When your beloved parent is about to pass away and you know that you're about to be sad forever.

[QueenJacinda]

What on earth can make you feel better? 😢

@Fraaahnces 💐and a hug.

As another poster said, time. I’m also considering a bit of therapy. You might also feel relief when it happens. Don’t punish yourself for it - you love your parent and you don’t want them to go but you also don’t want them to suffer. Lots of love, OP. Happiness will come back.

I am so sorry we all have your back. I am coming up to five years. I am still sad. It doesn't go away, but you can also have happiness alongside it, I am happy, but very sad about my DM too if that makes any sense. It is very hard, but your life grows around it. I talk about her all the time. Conscious decision to 'keep her here', so my daughters, who were very little, very much have four GPs. It helps me to keep her here in that way. Your life will grow around. You will be okay.

this thread has made me proper sob . I lost my dad 5 yrs ago this week. I nursed him with my brother at home for the last few weeks as was his wish. We honoured that though I feel the experience has traumatised me to some degree and I have been somewhat numb ever since. I also relate to the poster who said they struggled with anger . i still find my emotions quite erratic but I am slowly getting better at allowing myself to look at the grief as it were.
There is no right or wrong to coping with this stuff and I have no words of wisdom to impart but I will be thinking of you and your loved one and send strength for the days ahead x

My dad died at 54 and then my mum was killed at 69 in a car accident. No chance to say goodbye to either of them.
It felt very cruel and unfair at the time and still does, but that acute pain does pass. Just one of life's hurdles.

@QueenJacinda
Do you have children yourself?

Imagine how you would want them to feel and what you would want them to do when you die.

None of us would want them to suffer or be sad. I would feel so sad if I felt that they would not be able to smile, remember me with love and just get on with their lives.

Making the most of your life, enjoying every moment and grabbing every opportunity to be happy is the best way to alleviate grief xx

It's been nearly two years since losing my mum who was also like my best mate. I described my grief as like carrying round a huge 'sack of sorrow'. Some days the sack was unbearably heavy and I couldn't move and other days for no reason at all, it would be a wee bit lighter and I could do a few things. It is a very unpredictable thing and I've just learned to take each day as it comes. Something has definitely shifted in the last couple of weeks though and I see hope and a future. That doesn't help you right now but being a bit further down the road than you, I wanted to say it looks different here than when I was where you are right now.

But right now, you're doing the most precious thing you can do, being with your poorly parent in the last stages of their life. As deeply painful as it is, you'll always be glad you did this. 🌸🌸

I sympathise. I was talking to my GP the other day and she asked if I could remember the first time I felt depressed, and I thought about it, it was 1985 when my dad died, I was 23. I’ve had life long episodes of depression ever since. I had never thought about it before. Life is a struggle really x

As tough as it is, losing a parent is the way it should be. It’s the circle of life, the ‘right order’.

I was incredibly close to both my parents and do miss them both, but somehow I have managed the grief well. I don’t know why that is really.

Sorry to everyone who is suffering 💐

Oh @Fraaahnces I'm sorry to hear that. Sending 💛
I know that I have been extremely lucky in the parental dept. I can't bear the thought of losing either of them.

Your words are so moving. I don't think 2 years is very long. Your Dad sounds like he was one of the best ones 💛

Thank you @flapjackfairy
You did a beautiful thing for your Dad. What more could a parent ask for. Sending 💛

Ah that Winnie The Pooh was a wise one 😊💛

So true.

This has me in floods. So true.

I’m 3 years down the line from losing my dad who was such an amazing father and friend, and it’s a complete cliche but time really is a great healer. At the time I couldn’t imaging I’d ever be happy again but now I can talk about fond and happy memories and just feel glad I had him for the time I did. I also feel so honoured that my brother and I were with him at the end, and the last thing he heard was us telling him how much we love him x

I struggle with the guilt of not feeling
upset enough. I’m just not as bad as I expected. I adored my mum but she raised me to be tough like her and in some ways I am. She had a long death (6 months) and I nursed her all the way, I was with her constantly. Although traumatic at the time and completely devastating to see her deteriorate from perfect health, I am actually fine. I believe that grief is the price you pay for love and it’s what I tell my kids but on days like today when I am rock solid…. I just feel bad. I’m tired of being sad and am fundamentally a happy person, I’m grateful for the good days. On those days I end up texting her apologies for not being as sad as I expected 😂

Nothing in the moment you're in, OP. I am sorry, it is so so hard. Be brave. It is a dreadful thing to experience, but it can be a privilege to be with your loved one when they need you the most.

I am 5 1/2 years down the line. I was incredibly sad for a long time. Quite traumatised, not dissimilar to @tresleches and @flapjackfairy. Pandemic in the grief mix didn't help. But time and counselling have made a difference and I can genuinely say I have felt able to be happy again.

Much love. You are in the thoughts of your friends on this thread x

Sorry to hear this OP. I lost my wonderful dad last year, and although grief hasn't been linear, I am starting to get to a place where I can remember the good times and think about him without bursting to tears or wanting to run away. It's hard though, surround yourself with loved ones, be kind to yourself and look after yourself. I had some jewellery made from the ashes and a cushion from his clothes. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but so precious to me and makes me smile.

To add, I don't think I'll ever be the same person as dramatic as that sounds, I'd never known life without him afterall- but it doesn't mean it has to be sad or bad. Its a new chapter, different but also exciting. However you feel though is okay as long as you're being honest with yourself. I pushed everything down (couldn't say bye due to covid which was traumatic) which wasn't healthy.

I always think that I miss my dad terribly because I loved him so much. Grief is the price we pay for love. It's hard because you love them so much. Which is the sign they got it right, being a parent.

My Father died in 2017, it has been very tough for me. However the last 8 months have been much easier including the anniversary.

My Dad who was one of my favourite people in the world passed away very suddenly in October from a heart attack. He was otherwise a healthy man with no symptoms, he was 61. I am 29 and sad that I have to live without him (a potentially long life). He was a wonderful man. I've tried counselling, that was useless. It was horrific and I think about him everyday all day and don't know if I will ever stop. Not to mention intense jealousy at those around me with both parents, I am going to be miserable forever.

That being said, on a positive day I can obviously recognise how lucky I was to have such a loving father, which I know not everyone is lucky enough to have.

I just wish my 4 year old had his beloved Grandad for longer
<3

I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly 19 years ago. I’ve never known pain like it since. It gets better in time. After a year when all the significant dates had passed I did feel the deep grief had lifted but I still think of my Mum most days always with fondness - my kids still talk about her lovingly and I’ve kept many little mementos of her. Similar for my Dad but I was closest to Mum

You will get through it - we all have to eventually but keep your loved one close in you heart