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Original poster

Do you give exact arrival times when travelling to see your parents?

98 replies

Toilin · 21/12/2022 17:25

If your parents live around 1.5-2 hours away, and you have arranged to go and see them for the day or for the weekend…

How precise are you around your arrival time? Are you asked to give an exact time that you must stick to, do you give a window, or do you just say (for example) ‘afternoon’ and that’s ok?

OP posts:

weegiemum · 21/12/2022 18:39

For my parents, we're 90 mins away and give an eta based on meal/snack times eg lunch, or morning coffee time. I usually text when we're leaving, and can guarantee my dad will text for an update at some point en route, he's quite pernickety.

For mil, it's based on ferry times as she's in Ireland and we're in Scotland. So she and we know the normal time we arrive and will update if the boat is delayed or anything.

MardyMincepie · 21/12/2022 18:39

We say around x time and ring just as leaving. If it was just me minus traffic issues out of my control I would always be on time.

SenecaFallsRedux · 21/12/2022 18:43

My parents are dead, but when they were living, I would give the 30 minute window time. I do the same with my siblings now. And when they are coming to see me, I like to know the time within 30 minutes or so.

pinneddownbytabbies · 21/12/2022 18:44

In that situation I would tell people what time I was leaving home, how long I expect the journey to take, and roughly what time I'm likely to arrive, with half an hour leeway. Then if there is any delay beyond that, I would let them know.

RomainingCalm · 21/12/2022 18:44

cakeorwine · 21/12/2022 17:35

Dad is ex-Forces. He used to pride himself on giving an ETA and getting it spot on.

Much easier now with sat navs and mobile phones.

I'm a little bit in love with your dad!

70sShmeventies · 21/12/2022 18:46

Parents who live 20mins away a half hour window and text when leaving. In laws who live 5 hours away, a time of day, lunchtime/late afternoon etc, and message when an hour away.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 18:47

Mine are about 4 hours away, and I give them a rough idea ('early afternoon') and then phone when we come off the motorway (or if going by train, when I get to the station).

olympicsrock · 21/12/2022 18:47

I give a rough eta ( within a few hours) abs then text an eta as I leave home.

Abraxan · 21/12/2022 18:48

I give them a rough time, based in when we are likely to leave and how long it usually takes to get there.
I then update them en route, as we get closer.

Anewhoo · 21/12/2022 18:48

Rough time of ‘after lunch’, then text them when we set off and let them know what the sat nav arrival time says.

pizzaHeart · 21/12/2022 18:48

we live in different countries, so not really relevant now, but before (as with anyone) I'd say I'll be there about x o'clock, then text when I'm on my way. Update if anything major happens.
I think giving a time is just good manners really, so they can plan around it. Even if you have a key etc. I think morning/afternoon is too vague. I know I feel like I can't settle if I've got no idea what time someone's arriving, it doesn't bother me though if they get held up & are later (earlier us sometimes and 'oh fuck' moment depending on who it is!!
100% this

@SkylightSkylight are you me?
I was just going to post exactly the same but you’ve worded it perfectly.

Lindy2 · 21/12/2022 18:52

Visiting my mum or MIL involves mostly M25 travel. I tend to give the time I intend to set off rather than the arrival time. If the journey is taking much longer than expected I'd call while on the way to have a moan about the traffic.

TheFluffiestCat · 21/12/2022 18:57

We would usually give a rough ETA when we planned the visit, text when we're setting off, and often send Mum a Google maps link. She loves being able to see how close we are in real time. If I hadn't sent a link and got caught in traffic it wouldn't be an issue though.

TimBoothseyes · 21/12/2022 18:58

DD usually gives me an ETA followed by "ish", as in "2pm ish"., so I expect her anytime between 1.45 and 2.15. It's difficult due to the route she takes to give an exact time so "ish" does for me.

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 18:59

We say 'we'll be there around 3' and then share our location on WhatsApp so they can see where we are

MincepiesforRudolph · 21/12/2022 19:08

We usually agree an arrival time and then text when I'm leaving home as we both know how long it'll take.

Original poster

Toilin · 21/12/2022 19:10

Thanks all. I’m really struggling with my DM. She asks for an exact time and then if I am even five minutes over, I get comments for the rest of the day about ‘being late,’ ‘never being on time,’ and ‘treating this place like a hotel.’

I have shared my location with her but she says she can’t work the app.

I have tried giving a time and then being early but then I got comments about her not being ready and why didn’t I come at the time I said I would.

It’s very tricky!

OP posts:

RoseMartha · 21/12/2022 19:13

I would probably say we will be leaving at (whatever it might be) and we expect to get to you at (whatever) depending on the traffic.

MysweetAudrina · 21/12/2022 19:13

Usually give them a time and then text to say I'm leaving so time it from there.

Original poster

Toilin · 21/12/2022 19:13

I have also tried giving a half-hour and hour-long window but that didn’t work, either. She needs the exact time. Which unfortunately due to the motorways involved, isn’t really possible to give! I do think it’s rooted in anxiety (she will script out in her head how the visit will go, who will say what etc), but it’s making the visit stressful from the beginning!

OP posts:

WyfOfBathe · 21/12/2022 19:14

We give an approximate time when setting off. We then pull over at the petrol station about 15 mins from their house to remind the kids to behave send an updated ETA.

pinneddownbytabbies · 21/12/2022 19:15

Have you tried arriving early and then sitting in the car round the corner until the exact time?

LubaLuca · 21/12/2022 19:15

She's asking for the impossible, so you just laugh and say it would be nice if you could give a precise time.

TeenDivided · 21/12/2022 19:16

If you want to pander to her, give her your latest time, then park 1min up the road with a podcast until the time

Or just keep explaining you can't do an exact time.

Nearlychristmas123 · 21/12/2022 19:19

Give approx time, text confirmation we have set off. Yeah

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