My daughter talks constantly and it's leaving me frazzled.

[Cluelessat33]

Please be gentle because I'm feeling incredibly delicate. However I know this will probably sound shit.

My 5 year old talks. Constantly. Incessantly. From the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep. Non stop. And not only that, she struggles to moderate her volume. She is a vibrant, inquisitive, intelligent girl. Which I love. But I am also struggling to cope with it. Its feels like a constant bombardment of demands, questions, requests, wants etc from the minute we wake up. The questions come quicker than I can respond or even think of an answer. My brain feel like it's turning to mush from about 9am. And by the time we get to bed time my brain is so fried that I'm actually struggling to read a book to her because my head and eyes and mouth just don't seem to be working together any more.

How do I cope better and try and manage this without getting snappy or asking her not to ask so many questions. I don't want to stop her and quash her inquisitiveness. But neither can I continue to answer her questions about what the dog is saying 50 times a day, for example

I'm a single Mum, and she does have contact with her Dad. I'm feeling frazzled all around, but the constant questioning, demanding and shouting/loud talking is not helping how I'm feeling generally. Either that or I'm just not in a good position to cope with it. I don't know really.

I have this! I think some posters don't understand. If you have a kid that talks non- stop you'd get it 100%

My eldest is like this. All of my kids are lovely and chatty. My eldest is in another league and talks a lot, incessantly, my OH is the same. It is EXHAUSTING.

I accidently zone out now. But I can be draining and you need to take time out (sorry that may be impossible for you) because, like you say, we can't tell them to stop.

I will say on occasion, mummy needs 10 mins to concentrate/ have a cuppa etc but once that 10 mins is up....boom.

This, we had quiet time after lunch when I was little probably because of the same reason!

My 8yo ds is like this always has been. He can amuse himself now so it's not so bad but there were times when it would trigger anxiety because I just wasnt given a moment to think. He also does the thing where he says mum..... and then cant think of anything to say so says mum again then again until he comes up with something or just says love you.
We are waiting for an adhd assessment.
People always go aww but he is lovely and he is a fantastic person but on the rare occasions he goes out with a family member or to a friends He gets dropped home afterwards with them saying he doesnt stop does he?
I have no advice sorry

Oh this reminds me of my 6yo DD so much. Sometimes I want to stand there and cry. I get questions on questions. Questions when I'm answering questions. Being interrupted to ask more questions or tell me more stuff "did you know mum..." etc etc. Most of the time now, I respond, "what do you think?". It helps with critical thinking and I honestly think I'm just a sounding board, she just wants to talk, she doesn't need me to answer. I will call her out for rude behaviour (interrupting) and I will also explain if I am very tired and need quiet time. Then I'll ask her if she wants to read/watch something/use the tablet. Sometimes she'll be sad about it but part of life is learning that the world does not revolve around you and you have to be mindful of other people's needs. On the odd occasion my DH has 1 to 1 time with her, he loses his mind ("she won't stop talking!!"). I know, I know...

I really feel for you OP. I would find this incredibly hard. My DD has a friend like this and it drives me nuts (and her parents too).

I agree with dedicated focused time and then asking for quiet time. It is important that she learns or she will struggle a bit when she's older.

I recall my DD being very young and watching Frozen with her friend. She talked the whole way through until her friend said "PLEASE, STOP talking, I am trying to watch". Gosh she must have been 3 or 4. I did make me smile.

So long as you listen to them sometimes, they're not necessarily going to be emotionally damaged if you tell them to shut up at other times. As a child, I remember my mother getting in from work on Friday and my siblings and I immediately started talking at her. We were told to save it until after her first glass of wine (we were slightly older than your DD) 😁.

My 5yo loves Five Minutes' Peace by Jill Murphy. We find it a good book for 5yos as although maybe aimed at slightly younger children, my DC is starting to recognise some of the words in it and read it along with me. We have a good laugh over it and, when I'm having a hot bath or cup of coffee, I tell DC to go away since I'm having 'five minutes' peace', which always makes DC laugh.

Well I dont think she will be damaged, if you dont talk with her 100 per cent of the time somehow! It is exhausting .Will she watch TV quietly for half an hour or so ? Maybe just say its "Peppa Pig" time or whatever. Hopefully she will grow out of it ,but exhausting for you though!

It seems to me that you see her talking as related to the life story of her being a bit of difficult baby. Maybe this is something to explore in therapy so it doesn't insidiously impact on things like your tolerance of her normal behaviour and how you respond to her chatting (your behaviour, body language and verbal engagement). She will pick up on you being fed up as you're only human.

I agree with lots of the gentle redirection suggestions too.

My DS2 is like this, as a little boy the minute his eyes opened he was talking non stop all day until he went to bed…I hate to tell you this OP, he is nearly 20 now and still the same 😂

@Isthisexpected hmmm maybe it does impact my personal tolerance levels, but I was mentioning it in the context of her never stopping. When she was small she just kept going from the point of waking up to the point of collapsing in bed. With incessant activity in the interim. I do see her energetic and inquisitive vocalisation as an extension of this incessant motion, activity and energy.

