WWYD in this situation? Leaving children home alone.

[roogo]

Name changed for this as it could be outing.
DH has an operation tomorrow. Dsis in law was supposed to be looking after our children. She has text me tonight saying she can no longer have them as her son has a cold. She has form for this sort of thing.

The problem is I don't actually have anyone else to look after them. DM is away for NYE, Mother and farther in law have passed away, I am an only. Children are 12 and 9. Hospital is 15 minute walk. DH needs someone with him afterwards due to the nature of the operation. I am likely to be there around 3 hours. Children are very sensible and I can text them whilst I am at the hospital. Do you think it would be okay to leave them?

Feel very stuck and rubbish right now. DH has waited over a year for the operation.

@dontlookgottalook I won't forget it, and thank you.

Leave them at home with a phone!

No problem at all.

Hope your husband's op goes well

If you've been told it's 3 hours, you almost certainly will be longer. You have to assume 4 maybe 5 hours.

Will your kids find it more difficult if they are worried anyway?

Although far from ideal, if you only live 15mins away, you can go back to the hospital quickly when you're called.

I always struggle with a phone signal in hospital.

Genuine question, if your partner didn't have anyone to look after him how would the hospital still give him the op?

Hope the op goes OK and you get the results you want.

I would go with him to drop him off then come home and go back. It could end up taking longer than expected and I don’t really think it’s fair for the children to be sat around for hours (also whilst he’s in recovery). I’d be happy leaving them alone whilst dropping off/ picking him up.

Do you mean 15 min walk away (so 10 if run) or 15 mins in a cab? That latter would make me more nervous.

Id take them with you to drop him off- surely the hospital will let them be there whilst you book him in etc? - then go back home with them and ask hospital to call you when time to collect and then either take them again or leave them for 30 mins at this point.

I wasn’t able to have a surgery a while ago because I didn’t have a ‘responsible adult’ to collect me afterwards! I could maybe have swung it if the op was in the town I lived in, but the hospital was over an hour away by car and there wasn’t anyone who could do it (especially as you have no control over the dates). I’m finally back on the list now that dc1 is over 18 (obviously not life saving surgery, but potentially life changing).

The hospital will have to let your children be there for booking in etc otherwise they will have to support your dh with whatever he needs help with. They are stretched so will want you to do it so then they have to accommodate your dh needs which included a his carer having dc. That’s life when people need care.

As an aside I’ve had GA as a single parent twice and had no choice but to get myself too and from hospital. I was discharged without anyone with me so it is and can be done. Not everyone has support. They have to bend the rules. I know that’s not an option for you here but thought I’d mention it.

Id drop dh off without dc, taxi home and wait for a call to come back as he may be longer. It won’t be a rush. It may cost in taxis back and forth but needs must.

Sorry you’ve been let down for childcare but you do need to think this through

ive recently dropped relative off for 2 hour op at 7am and they were 2nd on the theatre list. A raft of emergencies on over running ops meant they were pushed down the list to 4pm and had to spend the night in hospital for recovery checks following the GA

I would say children would be ok whilst you got taxi down and booked him in but then you should go back. They could be alone for hours and hours whilst you just waiting around in the hospital

once relative was able to be discharged the next day they gave me 30 mins notice so I could go and collect them. They told me exactly where to collect them

Thanks everyone, you have made me think a lot clearer through the panic.

Plan is now sorted, I will drop DH and get him booked in. Will give hospital my details and tell them to call me once he is ready, then will go home until DH is ready to be collected.

I'm going to leave DC at home as this may take a little while as need to be shown how to do medication etc.

Hopefully they won't be home too long on their own and should be okay for the time they are alone. Will make sure oldest phone is charged and will put a movie on for them.

Thanks for all of you ideas/input.

Is it a 3 hour operation OP? If so there's no guarantee he'll be there 3 hours of course. There's usually a morning and afternoon list, and it depends where he is on that list, and also on any emergencies.

Poor ds1 had a minor op, just an hour in theatre. We got to the hospital at 8am. He went into theatre at 4.30pm.

I too would suggest dropping him off and picking up later. My husband once got me to stay at the hospital when he had a minor procedure, but the delays were ridiculous and I was hanging around for hours. I definitely would have preferred to have gone home and returned when he was set to leave.

Mine are the same age and would be ok however if needed I'd ignore the one person only - if it's not possible it's not possible and if you think it's too long for your particular dc then dropping him off then going back is what you'd need to do. You don't need to rush, there isn't a time limit on you going to get him.

That bit makes me say no then. I would a d did trust my neighbours so could leave mine at those ages.

Can they not go to a friends for a few hours.

I couldn't leave mine at that age, I'd drop DH off for op and pick up. If it's an overnight stay they can visit together.
If you however feel the 12 year old is able to be adult enough and they get on well enough than I'd stay a bit and find out what number he is on the surgical list, and work around it.... Sony feel afraid to ask as the list will be pre-written I'd expect

Great plan and update @roogo

Must say the surgery ward staff were fantastic looking after my relative when they were there. My relative could keep me updated on the delays etc. if your DH can’t do this, they will keep you informed

I have left my DS an emergency and FaceTimed my sister who was at home working and couldn’t get to mine in time. My DS was just playing games on his switch but felt a bit reassured Dsis had her eye on him. They had the odd chat but mostly she was working and they just had ft going in the background. Would something like that work? Could you dial in to them at home while you’re waiting?

This.

Sorry you're going through this OP. I'm sure you'll reach the right decision for your family situation.

Go home and get them to call you when he's ready to be collected.
Most people don't hang around at the hospital all day waiting. If they've travelled, they often go off to do some shopping, have lunch etc. Then get a call from hospital.

Just as an extra heads up, when I had an operation, my dad came to collect me as the hospital called him to say I was ready, we waited 4 hours before we could leave as they hadn't got my medication ready. So when they call you, make sure he really is ready to go (obviously you'll be there for a while so they can show you how to administer the meds but just make sure he's as ready as possible).

I see you've made plans OP, but I think you'd have been fine anyway if you were happy your DCs would get along/not burn the house down etc. Bear in mind that primary schools allow children to walk home unaccompanied from Year 5 so there could be any number of 9 year olds walking up to two miles twice a day - and no-one would question it.

You know your own children - I've been leaving mine for longer and longer since about 9 or ten. They're now mid teens so I could probably even leave overnight - although I don't think I would as DD would hate it.....

Hope your DH's op goes OK and things get back to normal for you soon.