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Original poster

How much to charge adult offspring for food / board

51 replies

Creaturesolife · 22/01/2023 19:27

I have two adult offspring still at home.

DD is 19, on an apprenticeship earning 19k. Has train fares of £100 a month, phone, pays for her own lunches in work and her own toiletries.

DS 22, recently fully qualified after apprenticeship. Is paid 26k. Pays for his own lunches in work and phone / car / toiletries.

DS’s GF is with us Monday - Friday since leaving Uni last summer. Pays for her own car / phone but lately I’ve been supplying a lunch (roll and crisps) as they are both saving for a place of their own.

DH and I can afford to keep them as we both work full time but naturally the household fuel bills are high and I’m struggling to keep the weekly food bill under £130.

We often stump up for a weekly takeaway too!

We feel fortunate that we’ve not had to put either child through uni so compared to some we’ve gotten off lightly, however we now find that instead of being able to save a nice amount (no mortgage) we’re subsidising the ‘kids’ still.

We don’t want to hinder their saving to get their own place but it is getting expensive.

what would be a fair amount to charge? If anything at all?

OP posts:
monkeysmum21 · 22/01/2023 21:28

I would charge them a proportional part of the utilities they use (internet, tv license, gas, water, electricity) I find awkward taking money from family so I would take a penny more than that.

BotterMon · 22/01/2023 21:33

£100 a week and £75 pw for the gf. As you don't need the money, or not all of it, you can put it away for their deposit when the time comes but not tell them so they don't stop saving!

On those salaries they have plenty to still live and save without 'real life' costs.

AutumnCrow · 22/01/2023 21:36

My DS pays me a vast amount and pays for his own everything. If and when he moves out, if I haven't spent it all on wine, edibles and roof repairs I might give him some back for moving costs / deposit.

His gf is welcome a couple or few nights a week.

We're not all the same.

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DrWhoNowww · 22/01/2023 21:37

Depends what your comfortable with but I’d say minimum 10%-15% of income for each of them.

Alternatively - ask them to pay for a weekly shop a month, or a household bill so they can see where their money is going (and how bloody much it costs to keep them!)

And take it in turns to pay for the weekly takeaway.

When my brothers and I were back home just after uni we used to have a night each week that we were responsible for the food for - either a takeaway if we were flush or cooking a decent meal for the rest of the family out of ingredients we shopped and paid for - kept the grocery bill down and meant mom wasn’t running round after us like kids. (We also contributed 10% salary)

teachingbean · 23/01/2023 06:38

Creaturesolife · 22/01/2023 19:27

I have two adult offspring still at home.

DD is 19, on an apprenticeship earning 19k. Has train fares of £100 a month, phone, pays for her own lunches in work and her own toiletries.

DS 22, recently fully qualified after apprenticeship. Is paid 26k. Pays for his own lunches in work and phone / car / toiletries.

DS’s GF is with us Monday - Friday since leaving Uni last summer. Pays for her own car / phone but lately I’ve been supplying a lunch (roll and crisps) as they are both saving for a place of their own.

DH and I can afford to keep them as we both work full time but naturally the household fuel bills are high and I’m struggling to keep the weekly food bill under £130.

We often stump up for a weekly takeaway too!

We feel fortunate that we’ve not had to put either child through uni so compared to some we’ve gotten off lightly, however we now find that instead of being able to save a nice amount (no mortgage) we’re subsidising the ‘kids’ still.

We don’t want to hinder their saving to get their own place but it is getting expensive.

what would be a fair amount to charge? If anything at all?

This was similar to my sisters when they weren't earning nearly as much buy parents asked £100 a month all-in (about 20% of take home) which was over 20 years ago. They felt that was very fair and prepared them for the real world of living alone.

teachingbean · 23/01/2023 06:49

Excuse me for jumping on the thread abut genuinely interested in what apprenticeships they all do? My DS is 15, wants to go to college but not uni. He is bright (top sets) and just starting to think about later on....

OfDumplings · 23/01/2023 08:06

DS pays £50 PW on a 25k salary, also saving. It covers his food. Funds his own car, phone etc. we don’t need the money at all.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/01/2023 08:08

20% of take home pay.

OfDumplings · 23/01/2023 08:09

We will help with a deposit, I have never said a word though, so no expectation plus I want him to just be him. I will give a deposit commensurate on how he behaves as an individual.

