts:
70sWasTheBestMusicEra · 01/02/2023 22:16

I think no matter how many friends you have or don't have it's important to enjoy your own company

BadgesAndSparks · 01/02/2023 22:17

Quality not quantity!

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 22:22

I have 4 local friends. We all have husbands and children. We sometimes see each other fortnightly, but it's usually monthly for a night out.

I have lots of other people in my life (mums from school and extracurricular activities the kids go to) but seeing as I wouldn't tell them the ins and outs of everything like I would my friends, I don't class them as such. And I don't tend to see them socially unless it's an event by the school or EC activity.

I have 6 other friends who are spread out in other parts of the country, we meet up yearly or every 18 months or so.

So i dont have lots of friends, but I'm always busy!

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:23

@70sWasTheBestMusicEra Hmm...I need friends to make it bearable while I'm with my kids. I find it so boring otherwise. I can't stay in the house with them as the youngest has too much energy.

The thing I struggle with when I am on my own is doing stuff.

@BadgesAndSparks yeah maybe it will just take time for the quality to increase!

OP posts:
PurpleSky300 · 01/02/2023 22:23

It sounds like you have plenty of friends. Do you really need them to fill all your weekends, though?
Surely you can do things you enjoy on your own?
An empty weekend with no plans is a great thing after a busy week sometimes.

ElephantSlide · 01/02/2023 22:24

How did you go about connecting with these new friends? Were you very focused on making new acquaintances (sounds like you were, and successfully so)?

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:25

@Dacadactyl see I would have said that that is a lot of friends.

What are you busy with though?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:27

@ElephantSlide yes I was very focused on it. I made most through peanut. And one of the groups through a hobby. I really put myself out there...and it's worked. I trust that I can make friends. But I still feel like I'm missing something.

OP posts:
WinterFoxes · 01/02/2023 22:28

Are you a single parent? Are your friends people with partners who spend the weekends together?

Have you tried organising weekend get togethers with them and their kids - have them over for lunch or suggest taking the children swimming or on a day trip or to soft play etc.

Do you have some friends without children who might want to come over after your DC are in bed, to watch a film and have a drink and a chat?

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 22:30

CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:25

@Dacadactyl see I would have said that that is a lot of friends.

What are you busy with though?

The kids and their extracurricular activities and my hobbies mainly. I've not actually made friends via the hobbies though, because I've deliberately kept away from going to social events ive been invited to there. It might sound mad but I just feel like I'd never see my husband and kids if I crammed in yet more stuff.

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:32

@WinterFoxes my husband and I have split up but we still love together die to finances. We will sell the house soon though. But even when we were spending time together I didn't thave enough friends.

Have you tried organising weekend get togethers with them and their kids - have them over for lunch or suggest taking the children swimming or on a day trip or to soft play etc yes that's what I do. I guess my needs are high due to not spending much time with husband. I like to see friends sat morning with kids, sat afternoon with kids. Go out for the evening sat without kids. Then maybe see friends with my kids on Sunday morning.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/02/2023 22:33

Sorry OP but I think what you're missing can't be gained from external friendships.

You need them to make it bareable to be with your own kids cos you find them so boring, so of course any time without them is going to be hard.

You really need to work on conne ting with your kids and finding some sort of inner piece.

Do you like your kids? Do they spend any time at their Dads and if so how do you cope when it's just you? What about when they're at school?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/02/2023 22:35

How old are your children?

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:36

@Dacadactyl yeah. My eldest has two classes per week. My youngest has two classes per week. I do two hobbies a week. But I still have the majority of the weekend to fill. I work 25 hours per week.

When I list it, it sounds like I've got so much on but I still have time with the kids on my own more than I would like.

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 01/02/2023 22:38

@CrunchyPancakes your ideal weekend sounds exhausting!

I have lots of friends ie 3! but see them once a month max for a walk etc.

I love spending time with my DC though, or tbh just on my own. I also work FT which helps.

You are far more extroverted than me by the sounds of it!

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 22:38

@CrunchyPancakes yes I think I'd be the same if I was on my own with the kids all weekend.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 01/02/2023 22:39

What's wrong with being on your own with your children occasionally?

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/02/2023 22:41

@whataboutsecondbreakfast I wondered that too. I have always loved being with my kids - perhaps with the exception of when they were toddlers!

QueefQueen80s · 01/02/2023 22:42

It's quite sad you don't like being around your kids on your own much. So you want them to have a mum that is always distracted chatting to other people? Your expectations for friendship is way off.

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:42

@SleepingStandingUp thanks for your reply.

Sorry OP but I think what you're missing can't be gained from external friendships. That's hard to read!

You really need to work on conne ting with your kids and finding some sort of inner piece.

I'm not sure how to do that.

Do you like your kids? I like and love my kids. my fav thing to do with them are ones with constant interaction like me reading to them or helping them with their homework.

Do they spend any time at their Dads and if so how do you cope when it's just you? Their dad still lives with us. He is happy for me to have child free time....but then I have to arrange more stuff with people.

What about when they're at school? I work.

When I'm at the park with them they don't need me constantly interacting with them and that's when I get bored.

They are 2 and 6

OP posts:
Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:46

QueefQueen80s · 01/02/2023 22:42

It's quite sad you don't like being around your kids on your own much. So you want them to have a mum that is always distracted chatting to other people? Your expectations for friendship is way off.

Do people really enjoy spending time with children that much? I need adult conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:49

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 01/02/2023 22:39

What's wrong with being on your own with your children occasionally?

Regularly I am. I guess I'm finding it tiering to constantly have to contact people to do stuff at the weekend. Maybe this is what my gripe is. I find it tiering to arrange stuff.

Most weekends I'll have at least half a day of being just with them. I much rather be with my kids than have childfree time. But I like to also have friends there too. Generally I don't have child free time on Saturday or Sunday day time.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 01/02/2023 22:50

I love being around my kids. I also love adult conversation and get it in my job, school run, occasionally see friends, messaging people. They're not mutually exclusive! It sounds like you want to escape your children and thats so sad for them.

Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:51

@FunnysInLaJardin I've never thought of myself as an extravert before. I'm trying to work out if I was ever OK with being on my own. I don't think I have an issue with being on my own I have an issue with not having anything to do. And having people there means I have some thing to do...chat to them!

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Original poster
CrunchyPancakes · 01/02/2023 22:53

QueefQueen80s · 01/02/2023 22:50

I love being around my kids. I also love adult conversation and get it in my job, school run, occasionally see friends, messaging people. They're not mutually exclusive! It sounds like you want to escape your children and thats so sad for them.

I don't want to escape from them. I much prefer being with my kids than having childfree time. But I need/like to have adult conversation while I'm with them.....thats what happily married couples get anyway isn't it.

OP posts: