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Original poster

Would you let your 16-year-old go to this party?

65 replies

middleager · 01/01/2023 08:05

My Year 12 son has been invited to an unsupervised party.

The person is hiring out an Airbnb for this party. No adults.

it's bout 7 miles away from where we live, in a really dodgy part of the city (known for high crime, drugs - a town centre where it would not be a stretch for gatecrashers to easily access said party, and there are lots of rough pubs etc).

Apparently, everybody else is going.

I'm really worried, for obvious reasons. It's not his first party, but the others were local, in homes, with adults there.

I feel so uncomfortable about this.

OP posts:
DorothyCannoli · 01/01/2023 08:06

12? Not in a million years.

Frenchfancy · 01/01/2023 08:06

No.

DorothyCannoli · 01/01/2023 08:07

Ah realised I misread as age 12, sorry.

Possibly at age 16!

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 08:09

Yes, just to clarify, he is 16 (Year 12).

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 01/01/2023 08:11

Sorry to sound like a party pooper but I think I'd be contacting the aur bnb owner.

YukoandHiro · 01/01/2023 08:11

I would definitely allow an unsupervised party at 16 in sixth form but I'm not sure I would allow one at a random Airbnb. Presumably his older college mates have organised it as they are already 18?
How reliable is he? Attitudes to drugs/alcohol/risk etc?
On the other hand at this age it's not so easy as just say no as they're developing their independent lives.

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 08:20

I am still trying to get more detail on this, as I don't know who booked the random house/flat, as the host is turning 17.

It is so difficult as it sounds like others are allowed to go. I can't underestimate how dodgy this town centre is too. It would be so easy for people to just walk in off the high street, straight out of the pubs or just from hanging around.

He has so far proven himself sensible at parties, having a couple of beers. He's not always great at communicating and has kept us waiting before.

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 01/01/2023 08:24

No because you can only rent air bnbs as an adult so I suspect (with some good reason and evidence) that these parties are organised by adults who are seeking to exploit young people most likely to sell drugs to them as well as recruit them for exploitation.

Lkydfju · 01/01/2023 08:24

Also do you actually know that others are allowed to go and their parents have the full information? It’s the oldest trick in the book to say why can’t I go when all my friends are

Thingiemajig · 01/01/2023 08:27

What’s he like generally? Is he responsible? A risk taker? Open to heavy drugs? What are his mates like? What about his mates mates? Personally I’d err on the side of caution but enable him to take well judged risks. Would feel totally different if it was him with a small group of nice friends rouging it in the countryside with fires, takeaway delivered

Tadpoll · 01/01/2023 08:27

I wouldn’t want him to go at all. I’ve seen how reckless teens can be at unsupervised house parties - because this is an Airbnb they will feel there are no repercussions (even though there are).

However, I think ‘You’re not going’ is tricky at this age. I would sit down and talk about the things you’re worried about, outlining them to him from best to worst so he can see it from an adult point of view.

  1. That the house will get trashed
  2. That because it’s ‘away’ from anyone’s home everyone’s guard will be down and there is possibility of people getting out of hand with alcohol (regretful sexual decisions, fighting, medical issues etc)
  3. That there might be drugs there due to it’s location
  4. That unwanted, violent people might end up getting in and they would then be out of control
  5. That it’s 7 miles away so you are not on hand to get there quickly

A few ‘what-ifs’ he hasn’t yet thought of might be good too.

Is there a compromise? Change the location?

Remaker · 01/01/2023 08:27

I have a 16yo and no they wouldn’t be going. Have you looked up the listing on Airbnb? I’d probably let them know it’s been hired for an underage party.

Thingiemajig · 01/01/2023 08:29

A compromise might be him going and being collected by yourself before the pubs close.

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 08:30

I know a good friend whose parents are definitely letting him go, but we have different ideas of risk - they have been drinking with their son at home for years now and have a more relaxed attitude.

That's one of the reasons I posted on here. I worry it is me who's out of touch, but it feels like there are so many red flags with this party that I can't relax.

OP posts:
greenkitten2 · 01/01/2023 08:31

Definitely contact the air B&B - but don't tell your son!

Lampzade · 01/01/2023 08:31

My 17 year old ds was invited to a NYE party at an Airbnb. I refused to let him go.
I am usually quite relaxed about these things and my dcs have always attended parties/ sleepovers etc, but I was just uncomfortable about the party being at some random address.
DS was upset at first, but understands why I was reluctant to let him go

Thingiemajig · 01/01/2023 08:31

Yep let the host know it’s an underage party

Judgyjudgy · 01/01/2023 08:31

Maybe I'm old, but wouldn't most 16yo parties be unsupervised? I know most that I went to were unless my friends had extremely "cool" parents, but generally people had parties if their parents were away

LlynTegid · 01/01/2023 08:32

No way, reasons have been given by others.

The 'everyone else is going' is so unoriginal that no would be acceptable for that reason alone, never mind the others.

Obviouspretzel · 01/01/2023 08:37

Why would you contact the air bnb owner? This is literally none of your business. Either let your son go or not. I think you might be overplaying the danger of other people coming into the party from pubs etc, but it all depends on location and you will know more than I do.

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 08:37

Lampzade · 01/01/2023 08:31

My 17 year old ds was invited to a NYE party at an Airbnb. I refused to let him go.
I am usually quite relaxed about these things and my dcs have always attended parties/ sleepovers etc, but I was just uncomfortable about the party being at some random address.
DS was upset at first, but understands why I was reluctant to let him go

This is how I'm feeling, so it's a relief to know I'm not alone.

The previous parties have all had parents there, at home addresses.

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 01/01/2023 08:43

I think it's the fact that it's in a random airbnb place that would make me say no. Why would anyone think to rent an airbnb to hold a party? It's likely someone who is desperate to hold an anonymous party as far away from responsible adults as they can get.

It's difficult because your son might be very cross with you and feel you don't trust him, but I just can't see this party set-up being anything but dodgy.

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 08:52

He has already asked why I don't trust him, but I have explained the reasons. It's hard, as he's a good kid, but not completely streetwise.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/01/2023 09:16

Yeah I have a dd the same age, she's been to an unsupervised house party before but your scenario I think I'd say no or you can go but I'm picking you up at 11...

Butterfly44 · 01/01/2023 09:36

Absolutely yes to a party at someones house but not at a hired out Airbnb!!!

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