SweetSakura · 23/01/2023 08:11

Some of my friends parents charged them board but then saved it up and gave it to them to help with a house deposit , I always thought that was a great approach. Or even a 50/50 approach.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to contribute towards the cost of food and bills.

YearOfTheLepus · 23/01/2023 08:15

I do not understand the mindset of this level of martyrdom. Subsidising adults earning a wage to that level is not helping anyone. Unreal.

JacksPottedPepper · 23/01/2023 08:15

I would take an amount to cover all the food they are eating, maybe a bit more toward bills to make your lives easier. They need to pay you something so they don't get used to having their entire salary to spend as they wish every month and I truly hope they have savings pots, even the 19 year old DD. Any money you don't need and only if you wanted to you could gift them when they move out to fund furniture and household items.

They are adults so need to start behaving like adults which means you don't fund every take away, this should be a give and take situation. They shouldn't constantly take and you shouldn't constantly give.

Just because you feel lucky they are not at uni they are earning very decent amounts. They can pay their way.

Heartstopper · 23/01/2023 08:18

Mine ( post uni and on higher wages than yours admittedly) pay me £55 a week each. I was going to raise it this year but have decided not to just yet as we don't really need their money and they do buy their own food increasingly often.

The GF should definitely be paying you something, for her food at least.

newtb · 23/01/2023 08:18

I used to pay 25% of my net pay. I saved up to get married and went out.

allnewname · 23/01/2023 08:19

£50/week here for DS 22 who is working on a low income. We don't necessarily need the money which will help with a deposit when the time comes.

SueVineer · 23/01/2023 08:24

I wouldn’t charge a 19 year old apprentice anything- it’s education and you should be supporting them. The older child you could ask for a contribution to bills. I wouldn’t ask for anything more- it’s their home too.

Workawayxx · 23/01/2023 08:24

If they are reasonably good with money and saving (not spending all their money on going out and stuff) then I’d charge enough so that you aren’t losing on food/extra water/electric etc. maybe £200 per month each? I’d also have a chat about savings etc. to make sure they know they’re living for a token rent in exchange for being able to save up. Id also run through the rent/bills amounts on a small flat just so they’re aware what real life costs.

BHRK · 23/01/2023 08:24

I’d take the gf in too if they are saving for their own place!
£50 each a week seems reasonable

Afolnerd · 23/01/2023 08:32

Ds19 works full time and earns around 20k
He pays board at 25% of his take home pay. Which includes all bills apart from his phone bill.
we provide all food and do his washing etc.
He puts half his wage in his savings account. Which leaves him about £350 for the month to do whatever he wants with.

Disneyforaweek · 23/01/2023 08:53

I think I'd charge your son £200 a month, the girlfriend £150 a month and your daughter £100 a month.

As they're all working they should be paying something but as your daughter is still doing her apprenticeship id charge her less.

I'd also think about whether you're even happy for your son's girlfriend to stay so often or if you'd prefer her to only come over once or twice a week. You may be a more welcoming person than me, but I hate having people stay over at my house so I wouldn't like it!

mondaytosunday · 23/01/2023 09:09

My friend revealed her son is paid over £30k working for his father and lives at home snd contributes nothing. He is 19 and she still does all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. I don't think she's helping him at all - he never has to budget, buy food etc and I don't think he's actually saving that much either.
Your kids should contribute something. Not the £500-1000 rent they would be paying if not at home, but I'd say £300 for your oldest and £150 for younger a month is still very good deal as you are paying for food. They could still save while paying that.

Ihatethenewlook · 23/01/2023 09:19

I think they’re all cf tbh!! Have none of them even offered you any money? I can’t believe you’re keeping them all for free and they’re not even chipping in for the weekly takeaway! I think £50 a week each is a fraction of what they’re earning, but would still help loads towards the household bills.

Ihatethenewlook · 23/01/2023 09:20

I hope they’re chipping in with all the cooking, cleaning and laundry as well!

FrenchandSaunders · 23/01/2023 09:40

I've only just started taking money from my DD (she's 21 and earns about £24K). We were supporting her sister through uni so it didn't seem fair to charge her whilst we were doing that.

Findyourneutralspace · 23/01/2023 09:40

I think £50 a week for the oldest DS, and £30 a week for younger and the gf on the basis DS2 is on a lower wage and GF is only there Mon-Fri.
That leaves them enough left to save but contributes to the household running costs.

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