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Original poster

Family Christmas fight- help please!

66 replies

Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:06

Please talk me down 🙂

DS is 12 and DD is 10.

Christmas holidays started ridiculously late this year (non-UK), Friday was the last day of school!

Work has been insane and I’m a frazzled mess. Spent all day yesterday running around sorting out the shopping. The children didn’t want to come and I thought fair enough, they’re tired.

We had a nice time this morning opening presents (none for me mind you), after a while I went to make breakfast. I thought I had a full carton of eggs, for scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. It turns out there are only 2 left. I asked DS to pop to the supermarket to get some more. The shops are open today and the supermarket is literally 20 metres from our front door. LITERALLY.

Well he didn’t want to and got all upset.

So did I. I stayed calm but I made it clear that I was NOT going to the shops again and I came upstairs to my room. I’ve spent the last 10(?!) minutes sobbing.

What do I do now? I’m hungry and I just wanted to have a nice breakfast and relax. But I’m not a bloody servant? Where have I gone wrong?

I want to start by saying to him no more phone or computer until the new year. I mean FFS. But how can I salvage Christmas in the meantime, without teaching him that he can be outrageously selfish and I’ll just suck it up? Advice needed.

(The DCs father is in the picture and will back me up 100%, but we won’t see him until this afternoon.)

OP posts:
EVHead · 25/12/2022 11:08

I’d just go to the shop myself. It sounds like you have things to discuss with your family - today is not the day.

Montague22 · 25/12/2022 11:09

Aw, it’s such a stressful day.
In all honesty I would go to the shop myself if it’s that close. You’ve reached a stale mate and it can be hard for either side to back down.
You can salvage things, don’t let this sour your day.

Cwcwbird · 25/12/2022 11:09

I would just have something else for breakfast and not get into it on Christmas day to be honest. Assume he's generally a bit selfish (as kids that age can be!) and make it something to address after today. I certainly wouldn't be going nuclear today and taking stuff off him.

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Pearfacebanana · 25/12/2022 11:11

Just make the eggs for yourself and everyone else have something else.

ErrolTheDragon · 25/12/2022 11:12

Have one or two of the eggs and some smoked salmon, and a nice hot drink. If the kids want some they can get the eggs.

Or get them to do something else useful while you go to the shop - a bit of fresh air might be calming.

saraclara · 25/12/2022 11:13

Why were there no presents for you? Have you asked then?
That's just so sad.

WandaWonder · 25/12/2022 11:14

I would have been annoyed but saved it for another day really

YesitsJacqueline · 25/12/2022 11:14

You can't sob over an " argument " with a 12 year old . You sound exhausted and run ragged. Fwiw my 8 year old doesn't want to do anything today except play with his Xmas gifts
I think you need to lower your standards and take the pressure off yourself.

Open the cereal!

Original poster
Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:14

Ah thanks so much for the reminders that this is not the end of the world and I have not failed as a mother 😂

In all honesty I have absolutely no energy to go to the freaking shop again. I’ve got to the end of my energy. Might sound dramatic but that’s how it is.

So we’ll have something else, and they’ll all just have to cope.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/12/2022 11:15

Make yourself your nice breakfast. The kids can have toast/choc/whatever. Thems the natural consequences. Not worth getting het up about now.

You sound tired & stressed and feel unappreciated (understandably). No presents for you is something to address later.

Gemmanorthdevon · 25/12/2022 11:16

He is 12, its Christmas day. 12 year olds can struggle with civility at the best of times, let alone faced with leaving a bunch of presents for 10 seconds on Christmas morning! If you plant the right seeds He will think about it and probably feel quite bad in a few hours, and have that discussion by all means... but he absolutely doesn't deserve to lose his phone or computer until New Year!! ( after quite a predictable response from an adolescent on one of their two fave best days of the year )

Your reaction was totally understandable, but leave it to Dad to reiterate later and you get on with having a lovely day, before this year becomes one to remember for them for the wrong reasons, after all your hard work. Merry Christmas xx

tabulahrasa · 25/12/2022 11:22

There’s enough eggs for you, if he won’t go get more then he can make himself something else - problem solved.

12 is when the teenage bit starts, you just need to ride it out and eventually they become nice again.

Before anyone starts, yes some teenagers are lovely and they all have moments of loveliness, but it can be a pretty weird few years.

JFDIYOLO · 25/12/2022 11:33

Why no present from your partner? Did he get one from you?

saraclara · 25/12/2022 11:40

JFDIYOLO · 25/12/2022 11:33

Why no present from your partner? Did he get one from you?

I presume he's waiting until he's with her this afternoon?

