Porn

[Spinning12335]

1. If you'd had very minimal sex life for years with husband due to his supposed depression/ stress/ asexuality then discovered he'd been watching a lot of porn all along how would you feel? Anyone had experience of working through/ leaving in similar situation?

1. Does 'anything go' with porn? Found fetish stuff and also lots with death/ snuff/ rape fantasy in the title too. Couldn't open so not sure of exact contents.

Unnerved by this but perhaps I'm a bit sheltered?! I find it a turn off and think of him differently.

I think having children in the death / rape / snuff porn household is much more of a reason to leave. It less.

come on op. You know how it makes you feel. Trust your gut.

• not less

Oooohhhh no no no. Fantasy/consensual role play or no, this would be the end of the road for me. That's some twisted stuff.

Lots of men watch too much porn, not many go down the rabbit holes you describe.

Oh my love, get out now. A snuff fantasy so someone being killed on screen?? Death by hanging?

kick him out and call the police.

Not being funny but he needs his hard drive checked asap.

I do know how you feel- I struggled to get my head around the stuff my H was watching virtually every day behind my back despite saying he wasn't interested in porn and it was nothing like this stuff. Problem is I've stayed but it totally mentally turned me off- I've never felt the same- we are ok as housemates and I don't hate him but he killed his appeal by watching this shit and pretending to be somebody he wasn't , if you get what I mean. Watching that stuff? Nah- he's got a weird side I'm afraid and not one I would tolerate

Been through the hard drives. Found a lot of historical stuff. Recent stuff will be on the phone presumably. It was a private browsing window left open which alerted me. He's unaware I've seen anything other than that one though. I won't be telling him.

Please contact the police, he may be involved with very unpleasant stuff

I'm so sorry OP, this must be a huge shock for you.

If there are hard drives I am assuming that there is a really large volume of this type of porn?

Not a large volume. loads of milder stuff , around 10 or so the fantasy type stuff described in op. ( That I could see). The hard drives have lots of other normal stuff on them- they belong to both of us :-|

I only found these because I was suspicious. It looks like they were in a hidden folder of some description.

I think the best way to frame this is:

Imagine if you saw a woman being assaulted, raped, strangled or murdered. What would your reaction be? I assume you, and the vast majority of people, would feel very worried, concerned, panicked, want to help her, report it to the authorities, make it stop.

When your husband sees this happen to a woman, he enjoys her suffering and has a wank.

Some people (the “kink-positive” crowd) might try to convince people that “it’s just a fantasy, it doesn’t mean he really wants this to happen, don’t kink shame him!”

Bullshit. If a man had hard drives full of cartoon images of child porn, we wouldn’t say “chill out, they’re not real, it’s just a fantasy, he should totally be allowed to work with children, I’m sure he’d never really act on it!” - why should it be any different when he has hard drives of women being tortured and murdered? Whether the torture/rape/murder is real or not, his enjoyment of it is very much real.

Like other posters, I suspect this is very much the tip of the iceberg. If he is watching such degenerate, depraved material like this, then he has already escalated his porn habit to an unacceptable (and potentially criminal) level. It isn’t really much of a further step to child exploitation material, and I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he had already accessed this.

I’m truly sorry that your husband has chosen to do this - it’s completely unfair for you and your family. I personally could not bear to be with a man who behaved in this way, but I understand it must feel like a bombshell has been dropped on you and completely overwhelming.

If you do choose to leave him, please do it carefully - who knows what he’s capable of. You say you feel “unnerved”; listen to your gut instinct, it’s telling you that for a reason.

@SteaknSalad summed it up perfectly. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t already accessed images that are on a whole other level. You need to contact the police.

There is a possibility that these images are illegal. Either way, don't be fooled. Tastes in pornography are indicative of a person, and your instincts are wise.

I would however consider a split. Sexually you are just not on the same page.

I feel absolutely sick for you 😞

Hun watching porn wouldn’t bother me but the nature of the porn your DH is watching is concerning and it would end my marriage TBH

Oh, I'm so sorry for you. There are wank fantasies - you know tits, 2 ladies, pussy, anal... And then there is violent snuff and rape (I'm not dismissing the former as okay at all).

You cannot share a house with this man. Would you be able to ever be intimate with him again?

Yes they may be role play/actors - but I bet the women look like they are in some serious pain (as they often do with the first mentioned). I cannot imagine snuff/rape stuff.

Save everything you have seen. Take photos of everything. Keep your proof safe, then get him gone.

@SteaknSalad thankyou for this. I appreciate all the replies but this one resonates.

@Spinning12335 How are you feeling now you’ve had a bit of time to process the shock? Do you have anyone in your life that you can speak to about this and get a bit of support from ?

If you would like more help/support, perhaps try posting to the Relationships board rather than the general chat board. There will very likely be women there who have had similar experiences to what you’re going through and will be able to offer more specific advice.

Still in shock really I think. Researched a bit more and was not reassured. No proof of up- to date stuff so either stopped or using private browsing on phone.

Need to have a conversation but not sure what I will say yet.

The reality that this porn could be illegal to own.

Don't think too hard - you don't have to try to reconcile his actions with what you think is the real person. The real person is what you've seen on the internet.

It's not illegal. Think it used to be potentially.

It's a big step to break up a family regardless of how I feel about it though.

Okay - it could be classed as extreme pornography.

Irrespective, if you would be happy for your daughter to go out with the same taste, or your son to have the same desire, then you can rest easy. It's a great myth to say your taste in porn is a neutral thing.

It isn't. It's your desire, totally free.

Your husband sounds deviant.

Sheesh, talk about minimising. Your DH hasn’t wanked over a woman being throttled to within an inch of her life recently so he’s fine to be trusted around your kids.

What you say @Spinning12335 depends on if you are prepared to reconvcije mentally with the fact he finds this stuff a turn on-if you aren't prepared to end it then you need to tell him he's in the last chance saloon and then switch the child locks back on your internet as he can't be trusted not to look at awful shit.

Switch between thinking oh it's not so far removed from choking/ strangling which seems to be mainstream nowadays ( violent porn in general actually) and then thinking there's no way I can forget this stuff and carry on as normal even for the kids stability.