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Original poster

WWYD in this situation? Leaving children home alone.

98 replies

roogo · 30/12/2022 21:12

Name changed for this as it could be outing.
DH has an operation tomorrow. Dsis in law was supposed to be looking after our children. She has text me tonight saying she can no longer have them as her son has a cold. She has form for this sort of thing.

The problem is I don't actually have anyone else to look after them. DM is away for NYE, Mother and farther in law have passed away, I am an only. Children are 12 and 9. Hospital is 15 minute walk. DH needs someone with him afterwards due to the nature of the operation. I am likely to be there around 3 hours. Children are very sensible and I can text them whilst I am at the hospital. Do you think it would be okay to leave them?

Feel very stuck and rubbish right now. DH has waited over a year for the operation.

OP posts:
Muniononion · 30/12/2022 21:46

Mine are 11 and 8 and I leave them home alone - as a single mum I’ve had to. From 10 and 8 they were home alone for short but increasing periods.

My oldest has travelled half way across London on the underground from mid yr 5 and let himself in alone. It has actually made him incredibly mature and independent. He (occasionally) buys us dinner from the supermarket and cooks it completely independently. He still loves nerf guns and Pokémon, he’s not a teen by any stretch but is beautifully capable.

Get on with what you need to do, prep your kids and let them have some responsibility. We can’t keep moaning about husbands/adult men not supporting in the home when we mollycoddle our kids and constantly show them that the mummies always do the work/carry the strain and burden.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 30/12/2022 21:46

A quick drop off then back to the kids. 3 hours sounds fine at their age but surgeries can be delayed, discharge, doctors and getting prescriptions ready all can cause further delays. it could easily end up being longer than 3 hours in total. So I’d go back home while you can to keep and eye on the kids and then back to hospital when you’re needed later. That way the kids won’t be left alone for too long overall.

Spectre8 · 30/12/2022 21:46

When my parents slept us alone and we were younger, we would literally wait for car to turn out the road and then run down and watch TV shows we were allowed to like hollyoaks lol 😆

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Oohahhalittlebitmore · 30/12/2022 21:47

roogo · 30/12/2022 21:28

I think I will either take them with me and go to the hospital cafe or drop DH and then go home and go back to collect DH.

Just be aware that ‘up to 3 hours’ could actually turn into 4/5/6 hours ime.

Original poster
roogo · 30/12/2022 21:47

@Meem321 thank you.
It is one of the reasons you have listed and he is not able to be by himself to book in or afterwards. They also need to show me how to administer his medication once he is out of surgery.

Maybe I will speak to the children in the morning and see how they feel about it all. I think they are a bit scared about their dad going into hospital.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 30/12/2022 21:49

I think it's fine. How 9 is 9? If nearly 10 and you say they don't fight then 3hrs is fine. If you call the 12yr old and speak to both every half hour it's no different to leaving them for half an hour surely.

bellac11 · 30/12/2022 21:51

roogo · 30/12/2022 21:41

To be fair my gut tells me they would be fine. They get on very well- rarely squabble or fight.

I don't want to say why DH needs help booking in but he definitely does.

I'm just torn as to what to do for the best.

Youve been thrown into a bit of a panic by the change in plans

Try not to worry, get a cab down there and book him in if he needs that. Then go home, they will ring you and they will ring way before he can actually go home, believe me!

So then either leave them at hoe while you sort that out in a taxi or at the very worst take them in the cab and they can wait in the cab while you sort ouf the meds/instructions etc. but be warned the cab might be waiting. Personally I would leave them at home, they're more than old enough

My OH was waiting hours and horus after expecting me to come back out after 3 or 4 hours so dont drag them down there in my opinion

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/12/2022 21:51

I think it’s unlikely that you will be able to get to the hospital, book DH in, wait around for him to have surgery, wait for him to come round from the anaesthetic and then wait for his prescription and discharge notes etc and get home again within 3 hours. Appointments can be delayed, issues can arise during surgery which make it take longer than expected, he could take longer to come around from the anaesthetic than you expect, there can be a lot of siting around for the right person to be available to sign off the prescription or give the all clear to go home etc. I wouldn’t leave the children unless you are happy for the time to potentially end up being 4 or 5 hours.

If they’ve never been home alone more than 30 minutes before I think your best bet would be to leave them to drop DH off and book him in and then walk the 15 minutes home whilst he’s in surgery and wait for the call to pick him up so you’re leaving them for two blocks of an hour or so rather than for a stretch of 3+ hours. I’d also be worried they could be anxious about their Dad going in for surgery and might not cope as well as they would if they were just going to the shops etc. Your DH is unlikely to come around from the GA immediately so if the hospital let you know when he’s out of surgery and it’s only a 15 minute walk you’ll have plenty of time before he is likely to be ready for discharge and shouldn’t need to rush back in a panic!

Nat6999 · 30/12/2022 21:51

At 12 I was caring for my 6 year old brother during school holidays while my mum was st work. As long as they are both sensible & don't do any cooking or answer the door they will be fine, probably slob around, watch TV & game like boys do.

