How has your ASD child coped today.

[JubileeTrifle]

ASD teen has had major meltdown. Refused Christmas dinner and then refused to eat with us at all. Cried about all the issues in her life.
Ate her beige dinner and has calmed down. First year she hasn’t sat with us. Sad.

DS (3) is non verbal and awaiting ASD/GDD diagnosis, he woke up at 7:30 but played in his room and let us snooze until 8:30.

Ate his usual diet of beige foods with more chocolate than usual. Ignored nearly all of his toys except one, which he fixated on all day. Small meltdowns over wanting something different on the TV, but not knowing what he wanted to watch, followed by a huge meltdown at bedtime when we took his new toy away (he struggles to go to sleep at night, this would have made it worse).

Torn between feeling happy because we bought something he liked and understood how to play with, and sad that he thought that we were taking something that finally made sense away from him.

Yes he’s definitely not 100% and his brother is on antibiotics for some kind of ear/nose/throat infection. But he usually copes quite well with being a bit poorly and today he hasn’t at all.

Reading through other replies has made me realise he didn’t have any alone time today. It was just our family (no visitors) so he could have gone off at any point but, other than when is gaming, this isn’t something he does. Should I be encouraging this? By 10 should he know when to take himself off to his room?

Ds (teenager, asd and learning disability) has been ill for several weeks with flu that is dragging on and is now at the ratty stage. He is not aware it is Christmas. Dh is also not well with something else. So we didn't bother with Christmas. Dinner was pizza in front off the television. We told the one visitor we were expecting, not to come. We got through the day with no challenging behaviour and that will do me.

@KeiraDaily Being autistic is just one part of your LOs personality. Whether they need alone time and whether they need promoting to take this will depend on a huge range of factors. I do need alone time but struggled to advocate for my own needs as a child as my neurodivergent parents where playing out the cycles of abuse they’d experience. On the other hand my autistic husband is incredibly sociable and would rather be with people than on his own. Next Christmas you could always suggest some time out and see what happens.

Best in a long time, I think because we spoke before and I removed all pressures because he had been getting increasingly anxious. He opened one present every few hours as he fancied. He still has some unopened which he will get to when he gets too.

he spent most of the day in his room reading or on his iPad but spent a lovely hour teaching me about his specialist subject from one of his new books.

he ate a small amount of ham and some carrots at the table with us.

ASD dd 40 had the best Christmas ever. ASD son in law 40 seemed to have a pretty good Christmas, I'd say 95/100. ASD dgd 11 had the first part of Christmas dinner on a sandwich, alone, watching television, and when the stress part was over, joined the rest of us for some more food and to pull crackers. ASD df refused all Christmas food but made a trifle (his speciality) and ate his daily menu. ASD Grandma here made turkey dinner for one several times during advent (it's my favourite, favourite meal), shared in everyone else's festivities and had a wonderful time all round. Doing it your own way is the key, and for us, keeping it simple.

ASD is from the threat title. I don't use it, really. I use ND or autistic/adhd.

My 11 year old with ASD and learning disabilities had a good day. He slept poorly the night before but for the 1st year seemed to be excited about his stocking and asked for a specific present (picture book). He was so pleased with it which was lovely to see and seems to believe in Father Christmas now.

He chooses to sit in a seperate living area from the rest of us and I just gave him his usual food which he takes off to his room. Our guests thought it was really sad to see him isolated and not joining in but he is much happier in his own space and pops in to see us when he feels comfortable.

My 4 year old did fantastic but we did things so differently this year. We staggered presents over 10 days before xmas, this worked so well as he didn’t get overwhelmed and was actually interested in what he got! He ate a pig in blanket, piece of ham, yoghurt and a ice lolly. Stimmed loads but no meltdown and finally fell asleep at 7pm and slept through 😁

