Morbidly obese and seeing family for Christmas

[morbidlyobeseatchristmas]

I haven’t seen any family for about five months, I was big then but I think I’ve put another half stone since - I weigh about 23 stone or something like. Size 28 on bottom, 26-28 on top . Have attached a photo (don’t know why, what I’m hoping to gain from doing that?!)

Went out to see my dad today and for a split second I don’t think he recognised me. He hadn’t seen me for a year. I’m scared that’s because I’ve gained so much weight but I’m not sure.

I’m hugely self conscious. I’ve seen photos of me - my tummy’s the worst bit. I’m scared I’m going to break the chair in half at dinner as soon as I sit down, or worse, the seat belt won’t go round me in the car - that’s happened before. I’ve got a diagnosis of PCOS, a dozen other things including mental health at the severe end of the scale - and my consultant said she’s concerned I’ve probably also got an underactive thyroid too, said my hormones are all hugely out of whack.

I’m so scared of spending Christmas with family, because I’m going to be feeling so massively fat the whole time. I’ll be eating dinner with 15 people more than half of whom I’ve never met or only met once . I’ve packed myself some of my favourite tops, make up, had my hair done etc but how can I help myself feel a bit more confident?

Where a beautiful flowy dress and a huge smile. People will notice how happy you are. Even if you have to fake it. Remember to ask people lots of questions about themselves and they will remember you for who you are, not what you look like.

I mean they all want to see you, the person they love, they're not there to judge the size of your tummy or anything else. I presume this is a normal loving family we are talking about here. Alway remember other people don't think about us a tiny fraction as much as we think about ourselves. Do you take much notice of your relatives weight? Could you really care less? I doubt it.

You have medical problems and you’re doing the best you can. Believe that you deserve to have a nice time. Put a smile on your face and people will focus their eyes on your face. You are a fierce woman who has the courage to spend Christmas with all those people when part of you probably wants to stay at home. You got this

I've long accepted I'll always be the fattest one in the room. Now I'm middle aged and with a bit more income I, like you, get my hair done, I get my nails done or just do them myself, I wear clothes that not only fit but flatter (I used to squeeze into cheap shops biggest sizes but now I go to Yours or simply be).

I wear jewelry (cheap and expensive cos u can't always tell) and I make sure my shoes are always clean or polished cos that costs nothing.

I don't buy clothes that drape or hang at the top, I buy clothes that give a shape so in at the waist, or fake a waist with a belt, decent bra with holds breasts comfortably but high. Drape or hanging skirts or bottom part dresses are great tho. V necks are more flattering than scoop necks.

I make sure that although I'm the biggest, I look smart, I smell nice, I smile and I force myself to speak to people.

You know you're a good person and people will be there who want to spend this important day with YOU.

Wear your best, smell your best, have the best day.

I feel for you. It’s very tough. I have been there to some extent, although I was a size 24. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better about Christmas, but I’m not sure there is. Certainly, there wasn’t for me. Eventually, I just felt trapped, knowing my weight was having a damaging effect on every aspect of my life. I chose to have a gastric bypass. My thyroid disease improved tremendously after it and every aspect of my life has improved dramatically. It can also reduce the symptoms of PCOS or even cure it. Only you can decide if surgery is a way forward for you. I wish you the best.

Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to your weight; wear what makes you feel good - not what others think you should wear; remember you are allowed to enjoy the festive food on offer with zero guilt and if there are any awkward moments for you or you just need a break - allow yourself to have a private moment - socialising when you're anxious about it is exhausting.

Throwing yourself into conversation is a good distraction and feeling polished with your favourite hair, scent and make up will feel good too.

If you're feeling brave enough you could always suss out the chair situation and see if there is a best option for you - maybe there are a mix of chairs or an option to sit on the sofa etc.?

This, and a big necklace if you have one. Make up and nice hair too. You will look glamorous and radiant ✨️ and people will remember how you made them feel with your smile and vibe

I see people looking similar size to you out and about all the time. Don’t worry. I’m sure your family will be really glad to see you.

I hope your family are kind to you and just enjoy your company.

If you want to feel as comfortable as possible in your clothes, think about where your clothes end because that is what the eye is drawn to. So for example in your photo, eyes will go to your abdomen which makes you look shorter. Do you have any tops that end at your lower waist. I don't mean tucking tops in, but try to adjust the length, even with some hemming tape. It's a guaranteed win! Equally wearing large patterns may make you look bigger.

