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Original poster

How much to charge adult offspring for food / board

51 replies

Creaturesolife · 22/01/2023 19:27

I have two adult offspring still at home.

DD is 19, on an apprenticeship earning 19k. Has train fares of £100 a month, phone, pays for her own lunches in work and her own toiletries.

DS 22, recently fully qualified after apprenticeship. Is paid 26k. Pays for his own lunches in work and phone / car / toiletries.

DS’s GF is with us Monday - Friday since leaving Uni last summer. Pays for her own car / phone but lately I’ve been supplying a lunch (roll and crisps) as they are both saving for a place of their own.

DH and I can afford to keep them as we both work full time but naturally the household fuel bills are high and I’m struggling to keep the weekly food bill under £130.

We often stump up for a weekly takeaway too!

We feel fortunate that we’ve not had to put either child through uni so compared to some we’ve gotten off lightly, however we now find that instead of being able to save a nice amount (no mortgage) we’re subsidising the ‘kids’ still.

We don’t want to hinder their saving to get their own place but it is getting expensive.

what would be a fair amount to charge? If anything at all?

OP posts:
2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 20:02

That's reasonable, a little towards food and bills surely? Not so much they can't save if you don't need it but enough to help them understand bills and help you?

OnaBegonia · 22/01/2023 20:03

3 working adults living free of charge and expecting you to fund them is ridiculous. I'd be asking them for £150pm each minimum, esp the cheeky GF.

greenbirdsong · 22/01/2023 20:06

When I first started work and still lived at home I was earning £12k a year.
I would give my mum £150 per month towards bills and food.

I paid for my own lunches and phone and car.

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Remona · 22/01/2023 20:09

£200-250 each per month.

Of course they should be paying for their cars, phones and lunches. That’s a given.

2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 20:11

I think 150 / 200 each is a reasonable price.

It's not so much that they can't save but enough to help you?

Slimjimtobe · 22/01/2023 20:12

The 19 year old - I would cut some slack as if at uni you would still be finding her & it’s just her & she’s on less money

50 a week for her and 150 for ds

i wouldn’t do the takeaways - I would use the money instead for meal out with dh

2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 20:12

Why cheeky gf?

Should she go and rent a room and then be even longer saving??

Not getting why she's so cheeky?

2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 20:13

150 a week? How is he supposed to Save on that?

IfOnlyTheyMeantIt · 22/01/2023 20:17

My DS18 earns £20k doing an apprenticeship.

He pays me £200 a month but my CT is £60 a month more as a result of him living here (lose my 25% sole occupancy) so more like £140!

x2boys · 22/01/2023 20:21

Mumsnet is really weird about this many posters will tell you that they would never charge their precious darlings to live at home or if they do they save what their precious darlings give them for a deposit
In reality you charge what ever you need too
Fully grown adults absolutely need to make a contribution.imo

Bobbybobbins · 22/01/2023 20:26

They should definitely be making a contribution especially as the cost of food and bills are going up. I would also knock the takeaway on the head and go out with your DH!

MinnesotaMuffin · 22/01/2023 20:26

I’d charge them all £200 pcm.

As PP suggests, I’d ditch treating everyone to take-away for 5 and just do dinner out with DH. Or, if you like eating together then everyone takes it in turns to pay for everyone else.

Ragwort · 22/01/2023 20:27

Of course you should charge ... and yes, the GF is cheeky ... why should OP and her DH be subsiding their DS's GF (& providing her with a packed lunch Hmm) ... was there a proper conversation before she moved in or was it by 'stealth'. I have a young adult DS and no way would I condone a GF staying four-five nights a week. Where does she go at the weekends? If it is back to her family home why can't she just stay there and continue to save?

Babyroobs · 22/01/2023 20:31

We have ds2 on an apprenticeship, ds1 working but on a low income and high travel costs and ds's gf who barely works much. I charge them £50a month each. I know it's nothing but helps a bit towards the gas and electric. We have no mortgage or rent.

Margo34 · 22/01/2023 20:42

Mine charged me £300pcm when I started work earning £16k pa - that was about 16y ago though.

What would it cost them to move out into house shares, e.g.? Undercut a little.

But really it is whatever you're comfortable subsidising them with.

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 22/01/2023 20:48

My eldest dc earns 19k and we charge them £300. Food and energy bills are extortionate, and we are also paying for a big family holiday (their share is around £2k). It is a week before payday and they still have £900 in their account.

If you really feel inclined you could take subs from the ds and the gf and hand half of it back to cover their expenses when they do get their own place. Paying you every month will help them develop the discipline required to pay a mortgage.

Florenz · 22/01/2023 20:51

What would the rent be on a private rented room in the area? Charge them that, they'll still be getting a good deal with not having to pay for food, bills, etc. And then if you can afford it, give it them back when they get their own place, pay for one of their bills for a bit while they get on their feet.

Motheranddaughter · 22/01/2023 20:53

Don’t charge mine,don’t need the money
If that changed then I would

LeoEisor · 22/01/2023 20:55

I always think it's lovely when parents put some away for the children out of the 'rent money'. I think £150/£200 is fair especially with the costs of living now. And also it gets them into the habit of having to pay some expenses. Agree with another poster maybe had a takeaway once a month with the kids and have time with your OH at dinner!

FurAndFeathers · 22/01/2023 21:04

2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 20:12

Why cheeky gf?

Should she go and rent a room and then be even longer saving??

Not getting why she's so cheeky?

That’s not really OP’s problem is it? Why does an adult earning her own wage expect to live and eat for free at the house of people she’s not even related to?

would you taken in a lodger for free?

mrsm43s · 22/01/2023 21:06

I'd charge DD a token £50 a month just to get her used to paying board. This to rise when she finishes her apprenticeship to £150/m. You keep this money towards increased bills.

I'd charge DS £150 a month, keep £50 towards bills, and save the other £100 to give to him to set himself up when he moves out.

I'd charge DS's girlfriend £100/m reflecting that she's only there Monday-Friday, and I'd keep the whole of this towards bills.

So overall you have £200 towards increased bills and you're putting aside £100 to help your eldest out. (Obviously also save £100/m for your youngest when her board goes up to £150).

Of course, this is based on you being able to afford to do so.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/01/2023 21:11

Once they were earning reasonable money (after graduating) I charged dds roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a reasonable flatshare locally - rent only, no bills.

I didn’t specifically save it for them, but quite a few years later we did give fairly substantial help with house deposits.

2023bebetter · 22/01/2023 21:17

@FurAndFeathers

Would I take in my child's serious partner whom they want to buy a house with?

Yes!!

Ponderingwindow · 22/01/2023 21:18

It depends on how much they are saving from their wages? Are they each saving 30% a month already? Then estimate what it is costing to have them in the house and charge that. If they aren’t saving 30%, then charge them whatever it takes to get to 30%. They need to get used to allocating that much of their income to housing every month. You can put the excess above actual expenses into savings for them.

Scottishskifun · 22/01/2023 21:20

In the nicest way how are they going to get used to paying for a house if they aren't even giving you rent?

As a student (on 8k) I paid £220 a month for a room (nearly 16 years ago), food and bills ontop! The very least they should be paying on 19 and 26k is 200pm! That still allows plenty of saving capacity!