Teenagers refusing to go to parent’s wedding

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

I am keen to get a balanced view on this which is why I’m being vague about the details.
If two teenagers did not like their parent’s choice of spouse, should they be made to go to the wedding? The parent is aware of the feelings which have persisted for some time. The parent involved believes it’s the moral responsibility of the other parent to ensure the teens attend.

This

Will other extended family members be there, like grandparents or friendly aunts?

My son was put under a lot of pressure to go to his fathers wedding and ended up with a irritable bowel.He didn't go his choice.

16 and 17? Totally their choice. By trying to force their attendance he is damaging his relationship with them.

Your ex sounds like a total bellend.

This. If they don't want to be there, fine, the bride & groom will have a much nicer day without them.

Nothing worse than sullen teen.

They’re old enough to make their own minds up about this.

What stands out for me is not being allowed to sit on certain seats and the Father hardly seeing the teens now. Is the new wife of an age where they may have children because as much as it’s a stereotype does sound like awful stepmum territory and expect them to be totally neglected If they have new children. Wants to pretend he is all hers and has no past so the children are a reminder, even down to selling the family home. It’s the Fathers loss. I would say to them that if they don’t attend it can be held against them but it’s their decision.

parent involved believes it’s the moral responsibility of the other parent to ensure the teens attend.

This would be laugh out loud funny if it weren't so very sad.

I'm guessing this is not the only occasion on which he expects his ex-partner to do the heavy lifting to make up for the natural consequences of his behaviour.

Of course no one should be made to attend a wedding. What's the so-called moral angle on this????
And why would anyone want to have a seriously pissed off teenager at their wedding? Some kjnd of power play?i Their presence wouldn't mean they welcomed the marriage. In fact it would be a public display of how upset they felt about it.

This. I didn't like my dad's new wife but if he'd invited us to his wedding (which they never had one) I would have sucked it up and went, but I understand that one can't for a teen to attend.

Why are they even marrying someone that their own children dislike enough to boycott the wedding?

At the age they are they shouldn’t be forced to go, they are able to make their own minds up as to whether they attend.

At that age they can vote, get married, drive a car, join the army. I’m sure they can decide whether to attend a wedding or not.

My son who was 16 at the time didn't attend my destination wedding as said it would be weird and boring! I respected his wishes and didn't push it.

No, I don't think you (or he) should force a 16 and 17 year old to go. I'm sure he doesn't actually want them to be there sulking or being visibly unhappy.

Your role is to try and help steer your dc's through this mess with as little damage as possible. If you think they may look back and regret not going, if it may be final nail in their relationship with their dad, if their will be family members on his side who will be there and they would enjoy reconnecting with at a family celebration, then ask them to think about going. He needs to be told to stop issuing you with instructions or insults. Send him one text, reminding him of their ages and that if he wants them to be there, he has to discuss it with them and make them feel welcome. And that you will not be involved in persuading them either way. And that if he messages you again, you'll be blocking him.

Is there an aunt/uncle/grandparents who will be there to keep an eye on them on the day if they did go?

No, you really shouldn't make them go.

They are old enough to make there own mind up. And that should be based on the relationship with their father and how he has introduced his fiancee.

I had to sit whilst two teens heard their dad talk emotionally about how he'd never met anyone before he liked enough to marry.clearly having two kids with a woman was a level below that.

The new stepmums kids are in smart new outfits, with flowers, all over the photos. The dad's kids are in hand me downs organised by their mum, no flowers hardly in the wedding album.

It would have been better for those kids not to have been there then to be so publically ignored.

Nobody should be made to go to a wedding, or any other social occasion.

I'd have ruined that wedding as a stroppy teen. I ruined plenty of events I was forced to attend before that stopped.

The man should be grateful that his DDs have the maturity to just decline, rather than cause the mother of all scenes/soak bride in wine. Don't make them go.

“Part of growing up is realising that you won't like everyone and can't throw a tantrum every time you have to spend time with someone you don't like plus sometimes you have to do things to keep other people happy.”

I disagree - part of growing up is not becoming a people pleasing doormat to keep other people happy. Their happiness is not your concern.

Your children's attendance at your exs wedding is the Exs responsibility not yours. If he has mucked up their relationship to such an extent that they don't want to attend his wedding then he should be doing some self reflection.

Given the teenagers I know he should be careful - if forced they may turn up in top to toe black like Victorian widows weeds or worse.

@AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters you have my sympathy. My DD14 has just been informed her dad my XH is remarrying and she is expected to be bridesmaid.
She's never met the bride to be and hasnt seen her dad in a year altho he does text her at times. He also decided to get married after knowing his fiance just 6 weeks. She also doesnt know where or when this is happening.
just another chaos causing decision hes so good at.

Sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for.

As a teen I would have gone and stood up at the “if anyone has any objections” part and expressed exactly why I objected.

@DontGoBreakingMyHeart that would be very silly, since only legal objections are relevant, not just that you don’t like the bride 😆

Having seen your update I absolutely wouldn't be intervening.

It sounds as though your Ex and his bride to be have done absolutely nothing to encourage a positive outcome here - rather the reverse, to the extent I'd even be skeptical that they wanted your DD's there at all - but don't want be the bad guys for not inviting them, so better create an environment where they don't want to go and they can blame you and your children.

It's so bloody sad how many threads there are on here where men prioritise their latest partner over their children.

I mean who lets their children find out they are getting married over social media????

Part of growing up is realising that you won't like every choice others make and can't throw a tantrum every time you can't control what other people do plus sometimes you have to accept that other people are not there just to keep you happy.