Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How has your ASD child coped today.

124 replies

JubileeTrifle · 25/12/2022 19:06

ASD teen has had major meltdown. Refused Christmas dinner and then refused to eat with us at all. Cried about all the issues in her life.
Ate her beige dinner and has calmed down. First year she hasn’t sat with us. Sad.

OP posts:
Monkeytennis97 · 25/12/2022 21:25

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 25/12/2022 21:22

Our Christmas is low-key anyway as there's only ever myself, DH, DS (13, ASD, SLD) and BIL. DS quite likes a roast dinner so we had the full shebang. He coped pretty well with the day, waking at around 9am uncertain what to do with the wrapped items on the foot of his bed; and was cajoled into opening some of his presents. As usual he loved the first big present (a keyboard) and nothing else has lived up to it since. He's still got half-a-dozen gifts left unopened, Christmas often runs into a second and sometimes even a third day to go at his pace. It's been a chilled day for us all.

Very much like ours until the meltdown 10 minutes ago. Hope everyone has a restful night.

Choconuttolata · 25/12/2022 21:29

9 year old DS woke at 4am after rolling onto his stocking woke him up.

Several meltdowns throughout the day over waiting for presents, food etc...

Now spiked a fever like me and his older sisters who all have the flu, so that might account for how much more unsettled he has been today.

NotQuiteUsual · 25/12/2022 21:32

DD9 survived pretty well. Lots of envy over her siblings gifts, despite them not being things she liked. I think I should have prepared her a little better about it all. But she handled things as well as can be expected. Ate plenty even if it was all shit. She got herself out the overwhelmed funk well and I'm impressed with her.

DD4 was slightly different. Absolutely overwhelmed by the gifts and chocolate. Very happy with her gifts. But has needed to take herself off to her room to quietly play or use her tablet and family games were too much for her. Lots of tears too, but honestly not too different to your average 4 year old. Just needed a lot more alone time than I like her having at Christmas. But what she needs is what she needs. I doubt she'll cope at the in laws for our 3 day visit, but fingers crossed.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SEN
autienotnaughty · 25/12/2022 21:40

I've been ill since Thursday. Ds struggled because I wasn't working when I was supposed to. He had a few nice things to do with his dad and sis that ended up getting cancelled because all he wanted to do was lay next to me! Presents went fab this morning loved his stuff was happy to watch us open ours. He struggled when family arrived as it got a bit busy plus one of his gifts needed a type of battery we didn't have. He had a meltdown down when his older sister left to have lunch at her bf house. We had said she was leaving but I think he thought she was coming back tonight. After that he was on edge through meal but enjoyed some time on the switch which seem to settle him. Rest of day went fine. Bit on edge but we have had worse days.

WhiteFire · 25/12/2022 22:09

Findyourneutralspace · 25/12/2022 21:21

Interesting to see how many find sitting at the table a problem. We have a sofa in the dining room, so DS always flops on there almost as soon as his knife and fork are down. I always thought it was a him thing but perhaps it’s an ASD thing, and sitting for a meal is quite intense.
I’m a very informal host and our room layout means he can just do his own thing but still be part of it.

He can't sit still at the best of times 🤣.

He is the typical "Hates noise, noisiest kid you know" and really can't stand the sound of anyone eating, so very rarely sits down with us.

imnotthatkindofmum · 25/12/2022 22:13

My girl (15, undiagnosed) didn't cope well at my mums with all her cousins which Mayes me sad as they were so close before. She didn't eat, she just couldn't cope with getting up, going into the kitchen and making choices about what to eat.

My mum was miffed as she bought her special sausage rolls. My mum has no idea how hard life is for her.

I upon her to the sewing room for some peace and quiet.

Due at DHs sisters on weds but she has dogs and DD is dog phobic, plus everyone else there....she'll probably stay home tbh.