ISawFreeShips · 25/12/2022 11:41

Mine would freak about at the late dropping request, he just needs more notice. I would try to get them to help in other ways later on. You might find they are quite amenable, which will make you feel better. They'll probably be in a better mood after breakfast too - no one is their best self when they are hungry, especially 12 year olds.

Original poster
Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:42

JFDIYOLO · 25/12/2022 11:33

Why no present from your partner? Did he get one from you?

Oh he’s my ex. I’d be surprised if he gets me anything. And for my part I feel like doing (and paying for) f*cking everything is a bloody good present, I haven’t bought him something else on top.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:44

ISawFreeShips · 25/12/2022 11:41

Mine would freak about at the late dropping request, he just needs more notice. I would try to get them to help in other ways later on. You might find they are quite amenable, which will make you feel better. They'll probably be in a better mood after breakfast too - no one is their best self when they are hungry, especially 12 year olds.

I think you might be spot on there actually, the late notice is probably a thing for him too. I’ve probably expected a bit much from him and from myself.

Am still lying in bed but had better go downstairs again now I suppose

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 25/12/2022 11:50

Your kid didn't want to leave his presents to go to the shop and you're threatening to take his presents and are crying upstairs while they're downstairs? It's not really on to be honest.
Did they have any money of their own to get you a gift?

Original poster
Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:52

Mookie81 · 25/12/2022 11:50

Your kid didn't want to leave his presents to go to the shop and you're threatening to take his presents and are crying upstairs while they're downstairs? It's not really on to be honest.
Did they have any money of their own to get you a gift?

What’s not on? I’m not being a good little servant?

Nobody has threatened to take anyone’s presents

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 25/12/2022 11:55

Did you ask just him or him and dd to go? Thinking from a child's perspective, he probably would hate to leave his gifts while his sister gets to stay and play with hers?
Definitely a 'soooooo unfair I have to do everything! You never make her do anything' possibility?

Billybagpuss · 25/12/2022 11:57

dust yourself off go and chose what you want on the tv and be less than enthusiastic next time he wants you to do something for him.

Mookie81 · 25/12/2022 14:57

Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 11:52

What’s not on? I’m not being a good little servant?

Nobody has threatened to take anyone’s presents

Show quote history

I want to start by saying to him no more phone or computer until the new year

You said this.
It's not being a servant to shop for food for your kids. As for complaining about no presents, as I already asked do the kids have their own money they could have used to buy you something?

Original poster
Bekindbekind · 25/12/2022 15:13

Mookie81 · 25/12/2022 14:57

I want to start by saying to him no more phone or computer until the new year

You said this.
It's not being a servant to shop for food for your kids. As for complaining about no presents, as I already asked do the kids have their own money they could have used to buy you something?

Show quote history

OK. Number one: what’s not on? I’m not allowed to have feelings and emotions?

number two: no, shopping for food for your kids is not being a servant. However, being expected to do every.single.thing IS. I do not think it is at all unreasonable to ask one’s child to do ONE thing.

Number three: I did not threaten my children with anything. I wrote on Mumsnet that I wanted to take his electronics away. This is not a threat; I did not say it to him. FWIW these were not Christmas presents. They are his obsession.

Number 5: saying here that I didn’t get a present is not complaining; it is stating a fact. I did not state this fact to my children, let alone complain to them.

To answer your question, I think the children have about €2000 euros in their accounts between them. I certainly wasn’t expecting them to get me anything. I was just saying that nobody gave me a present this year.

I’m not an automaton, and I’m allowed to feel tired, worn out, exhausted. It’s hardly child abuse to ask someone to do ONE thing for you. And I was gutted after that because I knew that I simply couldn’t do it myself. I’m all out of energy. I forgot ONE item of shopping and that was the last straw. I’m still in bed now. I just can’t.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 25/12/2022 15:17

OP, when my DC were young I'd give them 'Christmas present-buying pocket money' and a short list of things I would like that they could easily get from a supermarket (a new book title, a DVD, some sweets/food, a cardigan [rock and roll, me]) and set them loose to go and buy one thing each.

I'd be hanging about near the tills keeping an eye (until they were both about your DC's age), and they'd wrap the presents themselves and write their own tags.

Would that work for you to try next year, if you give them lots of notice in November. Be really clear about your expectations.

LeilaRose777 · 25/12/2022 15:17

Scramble the two remaining eggs and eat them yourself. Please. With nice crispy toast and smoked salmon.
If your son wants someting to eat, write the address of the supermarket on a piece of paper, hand it to him and say "they have food there". Then get on with the rest of your day.