I’m almost 30 and I started uni in September, studying English lit and history mostly because those are the subjects I have most interest in and have always excelled at. I selected a university an hour away from home which may have been my first mistake because I don’t drive so rely on trains. I had a choice of two universities- one is 30 mins and one train away and the one I chose is 60 mins and two trains away. I chose this one because during both the open day and applicants day I just preferred it for lots of reasons, I felt way more comfortable there and not out of place. The trains are a nightmare at the best of times. Often late, always overcrowded and lately striking endlessly so that is posing an issue in itself.
I have young DC, a DH and everything that comes along with that to worry about so I’m a million miles away from any other student on my course. It’s a small uni so there’s around 25 others doing history and probably 30 doing English (some doing both like me). I overhear conversations and can tell by the look of them though that none are anywhere near my age. I was told there’s usually 2-3 mature students any given year but I now realise mature is 21+ so yeah, there is another one I know of but he is 21 and lives in student digs with the rest… I just feel like a massive outcast because I can’t relate to their lives but also a lot of their views, I’ve plodded on anyway.
I’ve completed the first set of assignments and feedback was generally fairly good although not as great as I would like. It’s 5 years since I last studied (did an access course before DC) so a long time out of the game and I made a few silly errors. One ‘lecturer’ (not really a lecturer, he’s a PHD student) is a bastard and harshly marks everyone’s work though so even though he admitted my work was great in a meeting afterwards, he just completely ripped it to shreds when he marked it. He says he does this to get the best out of students but it ripped my confidence to shreds. Two seminars are run by PHD students for whatever reason and one of them is 24 years old and just sits on his phone throughout then let’s us go after 45 minutes so often feels pointless even attending, especially when this seminar is the only thing I have that day. I was honest and told the module leader this when she asked for feedback before Christmas and she never responded so now feel like I’ve insulted her in some way and I feel even more awkward.
The crux of it is that after the month long Christmas break, I actually don’t want to return. My 4 year old hates nursery which isn’t helping, I have enormous Mum guilt sending him. DH is adamant I carry on, he says I’ll hate myself forever if I quit. I just actually don’t want to do it anymore though. It’s the slog of waking up early, getting DC ready for nursery, dropping them off, stuffing myself on crowded trains to get there and then just being surrounded by teenagers discussing their sex lives, it’s kind of getting to me. I’ve considered switching to the other university but I’m not sure if that would be any better? Am I always going to be the outcast at any uni?