My sisters 2 boys are also ASD and coped better. It makes me so sad as she has found life so hard as she has got older 😭

Glitterbaby17 · 25/12/2022 22:14

DD5 did really well and loved her presents. Difficult lunch as with family who wouldn’t let me help and didn’t have any bits she would eat so all she would have was 2 pieces of crackling. Cue nasty comments. Has been a stressful week as arrived on the 23 and they mean so well but got upset as she didn’t want to decorate a gingerbread house they got or colour in a mug and think she’s spoilt.

imnotthatkindofmum · 25/12/2022 22:15

JubileeTrifle · 25/12/2022 19:18

I think I’ve gotten off easy. She copes with the
morning fine and didn’t get up till 9 as that’s her standard time to get up anyways. She liked all her presents but had been a bit obsessed with a Lego set and been at it for 6 hours straight.

2 years ago we would have had a totally average Christmas Day. So it’s a a shock how it gets harder each year.

It is getting worse here too. And a noticeable huge difference after Covid. Year 11 is such a stress which is not helping.

CaptainBarbosa · 25/12/2022 22:21

My 8 year old ADHD child did ok, became a little wound up and hyperactive at times, but it's Christmas plus the sugar 😂

We did have to do a quiet time at like 11am. Which is just him going into his bedroom and laying down for about ten minutes, as he had become a bit over stimulated.

But he ate Christmas dinner just fine, chatted away, and whatnot.

Loved all his presents, and yeah it's been a great day.

I'm sorry though to hear of others who have had a bit of a struggle today though, just remember "tomorrow is a new day"

qualitystreetwrappers · 25/12/2022 22:25

After the Great Christmas Meltdown of 2020, I have learnt to take things slowly and at DC's pace (9 with PDA).
We have our Christmas Dinner on Christmas eve. DC will eat most of the components of a roast (as long as it's chicken) but things must not touch each other on the plate. I couldn't care less that they have a serving platter and not a plate. Today it was presents. All in gift bags of which I have a LOT! Presents are left under the tree to be investigated when dc is ready. Food wise, I just leave food on the table so the kids can graze as and when they are hungry.

We got to 4 o clock before the mother of all meltdowns. Considering they were still awake at 2300 last night, I'm surprised it wasn't earlier. Unfortunately they then carried on for the next 3 hours until the PRN melatonin did its thing. Which got hidden inside a fondant chocolate because they wont take it straight and yes, I have tried.

AllOfThemWitches · 25/12/2022 22:28

the Great Christmas Meltdown of 2020

Oh gosh, that sounds ominous!

jclm · 25/12/2022 22:34

Today went really well - we gave my son (age 10) four presents and photographed them in advance so there were no surprises. Then the rest of the day was just like a normal weekend day in terms of food and where we went (park).

Anything was better than last year when he smashed up his bed and destroyed the walls.

lollipoprainbow · 25/12/2022 22:47

Not too bad. Dd10 told me she loved her presents which was sweet. My brother came over with some money for her but she was too embarrassed to open it. I finally plucked up courage to admit to him that she was diagnosed as autistic last year, has been putting it off for ages. So it was a relief.

NeilHamburger · 25/12/2022 22:47

Ds9 has been absolutely amazing. Much excitement this morning but no dysregulation. He’s been able to dip out and build some lego on his own but joined us at the table for dinner and said mummy this is so nice ❤️ We’ve spent the day just the 4 of us and it makes such a difference. No expectations and everything at our own pace. Tomorrow might be harder after the come down.

lollipoprainbow · 25/12/2022 22:53

Yesterday was terrible though as she refused to get dressed to go out and had a full on meltdown.

One thing that really gets to me is her lack of friends. She had one or two in the past but they have got fed up with her and don't call anymore. She used to talk for Hours with these girls. I'd love her to have shared her presents with them.

Itsonlyagame · 25/12/2022 22:58

We had a much less stressful Christmas than usual. Was much quieter though, which probably helped. This is the first year ds has been properly interested in playing with his presents. I think we chose much better this year.

littleHen84 · 25/12/2022 22:59

After a disaster of a day last year we headed to the beach and left Christmas behind. We had sandwiches and a flask of tea in the car, made for a much calmer day and the dog had a fab day she had a roll sausage in the car too

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 25/12/2022 23:03

Very few presents as staying at Mum's but he said oooh 😊when he opened them. Went out for Xmas lunch and he didn't have a starter or pudding, but are turkey and tried a roast potato followed by more roast potatoes! Watched a bit of tv and has been drawing in his room.

