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Original poster

Life is over really

95 replies

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 07:14

I've been thinking of applying for a job. Just read on the application that they do an online search on you. I have previously been on trial for something an d cleared but it did make the papers.

My life is over isn't it. I really want to die as I feel I have this weight around my neck that will never be gone . I'm not even going to me able to move on from this. The panic when I saw it and relived it all. Already thinking about how to escape life. It haunts me all the time. I'm ashamed

Tried my best to move on but it won't allow me to.

I'll never get a job will I with this in the Internet

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 21:17

The job deadline is quite soon so I don't think I'll be able to do the Google thing in time. I could not even begin to mention the court thing to anyone. I only told my close friends once they decided to pursue the case. Was 7 months between arrest and them deciding to take to court. Just under a year of hell. I don't think I'll ever get over it

OP posts:
Anonymouslyposting · 26/01/2023 21:44

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 21:17

The job deadline is quite soon so I don't think I'll be able to do the Google thing in time. I could not even begin to mention the court thing to anyone. I only told my close friends once they decided to pursue the case. Was 7 months between arrest and them deciding to take to court. Just under a year of hell. I don't think I'll ever get over it

I’d go for the job and explain it to the recruiter (if there is one) and at interview if not. I think the google process is quite slow so you may not be able to get through it in time but you may as well get the ball rolling.

Feel free to PM me if you want a second pair of eyes on what you’re going to say.

Echobelly · 26/01/2023 21:49

OP, doing an internet search on someone is the exception not the rule... if you're turned down you don't know it's because of the trail and you can apply for other jobs where they won't do that I would have thought.

watchfulwishes · 26/01/2023 22:02

I have been thinking about your problems @Ashamedandlifeisover I just wanted to wish you well. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Your children don't want anyone else, they need you Flowers

Quicknamechange78 · 26/01/2023 22:12

I have a colleague who was convicted of attempting to pervert the course of justice to avoid a fine for a motoring offence and served a short sentence. No one bats an eyelid. She’s fantastic at her job

LuluBlakey1 · 26/01/2023 22:13

00100001 · 26/01/2023 07:19

Don't give your exact name upon application... E.g. Lizzy Smith. Instead of Elizabeth-Marie Smith

Please don't do this. It looks even worse, as if your intent is to deceive.

Riddlydiddlydee · 26/01/2023 22:16

Could you attach a note to your application that you're aware it will come up in a Google search, and provide the evidence you were acquitted? Would that be easier rather than talking about it? If you then get an interview at least you'll know they're open and you're half way there, and talking about it might be a bit easier? Not sure which would be better tbh, maybe you'll just have to try a few interviews and see how it goes.

Counselling might help you to start vocalising what's happened, process your emotions about it and develop a narrative you're comfortable with.

Mariposa26 · 26/01/2023 22:24

I’m sorry you’re going through this. For what it’s worth, I’m a HR Director and even if this came up on a Google search, if you were cleared we wouldn’t think anything of it. Good luck.

Candleabra · 26/01/2023 22:41

I’ve never internet searched anyone I’ve recruited. HR do due diligence with verification of qualifications, checking for convictions etc.
Im sorry to hear you feel so worn down by this. I think it sounds like depression as well. I hope you decide to apply for the job. You have a right to live your life.

bloodymary100 · 26/01/2023 22:45

Echobelly · 26/01/2023 21:49

OP, doing an internet search on someone is the exception not the rule... if you're turned down you don't know it's because of the trail and you can apply for other jobs where they won't do that I would have thought.

If it's a job in education online searches are now recommended in keeping children safe in education guidelines so will become the norm.

whatever1980 · 26/01/2023 23:02

By the time you get to your late 30s onwards everyone generally has a backstory of some sort - it’s how you respond and pick yourself up from it that matters. I’m not saying it’s always easy and people will not judge but I firmly believe everyone gets to where they’re meant to be. Please apply. Don’t let this hold you back.

LightSpeeds · 26/01/2023 23:03

Not all jobs will do a search on you and some really won't care. One member of my family works with someone who went to prison recently for being involved in a murder in a really awful case. They are still on licence and the employer doesn't seem to be bothered.

Thisistyresome · 26/01/2023 23:14

Seek help. Use the right to be forgotten, but that is a tiny aspect of what seems to be effecting you. You need proper therapy to recover.

