My daughter talks constantly and it's leaving me frazzled.

[Cluelessat33]

Please be gentle because I'm feeling incredibly delicate. However I know this will probably sound shit.

My 5 year old talks. Constantly. Incessantly. From the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to sleep. Non stop. And not only that, she struggles to moderate her volume. She is a vibrant, inquisitive, intelligent girl. Which I love. But I am also struggling to cope with it. Its feels like a constant bombardment of demands, questions, requests, wants etc from the minute we wake up. The questions come quicker than I can respond or even think of an answer. My brain feel like it's turning to mush from about 9am. And by the time we get to bed time my brain is so fried that I'm actually struggling to read a book to her because my head and eyes and mouth just don't seem to be working together any more.

How do I cope better and try and manage this without getting snappy or asking her not to ask so many questions. I don't want to stop her and quash her inquisitiveness. But neither can I continue to answer her questions about what the dog is saying 50 times a day, for example

I'm a single Mum, and she does have contact with her Dad. I'm feeling frazzled all around, but the constant questioning, demanding and shouting/loud talking is not helping how I'm feeling generally. Either that or I'm just not in a good position to cope with it. I don't know really.

Oh please how dramatic.

My almost 6 year old is like this. He talks when he's brushing his teeth, when he's playing his switch, he never shuts up!!

He's constantly in mine and my husbands conversations, he misses nothing!

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Keep strong!! 🦾

Mine was like this at 5 and she is 11 now and it's still the same. Relentless. As she's approaching her teen years, I have to remind myself to be thankful she is so chatty and open with me. The reward outweighs the years of relentless droning.

One day she may well have her own kids then she'll get a feel for it.

I'm literally just reading this for tips.

My DD is 10...and it's not gotten better. Sometimes it's amazing, she's so astute and has such a interesting view point. Other times...god....it literally hurts. It's a physical pain and reaction.

When it's like that I'm honest "I need some quiet, so are you going to sit quietly and watch TV/draw etc with me, or shall I go and cook/shower/lie down?" So I'm not shutting her down, but making her aware that other people have needs they need to accommodate too.

The best thing I've learned to do with her is find something that occupies her mind...so for her it's Lego, an intricate Lego set will keep her quiet whilst she is doing it. Or making something. She's SO energetic, she exhausts all of us, including her sister.

So, solidarity. And ignore the absurd comments from PP about damaging the relationship. You won't. It's HOW you phrase your need to for quiet/a break and how you actively listen at the times it matters that counts.

Google the boundary’s song on YouTube. Have a conversation around boundaries.

It’s not awful to explain that some times you are tired and grumpy / want some quiet time.

I will sometimes say i don’t really feeling like talking right now, I’m tired and just want to cuddle and watch the telly.

I think teaching boundaries, that we aren’t super human and have bad / good days as parents is useful for children.

If she really struggles you could try esp now they are learning to write a question book. A dedicated time per day to answer any questions if she has to write them down. Then you give her your full attention with the help of google for any questions?

To add to my earlier post, a really important thing for us has been to ensure DD's brain is occupied and that she gets the physical activity she needs too.

She has Usborne encyclopedias, bird books, one-player strategy games from 'Smart games', challenging jigsaws (100-400 pieces), a nice notebook to use as a journal, art stuff, puzzle books, Lego sets that will occupy her mind, in addition to the usual toys like dolls, train tracks etc.

She also needs a lot of exercise so we try and walk, bike, scoot every day in addition to doing a couple of sports clubs.

Basically I think kids like this need to be busy and to have enough mental and physical activity to calm them down a bit.

I have a chatty 6yo. He's a lovely wee boy and has the sweetest heart but sometimes he isn't actually talking about anything he is just talking for the sake of it. My BIL always said similar to the people on this thread 'what a shame, just speak to him, he's just trying to talk to you' until he looked after him for 4 hours and realised that it was an entirely different level.

I agree with a PP, I've had to set boundaries. Mostly because I don't want him to speak over people at school and his excessive chatter was affecting his work.
The most important thing was to teach him that speaking over people is rude and he has to give others the chance to talk. So if he speaks over his brother etc I do not give him attention. If I am talking to someone and he has something he wants to say he puts his hand on my wrist until i am ready to listen to him.
We also have quiet times, mostly because I think he needs a respite from his compulsion to fill a silence at all times. He can read very well so he takes a book up to my bed and reads for 30 minutes independently. He loves that and by the time he comes down I'm ready for him to ask me questions about his book.
And finally if he just will not stop then usually I tell him mummy needs a little bit of time without questions and become more firm as he continues speaking. This is usually when we are on the way out the door and he can't get his shoes on because he needs to ask me instantly why there are clouds in the sky. I will 'I will speak to you on the way to school but right now we need to focus on our tasks '.

My two are exactly the same although older at 11 & 8. I put it down to them needing to process everything externally as opposed to my internal.

I don’t have any words of advice although I do often tell mine when my brain can’t handle any more noise, singing, squabbling etc. I’ll take myself to a quiet part of the house where they’ll follow me to decompress for an hour or so. Get yourself some loop earplugs, they’re so discreet and it’ll filter out some of the incessant noise.

Way to impose guilt on another parent. 🙄 Not helpful.

When children answer questions they don’t necessarily want to know the answer, they’re just enjoying the interaction. So answer their questions with “what do you think?” said calmly and genuinely and they’ll either stop to think or continue to talk on. But the benefit is that it won’t need any thought or effort from you.

Watching with interest as my DD is the same, she's 6, nearly 7. I'm trying to introduce the idea of quiet times, I really like the description of having time for our brains to rest! My biggest problem is she's really chatty with strangers in public, and you read so many people on here saying how they hate kids talking to them in public, and I can't bear the thought that she's inadvertently pissing people off!

We've had several conversations about stranger danger, and tricky grownups, and what we can talk about with people we don't know, but she'll literally sit there and tell someone on the bus everything, like she has no filter. I'm thinking about carrying headphones as the only time she stops is if she's having screen time, so maybe giving her my phone if we're on public transport can stop the incessant chat.

@MotherWol this definitely sounds familiar. She loves talking to other grown ups and will often will tell them everything! Our life story. There are random people walking around out there who know everything about us.

@Cluelessat33 it’s awful because she’s a genuinely lovely kid, bright and inquisitive and funny, and I don’t want to squash that. She just has no off switch, and no sense of why, for example, telling people where she lives or goes to school is a bad idea. I’ve tried explaining, repeatedly, but it’s not stuck.

@Crimsonripple I'm not avoiding the question, yes she does go to school. But then whilst she at school I'm working a demanding job.

Could you find an activity for her to do that uses all her energy and tires her out? My friend's DD is like this and it was exhausting my friend too, so she put her in dance classes and football. Appreciate cost may be an issue but could you encourage her to maybe draw/paint something for an hour with no talking so she channels her energy into it but doesn't feel like you're ignoring her.

The thing is, you are not a one woman entertainer and encyclopaedia. Your needs are important.

It is acceptable to say that you need half an hour without talking every now and then. Apart from anything else, your daughter is going to encounter others who also need quiet time every now and then - it isn’t kind to act as though everyone has to be social all the time.

I like the idea of having a given time to talk.

@ganvough. So she currently does swimming and gymnastics. But we've only just started gymnastics this term, because I was worried about overtiring her in her first term 😂I'm also hoping to find her some dance classes. Generally we are very busy. I have 2 dogs, so we do lots of walking, although it's more difficult at the moment with the dark evenings, she loves going out after school on her bike or scooter

My son was the same, it’s exhausting.

he’s now 16 and mainly grunts

I have twins like this. They drive me around the bend. I started wearing earplugs in the house. Thank god they pester each other too. They’re teens now and funnily they both need down time as well as needing to download every sodding synapse so we do have silence sometimes too. They’re medicated, and that’s made a real difference. But there were days when I nearly lost my mind. In fact, when they started pre school and had to tell me over and over every detail about it, even though it was sweet, I took to locking myself in the futility room with the washer and dryer on for a bit of white noise.

I also discovered if you need a good scream, if you put your head in the washer, and roar, no one can hear.

For the parents of neurotypicals who can be distracted easily into shutting the fuck up occasionally, don’t suggest anything. Until you’ve thought your ears will leak actual blood, you haven’t been there.

Hey
my daughter was like this. It would be question after question, and not just the kind of questions I could possibly know the answer too, I especially remember; where did colours get their name from? Who decided a dog should be called a dog? Why is the green man not a woman? It was endless and if I said I don’t know, she wanted to know why I didn’t know.

as she got older, I encouraged her to write down her questions and read lots of non fiction books to see if she can find the answers. She is 8 now and the questions have calmed down but she is still a chatty soul.

@Parrotid your post has made me feel a million times better and even made me laugh. I will try the washer trick 😂

I totally empathise with this - my kids are exactly the same! What has helped me is;

• making sure I get some introvert time when I can during the day so I'm rested and more prepared for conversation
• not expecting myself to engage constantly all the time and give 100% to every conversation. I will always acknowledge them when they talk, but I tune in more with the really important stuff.
• explaining that people's brains work differently. My kids are autisticADHD and I am not, so our brains work very differently when it comes to expectations of conversations. I try and help my kids understand these differences when I can, for example my son can be like "mum, mum, MUM" if I don't verbally acknowledge everything he says, so I'm trying to teach him that sometimes people need time to process what's being said to them and that's why they might not respond immediately.
• if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I tell them that I'm happy to hear them talk but that my brain is too 'mushy' for me to be able to talk back, and reassure them that I would like to listen but I can't respond at that exact moment.

@EarlyYearsMe yes! Yesterday we had a full stream of questions about wolves, and about whether our dogs were once wolves, or whether their mums were wolves, or how dogs came to be wolves! I answer the questions as best I can but they come back with an impossible question, or one almost exactly the same as the last. It's exhausting because your brain never shuts off.

This morning we were watching BBC Breakfast and a feature came on about this boat that had been found and was being preserve. Which prompted questions such as, how did it sink, why is it there, where was its sail, was it a pirate ship, who's ship was it, why was it in a big oven, was it as old as the dinosaurs, was mummy a child when it was sailing the seas. Bam bam bam bam. Question after question. Before I'd even consumed my first cup of coffee.

Sometimes she will say mummy, mummy. I will say yes, and you can see she's actually looking round for something to ask or say. She hadn't had anything in mind at the time and jyst said my name anyway.

Ignore the BS about damaging your relationship. It's important to learn the world doesn't revolve around you and sometimes people want some peace and solitude!

I tell all of mine when I'm having some quiet time. They're told to go and pick something to occupy them like a book, boardgame, video game etc and leave me alone for a bit! They're so far undamaged but I'll be sure to start saving for therapy.

I have the same with my 7 year old daughter. She’s always been a chatterbox. I’ve noticed that, on the very rare moment she does run out of things to say, she seems uncomfortable with the silence and quickly rushes then to fill it. I am now finding it slightly easier as she’s started to amuse herself occasionally now but still it is very wearing. It’s a trait from her dad I think. He can’t abide silence and will have to always have some background noise on like the tv or radio.
I on the other hand have always been the complete opposite. I am not one to chatter. I’m quite a quiet person. I love peace and quiet and one of the main reasons I love walking the dog is getting away from the noise and demands. (I obviously don’t show this).