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Original poster

Would I be allowed to 'patio' DH?

68 replies

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 16:53

I'm suffering with tendinitis in my glutes and walking & bending are so painful, even with the physio exercises I have to do 3x a day.

So I literally just walked in the door to be greeted with 'We have viewings. Superclean time!'

It's doesn't need it. We gave it a thorough clean at the weekend and have got storage for most of the general housecrap.

He keeps polishing the damned hallway and expecting me to dust and vacuum after it was only done yesterday. No little kids here anymore. I did say he'd be better spending his time painting over the stupid sentences on the wall that the last owners left. See below for stupid sentence and stupid floor.

He's now acting hurt and injured because I answered him back with 'Fuck right off'. I just walked back from the bus stop thinking my leg was going to fall off!

And I'm menopausal so it's only right that I can put him under the patio?

Would I be allowed to 'patio' DH?
Would I be allowed to 'patio' DH?
OP posts:
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 30/01/2023 17:10

Anyone who told me it was super clean time on my arrival home especially when the house was as spotless and minimalist as yours would be instantly under the patio with no leg agony for additional good reason!

PritiPatelsMaker · 30/01/2023 17:12

I'm not sure you'd get away with patioing him but maybe get a clause in the contract for the house sale that they get the house plus "D"Hz

Sunbird24 · 30/01/2023 17:16

Too much hassle to get the patio up and back down again if you’ve got viewings booked - lots of space under that bed though, if you’ve got a big suitcase?

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Sunriseinwonderland · 30/01/2023 17:21

Nobody would blame you. You'd probably get an OBE.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/01/2023 17:23

Tell him to live by that stupid sentence - if he wants to waste his time cleaning an already clean house, by all means he can do so but he shouldn't expect you to do likewise.

MissMarplesbag · 30/01/2023 17:23

Hands op the shovel and provides an alibi........

Commonsensitivity · 30/01/2023 17:23

Probably better to bake some bread and brew some coffee. Buyers like that apparently.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 30/01/2023 17:25

Good points re time and effort re patioing.

Just bag him up. It's bin night here. Shall I come and fetch him when he's 'ready'?

Original poster
Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 17:27

He wants to light my Diptyque candle! So I've hidden it and left the wax burner out instead.

OP posts:
Jux · 30/01/2023 17:28

I'don the obligatory sparkly hotpants and wave the pompoms campaigning for your release.

Beamur · 30/01/2023 17:29

I know a good place to hide a body. Patio is way too obvious!

sandranista · 30/01/2023 17:29

Get digging. I'll lend you a shovel

discobrain · 30/01/2023 17:34

I'll fetch the required tools.

PritiPatelsMaker · 30/01/2023 17:37

He wants to light my Diptyque candle

He wants to do what? I think you'd have a rock solid alibi.

YorkieTheRabbit · 30/01/2023 17:39

Sorry but digging a dh sized hole will really leave you in absolute agony.
You need to think more creatively

YorkieTheRabbit · 30/01/2023 17:40

Do you have a funeral pyre Sorry I mean rubbish to burn?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/01/2023 17:44

Nah, don't do that.

You'd be left having to clean up the mess and you'd have to source some sort of basketry or skirt to tart up the junk stuffed under that bed - or get him to turn the bed round so it's underneath the window with the low white unit underneath/at the foot and then nobody walking in for a viewing will see the stuff.

PuttingDownRoots · 30/01/2023 17:45

Ywbu to Bury him under a patio of a house you are selling.
Bury him under someone else's, less likely to be found out.

MysteryBelle · 30/01/2023 17:46

I think your response was over the top and rude.

Agree with you on the candle though 😀

Bluetrews25 · 30/01/2023 17:46

Have you put a spell on him and shrunk him? He's standing by the bottom step. Or do you have Borrowers?

WrendaleCountryDogs · 30/01/2023 17:46

Time would be better spent removing that hall wallpaper and painting over that writing in the bedroom..

ShirleyPhallus · 30/01/2023 17:47

MysteryBelle · 30/01/2023 17:46

I think your response was over the top and rude.

Agree with you on the candle though 😀

I do too tbh

That slogan on the wall is absolutely hideous

superdupernova · 30/01/2023 18:02

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 17:27

He wants to light my Diptyque candle! So I've hidden it and left the wax burner out instead.

I lit my Diptyque candles before viewings 🤣 I felt it justified buying a couple extra (I usually buy 3 every November to make winter more bearable).

slashlover · 30/01/2023 18:28

Imagine a woman posting that her DH had told her to "fuck right off" and joked about murdering her.

You wouldn't be able to move for the LTBs and calls of abuse.

WetBandits · 30/01/2023 18:29

slashlover · 30/01/2023 18:28

Imagine a woman posting that her DH had told her to "fuck right off" and joked about murdering her.

You wouldn't be able to move for the LTBs and calls of abuse.

My thoughts exactly 😬