Apply for the job but remember loads of people get rejected way before anyone does any searches. When they do a search it would be really near the end of the process, they aren't going to search every candidate who applies (not least they may start discriminating against people with similar names to those online).

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 26/01/2023 23:17

I could be on completely the wrong track, but i feel like you've been accused of some sort of sexual misconduct and you're applying for a teaching/children facing role?
I dont know why Im thinking this, so massive apologies if incorrect.
If youve been acquitted, that doesn't get done lightly and i would feel bad that your name was dragged through the mud. i would certainly still employ you.

As a pp mentioned, it may be worth being upfront about it on your cover letter. It shows you've read the job profile thoroughly too.

Your children need you, so please dont do anything rash. Apply for the right to be forgotten as soon as you can.

Apply, the worst can happen is you dont get the job. :)

tara66 · 26/01/2023 23:22

There is a French legal person who works independently in UK and also gives advice on French law on an internet site. I googled him and he had a conviction some years ago for a fairly petty crime while working in UK for a legal firm which was revealed on google for several months. It was then deleted. When this happens googles put a note at the bottom of the page but does not actually say they have deleted information. Don't know how one does this ,however.

lapasion · 26/01/2023 23:34

In addition to the right to be forgotten, see if you can bury the search results somewhat. If you have more relevant results, such as a Twitter and LinkedIn account, sometimes Google will push the older links down onto the second page which nobody checks. Make sure you have social media accounts on all the main sites and maybe get a professional website if relevant to your career.

Stunningscreamer · 26/01/2023 23:37

Some of the symptoms you describe sound a bit like PTSD. You certainly seem to have been traumatised by what has happened to you. It may well be worth having a few therapy sessions with someone who is experienced in working with trauma. It is not just being in a war zone that results in trauma affects.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 26/01/2023 23:38

I don't understand the worry - you were found not guilty. So you have nothing to worry about.

TheShellBeach · 26/01/2023 23:39

You sound terribly depressed and anxious, OP. I am so sorry you're feeling like this.

From reading your posts I see you're on medication and valium already. Have you seen your doctor lately? Were you offered counselling or therapy to help you to come to terms with the court case?

Please, if things become too much for you, reach out to the Samaritans for help. Just talking it through with them will be calming. Your distress is very evident.
But nobody deserves to feel as bad as you do, when they were acquitted of something.

www.samaritans.org/

Telephone 116123 day or night. Or go to their website.

CanStopWillStop · 26/01/2023 23:40

Ashamedandlifeisover · 26/01/2023 07:14

I've been thinking of applying for a job. Just read on the application that they do an online search on you. I have previously been on trial for something an d cleared but it did make the papers.

My life is over isn't it. I really want to die as I feel I have this weight around my neck that will never be gone . I'm not even going to me able to move on from this. The panic when I saw it and relived it all. Already thinking about how to escape life. It haunts me all the time. I'm ashamed

Tried my best to move on but it won't allow me to.

I'll never get a job will I with this in the Internet

Listen lovely, you're innocent of whatever you were accused of. Don't feel shame. Life is full of opportunity, don't despair. There are courses with people with records, and innocently accused, you could start your own business, of ever change your name if your worriedd about reputation. Please speak to a loved one if you're having negative thoughts, or Samaritans. You are loved!

Angliski · 26/01/2023 23:49

There’s an excellent firm called interneterasure. They help you to erase spent criminal records info online under your ‘right to be forgotten’. I used them to help me with something else recently and they were fab. It’s for exactly this issue. Please don’t despair x

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2023 23:52

Op an employee or your kids won't hold it against you that you were wrongly arrested and tried for something and then cleared.

Please reach out to someone in real life.

Samaritans are on 116 123 and they would want to be there for you. I know this because I am one and it's confidential

GarlicCrackers · 26/01/2023 23:53

Bookcub · 26/01/2023 08:04

Have a look a 'right to be forgotten ' on Google search. Under gdpr you can apply to have links to old information about you removed from search results.

Not if it’s in the news, right doesn’t apply. Tis not an absolute exemption. Can ask but doesn’t have to be done, no harm in asking though

Mamanyt · 26/01/2023 23:57

IF this even comes up, and generally they are looking at social media type things, just very calmly state that yes, you were on trial, and terrified as you were innocent, but you were cleared of charges and trying to get on with your life now.

parent1709 · 27/01/2023 00:02

OP please do not let this hold you back. You have moved on. You have a lot to offer just apply and I guarantee you will find a fun role within a few months