Crying my eyes out.

[Rachell1]

Probably heightened by the hormonal changes tbf (heavily pregnant) but I am so so upset and just feel like a useless mum.

Yesterday I posted a thread asking everyone what they do with their toddlers all day (DS is 2 years old) as I struggle to fill the day with fun things for him.

I admit I have been very slack re the playground and playgroup visits etc because he tends to catch everything going when around other kids (as do I) and after three tummy bugs last year I kinda gave up.

Now being heavily pregnant I struggle to find much energy at all tbh.

But all of the responses were so…. Organised and regimental and everyone seems to make SUCH an effort with their toddlers (playing trains, building blocks, going to groups, painting, baking etc). I just don’t do this.. I want the best for him but at the same time I can’t imagine the amount of mess baking and painting with my 2 year old would cause!!

I did take him out this morning on the bus just to town to run some errands. Right now he is bored out of his mind again, doesnt play with his toys unless I play with him but I still need to make dinner which is going to take a bit of time tonight. He will just hover whilst I make dinner/get everything out of the cupboards/climb on kitchen table so I will be feeling as though I’m constantly saying ‘no’ and taking things away from him which I hate because he gets upset.
Oh
I want the best for him, I think I need to make more of an effort but sometimes it can feel lonely and when I see him bored it makes me so sad and stressed. I downloaded peanut as I have no mum friends but so far no responses on there. Perhaps a mum friend would help…

Life with children is full of guilty moments - mine are older now but I used to have days where I’d wonder if I’d done enough, and wondered how I was going to entertain them the next day!
I did find though that toddler groups were a godsend. I found my mum friends there and having mums with kids the same age really helps. It sounds like you need this as well as your ds.
Park trips are good for getting out the house, does you good and wears ds out!
One activity at home my dcs loved was making a den out of blankets and us crawling inside it with teddies and books to read. Easy and simple.

It is hard if a toddler doesn't play alone, but involving them as much as possible will help. Eg, a small amount of dry pasta in a bowl with a wooden spoon and another bowl to tip it in to. (not so much that it will take ages to clear up!) Or stand him on a chair by the sink and get him to "wash up" some plastic bowls and cups. I used to use baby shampoo for bubbles, as washing up liquid is too harsh. My friend used to give her daughter her paints standing up on a chair at the sink, and get her to paint the draining board. Sometimes she would put paper on the painting to take a print. Either way it was easy to clean up. In the summer my kids used to paint the fence with water. It kept them amused for hours!

I feel for you OP. It’s hard, 2 year olds are hard. I’m pregnant, nowhere near as far along as you and everything feels so much more effort right now.

Having said that, you can’t really have it both ways. You either need to make the effort to get out the house to playgroups/playgrounds/soft play/whatever…or you need to engage in playing with him in the house. I’m sure some magic MN 2 year olds will entertain themselves for 9 hours straight, but the vast majority need help. I’m really not trying to berate you there and if you weren’t unhappy with the situation I’d say crack on, but you clearly are, so gentle changes (I really recommend toddler groups for example - so easy and kill an entire morning) might be a good idea.

Also I found children loved those hand held vacuum cleaners and dustpans and brushes, but their favourites were feather dusters!

My 2 year old loves to clean the kitchen floor with the BBQ basting brush and a piece of kitchen roll.

Do you have any doll stuff OP? Both of mine could change nappies for hours, and a lot of toddlers love to have their own baby to look after once a sibling comes along. Also a cheap little buggy to push the doll around in. You can get pretty decent sets for very little money in Tesco.

It's competitive busy-ness, they probably don't do half as much as they say they are or aren't also heavily pregnant. When I was pregnant with HG my toddler was babysat by the TV, a family outing was to ASDA and if I had some change I would let my toddler ride on the little noddy car they had there, or maybe buy him a colouring book or some cars to play with whilst I spent the afternoon between the toilet bowl and the sofa ignoring the housework. He's fine and so is his sibling. I would take everything you read on here with a pinch of salt. People like to post about the good days on threads like that, the days they went to soft play and swim lessons and baked cookies, forgetting all the other days, the crying because of the Poonami's, days spent shut in the house with one virus or another, or mopping up D&V before succumbing themselves, the days when it's pissing it down and they let the TV babysit, the times they were overwhelmed by the chaos or couldn't leave the house because they just could not wrestle their stubborn little octopus into clothes to get out the door on time for a group, or the times their child refused to join in, or they had to leave because of tantrums or biting incidents. There is no right way to be a parent, there's no cookie cutter guide. We are all just muddling through doing the best we can.

