Crying my eyes out.

[Rachell1]

Probably heightened by the hormonal changes tbf (heavily pregnant) but I am so so upset and just feel like a useless mum.

Yesterday I posted a thread asking everyone what they do with their toddlers all day (DS is 2 years old) as I struggle to fill the day with fun things for him.

I admit I have been very slack re the playground and playgroup visits etc because he tends to catch everything going when around other kids (as do I) and after three tummy bugs last year I kinda gave up.

Now being heavily pregnant I struggle to find much energy at all tbh.

But all of the responses were so…. Organised and regimental and everyone seems to make SUCH an effort with their toddlers (playing trains, building blocks, going to groups, painting, baking etc). I just don’t do this.. I want the best for him but at the same time I can’t imagine the amount of mess baking and painting with my 2 year old would cause!!

I did take him out this morning on the bus just to town to run some errands. Right now he is bored out of his mind again, doesnt play with his toys unless I play with him but I still need to make dinner which is going to take a bit of time tonight. He will just hover whilst I make dinner/get everything out of the cupboards/climb on kitchen table so I will be feeling as though I’m constantly saying ‘no’ and taking things away from him which I hate because he gets upset.
Oh
I want the best for him, I think I need to make more of an effort but sometimes it can feel lonely and when I see him bored it makes me so sad and stressed. I downloaded peanut as I have no mum friends but so far no responses on there. Perhaps a mum friend would help…

Let him help you with your chores around the home if you can manage them being pregnant. My daughter used to peg the washing out, help me load the machine, wash up, all sorts, she loved it. Now she's 14 and does sod all 🤣

Are you able to get together with another mum and let the toddlers wander around while you have a moan and a laugh? Honestly being heavily pregnant with a toddler is a certain kind of slow torture at times as they are too young to entertain themselves. Don’t forget reading simple books, bubbles, try and get him out to give him a chance to run around. I didn’t have any family around me other than DH when raising my 3 kids and there were plenty of times we had uneventful “boring” days at this stage, but you are so physically exhausted and tired. Make sure you have plenty of rest as the baby will be here soon!

I agree if you can get him into nursery for some of the time that would help you both. Despite my apparent inadequacies all my now young adult and teen kids are fine, doing well at school, happy and social. Don’t let Mumsnet encourage you to think you’re not good enough, at this stage as long as he is safe and well fed and you clearly love your son he will be fine. I went through plenty of MONTHS like this and it turned out to be totally irrelevant in the long run. Don’t beat yourself up or make yourself miserable. So much of it is hormones and pregnancy not your personal inadequacies.

You use the word regimented like it's bad. For me, it helped a lot agree with this.
If I have the day with my two year old, it's out by 10am- 1 outside activity then home lunch, toys etc before picking up her sister from school. When she had a nap that used to kill much of the afternoon time too.

I'm going to be an arsehole here but what do you think you will do with your 2 year old when the new baby is here? The last few weeks with your eldest should be about him - spending as much time as you can with him before anyone else comes along.

It's going to much, much harder to play when you've got a newborn so that alone should make you want to play as much as you can with him.

When my DC were little I found I did a lot more in summer than in winter. In winter we sat at home and I put on children's TV for them and a trip to the park of it was not raining. In the summer I did trips to park and paddling in pool, drove them to park farms to see animals, or just went for a walk with a picnic and let them take scooter/bikes. My Dad sometimes came and took one or 2 of them out leaving me with just 1. Then I would do a bit of baking or pizza decorating from bought pizza bases.

But all of the responses were so…. Organised and regimental and everyone seems to make SUCH an effort with their toddlers (playing trains, building blocks, going to groups, painting, baking etc). I just don’t do this.. I want the best for him but at the same time I can’t imagine the amount of mess baking and painting with my 2 year old would cause!!

is this organised and regimental? Like another PP said, all this getting out of the house stuff sounds like effort but it's really laziness because once you're out there is so much more to keep a toddler busy. I totally appreciate that at that age I much preferred nursery to do painting and other messy activities with my child to avoid the mess, but stuff like going to groups doesn't take much organisation and really helps break up the day. Membership to our local zoo was great for us, my daughter also enjoy/ed/s swimming, soft play, gymnastics and a music group. All pretty chill experiences really and for us getting the local bus or train is also part of the excitement. Honestly, anything that takes the focus off you a tad.

I think if you're going to be home a lot you'll need to accept that you need to devote a lot of energy to engaging with him, bc one-on-one and in the house means that you are the source and the coordinator of all entertainment. Even having a playdate over gives you a bit of grace to chill out with a coffee while the children keep one another busy.

On the note of mum friends OP did you want to share where you’re roughly based? You never know, someone may even live round the corner 😁

When I was pregnant and had DS at home (had to start maternity leave 2 months early) our routine was pretty loose. We’re lucky enough to live near some woods and we’d walk through them to get to the local park, little effort from me and he was shattered looking at birds/squirrels/leaves etc. then half an hour at the park and home for lunch. We’d generally then just cuddle on the sofa, look at books together, occasional ride on the bus to other parks or to get a treat from the shop, or to let him ‘buy’ something for the baby. But whatever we did go for a walk in the woods every day without fail which really helped tire him out. He’s also a climber, and a bit like a Labrador and needs masses of exercise to be manageable at home.

Now he’s at school in the mornings and I try to plan an activity for the afternoon, we’ve made sensory stones, that sort of thing, set up a quick tuff tray of components to make cookies, or to be honest a lot of our time is spent consolidating his learning by ‘helping’ the baby, showing him toys, practicing his reading.

You sound like you’re doing fine. I don’t want to make assumptions, but how’re you feeling? Being at home with a toddler can feel pretty lonely and isolating at times.

