Family doing nothing.

[BlastedPimples]

All of them just lying around in bed. Refusing to get up. Do anything. It's like this every single holiday from school. Aged 17, 15, 13 and 10.

I hate it. It brings me down so much when they just do nothing and refuse to do anything.

I try to get them up and out. Nothing. Like millstones.

I can't see any positive future for them. Zero movement. Zero energy. And I get sucked into the vortex of inertia and doing nothing.

I guess it depends. Have you said “right, tomorrow we’re going out so we all need to be ready by 10am to leave the house!” Or are you expecting them to get up for no actual reason because you are up and feel they should be but there’s no actual plans?

I think you have to force them OP. Once they are up and out doing an activity they'll probably enjoy it, but unfortunately right now they are in this lazy rut. Might be tough to get the 17yr old out but getting the younger ones moving should be simple, they just get told "we are doing X today, so get dressed by x time". They will surely moan and roll their eyes but just ignore!

Are we talking normal teenage bed dwelling or are they like the kids from Muriel’s wedding?

It would drive me mad but if DH isn’t dynamic then it’s been normalised.

Have they ever had hobbies or enjoyed days out?

While I think not working and constant laziness is obviously bad. I also don't get people who need to be up and at them during a holiday. Just why? My holidays are for lazing around and pottering and binge watching. It resets me. If someone was stropping about trying to get me to do something I didn't want in my holidays that would annoy me.

The 10 year old would be my only concern but they will copy older siblings.

Sounds lovely. I’m still in bed. My mum used to drive me mad when I lived at home nagging me to ‘go and do something’ why?!

Im a successful professional with a full time job and I see nothing wrong with slobbing during the holidays.

Presumably they go to school full time?
They are on holiday! Let them enjoy it as they like. Laying in bed and not having to get up early was the best of part of holidays when you are a kid

Time to take a tough line OP. Cut access to WiFi/internet. Stop paying for mobiles. If they need top-ups etc tell 17, 15, to get a Sat job. No 'phones in bedrooms at night.

Start a jobs rota for the house, if they complain tell them that since they mess up the place they can help clean it.

Some ideas here;

theorganisedhousewife.com.au/organising/kids-rooms/age-appropriate-chores-for-kids/

www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Household-Chores-for-Adolescents.aspx

17,15,13 are old enough to do their own laundry. The 17 year old will be an adult soon, how will he cope at college/uni if he has to live in halls of residence? Stop washing their clothes for them. If they want to stink, that's up to them.

If they don't want to go out you can't make them but stop being an unpaid domestic.
Leave some basic food about s they can make sandwiches and go out for the day yourself.

Where's their father in all this? Tell him it's time he stepped up and did some parenting 🙄

Do they do anything around the house, OP (I'm including your husband here)?
Do they expect you to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing while they're just sitting around doing nothing?

I'm probably in minority here, but doing nothing for days seems to me like very bad for mental health.

So much activity snobbery on this thread.

Doing stuff is bad for my mental health. I feel harried and stressed that I have to go to a panto in the next hour. I just want a few days of no pressure.

Guess we are all different

This is so hard and I feel your pain, moving against the tide of inertia is so demoralising! Especially when your partner is not onside. I can only agree with some pps that it would be ideal for the eldest kids to have paying jobs outside the home and they all have specific duties within the house. (ha!) Agree with turning off the WiFi as well. You can try divide and conquer - get one out (probably ten-year-old is easiest?). And then... just leave. Go do the fun thing. Try not to miss out on life.

I feel your pain!
My dd (10)and dp are home birds. I don't mind being on my own and doing nothing if they are at school/ work though I normally end up doing house work (not that you'd be able to tell from the house). Also dd and dp are ASD so I'm appreciating more they need downtime to recharge

But we,dd and I have been in since Boxing Day now, and my mental health is fading! I'm pottering got lots of tidying to do (like put loads of washing away) but I can't be bothered.

Have done a bit of cross stitch for some relaxation but I feel restless. I'm going to book in for a spa treatment later. Was meant to have plans yesterday, today and tomorrow but due to illnesses this has been cancelled and we are back to school/ work on the 4th so thoroughly feel like I've wasted this week off.

@Violashift I think that doing breeds doing, iykwim. I don't think the OP is unreasonable for hoping her kids have some good experiences and also build enough resilience to live a self-sufficient and rewarding life as adults.

I would leave the older ones to it and make my own arrangements
Bit tricky re the 10 year old
Would probably give them the choice to stay in or come out,as
long as your eldest will take responsibility
But I can’t stand hanging about all day doing nothing

I have 2 16-year-olds so I understand.

But there is no way the 10 and 13-year-olds should be like this. You and your husband need to take those two out! It's not fair on any of you. The 10 year old is learning to be lazy. As the adult you should be setting an example, so take some action.

For me, life is so full, I need to spend my downtime doing nothing, I'm knackered. I'm middle aged and still in bed, I have no plans till later, so why not?
OP what did you want them to do? If you are offering something noone wants to do, then they aren't going to be interested, like the poor pp who has to suffer a pantomime later. Doing nothing is lovely.

I think you're right. I'll go to my living room and tell my 8 eight year old who is not happy when I tell him that he has to clean his room, go out and cycle a little and go for a swim so he can have a little bit of exercise that he can play computer games all day long, every day till school starts.

And my husband too, of course. He is free from work all week and I have to work, but it is important he has a rest. I can do everything after I come home from work at 5 pm. I mean, who wants to clean and cook and wash and do anything? It should be 24 hours a day off, if you do something for an hour you're just a fool.

And that's the difference. Is it for a couple of weeks in the holidays or is it constant. If they go to school then it isn't constant.

Are they staying up late - could it be that they are night-owls rather than morning people?

Are we talking normal teenage bed dwelling or are they like the kids from Muriel’s wedding?

😂😂

you should enjoy it. If they all want to stay in the house then they can look after your 10 year old while you go out for some lunch/ drinks / shopping. Just because they're not interested in doing anything doesn't mean you can't do anything either.

Sounds like there are bigger issues - 'undynamic dad' and 'school refuser'

They are entrenched and need to get out of this rut.

New house rules -
*expectations of chores
*wifi access
*need to be out of the house for at least x minutes a day
*job
*school work
*exercise
*menu planning

Good luck with that!! You might have some success with the 10 year old but from about 13 upwards it's not cool to be seen in public with yoir parents 😅
Certainly wasn't in my day anway!!

If their Dad's there why don't you jump at the opportunity to go out and do something you'd enjoy? I would only ask once if anyone wanted to tag along and then I'd go out without them.