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Mature student, wanting to quit uni

59 replies

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:23

I’m almost 30 and I started uni in September, studying English lit and history mostly because those are the subjects I have most interest in and have always excelled at. I selected a university an hour away from home which may have been my first mistake because I don’t drive so rely on trains. I had a choice of two universities- one is 30 mins and one train away and the one I chose is 60 mins and two trains away. I chose this one because during both the open day and applicants day I just preferred it for lots of reasons, I felt way more comfortable there and not out of place. The trains are a nightmare at the best of times. Often late, always overcrowded and lately striking endlessly so that is posing an issue in itself.

I have young DC, a DH and everything that comes along with that to worry about so I’m a million miles away from any other student on my course. It’s a small uni so there’s around 25 others doing history and probably 30 doing English (some doing both like me). I overhear conversations and can tell by the look of them though that none are anywhere near my age. I was told there’s usually 2-3 mature students any given year but I now realise mature is 21+ so yeah, there is another one I know of but he is 21 and lives in student digs with the rest… I just feel like a massive outcast because I can’t relate to their lives but also a lot of their views, I’ve plodded on anyway.

I’ve completed the first set of assignments and feedback was generally fairly good although not as great as I would like. It’s 5 years since I last studied (did an access course before DC) so a long time out of the game and I made a few silly errors. One ‘lecturer’ (not really a lecturer, he’s a PHD student) is a bastard and harshly marks everyone’s work though so even though he admitted my work was great in a meeting afterwards, he just completely ripped it to shreds when he marked it. He says he does this to get the best out of students but it ripped my confidence to shreds. Two seminars are run by PHD students for whatever reason and one of them is 24 years old and just sits on his phone throughout then let’s us go after 45 minutes so often feels pointless even attending, especially when this seminar is the only thing I have that day. I was honest and told the module leader this when she asked for feedback before Christmas and she never responded so now feel like I’ve insulted her in some way and I feel even more awkward.

The crux of it is that after the month long Christmas break, I actually don’t want to return. My 4 year old hates nursery which isn’t helping, I have enormous Mum guilt sending him. DH is adamant I carry on, he says I’ll hate myself forever if I quit. I just actually don’t want to do it anymore though. It’s the slog of waking up early, getting DC ready for nursery, dropping them off, stuffing myself on crowded trains to get there and then just being surrounded by teenagers discussing their sex lives, it’s kind of getting to me. I’ve considered switching to the other university but I’m not sure if that would be any better? Am I always going to be the outcast at any uni?

OP posts:
Readyforspringtime · 10/01/2023 15:29

Did you consider The Open University? cheaper, flexible, lots of study groups and online chat, doing it from home but you can use your card to study in the local uni library. Mostly, it's good because it's full of people a similar age with similar circumstances.

What are you hoping to get out of your degree?

I studied in a traditional uni, then online, to return for post grad at a traditional uni.

Ihatethenewlook · 10/01/2023 15:31

How long is the course?

OriginalUsername2 · 10/01/2023 15:31

What’s the reason for the degree?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

CellarDoreen · 10/01/2023 15:31

What are you planning to do with your degree when you're finished? If you don't have a plan which means you need those subjects, I probably wouldn't bother.

Agree that OU might be an option too as you can do it around kids / work

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:32

3 years.

Few reasons. One is that I have always wanted to go to university but for various reasons, haven’t felt or been able to until now. I also would like to be a teacher so need a degree. I wanted something for myself too, outside of DC and the home after four years as a SAHM.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/01/2023 15:34

OriginalUsername2 · 10/01/2023 15:31

What’s the reason for the degree?

I was getting my to ask this.
Why are you doing this degree?

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:34

I started open uni when DC was a baby but quit because I just wasn’t committed to sitting there at home in the same way I have been to travelling to an actual uni if that makes sense? We’re also using student finance to pay for nursery fees, I don’t think I could afford it without it and you don’t get SF with open uni. I couldn’t concentrate with DC around.

OP posts:
Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:36

I had bad PND and anxiety too which was further amplified by lockdowns so spent a lot of time at home. I like the act of getting out of the house to study, just not the travel so much if that makes sense.

I would like to teach and those are my favourite subjects so that’s why I chose them.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 10/01/2023 15:37

i did a degree as a mature student (2nd degree) and i did go for a campus uni (but then covid)

I did find myself resenting all the travel (only 40 mins via tube plus walking 10 mins either end) when i actually only needed to attend 1 tutotiral - lectures were optional (though i watched them all, as all recorded).

so maybe try and minimise the amount of travelling days you do - if only lectures and you can watch online, do that. I only attended in person when i had other stuff those days.

