ADHD

[catscratcher]

NC for this one.

Following on from another thread that I didn't want to derail, I wanted to ask.

Those of you who have ADHD - what did it look like when you were 13? Trying to navigate school, friends, homework, keeping your room tidy, etc.

Strongly suspect DD13 has ADHD, but would love some real life examples of how it presents in teenagers (specifically girls if possible).

We've spoken to the GP, and she thinks it's more like an anxiety issue. I suspect the anxiety is from the undiagnosed ADHD. Any advice gratefully welcomed, as things are spiralling...

TIA!

Constantly forgetting homework, or elements of homework, or papers to sign. Late, no sense of the passage of time.

Easily bored, daydreaming in class, but would obsessively read books far above my reading age (unabridged version of Les Miserable at 13, various Stephen Kings, etc, staying up all night to finish just one more chapter, etc)

Not understanding social complexities of teen life, I'm still very straightforward in my dealings with others and expect the same from people, sometimes to my detriment.

Eccentric clothing style. Didn't care if I looked put of place, but I felt constantly awkward anyway so it didn't matter.

A million thoughts whirring around in my head all the time, no way to slow them down, unless I became "hooked" on something and would quickly become proficient at it.

Things were either easy to learn, and soon boring, or brought me to tears. Lurching from one extreme emotion to another throughout the day was normal.

Very interesting

So interesting.

Many of the examples you have are what we're experiencing with DD. My DH has ADHD, so it's not new to us, but it was pretty much written off by the GP.

She said they're seeing a lot of parents wanting referrals for ADHD/ASD, but she suspects it's a product of them being locked down for 2 years. She said we'd have spotted things sooner than now (first started noticing signs about 2 years ago, but didn't connect dots).

I have read that puberty can really highlight these issues, and I think that's what's happening.

This list is really helpful, thank you so much for sharing.

Following but there’s a lot there a lot I recognise with my 12 year old Dd. She gets overwhelmed easily, has super low self esteem, has always had fairly mercurial emotions. She often finds it hard to get to sleep. She’s very low energy in general (prefers to be at home as much as possible) so not ‘h’ but constantly fidgets, picks at spots, creates holes in clothes. She finds group activities often overwhelming. But is good at making nice friends and is very empathetic and considerate.

Her sibling has more obvious / traditional ADHD. I’ve also self referred and will be starting the journey for her too.

Also would say that she has no food-regulation. She doesn’t appear to have an off switch.

Calling out in class / being the class clown.
Starting homework at the very last minute or maybe never at all.
Some impulsive actions.
Not being at all affected by e-numbers, sugar, caffeine
Staying up late (bedtime procrastination, essentially!)
Procrastination in all its forms
Horrifically untidy bedroom
Being very quick to join the dots and take in a lot of information / fast processing
Hyper focus on certain topics - boybands!

I have just got the self referral forms through. I need to speak with school tomorrow.

We see almost a different person during the holidays. She's still very quiet and happy with her own company but like your DD, she's picking her face/painting nails 2-3-4 times a day and repainting?!/untidy/ emotional - but manageable. Is able to enjoy time with 1-2 friends.

The last 2 days she's started to withdraw and revert back to the reply worrying behaviour - the crying, obsessive thoughts ( she has emetophobia and sometimes won't eat), very very late nights (4am last night, just overthinking in bed).

I know it's because she's so overwhelmed at school, but trying to get school to consider this and support us is very difficult. I dread school restarting, but particularly so after the worst term before Christmas. I found a message on her phone (I never usually look at, but did out of worry), which said she felt suicidal and that nobody understood her.

Again the GP dismissed this as 'something teenagers say to each other'. Pretty sure I don't recall saying that at 13.

It all feels very difficult 😞

That's so interesting. Tonight I found an empty 4-box of iced doughnuts. Apparently she'd taken herself to the shop earlier and bought and ate the lot on the way home. I knew nothing about it till I found the box.

She couldn't understand why it wasn't ok?!

My son is 16 and he thinks he might have ADHD, dr suggested anxiety but he really doesn’t think it is that

he’s struggling with organisation/focus/ procrastination and he fidgets constantly

@catscratcher that sounds really tough. Hope the conversation with school goes ok. I’ve asked to have a conversation with them once they are back. And am talking to the Dr next week. It’s been on my mind for a while but I wanted to wait for her to be aware and to raise the possibility.

Who’d be a teen in this day and age anyway but for neurodivergent kids it must be even harder than it was in our day.

Some of DD’s ‘habits & hobbies’ seem to help her self-sooth (such as repetitively listening to Harry Potter on audio books). But she can obsess over negative thoughts and refuses to put herself into any situation that is challenging / where she might feel less good/ able.

That's so true. I can't imagine how hard it is for them.

We've been in a similar boat re waiting. Then a month ago she sent me a TikTok about adhd in girls, and said she felt like it was her. That was my cue to take the next step.

Thanks for the well wishes. I hope you have some luck with the school 🤞🏽

I think the anxiety is a byproduct of undiagnosed ADHD? How could you not be anxious coping/masking the whole time with little support.

I recognise this from my DH. He was only recently diagnosed, and has suffered with depression and anxiety most of his adult life. So many things for him make sense now. He feels heard and validated.

Is it worth your son seeking a second opinion?