Meant to add, though, that I agree this is going to be your very last one-on-one time with him before the new baby comes so it's worth paying attention to it even if you don't feel up to much, and making opportunities to enjoy one another's company and bond before things change.

I was a sahm with a 2 year ish age gap.

Getting out on a morning kept me sane. I wouldn’t say we had structured activities every day, but we had a fairly set routine of playgroup or playdates with set friends on certain days. That was maybe 3 days a week. Add in a morning maybe doing a supermarket shop and a trip to the park or to feed the ducks etc and Mon-fri I was usually out of the house 9.30-11.30ish. Then it was lunch, nap time 1-3ish (when they napped) and then we normally just played in the afternoon. Kids dinner 5ish and then DH was normally home by 6.

I was very lucky to have a group of sahm friends in the same boat with me. My kids also did some nursery mornings once they got old enough which helped so much!

also some days were tv days and that was fine. As long as it’s not every day! Definitely more of those days when pregnant though

Same, I desperately wish I could turn back the clock to where I could keep them safe and solve their problems, and maybe find a way to do things differently and avoid the problems altogether.

OP - it’s ok, you’re doing fine and you’re a good mum.

Also I didn’t do much art stuff or baking. Or really any. Not at 2.

Maybe decorate some (bought) biscuits with some icing and sprinkles? That will take all of 30 seconds and make a huge mess. Usually went down well though and they could eat it for a snack.

My DS wasn’t interested in art and craft. My DD loved it, even as a toddler.

If you wanted to start baking with him, we have this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Tickle-Fingers-Toddler-Cookbook-Hands/dp/1785040561/ref=asc_df_1785040561/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310561939160&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7404628282831460884&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045206&hvtargid=pla-418222813878&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

It's designed to be done with little ones. The results are so-so at best, but it can pass the time, and the best thing is that the quantities are small so you don't end up making a dozen buns every day.

I tend to prefer normal recipes the very rare time I bake with them, but a friend swears by it to keep them busy.

One of the worst thing about MN is the competitive element of stuff that people do with their children. Even worse is the “I’m not judging but I really don’t understand why anyone could not…. <insert 1800 activities>”

FWIW I found the stage you’re at now much much harder than having a newborn and a toddler. You’re totally exhausted, your body isn’t your own. At least when the baby is here you have your body back to yourself and can have time 1:1 with the toddler while the baby naps.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Some screen time and no structured activity is absolutely fine sometimes.

I stand by what I said last time, people don't always remember what they actually did with a 2 year old. Mine wouldn't even be able to do a box mix without just lobbing it everywhere. At best I'd get some digestives and icing pens. Instead of painting I'd just do those water books, worst case scenario it's just water going everywhere.

Not pregnant, but I have arthritis and some other health issues I'm currently having tests for, so I'm limited to what I can do when it's just me and the kids.
Hope these help 💐

Grab paper and some colouring pens, ask DC to draw you something. Literally anything. When they bring it back, you can pin it to the fridge as "picture of the week." Sometimes there are several pictures of the week 😂

Put music on and video record their dance moves, if they're happy enough to dance away for the camera (two of mine love it. The other hates it so there are very few videos of him in existence)

Take reading stories in turns. So you read them a story, then the next time they "read" it to you.

Become paper. I bought a bunch of easily washable pens and let them draw all over my arms, hands, face, neck etc. I find it relaxing and they think it's great fun! Just remember to wash it off - I once did the school run like that 😅

If they're excited about a new sibling, could they write them a letter with your help? You can write it out but they choose what to say etc. It will make a lovely keepsake too!

But remember to go easy on yourself. There's nothing wrong with extra screen time when you need it, even if it feels like you need it a lot lately. It won't be forever.

Does he go to nursery? It's a good way to get a few days of entertainment. I think you probably got those responses because you asked for activities, it's not like everyone is doing those things every day with their toddlers.

Mine loves washing up. When I cook, I set him up at the sink with a sponge and a few of his plastic bowls and cups, keeps him occupied for ages.

You're doing a good job mama 💖

You’re doing a great job OP
lots of great advice here
I’d add - get an IAPT referral from your GP for the health anxiety, I did and it really helped
seems like they are always sick when they are little but it really does boost their immunity and once they get to school it happens far less

Turn on the TV.

Make dinner.

Go easy on yourself.

It's a big mistake to get toddlers used to being aired and entertained all day every day.

The weather is bad, you'll soon have a tiny baby to care for, and it's very good for the toddler to have something to distract him.

I left many of the messy activities to nursery. A few of our favourite toys and games

• bubble machine for inside or out
• chalk for the chalk board inside or pavements and walls outside
• watering can - water plants when it gets a bit warmer
• alpha blocks, number blocks and something special on the tv as always learning from these

there are lots of accounts on Instagram with easy ideas of things to do with little ones.

good luck and don’t beat yourself up.

Look into montoressi (spelling?) then maybe find some stuff he can do out of trouble In kitchen while you cook but it might make him feel he’s joining in?

I don't quite agree with the 'make these last few weeks incredibly special while you have him alone'...So how is he going to feel if you suddenly dial that down when newborn arrives? So,Mummy and me had so much special time and now it stops just as my sibling is here?

YYY to the water books.

@TooGood2BeFalse it's more how mummy feels when there are 2 to contend with and you can't give number 1 anywhere near the same amount of attention 🤷🏻‍♀️
Again - this is how I would feel. I am not everyone.

@keepaweatheredeye Totally get what you're saying :) I would just worry about building new routines,fun and expectations that fall to shit when Mum will be exhausted and there's a tiny baby to contend with.