DS is now 13 and is definitely finding Christmas harder in some ways. He doesn’t tend to have screaming meltdowns, he shuts down instead. He takes himself off for large portions of the day. He loves presents (but not all wrapping paper- he has sensory issues with paper unless it’s shiny) and the extended family had all been really thoughtful in their wrapping which was lovely. His little cousin was with us and he loves her but doesn’t really know how to interact with her as he doesn’t understand imaginative play.She’s not yet 2 but he sat with her on his knee at her new easel and had a good go st teaching her numbers which was incredibly sweet. He had turkey, pigs in blankets and potato waffles sat away from everyone else and then joined us for a chat when we’d eaten. Played a few games then had some alone time but reappeared for more games later. He’s asked me approximately 40 times if I like the hoodie I bought him for Christmas and a further dozen times if I like the t Shirt his aunt bought and the chain his sister bought. He said he’d had a lovely day and I think he has! He’s at grandmas overnight and we’re at a hotel up the road but I made sure to bring his favourite cereal and he knows where it is so he’ll be grand. Wants to go spend his Christmas money today so I‘d guess we’ll be shopping later, but he won’t like how busy it is!

We had quite a good day. DS 10 Adhd/OCD/anxiety/ODD does like presents a lot so that helps. He woke at 5.30 which isn’t too bad, was very over excited so we got hyper sociable him for the morning. One meltdown along with NT DS actually when they broke one of my special Xmas ornaments doing stuff I’d asked them not to. Seemed to calm him down a bit.

Its just me and them though and no demands at all - although he did choose to get dressed and even made me a drink! And miracle of miracles when his dad came round he ate at the table with us ( never does), ate well and even stayed chatting for a while afterwards!! Not even electronics. Actually makes me sad how much happier he is in holidays generally and how much better with no demands at all.

Bedtime we did get obsessional with ‘Christmas is over isnt it’ for a looong time but I will take that!

Hope all of you who had a more difficult day are OK and that you maybe get some easier days ahead. It’s hard xxx

Good here, DS ASD and SLD, we’ve learned to not make a big deal of it, take it easy and fit in as many normal routines as possible. Told him when he wen to bed last night that Christmas was finished- big smile
Just asked him this morning if he wants the decorations to stay up or be taken down- so waiting for DH to get out of bed to get the boxes down from the loft- it will all be packed away by lunchtime

Much better than last year which we didn't even wrap presents but this year he asked for them wrapped from Santa but had about 5 meltdowns and he didn't eat anything apart from a small tube of smarties but did well overall he's 4 and an early riser anyway so was up at 5am

2 teens, aged 18 (dx@12) & 15 (dx@12)
Just the 3 of us (Dad left last year, he turned up yday but he's not part of the family unit, kids didn't get him a gift, he bought them jigsaws - they're both dyspraxic...& hot water bottles: Idiot)
They got up around 10, we ate snacks main meal around 5. Not too stressful. Dd gift (she had chosen) was 'wrong'. Ds main gift (a surprise) was wrong. He hates surprises but hates having no surprises too so really tricky. Day was 'narrated' by toy cat & penguin who are ever present. Today will be easier I hope. It's not a straightforward time.

My little boy doesn't mind the decorations and all the fuss, he literally only ate the turkey from his dinner though.
A bit of a meltdown at bedtime because he'd messed his bed up earlier that evening and wanted it neat before he got in.
He woke up at 9am this morning which is a good 3 hours longer than he usually sleeps, so he must have found the day more tiring than I thought.

DS is 25 and last kid at home. He hates the season and gift buying although he's pretty good at it. We've learned to let him run the day at his own pace and have the luxury/sense to do so. He got up late morning, had the same breakfast he DP has every day, opened his stocking and presents with us and sat for half an hour chatting. Then disappeared into his cave to game online with his mates. Asked him how much notice he wanted for dinner, he came and ate with us and returned to his room.
That way we were all happy.
Tomorrow we are doing a big family day at DDs which although he loves everyone there, will be an endurance test for him- the little ones adore him but wear him out! He's had months to get used to the plan but will still find it hard. He's realised it's getting more difficult to mask and he doesn't want to- I don't blame him.
May suggest bringing his noise cancelling headphones in case he needs some mental time out, he will spend the next couple of days alone 'resetting' himself.

Writing that has made me feel sad. I am practical and recognise that he needs to maintain the family relationships for his own good. He has no intention of having his own DCs so this way, when I'm gone, he will have a support network in place.

We stopped having regular meals at a dining table on the advice of DD's paediatrician when she was small. The pressure of having to perform was just too much for her to eat as well - she had to concentrate on the act of sitting upright in a chair (not normal for a human), holding the cutlery "properly", cutting with cutlery instead of holding and ripping, social expectations, plus the overall demand of it being a mealtime when she might not be hungry. We do tables when we're eating out, but it's so hard for a lot of them!