As an undiagnosed 13 year old girl, ADHD for me was:

• having very good grades in the subjects I loved but very poor ones in the subjects I didn't (think A* and then D/Es)
• only ever doing homework at the very last minute
• being so anxious about not doing homework/being behind that I had a lot of absences
• not being able to go to bed at a normal time and really struggling to get up in the mornings (look at delayed onset sleep disorder)
• school reports commenting on being clever but easily distracted/daydreaming/inattentive
• a lot of overeating for stimulation
• needing to nap for an hour+ every day after school (sheer exhaustion of masking)
• having really intense but often short-lived friendships
• being late to school almost everyday
• struggling to brush teeth/shower at the weekends (lack of external structure)
• horrendously messy room all the time, never enough clean clothes, missing PE kit etc.

I was diagnosed with General Anxiety at 15 and ADHD at 25 - I do think I had GA but only as a result of unmanaged and unmedicated ADHD! Hope this helps.

So many of these lists would apply to autism too (I'm looking at adking re both and find it hard to separate out which is which. If that's even possible.)

I found school academically very easy at 13 but very rarely put effort or time into homework, handed it in late or came up with excuses.

My bedroom was an absolute tip!

Slept either too much or not enough, found it extremely difficult to switch off and fall asleep.

Ooh also extremely emotional- my nickname was “bubbles” growing up. I hated getting into trouble/shouted at

Curious to how you are now? Did you develop strategies? Dd is 18 and recently diagnosed..sleeps all the time , bedroom a tip and not in education or work..but very bright... not sure how to support her now?

Wouldn't list too many as others have already mentioned quite a thorough list. But I remember I daydreamed LOTS in class. I actually don't recall if I ever managed to follow through one single lecture in the classroom environment. Put off homework until the last day/minutes.

I was loud and cracking silly jokes a lot. Often clueless as I couldn't follow what others are saying or be aware of the surroundings.

Never felt like a normal girl (not interested in girly things), and always felt like an outsider with other girls. I got along with boys a lot more than with girls.

Really talkative and my brain never stopped.

I also had and still have huge trouble with emotional regulation. I used to cry a lot easily but the sense of happiness could also be unproportional. They call it "mood swings"?

Very forgetful. Very very careless (and never bothered though until older age).

If you can afford private, I suggest find someone who's reputable to diagnose. The problem with NHS is that mild cases if not represent a problem for others, it's very difficult to be picked up. My DS10 got diagnosed a month ago privately. He's on the mild/modest side of the spectrum. There's no way he could be taken seriously in the NHS system - far too many more complex and severe cases. I don't complain about it, as obviously a lot more other kids need more support than he does and the resources in public funding (NHS) is too tight to take care of everyone.

Good luck with the research. But if you want to get the support in place quicker than 2-3 years waiting, see if you can do privately.

I was only diagnosed recently at age 28-ish! Is she medicated? I don’t think I could do it without the medication… it helped me finally stick in and pass my degree and actually thrive at my job rather than being sacked every 6 months..

I was diagnosed late in life. Adhd- inattentive

As a teen..

Bedroom was an absolute tip.
Homework was always last minute.
Struggled socially- one specific friend, who I now suspect was ASD.
Binged on anything sugary.
Would shut myself away at home after school.
Sleep pattern all over the place..Still is!
Read anything I could get my hands on.
Specific interests, not normal teen stuff.
Low level depression & anxiety.
Academic if I was interested, but would make silly mistakes.
Constantly distracted, day dreaming or doodling.
Well behaved.
Clumsy, knocking things over, tripping up etc

I didn't have anything that screamed ADHD until later in high school. But that was because I was smart enough to sail through schooling until the final 2 years when suddenly I needed to put some effort into it to get through. Australia generally has a lot less homework though.

For me was a child I constantly lost belongings. And if I remembered that I had left something behind somewhere I couldn't be bothered going back to get it, it just seemed to be too hard/too much effort.

I also struggled with friendships, did make some good ones but I struggle to maintain friendships to this day.

I was a book worm, read everything I could get my hands in even if it was beyond my years. Had a lovely librarian that gave me some guidance fortunately.

Nowadays I get hooked on inconsequential games on my tablet, so that might be a marker for a current teen?

I had imaginative stories running through my head all the time, never complete one though, just a few scenes.

Lots of noise in my head. Terrible at regulating food but was incredibly fussy as a child so didn't actually eat that much.

I'm not medicated but might try to get a prescription as starting a new job that will require organisation and proactiveness.

I am FANTASTIC in a crisis. I stay calm and have the focus to get things done and to keep others around me calm.

Terrible at housekeeping, it's all just too tedious for me.... everything else is far more interesting.

Thanks so much for the reply.

Do you mind me asking about the diagnosis? How did you find someone to do it? What was the timescale?

I’m interested in so many people being diagnosed with ADHD only. DS (7) has either ADHD or ASD, I’m certain of it. But the traits are so overlapping and also the conditions commonly comorbid.

Thank you all so much. I feel even more like it's what she's going through. 99% of what you've all shared we experience. Some if it is quite niche, such as over/under eating/sleeping. The mess, disorganisation, lateness and being so worried about consequences, but still not completing tasks.

May I ask now - how would you have preferred to be supported? Both at school, and at home? What would you have liked teachers/parents to say/do?

Diagnosis aside, my priority is supporting her on every day tasks and keeping her mental health good. As an ex teacher, I find her attitudes towards school difficult, so would really love any guidance.

I'm having similar discussions around my y12, the doctor has also suggested anxiety and COVID related stress. I have to say I actually agree,the significant issues I'm seeing now were not evident 3 years ago at all. Fidgeting, procrastination, emotional and sensory regulation, organisation... I don't think a diagnosis will help because if it isn't going to address the root cause which I think was lockdown for her.