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Original poster

Morbidly obese and seeing family for Christmas

73 replies

morbidlyobeseatchristmas · 22/12/2022 23:28

I haven’t seen any family for about five months, I was big then but I think I’ve put another half stone since - I weigh about 23 stone or something like. Size 28 on bottom, 26-28 on top . Have attached a photo (don’t know why, what I’m hoping to gain from doing that?!)

Went out to see my dad today and for a split second I don’t think he recognised me. He hadn’t seen me for a year. I’m scared that’s because I’ve gained so much weight but I’m not sure.

I’m hugely self conscious. I’ve seen photos of me - my tummy’s the worst bit. I’m scared I’m going to break the chair in half at dinner as soon as I sit down, or worse, the seat belt won’t go round me in the car - that’s happened before. I’ve got a diagnosis of PCOS, a dozen other things including mental health at the severe end of the scale - and my consultant said she’s concerned I’ve probably also got an underactive thyroid too, said my hormones are all hugely out of whack.

I’m so scared of spending Christmas with family, because I’m going to be feeling so massively fat the whole time. I’ll be eating dinner with 15 people more than half of whom I’ve never met or only met once . I’ve packed myself some of my favourite tops, make up, had my hair done etc but how can I help myself feel a bit more confident?

Morbidly obese and seeing family for Christmas
OP posts:
Livingbyariver · 23/12/2022 07:09

He probably didn’t recognise her as hadn’t seen her in a year.
nothing to do with an extra 7 pounds!

JLQ1020 · 23/12/2022 07:16

My sister is the same size as you due to several medical conditions.
Yet she is so glam. Hair, nails, makeup all gorgeous. Whereas as a new mum I'm hair scraped up, no makeup and usually leggings and hoodie
Do your hair, makeup, nails. Wear a nice dress and comfy shoes. Also a really lovely perfume nothing better than someone wearing a gorgeous fragrance.

Original poster
morbidlyobeseatchristmas · 23/12/2022 07:20

Livingbyariver · 23/12/2022 06:45

you haven’t seen your dad for a year??

Difficult relationship with both my parents in the past, hence a lifetime of comfort eating - plus he’s usually 5000 miles away so that would be completely normal for us both to go extended periods of not seeing each other properly face to face.

That aside - thanks so much, this has been hugely helpful to read this morning. I’ve got a few floaty floral/black tops from Yours and darker jeans that fit, and another dressy pair that don’t fit so well… I do have a (lovely) dress but don’t have any tights so less keen on wearing that!

Thanks so much, I’m leaving to travel to them in about two hours and a bit nervous but it’ll be lovely to see them!!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management
Dashel · 23/12/2022 07:27

Personally I notice peoples faces more, big dark circles under the eyes would make me worry about them, people looking disinterested or bored etc all would have me thinking they didn’t want to be there or were possibly rude.

Put a little make up on maybe and smile, be helpful and interested in people and chatty and I’m sure you will be fine.

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/12/2022 07:37

If your thyroids low it’s really not something you can help yourself, when dhs was low he was literally living on under a 1000cal a day and the weight just didn’t shift.

Once he started Levothyroxine he dropped weight without trying.

Scotty12 · 23/12/2022 07:39

Wear a beautiful dress and remember beauty comes from within!

Please do something about your health in the new year though. Build in regular exercise - simply going out for walks and moving more is fine to get started! Please eat a healthy diet with lean meat and fish, fruits, vegetables, beans, and whole grains. Cut out any processed foods including cakes, biscuits, crisps, chocolate, takeaway and fast foods. If this doesn’t start to work, please do see your GP.

Choobyscoopy · 23/12/2022 07:41

You look lovely. I mean for real! If anyone makes a comment about your weight, tell them straight that 'yes i have mental health challenges that affect my weight' and that should make them shut up. Also, if you have headphones, listen to some 'I am afformations' on youtube. I find them really helpful when i catch myself in negative self-talk. I am not overweight btw..poor self image and lack of self-love can affect anyone.

