Morbidly obese and seeing family for Christmas

[morbidlyobeseatchristmas]

I haven’t seen any family for about five months, I was big then but I think I’ve put another half stone since - I weigh about 23 stone or something like. Size 28 on bottom, 26-28 on top . Have attached a photo (don’t know why, what I’m hoping to gain from doing that?!)

Went out to see my dad today and for a split second I don’t think he recognised me. He hadn’t seen me for a year. I’m scared that’s because I’ve gained so much weight but I’m not sure.

I’m hugely self conscious. I’ve seen photos of me - my tummy’s the worst bit. I’m scared I’m going to break the chair in half at dinner as soon as I sit down, or worse, the seat belt won’t go round me in the car - that’s happened before. I’ve got a diagnosis of PCOS, a dozen other things including mental health at the severe end of the scale - and my consultant said she’s concerned I’ve probably also got an underactive thyroid too, said my hormones are all hugely out of whack.

I’m so scared of spending Christmas with family, because I’m going to be feeling so massively fat the whole time. I’ll be eating dinner with 15 people more than half of whom I’ve never met or only met once . I’ve packed myself some of my favourite tops, make up, had my hair done etc but how can I help myself feel a bit more confident?

Darling please try and remember that your weight is not tied to your worth.

You are worthy to walk this earth. You deserve to be here just as much as everyone else.

I do totally appreciate that the above is easier said than felt.

I’ll be thinking of you x

Your family love you for who you are, not what kind of body you inhabit. Just have fun, don’t let it spoil your day. Everyone is allowed to indulge at Christmas so please don’t feel like you are going to be judged for what you eat and drink.

Just to say, you're you whether big or small, and I'm sure you are a lovely, kind person, and I hope all goes well with your family get together! Oh and for future times, have a look at Snag tights - they're great for all sizes and fab colours!

Honestly, I’ve been a similar weight before and could have gone up or down by about 4 stone before anyone else would really have seen a difference. Please don’t let your weight stop you from seeing family and friends.

Remember to ask people lots of questions about themselves

This ^

People are so shallow.

My beloved sister carries a lot of weight, her health is not brilliant and I worry about that. I love her though and am happy to spend time with her, I would not dream of mentioning her weight because it is absolutely none of my business.

Your body is the least interesting thing about you ❤️

Oh my dear, you are going through the wars right now aren't you? I just wanted to say hang on in there, who someone is isn't measured by their waistline. Hope it goes OK, and if it's not, well it'll be January with the snowdrops out soon enough.

I’ve gained over the years but I’m doing the cooking for everyone this year,
the fact that you are conscious of it probably means you will have something very important to focus on in the new year.
there’s so much more to you than weight which can be dealt with. Once they are all there and you are chatting with a nice drink it will be ok . Enjoy Xmas. X

Makeup, hair, nails, a favourite top. Then....once these are accomplished, relax and smile and enjoy. If the relax and enjoy don't come naturally then fake it till you make it. You deserve a lovely Christmas as much as anyone else.

I feel your pain. I have pretty much talked myself out of meeting up with friends today. I'm on a heavy dose of steroids for a rare condition and they have given me huge moonface and I hate how I look- I don't look like me. Am also under investigation for underactive thyroid.

I know they want to see me but I also know some bit of them will get a glimmer of satisfaction from seeing me like this - I was always the slim friend for so many years. But I hate cutting myself off from people I like and I feel torn.