You don't do all these things every day. I could come up with a list of activities I do with my DC but it would be what we do in a month with some things being almost daily and some once a week at most.

It sounds like you usually spend a lot of time at home - I realise it's hard to begin with but getting out and about really really helps.

My kids at 2 were little shits if we were at home all day.

Also I found my kids were better about playing on their own if they were a) tired from being out b) if I spent some time properly focused on them first.

I think you're on a hiding to nothing expecting him to entertain himself while you cook an elaborate meal. Either let him watch the TV or tablet if that keeps him in sight or cook less elaborate meals or get your DH to cook

Baking with a two year old, fuck THAT

OP, I've been heavily pregnant recently with a 2 year old as well and it was such hard work. I had no energy for anything . It's been better since baby was born (once I got past the immediate post partum period) because although it's hard with two I feel a lot more energetic and my brain seems to work better. Lots of good ideas of activities here and I'm a huge fan of exercising your toddler regularly, but please go easy on yourself.

When mine were 2-3 I hated going out to parks and bloody boring ‘structured activities’ so we had loads of role-play type toys, pens and paper, garden toys and… controversial I know … kids tv on ALL DAY.

I pottered about the house and so did they. Nothing structured and nothing really educational apart from reading loads of books to them.

They are young adults now - they were all academic high flyers at school, lots of friends with well rounded personalities. The lack of structured activities at 2 never harmed them one jot.

At that age i used to put cbeebies on to give myself enough peace to cook dinner.

Another thing i used to do was put a box of toys out, sit on the floor alongside them and then they would play but i wouldn't direct them at all - they would get on with it but i didn't have to play with them - they still felt i was present. Id get 5 minutes to enjoy a cup of tea. Win win!

Hi everyone,

Thank you so so much for your lovely words and advice. Lots of great tips I’ve actually taken a lot from this thread!

Sorry for sounding so dramatic earlier, I understand I should be grateful for being able to be a SAHM, it’s just it does get lonely and the day can feel so bloody long?!

DP still isn’t home and probably won’t be until 8.8.30pm which is his usual time and so I have to wait all day and evening to have an adult conversation which gets me down sometimes too!

I think you are all right… I just need to get over the germ phobia and get to the playgroups and meet people and let him burn off some energy. I can see how it is good for us both.

Last year I caught THREE vomiting bugs from him (which he caught from groups.. i think..) and it really put me off! But I suppose I will only be faced with the same thing once he starts nursery/school so may as well build up some immunity sooner rather than later.

Thank you so much again, I’ve gone from being completely down in the dumps to smiling away reading these comments wanting to give you all a hug!!

With respect, youve got to give less of a shit about mess. Floors, clothes, hands, hair can all be washed. Ive got two dds. I was a neurotic panicky mum with dd1, wanted all to be perfect. Hit all the milestones, never get muddy etc. Dd2 I was relaxed. Dd2 is having a much happier childhood.
Today dd1 aged 7 was off school sick. Dd2 aged 2 was also with me all day. I had a new book I really wanted to read. By midmorning Id given up hoping theyd play with each other without all my attention so I...
Got them to put away the washing up as I did it.
Got them to pick each others outfits.
Got them to brush and blow dry my hair
Had a toy tea party (ulterior motove to get all toys gathered in centre of room and get dds eating lunch)
Delivered toys to their correct home via magic carpet or flying saucer (small rug or laundry basket lid)
Was The Tickly Library Lady who they had to bring their book back to in the bedroom (to tidy books away) and tickled them if the books were 'late'. Let them choose new books and then read them to them in the living room (until 2 year old said 'What you saying all this nonsense for Mummy?')
Watched Toy Story 4.
Got 7 year old to help get easy dinner ready.

