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Original poster

Would you let your 16-year-old go to this party?

65 replies

middleager · 01/01/2023 08:05

My Year 12 son has been invited to an unsupervised party.

The person is hiring out an Airbnb for this party. No adults.

it's bout 7 miles away from where we live, in a really dodgy part of the city (known for high crime, drugs - a town centre where it would not be a stretch for gatecrashers to easily access said party, and there are lots of rough pubs etc).

Apparently, everybody else is going.

I'm really worried, for obvious reasons. It's not his first party, but the others were local, in homes, with adults there.

I feel so uncomfortable about this.

OP posts:
ILovePigsInBlankets · 01/01/2023 09:59

I wouldn't let mine go.

He's dead sensible- as are his mates - so I'd be ok with a party at our house or his mates with parents out. Knowing that parents and neighbours are nearby if needed and they are in familiar surroundings.

An Airbnb in a dodgy area? - no way. Too much potential for trouble like going to a dodgy pub, people gate crashing the house, no one nearby to help out if needed etc.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 01/01/2023 10:04

middleager · 01/01/2023 08:52

He has already asked why I don't trust him, but I have explained the reasons. It's hard, as he's a good kid, but not completely streetwise.

It's not him you don't trust

It's other people

This has disaster written all over it

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 10:45

Thanks. I think most of these replies are confirming my thoughts, so I don't feel unreasonable - even though I don't feel great either for saying no.

OP posts:
Wheredoallthepensgo · 01/01/2023 11:11

I'd be worried they wouldn't stay in the Air bnb for the party and would head out into the pubs in the dodgy area as the lure would be too much. So it would be a no from me too.

itsgettingweird · 01/01/2023 11:25

I would explain its bro you don't trust him. But from experience and knowledge against from life you have concerns.

Explain about gatecrashers, house being an air B and B. Explain all your concerns.

And then ask him what he would do in those situations. Ask him things like "and if you had your phone stolen?"

Let him see for himself all the actual risks and work out for himself why you're saying no.

Ask him how he would feel if it hit out of hand and police involved? Is that worth it?

Hopefully he'll see the risks outline the gains on this one.

Iwannabeadog · 01/01/2023 11:33

We had a similar scenario for a post prom party. Rented Airbnb in dodgy part of town. DS was desperate to go, we were v reluctant.
Hes a good kid and pretty sensible so we agreed he could go and I went to collect him (and a couple of others) at an agreed time.
It went fine and he was pleased we trusted him to go. My worry is if you say no, next time they lie about where they are and stay at someone’s house!
Tricky one though…

YukoandHiro · 01/01/2023 11:36

Agree that the risk with a no is just two years of outright lies ahead of you until he's an adult (that's exactly what I did to get around the strict rules of my v conservative parents).
Can you come to some kind of agreement about pick up time or code words to pick up? Presume he's not planning on staying over? You offer to pick up a bunch of them?

Vermin · 01/01/2023 11:42

There was an empty house near us that was used for air bnb parties during lockdown. It was hired by dealers who could no longer sell in clubs as they were shut - in your case maybe because the kids are too young to get into the clubs? As well as the drugs and antisocial behaviour and pairs of knickers / empty spirits bottles / box canisters littering the road after each one, there were knives and threats and (eventually) a gun pulled when one of the parties was robbed (presumably by other dealers annoyed by the activity there). They hired their own security guards for each of these parties and local police refused to attend repeatedly as too dangerous.
now yours maybe a kid with ID who has managed to con the owner but there is so much risk around this that I would say no.

isthismylifenow · 01/01/2023 11:44

This type of party has become a thing here as well.

This is how it usually goes here :

Some adult arranges the party and books an air bnb for the venue.

The event gets broadcast on social media for people to attend. Sometimes they will say it's an under 18s event or similar.

When they get there, they are charged an entrance fee, this is used to cover the air bnb cost.

They never usually end well. The police are usually involved at some point.

So just knowing that it's an air bnb venue I would not be encouraging this.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2023 11:45

Nope.
In fact my DD is 18 now so I couldn’t stop her but I wouldn’t facilitate it either

hotdiggetydog · 01/01/2023 11:47

Bemyclementine · 01/01/2023 08:11

Sorry to sound like a party pooper but I think I'd be contacting the aur bnb owner.

GRASS

VerifiedBot2351 · 01/01/2023 11:56

I would explain my concerns to him, but I would let my 16 year old go, on the proviso that I drop him at the door and collect him at an agreed time, no excuses.

Nevermindthesquirrels · 01/01/2023 11:59

It's not that you don't trust him, it's the others and the situation he could find himself in. It's hard, I feel you op but this is probably one of those things that I would try to talk an adult out of too and I did my fair share of London squat raves in sixth form.

Clymene · 01/01/2023 12:00

Rented Airbnb? No way in hell.

EstelleLauder · 01/01/2023 12:03

Nah. She’d be busy that evening.

FictionalCharacter · 01/01/2023 12:56

Not at an Airbnb rented by someone I didn’t know, no.
They always say everyone else is allowed to go. I bet there are others who are not.

jtaeapa · 01/01/2023 12:58

Not a bloody chance. I have a Y12 and he wouldn't consider it either.

Ivyy · 01/01/2023 13:02

Nope, too many red flags for one party! If it was just the Airbnb then maybe, but not with the dodgy area as well. and I'd want to know who exactly has hired the venue and how its being paid for, do they all have to chip in with an entrance fee? Unless someone's parent had made the booking for them, I'd be very concerned it's been organised by people outside the peer group and with the sale of drugs being the reason, likely then shared around on social media. Also why would anyone choose such a dodgy area? Why there? That's another red flag. I'd need to have answers to all these questions.

There's just too much risk and too many unknown factors, I worry about the amount of stabbings and gun crime in the news at the moment too.

RandomPerson42 · 01/01/2023 13:35

Things have probably changed a bit since my day, but I didn’t ever feel the need to ask for permission when aged 16 - parents would never have known.

I went to plenty of parties with copious amounts of booze, plenty of people smoking dope etc. no dramas - there was generally a lot more aggro in nightclubs and pubs than at parties held in houses.

Original poster
middleager · 01/01/2023 15:28

I think this is another reason for my feelings. I was quite a wild child as a teen myself, lots of underage drinking, parties, recreational drugs. It was a long time ago, but I know how things can take a nasty turn at these gatherings.

My parents let me do what I wanted and I shudder at the thought of what we got up to. Nobody guided me and I wish they had, looking back.

OP posts:
vinoandbrie · 01/01/2023 15:33

No, absolutely not.

SinnerBoy · 01/01/2023 15:58

Obviouspretzel · Today 08:37

^Why would you contact the air bnb owner?*

Because it's being used illegally by underage kids, who are likely to trash the place and cause a lot of nuisance and noise into the early hours.

Namaste6 · 01/01/2023 19:44

No.

Startwithamimosa · 01/01/2023 21:15

I'm shocked how many people wouldn't let their 16 year old go (assuming they're responsible,and everybody has phones so not like they'd be stranded). Were none if you ever young? I don't see the relevance of an airbnb and why this makes such a difference

Nevermindthesquirrels · 01/01/2023 21:36

@Startwithamimosa It does make a big difference as likelihood of police being involved is much higher, sharing responsibility for the place getting trashed etc as is getting stuck seeing as it sounds like it's in another town. I'd be surprised if it even goes ahead tbh.
I'm not strict at all and common sense just tells me no with this.

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