Gosh I have got this issue today!
I have a few relatives who I rarely see. In fact last time was over ten years ago and I was probably a size 18 then - I'm tall and it was not good but I didn't feel so big that I avoided people. Now I've gained over covid and I'm at heaviest ever- size 22-24. I am mortified by myself and it really has stopped me going out as much as I'd like.
So today. I'm being pressured to attend a small family gathering. The host is a lovely woman but a competitive undereater. She is same height as me but I'd say she's a size 6. Not kidding. Her sister is similar in judgement though a more normal size 12. All the others will be on the tall and slim side.
I just know that they will be happy to see me, but the first thing they will think is 'my god she's put on weight'! And it will be discussed when I leave. I know it because I've heard them say it about other people. I know it because someone's weight is the first thing they mention 'saw X today - she's looking so slim'. On social media it's what they write - another relative won a prize, a big achievement. Did they congratulate her? No. It was 'looking good!' as she'd lost a couple stone.
I am dreading it, and no nice clothes or hair and make up is going to change it.
Be brave. Be bold. You have as much value as your slimmer family. And let's resolve to have a healthier 2023!

oh lovely, have a nice time

Sending you love @morbidlyobeseatchristmas I have had my own struggles with my weight due to mental health issues and know how tough it is. The things to focus on are: they are your family and should support you with your health struggles, if you feel able and assuming they don't already know, perhaps you could reach out for support. Not about weight/weightloss but about shouldering some of your fears and offering support/strength. Secondly, you are not going to break any furniture, that is just your anxiety going into over drive. Thirdly, (if you are able) why not treat yourself to a nice outfit: Marissotta do some particularly nice things up to a 32, as do Simply Be, and go there feeling as good as possible.

I sympathise. I’m a size 20 (looks bigger on my small frame) and the only other women I see over Xmas are my mum and SIL who are both a size 8-10. My parents comment snarkily on every single thing I eat, even though when I’m with them I’m so self-conscious that I eat way less than anyone else does! Sorry, no advice really, but hope it helps to know there are loads of us in the same boat. Just know that your weight doesn’t define your value as a person.

@Livingbyariver

what a ridiculous comment.

not everyone lives on their parents doorstep. My Dad died a long time ago, I haven't seen my mum in 4 years. She lives in NZ add covid in & me being CEV. And it is what it is.

maybe think before you post judgemental nonsense.

Aw bless you. I know the horror of feeling like you look like shit. It's depressing. I hate shopping. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I think if you can, between now and then, work with you've got. Something nice and flattering, look after your skin and your makeup, do a mani/pedi (I can't afford them, so do my own), use nice moisturisers and your favourite perfume. Pamper yourself. I also like having nice accessories. Be that a handbag or shoes or scarf.

Shine your personality. People don't judge their family's weight. They judge how fun it is to spend time with them. I've some really fond memories as a child of very overweight aunts and such (we have a lot of American relatives who all seemed to be on the larger side). They were hilarious, as their sense of humour was above and beyond anyone else's. One got stuck down a manhole (we were building a house) and I still remember the fits of laughing from her and everyone involved in the recovery operation of retrieving her (she had been down there helping to check for water flow or something lol and then she couldn't get back out).

I've noticed that people love to talk about themselves, so ask people questions and listen to them. There is nothing that will make someone feel more positive about a meeting with you than knowing that you cared enough to listen.

Your Dad wants to see you! Not your dress size.

PS. If you're genuinely worried about a chair breaking, perhaps have a quick quiet word with the host/hostess to ask if you could have a strong chair and that might reassure you.

I'm not sure if people do in fact think what you think they think. Most people are more concerned about how they themselves look, not how anyone else looks.

And if all else fails, do a Sharon, and try out the walking machine. I laughed so hard at this at the time as it reminds me of fun times with family.

www.tiktok.com/@jake_land1994/video/7082496610739064070?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&q=woman%20falls%20off%20walking%20machine&t=1671796078021

Sorry, it's Shell!

GO ON SHELL!

Shell arrived on my Tiktok during lockdown when I was at my lowest. Just the laughter and the love from everyone. Keep that in mind. You're loved OP.

Ah sending hugs. I’m sure they’ll just be happy to see you. Try to forget about it and enjoy the time

If you were my relative I’d just want to see you and spend time with you because I care about you and it’s Christmas. I don’t think your relatives will give a shit what you look like unless they’re absolute arseholes in which case you shouldn’t want to spend time with them anyway.