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Original poster

I’m 41 today, can anyone pep talk me for 5 mins?

59 replies

wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:05

That’s it really.
marriage is ending bitterly, ds (9) waiting final assessment for austism, tics and anxiety and spends 90% of time alone in room gaming and meltdowns to get him out are horrendous, my dd has sweetly made me a card and we’ll go for a dog walk but that’s it really for today. Normally we’d go for a family meal but Dh won’t talk to me and won’t come so would just be me and kids and I can’t afford it on my own, and anyway to get my son out his room would involve a 2 hour battle I can’t face today.
Just need a few “pull yourself together” comments today as quite frankly would like to hide under the covers and not appear again for a while. Thank you (all)

OP posts:
Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:08

one last moan. No birthday messages from friends as have become so insular this year dealing with my son who won’t really leave the house or see anyone I’ve lost the ones I had and I don’t make them easily. odd how tiny things like that bother you still at this grand age. Off to get wrapped up for that dog walk.

OP posts:
SunUpSunDown · 08/01/2023 14:10

Happy Birthday, and I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm not going to tell you to pull yourself together, but I will send you a bunch of virtual flowers, and tell you to be kind to yourself.

brusselspout · 08/01/2023 14:11

Happy birthday. It's a shit one this year BUT I promise you, next year it will be better. You'll be separated properly, DS will have had his final assessments and proper plans will be put in place for him. You'll have a beautiful 42nd birthday, you will. Chin up ❤️

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:12

Thank you, that is so very very kind and means a lot to me and makes me feel less alone X.

OP posts:
Montague22 · 08/01/2023 14:13

Happy Birthday, that sounds so tough.
Will the walk be near any shops or can you nip out later? Get yourself some favourite foods and drinks.

Friendships, you will be able to pick them up again. They are an effort though and I can totally imagine with everything going on you don’t have much spare energy.

MissyB1 · 08/01/2023 14:15

Happy Birthday!

Sorry it sounds like you are going through a very hard time at the moment. Is your ds getting professional help? I know you say you are awaiting final assessment, but meanwhile are there any charities or local support groups that could help support you and him? You sound very alone in trying to cope with his problem.
Also do you have family like siblings/ parents or other extended family who you can chat to and /or visit, just to provide some relief from the tricky situations at home. It’s natural to feel you have to withdraw from outside life when you’ve got big shit going on, but actually that’s when you need a support team.

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:15

That’s a nice idea. I need to nip to tesco for school lunch stuff anyway later so could
pick up some nibbles for a tiny birthday tea. My son would like this as hates going out for meals so would probably make it easier all round.
and yes, barely energy to get dressed let alone know how to make new friends which I thought I was ok with but lack of any messages oddly cut me today. your kind ones here have helped. Thank you.

OP posts:
Beautifulsunflowers · 08/01/2023 14:16

Happy birthday @wobblymum1
can you spend the afternoon making a birthday cake with dd and maybe ds will appear to taste it! Let her/them decorate it for you so it’s a lovely messy surprise!
But as a pp says - next year will be better! 💐

Eranzer · 08/01/2023 14:16

Pull yourself together!

I'm joking, sod that, go on your walk, get some fresh air, get your favourite snacks, then make a hot cuppa, get under the covers and find something cheesy to binge watch! Do something that makes you feel the tiniest bit better, even if that means doing absolutely fuck all. It will all be different next year! Smile
Happy birthday to you. Xx

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:17

No help, I asked camhs but they said they still aren’t running their parent support groups post covid due to being so overrun. Gp says now he’s under care of Camhs they can’t provide any help.
my mum is lovely but has her own health needs and isn’t in a place to support me just now and my sister lives in the states and is lovely too but pregnant and I don’t want to worry her more than I know she quietly is. i don’t have anyone else. Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
Screwedupworld · 08/01/2023 14:18

Happy Birthday Op! Here is to a better year. Like others have said, go on your walk, go buy your fab foods and have a night doing something you enjoy/watch. Xx

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:19

Beautifulsunflowers · 08/01/2023 14:16

Happy birthday @wobblymum1
can you spend the afternoon making a birthday cake with dd and maybe ds will appear to taste it! Let her/them decorate it for you so it’s a lovely messy surprise!
But as a pp says - next year will be better! 💐

My dd would really like this actually, I’ll do this. Thank you.

OP posts:
Grrrrrrr23 · 08/01/2023 14:19

Happy Birthday 🎂 Clearly not the best one you've ever had and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so alone, but as others have said, next year will be much better 💐

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:19

Eranzer · 08/01/2023 14:16

Pull yourself together!

I'm joking, sod that, go on your walk, get some fresh air, get your favourite snacks, then make a hot cuppa, get under the covers and find something cheesy to binge watch! Do something that makes you feel the tiniest bit better, even if that means doing absolutely fuck all. It will all be different next year! Smile
Happy birthday to you. Xx

I’ll do this exactly, oddly I’ve a new love of horrors 😵‍💫so I’ll watch one with crisps when the kids go down.

OP posts:
Eranzer · 08/01/2023 14:21

Oooh, well a really shite, comedy horror recommendation that will make you laugh and cringe at gore at the same time... Tucker and Dale vs Evil!
Hope you feel a little better later on Flowers

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:29

Eranzer · 08/01/2023 14:21

Oooh, well a really shite, comedy horror recommendation that will make you laugh and cringe at gore at the same time... Tucker and Dale vs Evil!
Hope you feel a little better later on Flowers

I’ll definitely look for this!

OP posts:
Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 08/01/2023 14:33

Happy Birthday OP. Aam very impressed with your strength and courage. And I am jealous you have a dog!
Also Zombieland 1 and 2 are awesome comedy horrors. Also Shaun of the Dead. But I bet you have seen these already. I watch despicable me when I am depressed.

May09Bump · 08/01/2023 14:34

A big birthday hug from me. I'm also a mum to a son with SEN and have a daughter. Your walk will help, try to notice things around you rather than just doing it to tick it off the list, the branches are starting to bud for new leaves.

Order in a takeaway (if you can), read a book and if you need to have a cry then do, it can be a release.

Everything probably seems too much at the moment - try and approach in little steps. Check out some Autism support charities, they may have groups to help you talk through issues / assessments / just connect and not be isolated.

Try and focus on your health too - vitamins and iron supplements, dog walks are great as make you go out.

Marriage ending is hard under these circumstances - again little steps and try to focus on your financial security and contact arrangements for the children. Also maybe worth chatting to a therapist if you haven't got a support network at the moment.

Today outside normal childcare, should be about selfcare and giving yourself leave to cut corners to give yourself a break. Take care and happy for you to pm if needed.

daysleepers · 08/01/2023 14:36

Happy Birthday!

Sorry it's not as you would like today to be, we all feel down on birthdays if people aren't reaching out no matter our age!

Go treat yourself with fave foods / treats. Perhaps your fave takeaway instead? Must be thought with dealing with your son and DH. Let's hope next year you will be in a much more positive space!

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:42

May09Bump · 08/01/2023 14:34

A big birthday hug from me. I'm also a mum to a son with SEN and have a daughter. Your walk will help, try to notice things around you rather than just doing it to tick it off the list, the branches are starting to bud for new leaves.

Order in a takeaway (if you can), read a book and if you need to have a cry then do, it can be a release.

Everything probably seems too much at the moment - try and approach in little steps. Check out some Autism support charities, they may have groups to help you talk through issues / assessments / just connect and not be isolated.

Try and focus on your health too - vitamins and iron supplements, dog walks are great as make you go out.

Marriage ending is hard under these circumstances - again little steps and try to focus on your financial security and contact arrangements for the children. Also maybe worth chatting to a therapist if you haven't got a support network at the moment.

Today outside normal childcare, should be about selfcare and giving yourself leave to cut corners to give yourself a break. Take care and happy for you to pm if needed.

thank you for understanding so exactly how I feel, I’ll take all this advice xx

OP posts:
Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:42

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 08/01/2023 14:33

Happy Birthday OP. Aam very impressed with your strength and courage. And I am jealous you have a dog!
Also Zombieland 1 and 2 are awesome comedy horrors. Also Shaun of the Dead. But I bet you have seen these already. I watch despicable me when I am depressed.

Awwww yes my dog does make me smile and makes me get out which is much needed. Love those horror coms!

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 08/01/2023 14:48

Happy Birthday, you don't need a kick up the arse you need a massive hug because you are AMAZING.

Take a picture of that lovely card from your DD. Put it on social media. Tell people 'I never expected to turn 41 as an about to be single mum, but with my lovely kids I know I will get through it, sorry to all those I have not been in contact with lately, but onwards and upwards for the year ahead '.

I am sure you will find lots of women in your network ready to stand with you. I'm a bit further along than you, honestly it gets better and better and you will be Happy in future.

Original poster
wobblymum1 · 08/01/2023 14:51

CrapBucket · 08/01/2023 14:48

Happy Birthday, you don't need a kick up the arse you need a massive hug because you are AMAZING.

Take a picture of that lovely card from your DD. Put it on social media. Tell people 'I never expected to turn 41 as an about to be single mum, but with my lovely kids I know I will get through it, sorry to all those I have not been in contact with lately, but onwards and upwards for the year ahead '.

I am sure you will find lots of women in your network ready to stand with you. I'm a bit further along than you, honestly it gets better and better and you will be Happy in future.

Thank you for this confidence vote, I really needed it. I’m so glad things got better for you and I’ll trust they will for me too.

OP posts:
Summer2424 · 08/01/2023 14:56

Happy Birthday @wobblymum1
💐🎂🎉🎀💐🎂🎉🎀🎉🎂💐
You've joined the 41 yr old club like me! Yay! It's great trust me!
May all your wishes and dreams come true!
On my birthday even if i'm not doing anything, i do my make up, put on some nice clothes, it's my special day!
Enjoy the rest of your day! 🎉🎂💐🎂🎉🎀🎉🎂💐🎂🎉🎂💐🎉🎀🎂💐

Duchess379 · 08/01/2023 15:13

This is really rubbish, happy birthday Op, I'm sorry you're having a shit time. 🎁💐