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Original poster

Anyone with advice for super sensitive DS in sports?

59 replies

PayPennies · 29/01/2023 14:50

DS is 7 and plays football and cricket for local clubs at Under 8s. I wouldn’t say he’s very sporty or anything (I mean he’s very good with academics but isn’t particularly sporty). But the issue we are having is that him being very sensitive is getting in the way of all his training sessions and matches. It takes the slightest knock and then we have “but that boy was unfair!” Or “he hit me/kicked me/slightly bowled too fast” - and then floods of tears and really does then find it difficult to brush aside and join in again.

we don’t want him to think it’s not okay to cry, or not ok to find something unfair - well - unfair - but he does need to build some form of resilience for these things we feel.

completely withdrawing him from any and all sport doesn’t feel right but then again we are struggling to see how to get him to have chin up/let some things go a bit :/

any advice?

OP posts:
StopGrowingPlease · 29/01/2023 14:53

Does he want to do these activities?

Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 14:55

Also to add context he isn’t a boisterous boy and also is fairly sleek/slender which is relevant for sports I guess. Best way to describe him is a quiet, sleek, very academic, bookworm, quiet ish 7 year old who has apparently got a very high sensitivity for things he feels are unfair/wrong and is easily upset. We are looking for some resilience advice really and any sports tips are a bonus

OP posts:
Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 14:55

Yes he seems interested in the sports - and has often been asked if he’d rather stop.

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Illbeready · 29/01/2023 14:55

Have you tried beavers instead?

watchfulwishes · 29/01/2023 14:57

Find activities he enjoys.

ninjafoodienovice · 29/01/2023 14:57

This could have been my DS. Oh the tears we have had on the football pitch. Sometimes it's just mortifying but we've persevered. He's much better now he's 10 but we are also having him assessed for ADHD.

SpotOnMyBot · 29/01/2023 14:58

Ds was like this. Don't give up just because of it. It's immaturity I think. It gets better with age. Ds definitely got better around age 10 I think?

He still v painfully feels injustice in the world. He has the best empathy of all my children now he's an adult and buys the most amazing, thoughtful presents for people!

Tessasanderson · 29/01/2023 14:59

There are hundreds of ‘sports’ for children. Maybe your child is t suited to team or physical sports. Rather than push through why not open yourself up to other sports. Swimming, climbing, sailing, running, golf, etc etc etc. There are loads of activities which still require fitness and skill and some might suit hi to a tee

watchfulwishes · 29/01/2023 15:00

PayPennies · 29/01/2023 14:55

Yes he seems interested in the sports - and has often been asked if he’d rather stop.

A 7yo can't answer that question necessarily. He is telling you he doesn't enjoy the activities by being negative.

Resilience at 7 is bullshit, he's only 7.

I took mine out of swimming at 7, back in at 9 - different stage, different experience.

Unless you think he's on course for a national team, give him a chance to try something else.

Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:01

He does swimming of course and other individual things like piano and French. He enjoys everything it seems - it just is - not even specific to sport - a huge sensitivity to “unfair” things - as A PP said - a big reaction to a frown, or something unfair in a playground - something unfair in the world - it’s hard to describe. It’s not specific to cricket or football but just happens more visibly in sport

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MikeWozniaksMohawk · 29/01/2023 15:04

My DS plays a lot of sport and also has a particular sense of injustice. The way he deals with it is to channel those feelings into a greater desire to win/beat that player. He will often play better when he’s up against someone who isn’t particularly “sporting” as in they are teetering on not playing within the rules. Can you have a chat with him when he’s not worked up or in the middle of a game about using how he feels to motivate him?

gogohmm · 29/01/2023 15:04

He seems to be doing a lot of activities, perhaps he is tired from doing too much. Let him choose his activities, perhaps explore more individual sports if the team aspect is causing the issues

grayhairdontcare · 29/01/2023 15:05

He might be overwhelmed by the amount of activities he's doing

Muchtoomuchtodo · 29/01/2023 15:05

It doesn’t sound like much fun for anyone. Does he have siblings?
If so are they similar and how is he with them?

I’d find other ways of keeping him active. Hiking, climbing, sailing, swimming etc where his response will affect others less directly.

Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:05

watchfulwishes · 29/01/2023 15:00

A 7yo can't answer that question necessarily. He is telling you he doesn't enjoy the activities by being negative.

Resilience at 7 is bullshit, he's only 7.

I took mine out of swimming at 7, back in at 9 - different stage, different experience.

Unless you think he's on course for a national team, give him a chance to try something else.

Show quote history

I entirely agree about the resilience bullshit thing at 7. If I’ve floated the idea of pausing the sports we have floods of tears begging to continue. We’ve even said things a bit hectic with our work/various us related excuses but he refuses to pause the sports!

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Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:06

All good ideas. Yes he’s got a 3 year old sibling - and there again a sense of profound justice/injustice comes into play between him and her. A very good day might become him being really upset if she’s perceived to have got a pen that’s brighter/more colourful etc. so it isn’t specific to a sport but more a very high degree of sensitivity …

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fortifiedwithtea · 29/01/2023 15:08

I think you need to explore other sports. My daughter ice skates. At children skating competitions in the girls category there are easily 20 kids competing. Realistically few will set foot on the podium so it’s encouraged that each child sets their goals. Maybe a personal best, getting all elements scored, then maybe improve grade of execution, a clean skate without deductions.