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:39

I have one day filled with all of the lectures so I don’t mind those days so much because it’s 10-3 or sometimes 10-5 filled with content, feels worthwhile going. Two days a week are seminar days but the history seminars are biweekly so every other week I’m only going in for the English seminars. One English seminar is 2 hours long and I feel I get a lot out of that one so don’t mind but the other is with the 24 yo PHD student and just feels like a waste of time.

They don’t record seminars though so I worry I’ll miss something important if I keep skipping them.

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 10/01/2023 15:40

Have you got class reps?
They can push forward with complaints sometimes.
Don't let it drop - that's objectively bad teaching, if someone is sitting on their phone (presumably not to look up the spelling of a reference etc).

I don't think there's much point dwelling on PhD students teaching you, because that happens pretty often, but they should have had some training and they're expected to do a decent job.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/01/2023 15:45

I've had some fab young phd students take tutorials. They are not all rubbish. You need to complain the the relevant school about this one.

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:46

There will be student reps but I don’t know who they are, I honestly don’t really talk to many people when I’m there. It’s so bad that when I order a coffee sometimes my voice is all croaky because I’ve been silent for so long. I have tried to speak to other students a few times but it hasn’t gone anywhere.

I feel awkward with the complaint I made now because she never replied. I wasn’t harsh or rude in any way, I was just being objective. The seminar should last an hour, he most often lets us go after 45 mins. When you have travelled 1 hour and paid nursery fees you kind of expect more than 45 mins of a 24 year old on his phone texting his girlfriend (yes he has proudly told us all that this is what he is doing). He turns up to the lecture some weeks with his girlfriend too which is weird, she isn’t a student there. I just find it unprofessional.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 10/01/2023 15:48

your student union should have a list of your course reps - google "your Uni" + Student reps - should show it up.

thewayround · 10/01/2023 15:49

What was your hope or plan once finished?

your DP’s thoughts?

thewayround · 10/01/2023 15:51

It’s sounds like you selected a shit university OP.

how have you been funding?

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:53

Student finance. We’re not eligible for any of the extra help towards childcare or anything due to DH’s salary so I use almost the full loan to pay nursery fees. It’s not great.

DH is adamant I continue and thinks I’ll kick myself forever if I quit. He also keeps telling me that I’m not getting any younger so the gap between me and other students will never be smaller than it is now, accurate I guess.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/01/2023 15:57

Find out about transferring to your nearer uni?

thewayround · 10/01/2023 15:58

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 15:53

Student finance. We’re not eligible for any of the extra help towards childcare or anything due to DH’s salary so I use almost the full loan to pay nursery fees. It’s not great.

DH is adamant I continue and thinks I’ll kick myself forever if I quit. He also keeps telling me that I’m not getting any younger so the gap between me and other students will never be smaller than it is now, accurate I guess.

But the thousands to actually do the degree?

thewayround · 10/01/2023 15:58

What were you doing before having your baby in terms of work?

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 16:00

thewayround · 10/01/2023 15:58

But the thousands to actually do the degree?

Yes, still student finance?

OP posts:
WinterFoxes · 10/01/2023 16:00

Switch to Open University. This place is a bad fit for you pratcially, socially and in terms of your current commitments. OU will be full of students of all ages. It won;t have stupid PhD 'tutors' on their phones (shameful behaviour) It is well organised and structured with watertight well-planned courses. You can work at your own pace and if you want a feel of campus life, sign up for some summer schools when DC is a bit older, and DH can book holiday time off work to care full time for them while you attend.

You should be able to transfer credits from any modules you completed in your first semester at your current uni.

thewayround · 10/01/2023 16:00

You quit OU
Started this degree and how went to quit after first round of assessment

OP… perhaps this is something you always wanted to do but the reality isn’t for you.

and your plan is to teach?

thewayround · 10/01/2023 16:01

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 16:00

Yes, still student finance?

Student finance is covering nursery fees and the course? And travel?

Maturestudenthelpp · 10/01/2023 16:01

RandomMess · 10/01/2023 15:57

Find out about transferring to your nearer uni?

Yes, I might have to look into this. I’ve discussed with DH and we both said if I still feel this way when this year is over then I’ll have to look at switching. At least it will make the travel side of things easier.

OP posts: