Please help - Scared for my daughter

[Bepis]

My daughter is 18 years old but she has special needs so is a lot younger in her mind. She has suffered with anxiety for the past 5 years or so, to the point where it stopped her attending school and she had to be under CAMHS. Her anxiety was mainly around people she didn't know and new situations.

The past couple of weeks have become so difficult and I just don't know what to do or where to turn.

I noticed her hearing things and she would say to me that her stepbrother swore, or I swore etc when that never happened. That went on for a while but now she is panicking if her sister is on the phone. Her sister will talk to her boyfriend in the evening in her room (they have separate rooms) but my eldest daughter is just flat out panicking about it and refuses to go upstairs. When I finally get her into her bedroom, she will not get in bed but just sits on her bed until 7/8 in the morning.

I tried laying with her this morning so she would get some sleep and she managed an hour or 2.

She's also started putting her fingers in her ears whenever someone talks. Not in a rude way but it's become a reaction. This is within the last couple of days.

She says she can hear her sister talking on the phone at 5/6/7 in the morning despite her sister being fast asleep.

She is also zoned out (I can't think of a better way to describe it). Like when I talk, it's like she doesn't understand me. She's also started whispering instead of using her real voice and is even starting to become non-verbal.

I'm so scared, I don't know what's wrong with her and I don't understand.

I took her to the doctors today and they prescribed Sertraline. She had her first tablet tonight. This seems like more than just anxiety though.

Has anyone else experienced this? Im scared and in tears.

Mental Health Nurse here ...

Your Gp has not done enough.

Please go back- and demand a referral to the Early Intervention in Psychosis team.
Based on your description of her symptoms your daughter needs an assessment by them.

Do not be fobbed off with Sertraline . And if she really struggles with the side effects ( can cause agitation) it needs stopping.

She seems to be doing a lot better. She's sleeping now which is a relief. Had 11 hours last night and tonight she fell to sleep around 11pm and has been asleep ever since. Also, she went to sleep by herself tonight as well without me in her bed.

I have increased her Sertraline dose to 50mg now as advised by the GP and she was smiling a bit today and was talking to her sister which is definitely an improvement.

Regards her thinking she can hear her sister on the phone, after spending last night with her, it was apparent that she can't actually hear her on the phone but it more worried that she either on it or is going to go on it.

I'm starting to genuinely think this has stemmed from those teenagers kicking our door on 3 separate occasions. Her reaction when it happened was one of trauma. She was screaming and jumping on her bed and having a panic attack. Someone on the thread said something about a trauma response and I do think that is what it was.

She's starting to slowly pull out of it but we have a long road ahead.

How can I get her to drink more? It's like she has no natural urge to eat or drink at the min.

Did you phone the mental health crisis team OP? If so what did they say?

Yes I did and I said that she was hardly drinking but they didn't seem concerned if I am honest. They said to phone 111 but I haven't done that yet because all they will say is book and out of hours appointment which is going to be too distressing for my daughter due to her mental state. I'd rather take her to her local GP.

It does feel like there is no help out there whatsoever though. It's scary.

At what point should I think about hospital with her barely drinking?

Has your daughter got ear defenders OP? They may help with thinking she's hearing people talking. I really hope you get the help you need for your daughter.
I'm a mum to a severely autistic boy of 12 and it's so worrying when we can't get inside their minds.
Sending a virtual hug

Will she eat grapes or melon or other watery fruit?

I found, when my grandma wouldnt drink when she was ill that if we shared a bowl of grapes or fruit she would eat it if I had one and then I gave her one. It really helped in her liquid intake.

Start strong op

Have you looked into...

• EDMR therapy
• Having music on low in every room in the house

-lavender spray in rooms -lavender under the pillow

• weighted blanket
• hot water bottle/ hot lavender teddy bear you can get them in pound shops and places like that
• kalms ( speak to go first)
• excercise
• warm baths/showers with relaxing lights you can get again in pound shops etc
• lavender body wash and moisterisers
• fidget toys/spinners/poppers
• bubble wrap to pop
• stress ball
• night light - can get lively 'gorwn up' ones
• humidifier
• white noise, pink noise, audio books for bedtime
• alarm system in the house so she feels safe
• light out outside the front and back door ti come on if anyone is there to make her feel safe( might not but you know your daughter best)
• different pillows/ mattress for comfort
• new pjs and bedsheets
• flavoured toothpaste might make settling for bed more enjoyable
• calming spray for the mouth they have them I supermarkets and chemists
• roll on calming oils like roll on perfume to put on her temples and wrists
• breathing techniques - check out you tube
• yoga - check out you tube
• would she write a diary of her feelings
• water dispenser for her room perhaps to encourage her to drink, could fill it with quash if she preferred and a mini fridge with treats in to encourage her to eat
• vitamins supplements
• an oodie so feel comfy when relaxing at home with nice fluffy socks/slippers
• eye mask to sleep in if she would prefer darkness or make her feel more safe ( again might not, only you will know)

When you say she has special needs, does she have a diagnosis? The reason I ask is that there may be local groups on Facebook or similar who could direct you to support that might best fit her needs. Your area may have separate adult services for different issues/groups of people, and it's not always best to rely on GP to keep up to date with different services available.