Toooldtoworry · 23/12/2022 07:43

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/12/2022 07:37

If your thyroids low it’s really not something you can help yourself, when dhs was low he was literally living on under a 1000cal a day and the weight just didn’t shift.

Once he started Levothyroxine he dropped weight without trying.

I'm underactive thyroid. Before it reared its ugly head I had gone from a size 20 to a size 6/8. I'm now a size 12.

Underactive thyroid doesn't just screw your metabolism it can also cause/exacerbate mental health problems, so @morbidlyobeseatchristmas please get checked.

As an aside, just remember we're all different and incredible in our own right, that includes you.

Have a lovely Christmas.

notasillysausage · 23/12/2022 07:45

Sending you positive thoughts. Give yourself a talking to before you set off, remember your worth and that your size does not define you!
I am seeing family I haven’t seen in 3 years in the new year, I’m 4 stone heavier and dreading it a little. But, I will remind myself, I’m still me and if they can’t see past the weight, that’s their issue not mine.
I am planning to try and make some healthy changes for myself in the new year as I do find my weight gain has impacted my mental health.

Forfrigz · 23/12/2022 07:49

Please, please go OP. You have insecurities and it's difficult but the most important thing is that you are there with others you love and who love you.
I think weight is an especially difficult insecurity because the people in society who dislike bigger bodies are more vocal about it generally. Believe it or not there are many people who don't mind bigger sizes and it makes no difference to them, they just don't shout about it as much if you see what I mean? I'm one of them, I think bigger people can look fantastic. In any case, you are much more than your size as a person and people will remember the experience of seeing/meeting you and what matters is that you have a nice time with others. Please go.

gogohmm · 23/12/2022 08:00

Wear something you find comfortable, they are your family and love you. And ask them for help in the new year to turn your life around. Many of your medical conditions will be worse because of your size, dieting is hard so you need all the help you can get. I highly recommend the Hairy Dieters book - I lost 3 stone using it. Reducing your weight slowly really will help you, your confidence, your mental health. Ask your gp practice nurse for help too

RulaCabula · 23/12/2022 08:09

Dear op,
I'm in the same position as you size wise. Please go, I had a family wedding recently that I went to , I wore a lovely maxi dress and jacket which was very flattering. Get your hair and nails done and put your make up on (if you wear it.) Your family love you for being YOU!

Maybe aim for the New Year to try to lose some weight? That's what I'm going to do, so if you want a weight loss buddy happy to help.

Have a lovely time!

InsertSomethingMotivationalHere · 23/12/2022 08:14

Hi OP,
I'm about the same size of you and have all the same worries, fear and negative thoughts about my body as you do. I completely understand the mindset of worrying about breaking chairs, not fitting into places, etc. It's so limiting an draining so you have my absolute sympathy.
Like others, I highly recommend showing off the bits of yourself you know are great - your face, personality, kindness, sense of humour, etc. Nobody who loves you will judge you for your size. Besides which, it's absolutely none of their business! I hope you have a lovely Christmas

SallyWD · 23/12/2022 08:21

It made me sad to read this. To be honest they might have a 2 second moment of surprise if you've physically changed since they last saw you but then it will become normal. Everyone will just want to have a nice time with family. They won't be obsessing about your weight.

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/12/2022 08:25

OP, your worth lies far more than just in physical appearance. You are alive, in a position to spend a lovely Christmas with people you love. I really do understand as I'm certainly not small myself, but I was brought up sharply a couple of weeks ago when my friends young son ended his life. This DOESN'T MATTER. You are here, enjoy yourself with people who want to spend time with you!
And remember it's not just slim people who get to be bloody gorgeous anyway - you will look fab and have a lovely time! You have one you so embrace it and love yourself.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/12/2022 08:26

Sending you strength OP. I am a 20-22 but been the same for a few years, so it isn't a shock as such, although I don't like seeing photos and realising how large I am.