Squeakybits · 25/12/2022 23:17

5+10 let me sleep in until 9, went downstairs for a special breakfast, opened their presents. Other than that, just another day really. They had a few bits of buffet type bits for lunch and dinner. Bed at normal time.

Brendabigbaps · 25/12/2022 23:19

danni0509 · 25/12/2022 19:15

My 9 year old, was up at 4am. (Which beats the Xmas eve he did a 30 hour stint awake!) Opened his presents fine, told us he didn’t have enough, told us he doesn’t like soft presents (clothes) only hard presents, ie PlayStation games 🤣 by 8am he’d had 4 kick offs over various shit and I was ready to put him in the recycling bin by this point.

He ate his plain pasta and 4 carrot sticks and a mince pie for his ‘Xmas dinner’ played on his iPad and PlayStation, didn’t want to play with his roblox toys he got as apparently they are boring, roblox is his most favourite thing so no idea with that,

he’s eaten half a bath bomb in the bath tonight like you do.

I’ve just given him his sleep medication and I hope he’s asleep by 8pm.

Overall not a bad day. And it went much better than yesterday which I don’t even have the energy to tell you about lol.

Merry Christmas 🎄

Sounds stressful, I hope you enjoyed a glass of wine when he had settled.
you had me at sleep medication tho. Melatonin? Or something different?

Logicalreasoning · 25/12/2022 23:23

Ds14 has had a great day, he was mesmerised by his presents this year, he socialised a lot more than usual, he came out in the evening to play a round of cards. He went to bed when I asked without any issues, yesterday he spent the whole day in the lounge with us, when usually he’s hidden away in the bedroom.

NotMeNoNo · 25/12/2022 23:32

Best ever. DS17. Zero expectations but loved gift of telescope, stayed in room online chatting rather than visiting in laws and ate some Yorkshire puddings and chicken as well as stocking full of chocolate. Came out and was friendly a few times.
As you can see we have gone for path of least resistance. Also have one elderly parent in hospital and the other staying with us so nobody was up for conflict.

PrinceHaz · 25/12/2022 23:32

DD is 16. This was one of her best Christmas’s, I think perhaps because she has a boyfriend. She’d bought him lots of presents and was in contact with him on and off throughout the day. I think having that distraction/connection with someone else helped her enjoy her day with us.
She can be a little abrasive/abrupt about presents she doesn’t want and has to say thank you in an arch type of way, as if she’s making fun of herself.
The rest of us ate the full turkey works. She had chicken breast, cocktail sausages, fries and ketchup. I made sure to give her exactly what she wanted. She doesn’t eat with us so it was lovely to have her there with us today.
She likes Monopoly so we did that. She lasted for a fair amount of time.
I think, if she had struggled more, I’d have gone with it. So for example, if she hadn’t felt able to eat with us due to sensory overload, I’d have understood. It is what it is.

BeReet · 25/12/2022 23:55

DS (18) ASD has, overall, had a good day as we have a very quiet, low-key day, no visitors, no big sit-down dinner, etc. He was up reasonably early, liked his presents, spent time with his 3 younger sisters (12, 14, 16), and had a few drinks with us. He retired to bed (or so we thought), but actually he snuck into the garage and nicked a few of my husband's beers. He has now been sick everywhere (and he hates being sick) and is currently passed out in bed. I have propped him on his side, and we are checking on him every 10 mins. I have no idea how he will cope with a hangover 🤦‍♀️😱

KateBalesCardi · 26/12/2022 00:11

Not bad all things considered, was worried DD(14) wouldn't cope well as we went to PIL's for the first time ever and we also had SIL (recently reconciled with DH after a 15 year rift) and her 5yo DGD who we had only met once previously. DD really wanted to go (in a sort of 'face your fears' kind of way) and insisted she'd be ok but I was worried she wouldn't cope so am really proud that she managed so well.

It helps that PIL and SIL are lovely and completely accepting of whatever DD needs to be comfortable, so no issues with her having quiet time and her earbuds in when she needs them etc but she was actually pretty sociable all day. It's taken it out of her and she crashed as soon as we got home but went to bed happy enough so today has been a win, PIL are coming here tomorrow though so we'll see how that goes before I get too cocky BlushSmile