The best bit of advice I can give is don't wear anything tight. It's the worse thing for making you conscious of your weight.
If you've got a good bra, make sure you can loosen it later on. I tend to bloat up about half an hour after eating.
You've said you've got some nice tops and if they skim over your tummy and bottom you won't have to think about them.
I tend to wear thick leggings over slightly longer tops or shirts with boots so I avoid the chicken legs look.
Partly open shirt or blouse with a vest or cami underneath is really flattering especially if cami is white or cream to lighten up your face.
Try and avoid the photos if you can but without making it a big deal. I often think I look fine in the mirror but then someone will manage to get a really unflattering photo.
We fat people tend to think that others are thinking and judging us a lot more than they actually are. In my experience it tends to be the other fat people who are the worst, either because they are jealous because they think you look better than they do because you are not as fat as them, or smug because you are fatter.
It's taken me a long time to realise that most people I know just like me because I am a nice person (even though I am fat 🤣).
Chair issue - not a lot you can do about that apart from try and avoid flimsy looking ones.
Car seat belt - insist on front passenger seat and slide it right back to get maximum belt.
Reading your post before seeing your photo I was expecting to see someone much bigger. Please try and be a bit kinder to yourself.
I hope you can get some confidence together and hold on to it over the next few days then keep it going.
Have a lovely time with your family.

People are usually concerned about themselves. You are worried about your weight but they could be self conscious about something else.

Oh lovely, I feel for you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If they are decent people they won't care at all about how you look. I would never judge my loved ones on looks, and anyone who does that is very shallow!

My MIL is very critical of other people's looks and I used to worry about what she thought of me when I gained weight, but I don't give a shiny shit anymore!

I don't know how you can feel more confident really apart from just to have the mindset that anyone who is critical of how you look is really not worth bothering about.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas ❤️

If you were my relative or friend I’d just be delighted to be seeing you at Christmas. Couldn’t care less what size you are.
I’m hopefully seeing one of my relatives this Christmas who I haven’t seen for over a year. She doesn’t get out and about much as I know she’s really conscious of her weight. But I’m so excited to see her as she’s funny, intelligent, interesting and lovely. That’s what I care about!

I have a few really overweight friends. When I remember them I don't think of their size, not ever. I remember their smiles, warmth, humour and support. These are the things that carry a lasting impression.

Agree with all this. I doubt anyone would notice half a stone gain anyway.

Loads of great advice above - I would just like to add an Instagram recommendation: follow Laura Adlington (former Bake Off contestant). She always looks fabulous and gives loads of outfit advice, does try-ons etc. and has a great podcast too.

If you were my friend/relative I'd be so happy to see YOU. I never notice if people have put on weight, because I do not care. Please enjoy Christmas and life. You deserve it!

No one will notice half a stone, they will just be pleased to see you. Have a lovely time.

I had a colleague who was a similar size to you. However, she flaunted it! She went all out with her makeup and clothes and had such a proud and confident personality. Honestly I thought she was beautiful. I’m slim and so are a few other females in our team, but we all admired and envied her for looking so good. Now I realise it was her confidence that made her look so good. Through my work, I’ve come across many similar sized ladies who ooze confidence and turn heads! They are awesome people to be around. Don’t really ever think of them as obese or overweight! I honestly think you are overthinking this

If they haven't seen you for 5 months you'll have lots to catch up on and time will fly. Hope you have a fab time.

I'm the same size as you. Best fashion advice I ever got was to wear matching cami and trousers, and then an open shirt over the top. This gives your body a nice stripe of colour down the middle from neck to ankle, which is slimming and smart. The shirt can be any colour or a nice print.

As a pp said before , make sure your hair looks great, you smell gorgeous, and you've got some nice jewellery on. Ask people about themselves, show an interest , they'll love you.

And remember, nobody thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. Show up and smile - and have a great day.

I have someone coming for dinner who is beautiful, fabulous figure and is paid to model.
Im not telling you that to make you jealous; in fact I’m dreading it.
Why? Because they will be miserable, not join in and turn their nose up at my food. I would much prefer someone who is pleased to see me, cheerful and takes part in everything.

I'm feeling very fat this Christmas too. My DDs would never fat shame me but my DM who is very tiny probably will. I like to remind myself that whether fat or thin I am still the same person inside and that person is kind, friendly and smart. Find kind words about yourself and repeat them often. Smile, don your best outfit and have fun.

you haven’t seen your dad for a year??

@Livingbyariver I haven't seen mine for longer than that, why the surprise? Do you assume everyone's life is the same as yours?