When your beloved parent is about to pass away and you know that you're about to be sad forever.

[QueenJacinda]

What on earth can make you feel better? 😢

Nothing my love, but I promise you won't be sad forever. One day you will smile fondly again and still feel that love you felt before. I'm so sorry xx

I went through this in 2020. To be frank, it hurts like Hell but eventually the pain becomes less. Eventually the sight of things does not make you burst into tears. You can walk down the road to go to the restaurant where they went without sobbing. Becoming an orphan stings so much even when older. However even today I was at John Lewis and remembered my dad parking his car and grabbing his cap before coming with me shopping. I just associated him with that place.

Eventually the ghosts that surround us become less acute although they remain there.

Everything Shakespeare said. It does get easier. 3 years for me in a couple of weeks and it no longer wrenches my heart out to think about her all the time.

It doesn't mean I'm not sad about it, just that the gaps between the sad have gotten bigger and bigger over time and I can see the blips coming.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This really scary bit at the end was the worst, I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I felt some relief when she was no longer in pain and that in turn meant that it couldn't possibly be any worse ever again.

Time xx

If they are well enough could you hold your phone up so that they can make a voice recording. I'm sure hearing their voice telling you they love you or similar will be treasured.

I'm a couple of weeks in. Knowing that I was there is a huge comfort. Other than that...I'm not doing too well tbh

Thinking of you. I don't know what the answer is. I often think of the line from Wolf Hall that the living must comfort each other. Take comfort where you can.

It won't help you right now, but I love the quote 'may love be what you remember most'. I think of that when I feel sad about my mum, and it does help (but that took a long time).

Aw you are all so kind. I'm just so deeply sad. Hearing about your experiences is a comfort though. Thank you 💛

I'm so sorry 💛

Too sick sadly.

You won't be sad forever. My dad died when I was 13. It takes time, but I'm very happy

Am 30 years down the line from losing my DM, one week she was fine, the next she was gone, the sadness doesn’t go, you adapt to her not being around, you find happiness and know she would be happy for you but there’s still a sad chink. Not really quite sure what to say to make you feel better other then the memories of her don’t fade, she could call or appear tomorrow and we’d pick up where we left. I think for now just take comfort in being there for her, holding her hand, knowing you are with her to the end and she will eventually be at peace. X

I lost my mum last week, after 6 long weeks in hospital.We were never very close, daddy's girl here but I really am finding it hard to process, not sure how I feel and that makes me feel as is there's something wrong with me.

Oh @Ginger1982 I'm sorry X

This says it all.
@Cinnamongirlinthesand . It's quite common to feel as you do in the early stages of losing a parent. It takes time to process grief.
So sorry for the losses of everyone on this thread. 💐💐💐

Mum died 3rd Jan. It has been a long three weeks, we had her funeral on Weds.
Be there as much as you can, don't dwell on the 'I wish I had done this or that'. Grieve with those you are close to openly. I'm a private cryer and so are my children and brother but we have all cried together and start one another off but it is a comfort to do so.
Personally I found seeing her at the funeral home a comfort.
The grief is still very raw though and it is going to take time.

I’m so sorry you’re in this place @QueenJacinda.

Nothing can make you feel better at this deeply emotional and hard moment but everyone is right - you will, one day. Probably not for a while, possibly a long while, but it will happen. It’s been just over two years for me and I thought my heart was broken. It always will be, really, but life has mostly resumed its rhythms in a way I didn’t think it could, albeit in a different key.

For now - be with your parent if you can. As much as you can. Hold their hand and talk to them. Tell them you love them. I wasn’t able to do this until the very end (my beloved mum was in hospital before that with no visiting allowed at all, and time ran out for us) and it’s the thing that grieves me almost more than anything.

Hugs to you.

@FiftyNotNifty Hang on in there, it will get easier eventually. I found that hard to believe when people said it to me, but it does. Everyone is different and grieves differently. With different timescales. For me, in year 5 I know I turned a corner last year and stopped thinking about my DM everyday.

@Cinnamongirlinthesand I think if you were not very close it can be a more complicated set of feelings sometimes than grieving someone you were connected to very closely. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you, you just need quiet acceptance of how you're feeling and time to work through all the feelings and let them resolve themselves in your mind. It can be very painful at times, but losing a parent is something nearly everyone has to go through and death is part of life. We don't talk about it enough.

I think this poster nailed it.

The day I lost my mum was the saddest day of my life. Part of me went with her that day. It's nearly 10 years now and she's never far from my thoughts, but the raw grief I felt when she died has subsided and it has got easier as time has passed. I feel sad sometimes, but I also feel happy at other times.

So sorry.

I'm eight years down the line from losing the best dad in the world. I enjoy sharing memories of him with with brother, about how silly and stubborn he could be, and how loving he was. It's 40 years of memories that we cherish between us of a brilliant person. I found a super 8 recording of his wedding to my mum, unseen for an exteremly long time and it was a really amazing moment to see him almost alive again.

I think it's a sign of how much he were loved by him that my brother quietly climbs a mountain in his memory every year, and I'm sitting here now, still able to break down in tears at the thought of him. That's a good life led and I hope that you can console yourself with the same kind of memories.

A nurse took me aside and told me to tap my forehead sharply with my finger if I didn't want to cry around my dad in his final days. I hope that nugget helps you as much as it did me.

Thank you everyone who has sent kind thoughts here.

OP I've been thinking about it a bit more. I am so glad that I spent all the time I could with them. They were in bed just sleeping for the last few weeks and as I live locally I was there a lot. So any time I thought, maybe I'll not pop back in again today...I always did, and sat, even if it was just for 10 minutes. I'm so glad I did that. Can you be there with them or are you far away?
I also think we kept things calm..it was awful obviously, but when we were with them it was quiet, just mundane chit chat...I like to hope that was comforting.
How are you doing?

I am so sorry you are going through this op.

sounds so cheesy, but big hug xxx

It's probably best not to think about "feeling better".

The pain of loss is a very important part of the process and you are more likely to get through it with Acceptance that it will be what it will be, because bypassing this stage is nigh on impossible.

Thinking of you OP.

My dad died just before Christmas just gone. It’s heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking and there’s no way to sugar coat that :(

All I’d say is be with them at the end if you can get there - I’m so so glad I was with my dad, no matter how hard it was. And also visit them in the chapel of rest if you feel you can, I found it comforting to see my dad at peace.

Hang in there xx