Since she seems to be slowly improving, the sertraline may be the best first step in getting her to a level of being able to function again. People have mentioned psychosis and it's possible, but young people with ASD can respond like your daughter has to stress/trauma, with their heightened sensory sensitivities, difficulty communicating their emotions and rigid behaviors making it seem similar to psychosis. Often when they're in that state, therapy is pretty ineffective and its medication and the support that you're offering that they need. Longer term strategies to avoid it happening again can come when she's able to engage with thinking about it all with you.

@quietnightmare makes some good suggestions for things to consider. From a therapy point of view, building up coping strategies for stress would be the first step before trying to discuss anything traumatic or make behavioural change.

Does she have a favourite drink you could get in for her? Or lolly ices, watermelon?

Sounds like you're doing a really good job OP.

It does sound like a psychotic break of some kind.whether due to a number of mental illness.
She needs urgent help.
Being " ok" now won't last if she's not been helped.trauma and my don't just go.Not when she's had symptoms u say.
CBT can actually be really bad for ptsd.
It's soooooo good she's had sleep.this in itself can bring on a breakdown,an inability to function or be rational.
Would she consider online or phone therapy?might that be easier to handle.
Do u have resources for private?
Does she say why she isn't drinking.sometimes ice slushies can be easier.

My plan was to keep her away from her dad as awful as that may sound. He just does not understand what she needs and I think he put far too much pressure on her.

Not at all awful. You must protect her. He sounds a right sod. If she wasn't so delicate at the moment she would probably have said no thanks to seeing him anyway!.

The sleeping may be due to the Med -Sertraline
as I’ve heard others say they sleep well on it

roughly how long as she not drank for properly?
how much do you think she’s getting down her a day glass wise.
if she’s not drinking enough, she’d maybe complain of headache, her urine would be really dark and she may be constipated?

Have you suggested her going for a short walk with you(as you don’t won’t her to become acrophobic(easy to develop with mh)

please don’t be in a rush to up her meds she’s very young, and gp’s unless they’ve got a
special interest in mh are just reading from the drugs book

Bepsis

I have been thinking of you all day.
I have experience of MH crises in our family.

All of our surgeries here in Wales have a specialist MH attached.
Can you find out if there is anything like that in your area?

If not, go back to the GO armed with all the good advice the wonderful women on this thread have provided.

I send Love and Blessings to your daughter and to you xx

Bepsis
That should have said specialist MH nurse, sorry x

Hope you don't mind me dropping on, just to say with my DD melatonin helped when taken every night after a period of not sleeping with mental health issues.
We had to see a private psychiatrist in the end but that was due to her age as the GP could not prescribe.
Even though she is much better she still takes the melatonin to keep in a good sleep routine.
With the drinking is there anything she loves like chocolate milk or slushies or fizzy drinks? I would let her have anything if it helps.
What about choosing a new fancy water bottle?
After a month on fluoxetine and melatonin she started to find a better balance I hope your DD improves too it sounds like the sleep is helping.
Some good advice on here especially if you suspect psychosis just ring the crisis team.

@thisusernameisnotavailablepleasetryanother She hasn't got any ear defenders but you mentioning that made me think of this sleep earphones where it's like a headband that goes over your eyes and you can play white noise or calming music through them while you lay down and rest. Thank you for that suggestion.

@PyongyangKipperbang That was a good idea regards the fruit. She's quite good with eating fruit so that's definitely an option if this happens again (update at the bottom of my post as to how things are now).

@quietnightmare Absolutely fantastic ideas on your list, thank you so much for taking the time to list all those for me. I like the sound of the weighted blanket, stress balls and fidget toys.

@Nephthys21 She was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay as a young child which was then changed to a moderate learning disability as she grew up. She then developed the anxiety in 2018 (around 14/15 years old). When she was assessed, she had traits from various conditions so they couldn't specifically diagnose her with a certain condition. I am absolutely convinced now that it was a trauma response like you have said. She totally shut down and everything was in slow motion, even her movements. She would take an hour to eat a little bit of food. It was awful to watch.