I echo what others say -dress to make yourself feel good, make an effort. You may be the fattest person in the room - I usually am - but there will be others thinking they are the oldest / have worst skin / teeth / poorest / whatever. People are more concerned about themselves and tbh I have always felt like most women are probably happy I am fatter than them as it makes them feel better.

I find people don't comment on my weight any more except for close family occasionally - but it is in a concerned way, and that is fair enough. If I am honest, I would not be happy if my DD was this large, as it's unhealthy. I am 46 and starting to have health problems which are not caused by but definitely made worse by my weight.

Cliff1975 · 23/12/2022 08:27

Your picture could be me. My mom is obsessed with my weight which really doesn't help. Try not to focus on it. Avoid mirrors- not heathy but some days gets you through. Remember yes if we had a magic wand we would loose the weight but we don't and its bloody hard. Try not to let it take over your life. I plan to do something about it in the new year- again, but I won't let it take over my life.

ShirleyHolmes · 23/12/2022 08:36

OP, as an aside (not for Christmas) but as you mentioned your lovely dress - SNAG do the most amazing comfy tights for all sizes. I have switched to mainly wearing dresses since I discovered them and am so much more confident and comfortable than I was when I was wearing trousers.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

missingeu · 23/12/2022 08:41

Take clothes that make you feel good, if it's not comfortable don't take it.
My DM has fat shamed me all my life (I'm size 18/20) but she fat shamed me when slim. She's a not a nice person.

So I've learnt to arm myself against the comments and ignore them.

Write a list of things you like about yourself and repeat it in your head.
Some people are nice and some aren't; give your energy to the nice ones.
Remember you a lovely person.

Your body is your body.
Choose the sturdy chair.

LouLou789 · 23/12/2022 08:42

My top tips are:

Fabulous perfume
A scarfy shawl (it really improves the photo appearances)
“Having a bad back” means first choice of chair.
You’ll be fine with a front seat belt (“bad back” means need a front seat)
A few (sincere but over-loud) compliments on others’ appearances. Focuses their attention firmly on themselves.

And everyone will be so thrilled to bits to see you anyway. Hope you have a splendid time!

Brotheroffelix · 23/12/2022 08:45

Want to recommend the Go Love Yourself podcast, there is also a very supportive Facebook group of the same name which will offer support and advice about clothing and self love and families at Christmas etc.
In the meantime, sending you so much love.

FluffyFlower · 23/12/2022 08:46

It is Christmas, people will be in a festive mood, presents, food, no one will be focusing on your weight. Go and have fun!! Yes, as others said, do things that elevate your confidence - a flattering dress, nails, hair, make up, accessories, perfume, smile! Talk about others, show interest in them. As for a chair issue, is there a trusted family who you can express some of your worries to so that they can make sure your chair is sturdy?

YouSoundLovely · 23/12/2022 08:50

As a PP said, don't underestimate the extent to which people are in their own heads, revolving around their own stuff.

I have a relative who is/was larger than you and I can't say her size has ever interested me particularly. It's certainly never been on my mind when I've seen her, iykwim.

Have a happy Christmas.

JFDIYOLO · 23/12/2022 08:55

Great advice there about clothes, hair scent etc.

I'd add - turn the focus off yourself and onto them.
Be delighted to see everyone.
Smile and eye contact.
Ask about them - and really listen to their answers.
Have a lovely Christmas

Loachworks · 23/12/2022 09:04

No one is noticing half a stone. Personally it would only be you I was interested in, not weight or anything else. At 40kg I have a similar but opposite problem. My friends and family are at least polite enough to guess I know how much I weigh and it needs no comment.
I am fortunate to see any Christmases and won't let something so trivial, and in the grand scheme of things it is trivial, rob me of special times and spending precious time with those I love.