Also remember when spring/ summer rolls round it’s soo much easier with little ones.
Another thing I do is get her toy basket/ washing basket- empty it and fill it with a mix of books, random house hold objects and cuddly toys and leave it in the middle of the lounge for her to rummage through- usually whilst I sit near by watching my own tv program!

Fwiw I do think baby groups are a germ filled load of crap. I dont automatically have stuff in common with people because they've got a baby too. Yawn.

Yep, I see your three vomiting bugs in one year and raise you three vomiting bugs in a month, which is what I got from playgroups last winter. But you know what, it's worth it. To have a little band of women and toddlers the same age you can just kick back with and chat, for the kids to play without needing your constant intervention, for the routine, for just getting out of the house.

Before I had a routine in place I would wake up every day and feel panic at how I would fill it. But just having something that you regularly do at least 3 or 4 days a week makes a massive difference, and groups are a good way of getting one or two days in. For me at that age it was simple things like: Monday, library. Tuesday, playgroup. Wednesday, meet up with mum friend. Thursday, shopping. Friday, cafe and then park. Could then change it if something came up, but it meant that whatever happened I had a plan to get us out the house.

I always felt the same way, @ReadtheReviews.

Too often there's a child or two running riot, and D&V bugs are completely overrated as a rite of early childhood.

I remember considering the time spent at activity : time spent cleaning up the mess ratio before embarking on any given activity.

5 minutes of decorating cookies : ten minutes of cleanup while the toddler dances merrily through the rest of the house leaving chaos in her wake is too heavy a price to pay.

I did no baking with toddlers, or cake or cookie decoration. Or puddle jumping.

I think some people are not being realistic. Baking with a 2 year old requires quite a bit of prep and space. Most 2 year olds do not spend much time painting.. it's probably not worth the organising and clearing up time for what's probably no more than 10 minutes of activity. Drawing might keep a few occupied but tbh, not for long at that age. But you'd need to have eyes in the back of your head/strap them down so that they don't wander off crayon in hand!
I don't think many 2 year olds play by themselves for long, either. Mine used to like age-appropriate jigsaws, trains ( Brio-type tracks), toy hoover/pram/driving wheel and controls. If someone played with them, they liked matching card games, pretending to be an animal, and things like bricks/duplo.
But really, they are easier to entertain outside, we used to go swimming a lot when I was pregnant and couldn't stand for long. We'd go to the park, or local woods, or to walk to a train station to watch the trains ( or find a spot where you can watch trains speed past, very exciting for a 2 year old!) They sleep better if they are tired and ideally I'd take them out twice a day, even if one of those trips was to post a letter and walk around the block. Keeping a 2 year old indoors all day is much more tiring than taking them out.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I remember once deciding I was going to do things all day with my boys, set up loads of activities, completed them all- it was 10.30am…..

Toddlers are hard to entertain, messy, poor concentration and they don’t really play “with” you, more alongside you. I found that really hard. Some people don’t, they manage just fine, I never did.
Someone wise once said to me that parenting is so varied and changes so much that it’s not often someone thrives and enjoys each stage. Some mums love the baby stage, others toddlers, older children or teenagers. There are some stages we find easier and some we find harder but they’re different for everyone.

So chin up. It won’t always be like this but whilst it is, give things a bit of a go, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t enjoy it. And you don’t have to do everything from scratch- you could ice a rich tea biscuit or use chalk on the patio. But at the end of the day, if you get to 10.30 and you’ve done all your activities, the most important thing is that you interact with your child and show them your love. Read them a book or stick them in the bath with some bubbles. They’ll be ok.

You’re going to get the bugs when they start reception, there’s no point keeping them exclusively at home and away from other children until school age just to avoid bugs!!

Really looked at “don’t tell a toddler no”. Yeah, ok.

*lolled!

God me too. Baby groups give me the heebie jeebies. All chilly church halls and sad toys.