My 6 year old only child is the same, it's tough! I find it harder though when I'm trying to speak with another adult about something important, as it's impossible! I would focus on trying all of the good advice in this thread, ignore the snide comments digging at you- ridiculous, you sound like a lovely mum.

Things that have helped- we talk about turning our volume down, it is sensible to teach children to try and moderate the volume of their voice. On the constant chatter, I'd agree with finding more agreeable topics- think of chatting games that divert the need to chat towards something that is interesting to you! Such as favourite things in categories. I agree with giving her something to direct chat at, like a camera where you can record videos, or a tablet. Or teddies to talk to, it's really sweet!

And let's have quiet time- during lockdown used to have meditation sessions where I'd play YouTube meditation playlists, it would often end up in laughter but just stopped the constant chatter and changed things up. Now he's older I put my headphones on to listen to an audiobook and insist on having some quiet time, he will play with switch or camera etc. It's ok to block out the day with some screen time for a break, be kind to yourself

Re the boat questions, maybe with things like that you need to say "Stop talking so we can listen to what the person is saying on tv".

Of course, when she bombards you with endless questions about wolves (or whatever) you could simply say: "I don't know. Mummy doesn't always know the answer to everything".

We have quiet time together where we’ll watch a film.
I’ll explain I need her to be quiet for a little while in order so that I can do something.
Mine is 6.5.
We also have an Alexa.
We have colouring and she will play songs on the Sonos or reading that is done quietly.
She is allowed to use her iPad for an hour on occasion, she’ll watch number blocks, (along with some rubbish).

I agree with this! My friends child is similar and I think she needs to learn the sometimes adults need quiet time, could still be physically together but just quiet.

I also find with my friends child she’s constantly waiting to interrupt so she’s been told to take turns to speak but she’s not being a good listener just waiting for her turn to talk. I think it’s important for her to learn that if she the listener to show interest In her, she has to learn to listen, ask questions and show interest in what others have to say.

Love him! 😃💕😃

I have one of these. We had a 2.5 hour car journey when she was almost six and she talked AT ME the entire time. She's grown out of it now but if was frazzling.

Kind of miss it now.

@TealSteal didn’t say anything untoward or offensive. She just didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear 🤷🏼‍♀️

Fucks sake.

She doesn't need therapy. She needs other parents to agree that an incessantly chattering child is irritating as fuck and she's not alone.

Having said that I've found my patience for the incessant chatter has increased massively since I started taking Sertraline.

My dd was like this as soon as she learnt to talk! also never used to nap at all and then would get so overtired it would result in full on meltdown tantrums.
The tantrums stopped as she got a bit older but the talking didn’t lol!
I do sympathise as it can be very draining at times and I was lucky I had dh around, must be even more so as you are a single
parent.
I agree with pp who have said she’s old enough to understand that you need some quiet time too so maybe implement that, let her offload for a while then say ok now some quiet time, do some colouring or drawing, watch a film ect.
It does get easier, dd is 16 now and some days when she gets home from school I barely get a grunt from her and then she goes upstairs and talks (nonstop) to her mates instead 😁

Do you ever just tell her to go and play? Not in a mean way or anything. I tell my kids sometimes ‘ok, go and play because I want to read my book/watch Downton Abbey/do some uni work etc for an hour.’ I don’t think it’s really mean. Obviously kids need adults to talk to them, play with them, spend time with them, but I’ve never understood these adults who can’t shower/read/eat or do anything because they are entertaining their child 24/7. You can sometimes just tell them to go and amuse themselves for a bit.

Just tell her. Say, 'I love listening to you but no one can hear someone else talking all dya long. It is tiring having to concentrate. I need to think my own thoughts for 15 minutes. Please do something quiet like read a book or watch TV or play with your toys.'

Also, as PP says, you have every right to frequently say, 'that sounds interesting but right now I need to concentrate on making dinner. Tell me about in when we sit down to eat.' Or, 'Darling, I can't listen to you when I'm driving as I have to concentrate so I don't have an accident. Listen to your music or audio book for now.'

Horrid bloody Henry who always caused fights to erupt.)

My 10 year old is the same, constant questions- not waiting for answers.

he is autistic and now he’s older, I’m teaching him to slow down - wait for a response and really think about the response rather than fire another question.

I do on occasion tell him my ears and brain need a rest so it’s quiet time.

feel for you sometimes it feels like my head will explode.

Both my DDs are incessant talkers. The plus side now the older one actually shares information about her life and I know her friends names, who's doing what and what's she's doing - for her, part of the issue was that she was so busy with thoughts in her head about EVERYTHING, we realised it was her way of dealing with them - they came out her mouth so they weren't in her head anymore.

FWIW, they are both told "I just need some quiet time to drink my coffee and not hear every thought right now" and it works. And it hasn't stopped the older one talking and telling me about her life (often at great length).