Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Life is over really

95 replies

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 07:14

I've been thinking of applying for a job. Just read on the application that they do an online search on you. I have previously been on trial for something an d cleared but it did make the papers.

My life is over isn't it. I really want to die as I feel I have this weight around my neck that will never be gone . I'm not even going to me able to move on from this. The panic when I saw it and relived it all. Already thinking about how to escape life. It haunts me all the time. I'm ashamed

Tried my best to move on but it won't allow me to.

I'll never get a job will I with this in the Internet

OP posts:

watchfulwishes · 27/01/2023 06:25

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/01/2023 23:38

I don't understand the worry - you were found not guilty. So you have nothing to worry about.

www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562

snowlolo · 27/01/2023 06:26

How would you feel about changing your name? Drastic but it would mean most people meeting you now wouldn't even know your old name to search.

I don't think that all/ most employers do google searches on people. I guess it depends on the employer. Some have processes that mean they don't even see your name until you get to interview stage.

Crabbyboot · 27/01/2023 06:29

A friend of mine has a criminal record and he tries to meet the potential employers to hand in his CV face to face so he can show them that he is employable. It gives them a chance to see you as a person and not just text on a screen. It has worked for him and he has a job.

Forestfever · 27/01/2023 06:46

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 08:10

Is that really true? It is hanging over me. Have panic attacks when I hear a loud knock (police coming to arrest) I don't like spaces from being in a cell is just bad such an affect was a good few years ago and yet it's still ccrippling me every day

Show quote history

Op this is 100% true. I used to work with people who needed to use this sometimes. I don't want to elaborate and give myself away so can't say more but do it

I was also on trial for something that I had nothing to do with. It was an utterly horrific experience and over a decade later I still have panic attacks about it. I fortunately wasn't named in any coverage and I too was cleared of any wrong doing. When called to the stand the police officer actually said (the words are etched into to my brain) 'there is no evidence'. I have never cried and been so angry in my entire life. I had stood on that stand and felt like it was fighting for my life and had to go on strong prescription drugs to get my through to trauma of it all. I was already an anxious person before any of it.

If you need a chat then please DM me. I get it.

Forestfever · 27/01/2023 06:49

Op, I've read more of your posts now and I feel so awful for you. The knock on the door thing - it terrifies me still.

I also get the shame. Yes, there is no reason for the shame but I understand why it is there.

UmmmBopDeeDooWhop · 27/01/2023 06:58

lapasion · 26/01/2023 23:34

In addition to the right to be forgotten, see if you can bury the search results somewhat. If you have more relevant results, such as a Twitter and LinkedIn account, sometimes Google will push the older links down onto the second page which nobody checks. Make sure you have social media accounts on all the main sites and maybe get a professional website if relevant to your career.

Yes, and this is something you can do straight away.

I think you should apply for the job.

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 27/01/2023 07:30

Fresh start time, OP. Change your name by deed poll (and your DCs’ surname to match) and perhaps even move area. If your ‘friends’ did this to you, they are not friends and you should let them go and try to meet new people.

goldennotyetoldie · 27/01/2023 07:31

I think it depends on the role and industry. I work in IT and consulting. People tend to look at LinkedIn and social media profiles mainly.

Can you get some counselling to help with the anxiety around the year of hell? It very much sounds like you would benefit from it. There's a lot to unpack from that experience: wrongful imprisonment, confinement, threat of losing your children, being looked at and treated with contempt, general fear of the unknown, catastrophising over an extended period and prolonged general stress too. lots and lots of really difficult stuff to manage and assimilate.

Anyone would need help with that.

For what it's worth if I was a prospective employer and that came up, I'd be open minded about you and make a judgement based on your professional experience and whether I could work with you or not. I'd try and get feedback from other people who'd worked with you too.

Get some therapy, and try to move on, fully. It feels like you really are (understandably) still right in the middle of that awful time mentally and you owe it to yourself and family to move on. You deserve it.

YukoandHiro · 27/01/2023 07:36

You have the "right to be forgotten", especially if you were cleared of a crime of which you were innocent. The facts will remain on the record but you can apply to google so they don't appear at the top of a search of your name. Do apply straight away - it's probably easier than changing your name by deed poll.

Parisj · 27/01/2023 07:43

Try to get EMDR for your symptoms of PTSD. Good luck with moving on, this was not your crime, not your fault and it is not your shame or burden to carry. If you can process it, your brain can update, maybe get angry, maybe grieve. There is a future. Thank you for telling us about what happened to you.

AuditAngel · 27/01/2023 07:46

I’m an accountant and work in ethics. It is part of my job to review potential ethics issues in new employees (and potential clients).

Where someone is convicted of a crime, we consider the nature of that crime and whether it would impact on the role.

Please note, I specifically said convicted.

We do have an employee with an old conviction. It’s on our records and there it stays. They were honest about it during recruitment.

Our policy for taking on clients looks at convictions, and we also consider whether the conviction is “spent” or not.

I understand your concerns, but I think your past would be ok under our recruitment process. Speak to a recruitment agency in the field you want to enter

DonatellaBella · 27/01/2023 07:47

Erm, surely you'd make a judgement based on the fact she was found innocent and disregard anything to do with the false arrest?

ofwarren · 27/01/2023 07:53

Bookcub · 26/01/2023 08:04

Have a look a 'right to be forgotten ' on Google search. Under gdpr you can apply to have links to old information about you removed from search results.

This definitely works
My cousin who's now in his 30s applied as he spent a few months in prison as a youth. The newspaper stuff has all been removed.

Fourcandlesx · 27/01/2023 08:06

Nothing to add that hasn't been covered but what a lovely supportive thread. Has restored my faith a bit 😊

Zonder · 27/01/2023 09:33

Please don't give up. And do start the process for the right to forget thing. Even if it's not in time for this job it will be in time for another.

Your name was cleared. You are not guilty.

WhatIsNextNow · 27/01/2023 12:44

I’m not in favour of changing name. What about certificates and references?

Original poster

Ashamedandlifeisover · 28/01/2023 15:36

You have all been so kind. I'm looking in to getting the story removed so I think I'll have to wait for that until I look for jobs.

I just can't bring myself to tell anyone and if they mentioned it I would prob burst until tears and start shaking

Is just not possible to do it

OP posts:

Riddlydiddlydee · 28/01/2023 19:17

@Ashamedandlifeisover I don't blame you at all for feeling this way. It sounds like a good and positive step to prioritise getting the stories removed. Have you had counselling? I ask because I really believe it will help you to vocalise it in a safe space. It doesn't do any good to lock it away inside, however uncomfortable it might be. It's the therapist's role to help you process it so it becomes easier to talk about, even if that feels impossible right now.

OldFan · 28/01/2023 21:19

They require full accurate disclosure, and at the earliest opportunity.

OP wouldn't need to disclose anything about the case of course, because she hasn't done anything.

OldFan · 28/01/2023 21:27

PP's are right- I would just focus on your health and getting treatment to help you be in a better frame of mind @Ashamedandlifeisover , rather than work for now.

Give yourself at least a year for therapy (ideally EMDR) and trying different meds until you find the one that works best for you.

You don't need the extra stress of working right now. I think you would have a lot of (unwarranted) 'imposter syndrome' type of an effect in a job. You're so caught up in what happened that you'd be constantly worried that your coworkers might find out etc. Which you don't 'need' to worry about but you will with your current frame of mind.

This'd also give you time to do the Google stuff etc.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread