Page 2 | Feeling bitter about maintenance, how is this legal or fair?

greipfaa · 2023-01-04T15:44:28+00:00

Ex has huge savings. He currently earns 75k but is taking 3 years out to do a PHD. DD is 1. This means I will have no help to pay nursery fees, I will struggle to work and pay for it. He’s 44 so hardly uni age and if I suddenly decided to do this DD would have nothing… how is this right? How can men get away with this? And yes,it’s almost always men. I’m upset/stressed and can’t believe this is allowed to happen. He’s got 300k in the bank and paid off a mortgage but because he is doing a course he doesn’t need to pay for his child?

HaggisBurger · 04/01/2023 17:10

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 16:43

@Sunshinegirl82 thanks, didn’t know about stocks and shares. I expect he will have moved his money around though, that’s the sort he is sadly. I will raise this though, thank you

I’ve actually really quite hard to “hide” money these days. Unless he’s given it to someone else.

people blaming you. Ffs. What a waste of space he is.

If you could publicly shame him - I would. Along with any evidence that he DID agree to pro create with you.

HermioneWeasley · 04/01/2023 17:15

I’ve always said that if women let their children starve or didn’t provide them with a home they’d be charged with neglect, but men do it all the time with zero consequences. It should be a crime not to provide for your kids, definitely to give up a job and pay nothing.

taxpayer1 · 04/01/2023 17:33

HermioneWeasley · 04/01/2023 17:15

I’ve always said that if women let their children starve or didn’t provide them with a home they’d be charged with neglect, but men do it all the time with zero consequences. It should be a crime not to provide for your kids, definitely to give up a job and pay nothing.

If women can't cope with the children, they can contact social services or put them up for adoption. So what you have always said is not true.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 17:35

If women can't cope with the children, they can contact social services or put them up for adoption.

Wow! If women can't cope because they been left in the shit by a knobhead and it's really hard to work and look after young children on your own the solution is to give up the children they love to a system that isn't fit for purpose? Rather than forcing men to pull their weight?

taxpayer1 · 04/01/2023 17:38

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 17:35

If women can't cope with the children, they can contact social services or put them up for adoption.

Wow! If women can't cope because they been left in the shit by a knobhead and it's really hard to work and look after young children on your own the solution is to give up the children they love to a system that isn't fit for purpose? Rather than forcing men to pull their weight?

Just commenting on your hyperbolic claims that women would be charged with neglect.

MelchiorsMistress · 04/01/2023 17:48

Wow! If women can't cope because they been left in the shit by a knobhead and it's really hard to work and look after young children on your own the solution is to give up the children they love to a system that isn't fit for purpose? Rather than forcing men to pull their weight?

You’ve made a huge leap there. That is not what s/he said.

TwoStepsAhead34 · 04/01/2023 18:03

I do think that UK has to take a leaf out of America or some of the European countries - I know one country where the minimum per child is €280 per month per child. If the father doesn't pay, the state will - they will go after the father and they will revoke his licence, take away property, cancel passports etc to cover the missed payments. And yep - I know a few who has their cars and boats taken away. Along with houses. Works tho.

America12 · 04/01/2023 18:27

TwoStepsAhead34 · 04/01/2023 18:03

I do think that UK has to take a leaf out of America or some of the European countries - I know one country where the minimum per child is €280 per month per child. If the father doesn't pay, the state will - they will go after the father and they will revoke his licence, take away property, cancel passports etc to cover the missed payments. And yep - I know a few who has their cars and boats taken away. Along with houses. Works tho.

Totally agree

365names · 04/01/2023 18:33

Sunshinegirl82 · 04/01/2023 16:25

Ask for a variation OP, see the link above.

Ask for a variation I did - in my case he paid CMS and then had to pay 75% of all nursery fees and 50% of all extra curricula on too
of maintenance.

ask for spouse and child maintenance

bowlingalleyblues · 04/01/2023 18:34

I agree, you should have to declare savings. The state is quite capable of taking this into account before it pays universal credit so why not in the case of child maintenance.

365names · 04/01/2023 18:34

TwoStepsAhead34 · 04/01/2023 18:03

I do think that UK has to take a leaf out of America or some of the European countries - I know one country where the minimum per child is €280 per month per child. If the father doesn't pay, the state will - they will go after the father and they will revoke his licence, take away property, cancel passports etc to cover the missed payments. And yep - I know a few who has their cars and boats taken away. Along with houses. Works tho.

Totally this - should be a minimum amount whatever and if you default by more than one month - you go to prison until the debt is paid

JangolinaPitt · 04/01/2023 18:38

Surely this would have been part of the divorce settlement? Did you keep the family home?

taxpayer1 · 04/01/2023 18:45

365names · 04/01/2023 18:33

Ask for a variation I did - in my case he paid CMS and then had to pay 75% of all nursery fees and 50% of all extra curricula on too
of maintenance.

ask for spouse and child maintenance

Show quote history

That information is incorrect. First CMS doesn't deal with spousal maintenance. Second, it doesn't take into account nursery fees or extracurricular activities, or any child expenses. It is only a percentage of the NRP gross income minus certain deductions.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 18:50

MelchiorsMistress · 04/01/2023 17:48

Wow! If women can't cope because they been left in the shit by a knobhead and it's really hard to work and look after young children on your own the solution is to give up the children they love to a system that isn't fit for purpose? Rather than forcing men to pull their weight?

You’ve made a huge leap there. That is not what s/he said.

She said women could put their child up for adoption if they couldn't cope when someone else said men should be legally liable - so that's basically what she said. No leap.

IntoTheDeepDark · 04/01/2023 18:55

TwoStepsAhead34 · 04/01/2023 18:03

I do think that UK has to take a leaf out of America or some of the European countries - I know one country where the minimum per child is €280 per month per child. If the father doesn't pay, the state will - they will go after the father and they will revoke his licence, take away property, cancel passports etc to cover the missed payments. And yep - I know a few who has their cars and boats taken away. Along with houses. Works tho.

I'm really curious which country?

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 04/01/2023 18:58

Sunshinegirl82 · 04/01/2023 16:23

www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out/ask-other-income-expenses-included

This. He has savings, maybe he didn't declare the???. Go back to CMS and ask them to try again, to get it right this time.

Kpo58 · 04/01/2023 19:05

Pineconederby · 04/01/2023 15:59

I always say this but why isn’t it a criminal offence not to pay 50/50 until the child is 18 or 21? Totally agree that you don’t have the same rights - like you say, if you gave up, your child would have nothing. It’s despicable behaviour and you can only hope your child will judge him for who he really is when they are older.

I'm not sure that paying 50/50 could ever be made totally fair. I don't think that bankrupting an otherwise good father who earns minimum wage and is living in a bedsit on a council estate because you want your child to go to a very expensive private school could be seen a reasonable.

Original poster

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:19

Goldfishbowled · 04/01/2023 16:45

I know it’s too late and shouldn’t necessarily be this way. But this is why it’s a good idea to get married before having a child. You would have been entitled to some of those savings or home.

@Goldfishbowled that’s what’s so sad though, isn’t it? Women are forced to marry if they want to ensure a man will provide for his children. Absurd.

OP posts:

Original poster

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:20

Kpo58 · 04/01/2023 19:05

I'm not sure that paying 50/50 could ever be made totally fair. I don't think that bankrupting an otherwise good father who earns minimum wage and is living in a bedsit on a council estate because you want your child to go to a very expensive private school could be seen a reasonable.

Show quote history

@Kpo58 true, but I spend more than 12 percent of my salary on my child and believe the father should, too.

OP posts:

shivermetimbers77 · 04/01/2023 19:24

Yes, the system here is ridiculous OP, I’m in a similar situation, it’s rubbish!

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 04/01/2023 19:27

There's nothing fair at all about the CMS system here. It's total shite.

Original poster

greipfaa · 04/01/2023 19:29

Does anyone come out of the application in a good position? I don’t know of anyone.

OP posts:

RedPandaFluff · 04/01/2023 19:40

Wait, what? Savings aren't taken into account? That's horrendous - I didn't know this!

Beenthereanditshard · 04/01/2023 19:57

To be fair to men, it’s normally them paying CMS as the mother seems to automatically take on the role of RP and, understandably, wouldn’t want it any other way.

On the rare threads where men are the RP, there are money issues too.

Blendandmix · 04/01/2023 20:24

That's unbelievable! Are you close to his parents? As childish as it is I'd be going to them to have a word with their selfish prick of a son

Feeling bitter about maintenance, how is this legal or fair?

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