@mumsys You are absolutely right, it is draining. We were having to do it on a rota system where I stayed up through the night with her and my husband (her stepdad) would look after her in the day. She was literally sleeping an hour a night and the state she was in, someone had to be with her to calm her down. Aww thank you so much for your kind words. It was tough going but we pulled through it. Only thing is it's left me absolutely exhausted where I could sleep for a year 😂.

@kateandme Unfortunately she wouldn't even speak to me when she was in that state, she would just make hand gestures.

@Seasider2017 She wasn't drinking properly for a few days, just having the odd sip here and there. I would tell her to drink and she would just tell me 'no'. I had to spell it how to her how poorly she would get if she didn't drink. She actually wanted to go into hospital. I think she was scared and wanted help. I don't think she knew what was happening to her at the time.

@IamEarthymama Thank you so much for thinking of me. All of your support on here is what got me through the bad days. I cannot thank you all enough.

@ilovebagpuss Thar was a great idea about a new water bottle for her and that would have been something I would have done if this had continued. I wouldn't even know how to get Melatonin. I read it's illegal to buy over the counter now so it would have to be from the GP.

Update - my daughter is now on 50mg of Sertraline which is what the GP said to put her up to after a week. She is like a new person, it's absolutely fantastic. She's smiling again, doing all the little quirky things that she likes to do, watching tv again, eating, drinking, smiling, talking etc. it was like I had my daughter back and it was so lovely to see. She even doesn't mention her sister being on the phone now. It was like she got into an obsession about it, like OCD but these tablets treat that too.

She goes upstairs fine now and likes her room again. I'm just so happy she has her smile back.

This is such a lot to handle.

My contribution is to suggest grounding techniques in the mix. You tell her to pick something up, to feel it, and if she can describe it to you in detail. Is it hit. Cold, smooth, rough, heavy, light, Sticky, fuzzy. What ever.

The other contribution is over the ear defenders with brown noise playing. I love brown noise. I have a twelve hour podcast from Spotify with it on. I find white noise shrill.

I wish you strength.

@Bepis that's great news! So happy for you and your DD. Yes Melatonin does have to be prescribed but it does help if a sleep pattern has got out of hand.
Sounds like she won't be needing that though and that the Setraline has worked very well for her.

I'm so glad your daughter is doing so well. I remember reading your post and feeling so sad for you both. She's very lucky to have such a lovely mum. Best of luck for the future

I actually sighed with relief on reading your latest update @Bepis . I know there's a way to go, but the difference between the girl you just described and the one in your earlier posts is huge. You've done so well with her (and with precious little real life help as far as I can tell).
I'm glad the Sertraline is working so well for her. I hope that things continue to improve, and that you can find time for yourself, and to recover from the stress that you've been under.

Oh brilliant.
Maybe it all just collapsed in on her.
But my god thank god she had you.dont you dare just put this down to her new ok! It was you.you and your love and support that surrounded those meds.that surrounded her heart.THE BIGGEST key in mental illness is support,feeling held,worthy rtf.you stayed with her.never let her go.she always always new she could fall,collapse,break and you were there.which in turn meant she could rebuild.ylu lying with her at night meant safety.
You sticking by her meant healing was already happening,possible.
Well done you all as a family.
And trust me.if she wasn't on her knees with thanks,her heart was.and her jumping around,smiling,being her is that thanks,is showing you what a fab f* mum you are.

i have an 18 year old dd who is autistic. Your daughter is very very similar in behaviour. If she is overwhelmed my daughter can shut down - to the point where i have to take her to the toilet even has happened.

For her we end up tucked up in my bed no noise nothing for as long as it takes and then a slow re entry to the world. It is a trauma response from her - but the trauma is what most people would consider everyday life.

Dear @kateandme, what a lovely, in fact beautiful post to @Bepis You have brought tears to my eyes, and it has nothing to do with me! 💐

I also agree with everything you have said to Bepis, and if you are reading this Bepis, please ask your lovely partner to continue helping you to get at least another hour or two a day of sleep, or rest, to enable you to recuperate also.

It will probably take at least a little while for the extra adrenaline your body has been producing to get back to it's normal levels. I have found on numerous occasions over the years OP, that mental stress, and/or lack of sleep, both make me far more tired, than a day or three or five, or six, of just doing physical things does - as long as I was able to sleep well during the nights!

Then, when you are feeling much more like your normal self Bepis, I am sure that you will be able to find a generous way to thank your DP for all of his help and support 😉🤭