There are many ways to gain the sense of a win without actually winning.

Plus as a boy he will be very popular. Few boys in the sport means the one who do skate are often asked to be either ice dance or pairs partners. Its like ballet in that the competitors have to develop physical strength.

watchfulwishes · 29/01/2023 15:11

PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:06

All good ideas. Yes he’s got a 3 year old sibling - and there again a sense of profound justice/injustice comes into play between him and her. A very good day might become him being really upset if she’s perceived to have got a pen that’s brighter/more colourful etc. so it isn’t specific to a sport but more a very high degree of sensitivity …

I don't think it is 'a very high degree of sensitivity' - just normal for some 7yo kids, especially those with younger siblings.

You're sounding quite hard on him. He's only 7, let him grow up in his own time.

troppibambini6 · 29/01/2023 15:13

Hmmm it's tricky, one of my ds is similar and used to absolutely lose his mind and cry if he felt an injustice had been done during football or in any other situation really.

Regarding sport we sat him down and explained that yes somethings it is unfair and ye sometimes the ref will make the wrong decision.

And in a slightly kinder way basically said if you can deal with it carry on playing, if not let's find something else because we won't be tolerating his tantrums on the pitch and he will be removed from the game.

Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:19

troppibambini6 · 29/01/2023 15:13

Hmmm it's tricky, one of my ds is similar and used to absolutely lose his mind and cry if he felt an injustice had been done during football or in any other situation really.

Regarding sport we sat him down and explained that yes somethings it is unfair and ye sometimes the ref will make the wrong decision.

And in a slightly kinder way basically said if you can deal with it carry on playing, if not let's find something else because we won't be tolerating his tantrums on the pitch and he will be removed from the game.

This is exactly the kind of DS I have!

OP posts:
Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:23

fortifiedwithtea · 29/01/2023 15:08

I think you need to explore other sports. My daughter ice skates. At children skating competitions in the girls category there are easily 20 kids competing. Realistically few will set foot on the podium so it’s encouraged that each child sets their goals. Maybe a personal best, getting all elements scored, then maybe improve grade of execution, a clean skate without deductions.

There are many ways to gain the sense of a win without actually winning.

Plus as a boy he will be very popular. Few boys in the sport means the one who do skate are often asked to be either ice dance or pairs partners. Its like ballet in that the competitors have to develop physical strength.

He did ice skating for a year with his best mate - and we left it because he really didn’t get into it. Of course he can change his mind any time.

we chatted about potentially temporarily pausing the sports but he gets really about the idea..

I agree that he’s just 7 - a baby still in so many ways - which is why I was hoping removing him from the sports might help prevent him getting upset about knock backs..

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Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:25

SpotOnMyBot · 29/01/2023 14:58

Ds was like this. Don't give up just because of it. It's immaturity I think. It gets better with age. Ds definitely got better around age 10 I think?

He still v painfully feels injustice in the world. He has the best empathy of all my children now he's an adult and buys the most amazing, thoughtful presents for people!

also describes my DS so well! He’s so kind, empathetic, caring and sensitive to everyone’s needs.

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DeskChair · 29/01/2023 15:25

Kids follow their parents lead. If he sees the joy it brings you him doing the sport and the tone of voice when you ask him if he wants to quit, then him begging to continue is looking for your praise and adoration.
All the kids saying they want to do daddy’s job when they grow up so just bullshit as their dad reinforces it and hugs their kid saying they love them.
It sounds like he hasn’t found the sport for him, maybe sport isn’t his thing. Let him do something else for exercise. Let him be him, if he is ND or not.

Original poster
PayPennies · 29/01/2023 15:27

DeskChair · 29/01/2023 15:25

Kids follow their parents lead. If he sees the joy it brings you him doing the sport and the tone of voice when you ask him if he wants to quit, then him begging to continue is looking for your praise and adoration.
All the kids saying they want to do daddy’s job when they grow up so just bullshit as their dad reinforces it and hugs their kid saying they love them.
It sounds like he hasn’t found the sport for him, maybe sport isn’t his thing. Let him do something else for exercise. Let him be him, if he is ND or not.

So would you say we ignore what he’s saying and stop the cricket and football anyway? I’d very happily do so, but his huge protestations have stopped us from overriding him and cancelling anyway.

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gonutkin · 29/01/2023 15:35

I have a different opinion on this. I have a 7 year old and he would have no problem telling me if he wasn't enjoying a specific club. He often tells me of clubs starting and will follow up with if he's interested or not. He's very competitive and used to get upset if he didn't win but he's got used to it more as he's grown up. I think depending on what your son is like and you know him best, he could be more than capable of making the decision to stop/carry on, as long as he knows that it doesn't affect you etc and it's his decision I don't see any reason why he would carry on for your gratification.

My brother was a super sensitive child. He would get really upset at adverts on tv about children in poverty or animals RSPCA and all that. He would be sobbing and my parents would turn it over. He was never put into any sports or clubs because he could never handle it and now as an adult he struggles a lot. If he makes a mistake at work or someone looks at him the wrong way he thinks it's the end of the world. My mum thinks he has mild autism of some kind. He's very sensitive and loving with his girlfriend but I think because my parents pandered to him so much as a child it's made him incredibly selfish and lazy.

My point being, you know your son. If he genuinely wants to carry on I don't see why you shouldn't let him. Life experience is essential and he will learn eventually what is worth getting upset over