ADHD

[catscratcher]

NC for this one.

Following on from another thread that I didn't want to derail, I wanted to ask.

Those of you who have ADHD - what did it look like when you were 13? Trying to navigate school, friends, homework, keeping your room tidy, etc.

Strongly suspect DD13 has ADHD, but would love some real life examples of how it presents in teenagers (specifically girls if possible).

We've spoken to the GP, and she thinks it's more like an anxiety issue. I suspect the anxiety is from the undiagnosed ADHD. Any advice gratefully welcomed, as things are spiralling...

TIA!

Oh, this is also me

For many with ADHD, food gives a dopamine hit. Unfortunately as I was only diagnosed recently in my late 30s, plus I have PCOS, I am now overweight with a high BMI and nothing can help me lose it.

I'd hoped that ADHD medication would curb the cravings (as it does for many) but I'm sadly unable to take stimulants due to high BP, due to my weight. It's very very difficult and feels like a vicious cycle.

Hyper focus on certain topics - boybands!

Omg this is me 😂 I used to make books for each boy and and cut out photos from magazines and paste them in.

My mum used to say to me 'if only you could remember your work like you remember those songs' 🙄

Haven’t RTFT but thought I’d stick in my two pence worth.

Late for the school bus pretty much every day
Homework late and messy
Prone to violence
Didn’t study for exams until the week of or night before the exam
Very very messy bedroom
Sexually active very young (pregnant young too)
Only ever one very close friend at a time never had a group of friends
Always chose boys over said friend therefore lost the friend and had to find another
Poor choices generally - my parents went on about choosing the right or wrong path but I really don’t think I had a choice
No hobbies
General disorganisation

I’m sure I’ll think of more!!

Omg I feel like I'm looking in the mirror at this description, bar being late for school. My mother drove us all to 3 separate schools and there was no way I could be late! She'd drag me half dressed and chuck me out if I wasn't ready (this never happened)

Also to add I was massively unliked at school.

My DD is slightly younger (with ADHD and anxiety. CAMHS said they co exist so frequently and each exacerbates the symptoms of the other that it can be hard to disaggregate cause and effect but their approach is to treat the anxiety first and then see if the ADHD is still a problem. DH has similar issues and we both agree this makes sense. By itself the ADHD isn't really such an issue: she has great strengths and good coping mechanisms - but the emotional regulation is a problem for her.

In answer to your question about how it presents: dreaminess/doesn't take things in/ impulsiveness, talking lots, tapping, hyperfocus, extreme emotions, sensory seeking, difficulty breaking down a task.

So much of this is just like my DS, he is only 7, but is on the assessment pathway for ADHD/ASD. He is blunt, fidgety, likes to only have a small number of friends (and prefers to play with them 1-2-1 I think), impulsive, impatient, quick to anger.

Those with diagnosed ADHD but not ASD, do you struggle socially? My DS has friends, and can make friends in new places eg on holiday, at the playground. But I and his teacher do think something is amiss with his social communication. He doesn’t like to pair up with certain classmates, much prefers to be with his best mates, and thinks people are mean to him when they’re not, really, they’re just being kids. Although kids can be knobs so I see where he’s coming from sometimes!

Read a book a night.
Couldn't retain numbers in my head. ( still can't ,even if it's only 4 numbers)
Would listen to the same song over and over again ( still do )
Had to learn all the words to the song of the moment .
Concentration level was very low ,couldn't follow instruction .I would just wander off in my mind when anyone spoke for too long .
Very defiant ,was actually labelled as being difficult with authorities.
I was a loner ,but still had a few friends .but quite liked my own company .
Was exceptionally shy,to the point of being mute around relatives,but I didn't see this as a problem .
Enjoyed creative activities rather than academic ones.
Stubborn as a mule .there was no shifting me once my mind was made up ( still the same now )
Hated saying sorry ,found it impossible to say the word .
Room was shockingly untidy ,my mum used to deliberately get me in a bad mood because she knew that I would get mad and tidy my room in temper .
My constant stress reducer was and is loud music .
Obsessive about certain foods and how they were prepared,same foods every single day .
Reacted badly when my routine was disrupted.
Suffered from school phobia for a year at age 15 .
Very attached to my mum at that age,
Certain clothes used to stress me ( still do ) will never wear tights again.
Not changed much really ,just a lot lot older .still very awkward round people .

DD same age:
Looses everything.
Time blindness.
Emotional immaturity.
Friends find her annoying.
Struggle to sit and focus for even half a lesson.
Poor test tests as gets distracted.
Fidgets.
Does loads of sport & extra curricular.
Hyper focus on things she is interested in eg reading a book in class (novel) instead of what she's supposed to be doing.

What @Palloy describes too

I am undiagnosed but have all the traits. At 13 I messed about in every class but was hyper bright. I almost fizzed with energy. I did not understand why others seemed so lethargic. Very impulsive. Did homework on school bus. Managed to hyperfocus brought to get decent GCSEs / Alevels. Being bored a lot is life for me. Almost hurts my head.
Ate for dopamjne hits. Later took up smoking to replace it & regretted it for years and years until finally gave up.
DD is on meds and makes a big difference. She binges on sweets at times but meds do reduce appetite.

Many PP have given great examples of ADHD behaviours, so I just wanted to answer your specific question about early years development.

My school reports were quite telling and all had the classic "PorkPieForStarters is pleasant in class and very capable but would do better if she would try harder/concentrate more". Lots of comments about daydreaming or being distracted. I also struggled with maths because I couldn't remember the logic.

For the most part, thanks the structure of family life, I did ok at home though my room was always a tip and I was known as a daydreamer. I would get absorbed into some hobby, activity or book and was highly creative. Time-keeping was not a thing, I'm not sure I was ever on time!