BrutusMcDogface · 30/12/2022 21:53

I would 100% leave my 12 and 9 year olds in these circumstances, especially as you’ve said they don’t fight or argue. To put your mind at rest, though, dropping him off and then returning later on to get him would mean not leaving them for too long.

Hope all goes well with the op.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 30/12/2022 21:54

I think your DH needs to be dropped off and then call when ready to be collected and you can take the kids with you both ways.

MuhMuh · 30/12/2022 21:56

I had an operation during lockdown and I literally got dropped at the door of the hospital and picked up from there too. Nobody allowed inside. So I’d say he can book himself in, unless he has a disability? Then you only have to worry about collection. Arrange a friend to have them. You don’t need more stress.

VahineNuiWentHome · 30/12/2022 21:57

Just to say.
Last time I had a GA, the idea was fur DH to come and collect me afterwards. Was supposed to be out by 1.00pm.

DH rung a few times to see how I was doing. Not ready yet…
I reacted to a painkiller they gave me afterwards and was off my head. Didn’t know which day it was etc…
They finally released me at 6.00pm. The doors if the day surgery were locked lol so we struggled to get out too 🤪🤪

Nit saying that to scare you. It was really nothing serious at all. But more to highlight that your DH might well be less than 3 hours. Or he might be much longer.
Id plan accordingly, with lots of flexibility in your plan.

Original poster
roogo · 30/12/2022 21:58

@MuhMuh
If I had someone to have them, then I would have already asked them, as this would be the easiest solution for everyone.

As I have said before DH cannot book himself in.

OP posts:
Original poster
roogo · 30/12/2022 21:59

@VahineNuiWentHome
Thanks for this, as this is also something I hadn't considered. I definitely wouldn't want to be leaving them for as long as that.

OP posts:
sheepdogdelight · 30/12/2022 21:59

I would leave them for 3 hours.

If you feel unhappy about the younger one (and the 12 year old if you are really worried though a 12 year old really should be fine), I would contact all their friends' parents, explain the situation and beg for help. This is precisely the sort of situation where most people would rally round to help.

And start letting the older one have a bit more independence so you are comfortable that they can manage if you need to leave them again.

Remaker · 30/12/2022 22:00

My mum had a 30 min procedure done recently under GA. I stayed with her right until they wheeled her away to theatre as she’s elderly, anxious and deaf. We arrived at hospital at 6am, she went in at 7am, the surgeon called me at 8.30 to tell me how it went, they didn’t call me to come and see her on the day ward until 10.30. Went up and she was eating her sandwich and drinking tea. It was another hour before they’d taken her cannula out, dr had come to see us with a prescription and post-op instructions etc and we left about 11.45. I hung out in the hospital cafe but could have come home (15 min drive). I find hospital staff are generally understanding about circumstances so in your shoes OP I would go home in between and let them know you’ll be 15 min away and will come back when they call. I’d be happy to leave a sensible 12 & 9yo for that time. I’d try not to have them hanging around the hospital. If he’s just in a cubicle post-op as Mum was there really isn’t space for 3 people plus medical staff.

cansu · 30/12/2022 22:04

Just drop him off and collect him later.

dontlookgottalook · 30/12/2022 22:04

Shocking behaviour from your dsis.I would be asking her if she could please reconsider and have them as she has agreed to it. It's not her that's ill with a cold, it's her son. She can just put your kids in front of the tv and have son upstairs if it's a problem of them being together, but not sure what exactly she is worried about (did she say?)

Delatron · 30/12/2022 22:05

I don’t understand why you need to be at the hospital for the 3 hours he is having the op.

As others suggested- get a cab there and then walk 15 mins back. That’s 30 mins.
Stay with kids for the 3 hours then wander back to the hospital? 15 mins is nothing. Surely he’ll need to get a cab back from the hospital if he’s just had an op.

Though I think at 12/9 they’d be fine. It just seems unnecessary you sitting at the hospital doing nothing for 3 hours.

Original poster
roogo · 30/12/2022 22:07

@dontlookgottalook it's not my sister, it's actually DH sister unfortunately. She has form for this sort of thing. When I asked her, I did explain the importance of her having them. There is no point starting an argument, I shall just now distance myself away and not put myself out when she needs me to look after her DC. I have to just worry about DH and DC tonight.

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 30/12/2022 22:09

My DC are younger, but my main worry would be fighting/arguing. Separately they would be fine.

BungleandGeorge · 30/12/2022 22:10

I’d come home, He’ll be in recovery and then on observation on the ward so it’s not going to be quick.

Newwardrobe · 30/12/2022 22:11

I'd drop him off , come home and pick up when the hospital calls to say he's ready. If it's a 15 min walk then it can only be a 5 min drive .

dontlookgottalook · 30/12/2022 22:11

@roogo yes sorry I got that, but it's just as bad as it's her brother. You are right not to start an argument but what a horrible thing to do, and were I in your shoes, I would not forget it either. Hope you get it sorted and all the best to your DH for his surgery.

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