@marriednotdead is mature enough to stay in the house whilst you go to DDs for Christmas celebrations? We’re all autistic in our house. The sociable two have gone out to a big family do but there was no pressure for everyone to attend. Im home alone. I’ve just tidied downstairs and will be having a facial after lunch.

Theres usually lots of ways to build family relationships on terms both parties are happy with, such as small lunches, 1:1 time. I’m too respectful of myself to put myself through an ordeal that would last days with recovery time for people who wouldn’t be there for me if I didn’t put myself through that.

Theres also plenty of time for him to change his mind re his own family. I was adamant I wasn’t having children but change my mind in my mid-30s.

It's 12.20pm Boxing Day and he is still asleep. I have done a 'check'. It probably isn't just yesterday catching up, it will be the build up as well.

For those asking if it gets easier, once he got to secondary it did slightly as he always struggled with the timetable being ignored for Christmas stuff when in primary. That took away a massive source of stress.

Dd did great. She's 14 and took herself off to her room regularly for recharging. It was me who hit meltdown over the lack of perfection I achieved with Christmas dinner. Then I stayed up until 2am this morning just calming down and recovering. Ds has plenty of traits but copes ok with life and I'm not sure he'd meet the diagnostic criteria but spent the day building Lego and eating Pringles. We all ate our dinner but ds is mainly eating Pringles for every meal and snack. TodY and tomorrow is going to be nice and calm with Lego building and leftovers. It's just me and ds today and we can Lego to our hearts' content. Dd is at her dad's and there'll be a houseful and she'll come back worn out and shut down.

@SHNBV He’s very much able to be home alone, and gets to opt out of many family social events- they understand so most of the time they come here to make it easier for him to show his face and go again. This will be only the second time he’s been to his sister’s house this year, it’s a 40 minute drive away now.
We try to strike a balance otherwise he would find it harder to maintain a relationship with his siblings, something he is adamant he wants. His dad is almost certainly autistic too. Luckily DD’s DH is a SEN teacher and can read him well. I also have a close relationship with him.
DS is a complex one, he has a full time job and travels the world- often alone- to go to hip hop festivals! He’s a deep thinker and has maintained for years that he would never be able to be the kind of parent a child would deserve, nor would he want his child to have to live with their own autism.

It’s interesting that you changed your mind. How did/do you find parenthood?

Really good actually. In-laws bought dc5 presents from the list I gave them rather than things like Lego that just frustrates him. They were pleased and surprised how much he loved his vibrating pillow they bought him. Older teen was happy with his Lego and younger teen happy with his toy cars. Both consumed record breaking amounts of pigs in blankets. I managed to not dwell on the things that dn's were getting excited by which gets me down sometimes. Today has been more stressful with dc1 getting upset when not allowed to play his music at the volume he likes and youngest tired/grumpy. Although the people moaning about the noise have gone home now so the dc are much happier.

@marriednotdead I found the relentlessness of being a baby slave tough. Motherhood is a lot better now we have shared interests including days out at theme parks or the theatre and we can go off on girly holidays whilst the OH works.

Being autistic does create additional challenges. I've only known for a few years and have found being openly autistic creates a lot of negative experiences. My colleagues stopped taking the time to get to know and accept the real me and instead saw me through a lens of false stereotypes and pigeonholed me. Also, a lot of my casual friends from university are finding their children are being diagnosed as autistic but they do not have the insight to understand that they are autistic too.Watching their reactions has been tough. This has meant I’ve had the burden of having to take a lot of additional thinking time to decide have we were going to frame our families minority status and support our child with navigating her own differences.

DS coped really well, buy that is mainly because i keep it low key. He ate his plain pasta with us for the only time this year and he opened his 2 presents ( which is his rule, one from me, one from Santa). Any more is too much apparently.

He likes having the Christmas lights on so he is in charge of those.

We don't watch any Christmas TV, so in thr evening he sat with me and DD and watched Jurrasic World Dominian which was his choice.

He said he had a good day and it's been miles better than other years when all ex-h family used to visit and want hom to be present. The only slight blip was I took hin to exMIL on Christmas eve and she had got home a personalised waterbottle but spelled his name wrong, which upset him for quite a while.