Family doing nothing.

[BlastedPimples]

All of them just lying around in bed. Refusing to get up. Do anything. It's like this every single holiday from school. Aged 17, 15, 13 and 10.

I hate it. It brings me down so much when they just do nothing and refuse to do anything.

I try to get them up and out. Nothing. Like millstones.

I can't see any positive future for them. Zero movement. Zero energy. And I get sucked into the vortex of inertia and doing nothing.

What do you want them to do? I say this while sitting in bed drinking a cup of tea… love a lay in.

I’m guessing they’re on devices? Turn the Wi-Fi off. I’d give the older ones some leeway but the 10yo shouldn’t be given a choice. Get the 10yo up and out of the house!

They just don't want to do anything. I make suggestions. I try to make plans. No interest.

I have the same but much younger DC and a lazy DH. I hate hate hate not having a plan for the day, they are quite happy to mill about doing nothing. I've now found for my own mental health I just have to get on with it without them. So I've been doing my own thing around the house, going out for walks, going shopping and leaving them all to wallow at home.

Yes. It's bad for my mental health too and who know what theirs will be like in future years.

I'm the family nag. I give up now. Had enough.

Sounds quite normal teenage behaviour to me. But it is easy to carry into adulthood. I absolutely love slobbing around and it takes a lot for me to break out of it but as I work full time I dont feel too bad for it. I know as a teenager id have been addicted to phone/games/technology. Do they have any worries about anything? They might need some gentle coaxing into the real world. Which isn't easy when there's so much fantasy these days for quick dopamine.

Can you maybe turn off WiFi at a certain time each night? Or implement some no tech time? Not sure these solutions will help. Likely its something they'll grow out of too.

Some people (especially teens) like to have time to relax and chill. Others prefer to be busy and out and about. It sounds like you just have different preferences for spending free time. Are they busy during term time? They might just be enjoying some downtime.
I wouldn't worry about then turning into lazy adults. I spent my teen years doing as little as possible and would often stay on bed until midday at weekends but manage to hold down a busy job as an adult and enjoy days put (though also still appreciate a few days of doing nothing when I get the opportunity).

Accept that they are doing what they would like to do. It's still early for that age group, negotiate a day where you can all do something together, agree the day + time and go and plan something together. The rest of the time just back off and let them do zip all the rest of the time, relaxing and they'll appreciate you for it. In general that age can't bear too much adult ordained plans. They won't always be like that.

I agree that you should get the 10 year old out of the house and leave the teenagers to it. Are they very busy in term time? Everyone needs time to relax and recharge.

I have four children with exactly the same age difference and I’m dreading them all being teens in a lot of ways! 😂

My ds 15 is the same, appearing a couple of times during the day for limited conversation and food. Any plans from me are met with a no,unless it involves a mc donalds so we rarely go out in the car. He had a sleep over nearly 2 weeks ago and hasn't seen a friend since but seems to love being at home.
I've tried to stop worrying and getting on doing stuff for me now.

If you're able to leave the 15 and 17 year old together, I'd say they'll be fine. The ones aged 13 and 10 are old enough to be told they're going out with you for a few hours as you've got parental responsibility and not ideal to leave them on their own.

Me and DH are still lying in bed with absolutely no plans for the day. It's glorious.

What are they doing and what would you like them to be doing instead?
everyone deserves some rest and relaxing, especially if they are busy otherwise
as others have said, the older 2, invite to do something and leave them to it if they don’t want to.. the younger 2, those just make plans and take them with you, no option
but honestly teens tend to just like to chill and relax, sleep longer in the morning… I would if I had the option, but I have adult commitments so just get on with it - don’t stress

They're not on their own. They have their ultra undynamic father with them.

And no, they're not especially busy during term time. No interest in any activities outside of the home. The 17 year old barely attends school. Refuses any kind of help.

Me in bed with coffee doing the 2023 household budget. Kids on their consoles. Last day before work starts. Lovely.

Of course rest and relaxation is important. But after a week in bed and lounging in front of the TV, apart from the occasional meal, it is perhaps time to move around.

It's the same throughout the summer holidays. I offer to take them out all the time. Zero interest.

Is your husband the same then?
personally I think you need to come up with an agreement of no devices (including adults) for certain periods

If your DH is around, I'd agree for both of you to have some 'me' time out on our own.

Does your 17yo have a job? Assume you have greater issues if a school refuser.

Make them cook meals

You're not answering any questions. Are the 10 and 13 year old staying up late, playing on devices, having unlimited access?

Why are you asking a 10 and 13 year old if they want to go out? Tell them ffs.

The other two, meh, they'll get there in the end.

I also think there needs to be some house expectations.
E.g. everyone pulling their weight, WiFi off at certain times/TV off, money available (if you have it) for family activities so they can join you for a nice lunch out or have something plain at home, don’t make things too easy for them to be so lazy!

Do they have pocket money?

I would look at your language

‘I offer’ ‘I suggest’

Maybe a more forceful - I’ve booked X and you are all coming! Be ready at X.

I had the same with dp over Christmas. All he wanted to do was sit on the sofa and watch tv. I did that for 2 days and felt like it was lockdown all over again. On the 27th I couldn’t take it anymore and refused to keep company to his low and negative energy. I got out and did my own thing.

Sounds lovely. I'm still in bed. Ds1 back from uni is too. Ds2 got up early to buy Prime. We had 2 days of activities, taking my mum to a restaurant, then into London for spurs edge. Now it's slobbing time. I'm a great believer that children (we all) need a balance of activities and down time.

What do you want. Why not say: right, this is nice, but tomorrow we are going to do xxx.