Mature student, wanting to quit uni

[Maturestudenthelpp]

I’m almost 30 and I started uni in September, studying English lit and history mostly because those are the subjects I have most interest in and have always excelled at. I selected a university an hour away from home which may have been my first mistake because I don’t drive so rely on trains. I had a choice of two universities- one is 30 mins and one train away and the one I chose is 60 mins and two trains away. I chose this one because during both the open day and applicants day I just preferred it for lots of reasons, I felt way more comfortable there and not out of place. The trains are a nightmare at the best of times. Often late, always overcrowded and lately striking endlessly so that is posing an issue in itself.

I have young DC, a DH and everything that comes along with that to worry about so I’m a million miles away from any other student on my course. It’s a small uni so there’s around 25 others doing history and probably 30 doing English (some doing both like me). I overhear conversations and can tell by the look of them though that none are anywhere near my age. I was told there’s usually 2-3 mature students any given year but I now realise mature is 21+ so yeah, there is another one I know of but he is 21 and lives in student digs with the rest… I just feel like a massive outcast because I can’t relate to their lives but also a lot of their views, I’ve plodded on anyway.

I’ve completed the first set of assignments and feedback was generally fairly good although not as great as I would like. It’s 5 years since I last studied (did an access course before DC) so a long time out of the game and I made a few silly errors. One ‘lecturer’ (not really a lecturer, he’s a PHD student) is a bastard and harshly marks everyone’s work though so even though he admitted my work was great in a meeting afterwards, he just completely ripped it to shreds when he marked it. He says he does this to get the best out of students but it ripped my confidence to shreds. Two seminars are run by PHD students for whatever reason and one of them is 24 years old and just sits on his phone throughout then let’s us go after 45 minutes so often feels pointless even attending, especially when this seminar is the only thing I have that day. I was honest and told the module leader this when she asked for feedback before Christmas and she never responded so now feel like I’ve insulted her in some way and I feel even more awkward.

The crux of it is that after the month long Christmas break, I actually don’t want to return. My 4 year old hates nursery which isn’t helping, I have enormous Mum guilt sending him. DH is adamant I carry on, he says I’ll hate myself forever if I quit. I just actually don’t want to do it anymore though. It’s the slog of waking up early, getting DC ready for nursery, dropping them off, stuffing myself on crowded trains to get there and then just being surrounded by teenagers discussing their sex lives, it’s kind of getting to me. I’ve considered switching to the other university but I’m not sure if that would be any better? Am I always going to be the outcast at any uni?

Btw, I teach uni in a humanities field and think your tutor is an utter twat for thinking they get the best out of you by savaging your work. It is common knowledge that the way to get the best from a humanities student is to ask questions about their essay and discuss how they can deepen or broaden or clarify their current draft.

Not travel but everything else, yes. They pay the university for the fees as they do for everyone unless you’re fortunate enough to self fund and they give me a student loan which I use to pay nursery.

I pay for the travel with my own money.

So how much debt are we looking at athe the end of the three years?

what did you do before having your dc?

If your end goal is to teach then you need a degree I think.
Uni as a mature student is always going to be different compared to 18 yr olds with no kids with no responsibilities.
I do my own uni work remotely, so have never sat in a classroom and have one module left. It is lonely, but if you want a degree then you do need to stick it out. I work part time with 2 kids that are 6 and 3 - you can do this too!! I have absolutely not enjoyed the last year but I want to finish it (and I have thought a few time about giving up)

It will be worth it in the end - don't take it to heart about the grading of your work. If you really feel that your not hitting as high a mark as you can ask the librarian for advice, ask student services too if there is any places to look for templates or guidance.

Office work, bar work, retail. Nothing major. I always wanted a degree to do something better with my life.

Thank you, I bet you’re relieved yours is almost over! I do need to keep the end goal in mind I suppose, just easy to feel bogged down by the present.

Gosh, similar to most students. Around 60k?

He won’t look at my drafts either. I have asked him and he said it’s against university guidelines even though the history lecturers are more than happy to mark drafts? I just think he cba in all honesty. I don’t blame him I guess, he’s an older guy who also teaches in a secondary school PT and is doing his own PHD so has a lot on. He ripped everyone’s work to shreds, I overheard others talking about it so butted in to say he did this to mine too. I had the academic skills tutor look over it afterwards and she said it was brilliant and basically that she’d be having words with him for being so unnecessarily cruel.

That sounds tough, OP. Is there a mature students' society you could join? May be some pp you have more in common with?

Uni is a long slog when you are a mature student with kids. At 35 I started at Open Uni, law degree, whilst working full-time with 3 kids, its bloody tough, but so doable. I wanted to give up SO many times, but I'm so glad I stuck it out. The opportunities it has given me, and the security for me and our boys and freedom can't be measured.

I am a qualified solicitor now, I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't persevered.

Open Uni might be more suited to your circumstances, give them a call and look at your options.

After your degree, did you get a training program with a law firm? Is this how you qualified as a solicitor?

Quality of some Uni’s is abysmal.

We had a dissertation lecturer who refused to do anything on email. We were adult students, in work, visiting in evenings and she never turned up.

we then had a phd student give the classes - he couldn’t speak english. that was a mess.

Finally got access to a masters student who was fantastic - i made sure to get her cupcakes and gave her lifts whenever we finished classes around the same time as me. I wouldn’t have managed the dis without her if i’m honest. Bribery worked!!

Thankfully it was just 1 year top up from foundation degree to BA(hons) and the first two years were in a partner college more locally - and the two lecturers there were brilliant.

Yes I did, I was working at a law firm as a secretary, I asked to become a trainee, they said yes as they didn't want to lose me. They paid for my LPC, which I did whilst training, and the PSC and then I qualified as a solicitor.

I only had to take a student loan for the law degree. I was lucky, but I worked hard and I asked.

No, I have asked and they said there’s a gap in the market for one. If I had a bit more confidence I’d be the sort to set one up but I don’t think I could be in charge of running something like that, have enough on my plate!

I don’t know whether open uni would work. I have a 2 year old as well who climbs all over me all day long so I’d realistically only have evenings and weekends to study but I like spending those with DH and DC as much as possible. There’s no student loans for open uni students so I couldn’t afford nursery fees, that’s how I currently pay for them anyway. I like leaving the house too after years spent at home with PND.

It's no excuse for his cruel behaviour but I wouldn;t be surprised if he is on zero hours, earning £17.50 for each contact hour inclusive of any prep. Which means if you do w=your job properly and read drafts and redrafts and prep classes you end up earning about £4ph. Unis treat teaching staff shockingly badly. Perhaps your other tutors have tenure with built-in hours for prep and marking. Zero hours contracts don't offer this.

OP I had a student loan for Open Uni, and all of my uni work was done whenever I could fit it in between work and hubby being at work (he worked nights), mainly evenings and weekends.

Have you thought about teaching Lifelong Learning? You can do a college course and gradually gain the equivalent of a PG cert Ed. It is in 3 stages, Preparing to teach in lifelong learning level 3, certificate to teach in lifelong learning level 4, and then diploma to teach in lifelong learning level 5. Ypu can then do extra to get a PG Ed after that.

I'll be honest, I've done a BSc and an MSc both while working full time and with 3 children, wanting to quit is par for the course.

I have dabbled in an RG uni at 18 which I didn’t complete due to family issues.

I finished the BA with the OU and then went on to do an MA with my local uni which is a fairly middle of the league one.

I only mention the RG aspect to say the teaching at the local, not all singing and dancing one was brilliant- and more supportive than the RG one. What made it was the staff and how fabulous they were- those supporting your learning make or break it!

I feel sorry for you that the particular PhD student isn’t taking the seminar properly. So what happens exactly- you say he’s playing on his phone… normally they have an element of small group discussion then back to the person taking the seminar to discuss the small groups’ ideas with everyone. Is he on his phone when you guys are supposed to be discussing things? I can kind of see that as just about ok… sort of. In that you don’t require his input in that moment, maybe? But that only works if he’s then engaged, knowledgeable and encouraging when it comes to everyone then sharing their ideas?

To be fair tho, I would be incredibly surprised at marking draft essays. None of the places I’ve been have had that option. Talking things through with the tutor or clarifying things was fine, but actually sitting down and marking written work, no way! Aside from the time it would take if everyone did this (and it would have to be open to everyone to ensure fairness amongst the class), surely by this point in your learning you (the collective you, not personal) should be either capable of forming a decent argument for an essay or taking independent steps to rectify it with the support services on offer (which you have to be fair). Did he explain in his feedback where he thought you’d gone wrong? And therefore give you something to work on next time? Normally your first year marks don’t count towards your degree classification to give you scope to improve and get the hang of it before it does impact your degree.

Having done the first two years as a teen parent with a baby, and then the OU and MA with three kids, it is really hard at times. But you will have such a sense of satisfaction when you complete it! If you have your heart set on teaching I think maybe forget about the social aspect, and see it as a means to an end and really knuckle down with the work.

Yes, he’s mostly on his phone while we discuss things in our group but I still don’t think it’s very professional personally. I’ve never seen a lecturer get their phone out in the middle of a lecture or seminar, he’s the only one. He mostly gets us to chat amongst ourselves about things while he texts his girlfriend and he doesn’t seem to have much input aside from this. I told the module leader but I think they really like him for whatever reason so I’ve possibly hit a nerve being honest, I’m not sure but it’s made me feel more awkward.

I have forgotten about the social aspect really, I know I’m never going to fit in with anyone socially. Even when I have been asked for things like my Snapchat and TikTok- I just don’t use things like this!

Marking drafts is usual ime, even the college tutors during the access course marked them and other lecturers are happy to. He did give some helpful advice in the meeting I had about his feedback but his actual feedback was just scathing from start to finish. Bear in mind this was the first essay I had written in half a decade and I personally thought it was pretty good. He described it as disappointing and frustrating to read, those were his opening words.

op forget about the social side, focus on the degree.
I’m not sure if you should stay at your current uni or transfer but please please don’t give it up.
3 years go so very fast! And then you’ll have achieved your dream.
you have the support of DH which is wonderful.

OP don't give up - at least see this year out then see about transferring to a nearer uni. It's a means to an end, you're doing well. Just one more term, assuming like most students there's no teaching in term three.

(For the benefit of others and lurkers, you can only get loan for fees for the OU, you cannot get maintenance loans. OP needs the maintenance loan to cover childcare.)

I completed my BA as a mature student with children, so couldn’t join in with the social life and then my masters when I was working full time. Both I hated and would happily have given up, but I knew the time would still pass whether I did the degrees or not and I’d rather the time passed and I got a qualification. What drove me was knowing that everyone else would be qualifying and I knew I would kick myself when the time came and I didn’t. Can’t have been that bad anyway, as I’m not back at uni doing another degree….. and still wanting to quit…..

“I have forgotten about the social aspect really, I know I’m never going to fit in with anyone socially. Even when I have been asked for things like my Snapchat and TikTok- I just don’t use things like this!”

The social side may not be your primary aim, and even if it was you’re probably right that your age and lifestyle won’t make you a natural fit. But it seems silly to cut yourself out of a peripheral social side by not at least getting something like Snapchat. You clearly want to interact as you put your comment in about the harsh marking. You don’t have to be besties or care about what sex people are having, but you may feel less separate if you’re getting some of the messages - for example complaining about harsh marking! If you don’t want contact that’s fine, but don’t cut yourself off from it by coming over all, “I just don’t use Snapchat”! My MIL says to my teens, “now do I need to be on Snapchat with you?” 😀

You said you want to teach… in that case, I think it’s great to keep up with popular apps. My teens follow a GCSE English examiner on TikTok!

I have tons of my fellow students on Instagram, none of them mentioned Tik too or Snapchat luckily!

WhatsApp was were most action happened -groups for the course and each module and organising study groups (via teams) pre exams.

£60k debt
uninspiring university
no real plan for post study
already quit OU

I would call it quits OP
Pursue a job as a TA
See if you enjoy school environment
if so, do degree whilst also a TA and pursue career in teaching