Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Life is over really

95 replies

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 07:14

I've been thinking of applying for a job. Just read on the application that they do an online search on you. I have previously been on trial for something an d cleared but it did make the papers.

My life is over isn't it. I really want to die as I feel I have this weight around my neck that will never be gone . I'm not even going to me able to move on from this. The panic when I saw it and relived it all. Already thinking about how to escape life. It haunts me all the time. I'm ashamed

Tried my best to move on but it won't allow me to.

I'll never get a job will I with this in the Internet

OP posts:
MsCactus · 27/01/2023 00:04

Bookcub · 26/01/2023 08:04

Have a look a 'right to be forgotten ' on Google search. Under gdpr you can apply to have links to old information about you removed from search results.

Came on to say exactly this - you can get links about yourself removed from Google search, I know loads of people who have done it. Think it's a fairly simple request process

On the job front though I'd just use your middle name as first name, then at the offer stage with passports etc say your official first name is X but you don't go by that.

You could probably even change name by deed poll if it really bothers you - but if the news articles are the only issue I'd request Google to remove the links

Hope that helps!

CheshireCat1 · 27/01/2023 00:05

Bite the bullet and apply for the job, then make an appointment with your GP to arrange counselling/therapy. Hope things work out for you, don’t forget that things won’t move on until you move on, good luck.

OldFan · 27/01/2023 00:06

It can take a while to get over things like this @Ashamedandlifeisover .

But you weren't found guilty. I think you need to keep reminding yourself of that.

A decent workplace won't treat it as if you were found guilty. They might bear it in mind but not to anywhere near that extent.

I don't think they deserve me they deserve more. Much more than me.

You weren't found guilty,

I won't be able to face them once they know

Once they know that you weren't found guilty?

Which they will one day once they use the Internet

And they'll learn that you weren't found guilty. x

MoirasSaggyBundles · 27/01/2023 00:08

Right to be forgotten info on the Information Commissioner's website.

ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-data-protection/guide-to-the-general-data-protection-regulation-gdpr/individual-rights/right-to-erasure/

MrsMikeDrop · 27/01/2023 00:08

As PP I think it's more to do with social media. If you were cleared then don't worry about it, I don't think it would matter. If you really wanted to you could front-foot it and tell them beforehand.

OldFan · 27/01/2023 00:09

PP's make a good point that you could change your name. Then you won't have to worry about it at all on the job front or when meeting new people. And asking for a google search cleanup is a great idea.

JaniceBattersby · 27/01/2023 00:09

OP I am a journalist. Was it a local paper that covered the case? We would normally not take down old stories that involved a conviction but we would definitely consider it if you were found not guilty and you could demonstrate that the story still being out there was having a hugely adverse effect on your life. Definitely worth an email to the paper’s editor. They’ll look at it on a case-by-case basis. Good luck.

mellicauli · 27/01/2023 00:09

See if you can get a copy of Jon Ronson's You've Been Publicly Shamed. I seem to remember the technique is you need to move that article further down onto page 10 of the results search by getting lots of positive, more recent articles out there. So write some letters on upbeat subjects to newspapers. Do a sponsored walk & get in the local paper. Write a few articles relating to your business.

This will take a bit of time but for now, I might address it in my covering letter being honest and trying to show it in a positive light in relation to the job, if that's at all possible.

I agree with the person above who said what you described sounds a bit like PTSD. I am reading a book called in The Body Keeps The Score which describes what the brain does in response to trauma. It's worth a read.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 27/01/2023 00:11

Change your surname. It will be worth it.

Rummykitten · 27/01/2023 00:12

@Ashamedandlifeisover , you are precious and your life has value. Please don’t give up hope. You are worth so much more than one terrible experience - don’t let it define you and ruin your life. You will get through this. Please look at the “right to be forgotten” so that you are able to feel less anxious xxx

OldFan · 27/01/2023 00:12

EMDR therapy is great for trauma/ getting the sting out of memories and their impact @Ashamedandlifeisover

^See if you can get a copy of Jon Ronson's You've Been Publicly Shamed. I seem to remember the technique is you need to move that article further down onto page 10 of the results search by getting lots of positive, more recent articles out there. So write some letters on upbeat subjects to newspapers. Do a sponsored walk & get in the local paper. Write a few articles relating to your business.
This will take a bit of time but for now, I might address it in my covering letter being honest and trying to show it in a positive light in relation to the job, if that's at all possible.^

This is/would be true but I think the google cleanup thing has become more common since then and would be much easier.

I definitely wouldn't tell a potential workplace anything about it.

I would be changing my name.

CohenTree · 27/01/2023 00:35

Change your name legally.

MLMsuperfan · 27/01/2023 00:49

They might look into your past. They might not. If they do, they might ask for your side of the story. In any case it's not a done deal. Be a little more hopeful.

Sugarfree23 · 27/01/2023 01:04

Op I'm another who'd consider a name change, you have kids so I'd leave your surname alone assuming you have the same name.

But I'd use your middle name or variation of your first name, or go for something completely different

Gymnopedie · 27/01/2023 01:16

OP I don't mean this nastily at all, I'm concerned about you. This has come up because you're applying for a job. Are you fit to work? You sound so utterly traumatised by what's happened, you need a LOT of good therapy to be able to live with yourself. And maybe that should be your priority. The trial and everything around it has done great harm to your life since. Please don't let it (literally or figuratively) take the rest of it in the future.

MintJulia · 27/01/2023 01:25

I work for a professional background screeners and, believe me, half of employers don't even check cvs, never mind bother with social media or adverse media checks.

Your life is most definitely not over. You did nothing wrong, the legal process determined that in a court of law. If anything, you are MORE valuable as an employee because you have been through an extremely stressful situation, beyond your control, and come out the other side.

So hold your head high, have a prepared response if anyone asks you about it and definitely don't let it get to you.

Youdoyoubabe · 27/01/2023 01:38

change name

LikeAStar1994 · 27/01/2023 01:47

The fact that employers look you up on social media is all kinds of wrong. Just another excuse for them to reject your application if they see something they don't like. For this reason, I don't use my real name on Twitter.

I really hope you get sorted, OP. Good Luck to you!

SelinaKant · 27/01/2023 02:31

Hi OP,
You sound lovely and don't be downhearted or ashamed of anything - you did nothing wrong!
If the story was covered by just a few media websites, I would write to them
individually and ask them if they would remove it from their archives, because you need to find work to support your family and you are afraid it will hold you back.

I would also do what others have suggested

  • Bump those old news articles down on the search engnes by having some new social media eg Facebook and Twitter and a website of your own and/or a Wordpress blog on something you're interested in a hobby for example- nice breezy things that you wouldn't mind anyone associating you with. Also as other pps have said: - "right to be forgotten" - please do that.

I would do those things and give it a chance and if those options fail, I personally would change my name legally.
I don't have your experience, but my little brother died in terrible circumstances in 2004, and the news stories are still online.
Our surname is unusual, so I have been for job interviews in our home town before and the interviewer has said "Oh are you related to that poor boy who died...." and then all I get is pity and horror. I have had 20 years of this and it's heartbreaking and puts me on edge every time I meet a strange group of people. When the last of my family has died out, I will be changing my name. I couldn't do it while they are alive as it would hurt them terribly.
Good luck and don't give up! I hope you will find peace of mind and remember - your life matters! 🌻

ricepuddin · 27/01/2023 02:39

lapasion · 26/01/2023 23:34

In addition to the right to be forgotten, see if you can bury the search results somewhat. If you have more relevant results, such as a Twitter and LinkedIn account, sometimes Google will push the older links down onto the second page which nobody checks. Make sure you have social media accounts on all the main sites and maybe get a professional website if relevant to your career.

There are reputation management firms that help you bury / push down negative search results, if you or they (the firm) can't get the results removed

Jonnywishbone · 27/01/2023 03:05

In order to get a job a friend of mine had to change name and.move city because of false allegations related to drug use. It's always a possibility?

daisychain01 · 27/01/2023 03:38

00100001 · 26/01/2023 07:19

Don't give your exact name upon application... E.g. Lizzy Smith. Instead of Elizabeth-Marie Smith

You shouldn't obfuscate your correct name on an application form for many industries and sectors eg Pharmaceuticals, Defence, Security, Police, Military. They require full accurate disclosure, and at the earliest opportunity.

Slobbet · 27/01/2023 03:46

I employed someone who had a previous conviction as a young man in his early 20s. He had 15 years of hard graft under his belt and turned out to be the best, most honest and humble worker I know. Salt if the earth. A true support in a crisis. Please apply for that job.

NoEyeDearyMe · 27/01/2023 04:07

You can get all references of you your name address anything ever said about you removed from all search engines and publications on the internet full stop

your first step is to go to somewhere like Google and look at their help section about ptivacyremoving yourself from the internet full stop your life does not have to be over, be proactive and start with this.