Very shy, I think now that this was because I found social situations and pressure to think quickly overwhelming.

You also asked about what might help your daughter at school and I saw this thread earlier where people have answered that: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4712161-to-ask-for-adhd-classroom-experience-from-the-other-side

I'd definitely keep pushing for assessment. She may not have it but, if she does, she'll be able to get the support she needs and learn how to manage it, which will be so so valuable as she grows up into adulthood.

Wow

The similarities between the posts are really astounding. Especially so as they're all so familiar.

For me it highlights that yes, teenagers are tricky beasts, and you'd expect a number of these traits in any NT teen. But so many? It's unlikely.

I had a great chat with the pastoral leader for my DD's year group today and we've arranged a meeting with her head of year.

I've also looked at some more options for private diagnosis. I suspect that's what we'll do.

Thank you all so much for contributing. I've been putting it off for months, but feel so relieved I asked and you were all so helpful.

❤️

@catscratcher ,

Hi, good luck and hope you find the right support for your DD too. About private diagnosis, in case you didn't come across - better off finding a psychiatrist than a psychologist. The latter can diagnose but can't prescribe, per my memory about things I read on MN.

I had no time management skills, I was always anxious, I was always in a day dream and my school reports said so. My brain felt like it was always noisy and I always felt different

Further to my previous post, one of the things that helps me is to create more frequent deadlines. Real ones, but "created".

At Uni I organised study sessions which prompted me to get my lecture notes typed up and my tutorial questions completed while it was still fresh in my brain. I had the most AMAZING lecture notes when I did them... This meant that my preparation for tutorials was easier and I didn't feel overwhelmed the day before.

When my MIL was due to visit and stay I would organise a few get togethers with friends at my house which would prompt some extra tidying downstairs, which meant I had less to sort prior to her visit.

Those sort of things. So genuine but created deadlines prior to the real externally imposed deadlines.

The other one is creating habits. Writing up a list of things I need to have before leaving home and checking it off.

As a teen I had a fantastic memory and got away with being disorganised as I could remember where I left my jacket, books, calculator etc. without that brilliant memory I have to force myself into being more organised.

I generally never change handbags during the week. I am not organised enough to make sure a new handbag has everything I need.

The book that really helped me get my head around it was "Driven to Distraction". It has a lot of case studies in there and some management guidelines. I found it as it was frequently referenced in journal articles (medical etc) and so looked it up. A list is "helpful" to an extent, but it is the severity of symptoms and how they manifest that is important and this book takes you through all that. I was researching for my DS and was reading one of the case studies and realised that it was 100% me, very eye opening.

Driven to Distraction - Amazon UK link.

It doesn’t really sound like my DD.
she mainly has inattentive type - so struggles with concentration, remembering things and organisation, settling down to do something. Eating takes a while.
basically, in her case everything takes twice as long to do as it should.

No friendship issues, no anxiety. Generally a happy social person. She can find large group situations difficult when she doesn’t know the participants and generally she’s not been listening to instructions, but she’s good now about asking when unsure.

Yes this is correct. DD wanted to pursue medication so saw a psychiatrist- 1st one was awful. He put her on stimulants and she had a bad reaction - couldn't get hold of him over a weekend / thankfully crisis GP stepped in. We never went back to him but found a new one even though there was a 6 month wait. She has been a life saver. We went privately and live in Surrey - DM if anyone wants more info

@Localher0 , hi, thanks for sharing. We are about to request for medication. The psychiatrist suggested to start from stimulant as the common route. May I ask you, what shall we look out for? We are having a zoom call with him. Is there anything specific we shall ask? Would really appreciate it...

Just to mention our experience with CAMHS has been pretty positive. It took a few months and we are still part way through the assessment phase but she's already having sessions. The good thing about that route is it's all joined up with the school. They'll even do her counselling at school and there's no worry that the school will argue back. It was her primary school that made the referral though

Untidy, unable to finish tasks. At school, always last minute / late with homework, took a very long time to complete homework top - ie what other kids did in 30 mins took me 203 hours a night. Highly variable school results e.g. Maths terrible (12%, 13%) but about 7 subjects good (75-95%) so enough to disguise the issue and get reports like ‘Can achieve good results when she applies herself’. Often late for school, many days off due to illness. Can’t get to bed, can’t get up. Ridiculously upset over small issues. Unable to figure out when to speak, how to get attention, then accused of rudeness for butting in at the wrong moment.

I meant 2 or 3 hours a night…

@freespirit333 - my DS has ADHD diagnosed ( and anxiety and other NDs). In many ways he is almost hyper social - always made kids laugh ( when he’s on form) and other children drawn to his energy and willingness to get in trouble tbh. He does however have friendship difficulties which became more apparent as he progressed through primary - sometimes because of his impulsivity, but also if you watch carefully he isn’t always processing conversations so he finds group interactions difficult. As he got older he was taken advantage of by some more emotionally mature kids who discovered they could wind him up/get him to do things like lock himself in cupboards etc.

we actually suspect he is probably also PDA ASD profile and has been referred for asssessment.

Hope you worked it all out. She's lucky to have a mother with such empathy. ADHD tends to be hereditary, so look at parents and grandparents. I'd say if nothing there it's less likely.

I don’t think ADHD is so easy to spot in younger children (though maybe some signs). After all, lots of young children are high energy, a bit clumsy, etc.

The teen years were when things went downhill fast for my son. Always late for school. Homework rarely done (he absolutely hated it in primary school and would cry). The increased level of admin, need for choices going into early adulthood has been really hard for him (and for me by proxy). He’s often chaotic and messy, eats rubbish food on the run (though actually a good cook when he bothers).