Porn

[Spinning12335]

1. If you'd had very minimal sex life for years with husband due to his supposed depression/ stress/ asexuality then discovered he'd been watching a lot of porn all along how would you feel? Anyone had experience of working through/ leaving in similar situation?

1. Does 'anything go' with porn? Found fetish stuff and also lots with death/ snuff/ rape fantasy in the title too. Couldn't open so not sure of exact contents.

Unnerved by this but perhaps I'm a bit sheltered?! I find it a turn off and think of him differently.

The same happened to me and it's really not okay. Was the start of the end of my marriage.

This has never happened to me (thank God) but it would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. And that's before any of the weirdo shit your husband has been searching for.

bfgsmith do you have children? They are what is making me consider keeping quiet and putting up til they're older.

I really dislike porn, and wouldn’t want it in my marriage. Everyone is different though and I know lots of couples enjoy it mutually and or don’t care either way.

does anything go? I don’t think so - and would feel sick to my stomach if I found anything related to death, rape, snuff… that isn’t generic mainstream porn as far as I’m aware and I’d worry about what was going on deep down there.

it sounds to me that he isn’t ‘asexual’ but perhaps isn’t into generic sex, and his searches clearly show what he is actually into.

What would you say to your son or daughter if they came to you in the future and asked whether they should stay with a partner or not in this situation?

You have to teach your children by leading by example.

im sorry, how horrid for you to discover this.

Just to add, I have faced the issue with porn in my marriage and it took years to work through the damage it did to my confidence - I have a thread on here somewhere about it. It took a lot of work, and that was just generic blonde big boobs girl on girl stuff.

Death, snuff and rape are all banned on mainstream porn sites I believe. Snuff in particular, isn't that a bit illegal? Or just very odd. Are you saying this is what your partner did?

Because you shouldn't have to ask if watching a snuff film of someone being actually killed is something you should tolerate 😳

If this is what you partner is watching, it's really not about 'porn' at this point...

They are adults now but were teenagers at the time.

For me it wasn't about the porn (although I have my own thoughts on that) but the sneaky entitled behaviour in the face of ignoring me for years.

Your husband masturbating to people being killed, people being raped and men sexually assaulting dead bodies is not ok. It's pretty obvious.
In all honesty, I don't know why you are even asking?

I'd be divorcing him and stopping access with the children. If his search history is already that severe, it wouldn't surprise me if he had watched child porn.

There are so many reasons why I hate porn. One of the reasons being the fetishes only get worse/sicker. Its a black hole. (No pun intended.)

I didn't think you could get real ones so assumed it was 'pretend' as those particular files didn't open properly so could only see the title/ bits of webpages. None of the mainstream porn sites( that I have heard of ) were there.

Does it matter if it’s pretend? If he’s looking at the actual thing he probably could
easily hide it, as it would all be on the dark web.

Is it all available on the dark web? Does snuff in the title ever imply anything else? ( Grasping at straws here I know).

Is it illegal or oy if it's real? I have absolutely no way of finding out if it's real but surely it wouldn't be :-(

Asphyxia hanging snuff/ death by hanging/ extreme BDSM clips

Fuck. How on earth have I never suspected anything.

Extreme porn carries a prison sentence and what he's been viewing would definitely be a crime.

Northernsouloldies presumably this is if it's real not 'pretend'/ set up BDSM scenarios?

I find it really hard to believe he's found and been watching genuine snuff films.

I'd never in a million years imagine he'd be getting off on any of this stuff :-(. He'd have been watching it in the house or at work. Feeling sick now.

He's very clever so he probably could have hidden stuff/ have used the dark web though. Never puts his phone down so wouldn't be able to check on there.

Q1 - I’d be annoyed

Q2 - I’d be fucking horrified and would report him. No it isn’t normal to have snuff and rape porn and even assuming it’s all pretend the performers aren’t treated well unsurprisingly, since performers with choices won’t do that.

Just call the police, they aren’t going to tell him it’s you.

OP - this is so out of the norm, I am wondering if this is real. I am sorry if it is, but you absolutely have to report him.

I feel for you op, wether real or staged he's attempted to view some very disturbing material.

It's real sadly. I figured out one of the websites and had a brief nose without opening any videos. On the normal web. The names all have 'fantasy' in the title so assuming they are set up. Must be legal if it's that easy to find surely?

I know fantasies are just that but I don't think I can unsee or think this. I'm worried about what else there may be or where someone goes next after this. If it's all set up( looks to be) it's still really disturbing and weird. There's a lot too- this isn't just a passing curiosity.

I think I need a glass of wine.

He wouldn’t be my husband anymore.

Poor OP, I know exactly how you feel - it turns your world upside down.

Youll never look at him the same again. Was the start of the end of my marriage for me.

So who knew- fantasy snuff/ fantasy rape is a thing. Consensual non- consensual role play apparently.

I've discovered far more than I wanted to about porn today. Wine now and tomorrow I will have to start thinking about moving forward. Happy New Year eh.

The fact that the pages wouldn’t open would be hugely concerning to me. It suggests they aren’t readily accessible and, as such, much more likely to be real. Not necessarily genuine snuff movies but women genuinely being raped, assaulted and beaten. Pretty much everything is available on Pornhub - there is choking, violence and “fantasy” rape scenarios. The fact he feels the need to look at stuff more hardcore than that is serious.

I feel so hurt for you. I'd be devastated, tbh the things he's searching for... I'd ask him to leave!