Yummy mummy or scummy mummy?

[SweetRascal]

I look at other mums who look so well turned out, neat, tidy and manicured. I feel more like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards! It's not that I yearn to be a yummy mummy but I do wonder how and where they find the time. Or is that self care just a priority for them.

I definitely am more scummy mummy. I have a 1 and 4 year old. The 4 year old has sen. I work part time in education and have other family responsibilities.

I wash my hair twice a week. Give it a quick brush in the morning and that's it. I don't wear make up and wouldn't have the time tbh. The one year old likes to spread her food around so often I end up wearing it. I never wear matching socks. My clothes are years and years old. My skin is not great. Dry hands, ache rosacea.

It's not that I massively care about all these things. My children, dh, family, home, work, etc are my priorities and that's where my time goes. I'm just intrigued I guess how the yummy mummy's out there do it?

I don't want to let myself go. I would feel even more insecure and worried

why do you feel insecure & worried?

It's also unfair on your partner

what's unfair?

it completely depends how much of a priority it is for you. My kids are older now but I've always been well turned out, hair blowdried, nails done (shellac), nice clothes, accessories etc. It's just in my nature and it's much a part of my daily life as cleaning my teeth or going to the toilet.

Not a fan of those terms but I wouldn’t describe myself as either. But, I do like to look out together when I leave the house.

I think the key is help from my husband. We have a just turned two year old and a 16 week old. Before kids I washed my hair everyday. I now do it every 2-3 days and to be honest it looks better for it. So usually, I do the bedtime routine with the 2 year old while DH baths/feeds our DD. On the days when I wash my hair, once I’ve put DS to bed, I take 45 mins for myself. In that time DH has DD downstairs. It’s nice for him as he’s at work in the day but loves spending time with her. I then have a shower and dry my hair. Sometimes, I straighten it too and that makes it look better over the 2-3 days.

I always moisturise my face before bed and when I wake up and in terms of make up, even when I do a full face for special occasions, it only takes about 12 mins, so I have my everyday routine nailed to about 4 mins. Moisture and primer. touch eclat under eyes. Dab of cream blush, curl eyelashes, mascara and then finishing powder. I do this while the kids are still asleep as then don’t wake up until about 7.30. I am equally happy rocking no make up at all now.

again, in terms of odd socks etc, we always have pairs ready as that’s a job either me or DH will do with the toddler while the other one cooks dinner.

I definitely wouldn’t look as well put together if my DH didn’t help with chores etc.

I think there are a lot of factors, I have very thick hair. It takes literally hours to dry and style it so I often have up in a bun. If you had short hair or thinner hair it might be easier to have nice hair! I only wear dresses so it makes getting dressed and looking put together pretty easy!

I hate this idea that when you're a Mum, if you don't look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards then you're not prioritising your children. I'm a lone parent of 3 who works full time in health care. I buy easy to match, cheap clothes for the seasons, I have long hair that gets put in a claw clip or left down and I have a 5min make up routine in the morning. I'm organised and have good routine so it all just works. I wouldn't leave the house looking scruffy. Life doesn't have to be chaotic when you have children.

I just wake up looking like this.

Thats what one mum said to me once.
It was possibly true but only because she had eyelash extensions, Botox, filler etc and spent quite a lot of time and money on her appearance at other times. No judgement, but it’s very rare to look perfectly polished with zero effort.
In my opinion, it’s not necessary or particularly desirable to look perfect at all times.

My sisters always very well turned out hair and makeup. Me - I accept my curly hair and have little time to straighten it so it’s either cousin it or Trunchball bun. I also have skin that wouldn’t want makeup everyday - so tinted moisturiser is easy choice and sometimes I may put mascara on (the only thing is by the end of the day I slightly rock the panda look)

Even though I have children & one is now at uni and one is 13 in theory I have the time. Just different priorities - walking the dog and I can now go back to the gym which I have really missed. I do get my eyebrow waxed and grey hair coloured.

So for me I pick what’s important to me and avoid all photos with my beautiful and very together sisters :)

Thinking even before kids I’m happy just being as I am. I’m envious of the ones that look together but I don’t judge or think of any less of someone either way.

Clean clothes is important- i once worked with a nurse who didn’t wear a clean uniform and it had dirt on it’s dirt yet her hair, nails and makeup perfect!

I have a 1 year old. Mon -Friday I'm basically in gym leggings and baggy tops. On the weekend I wear jeans, hair down and make up... I just cba in the week but I'm going to make more of an effort in the NY. It makes me feel better when I've got abit of makeup on

You just have to perfect the art of not giving a shit @SweetRascal

Yes I could get up and get myself showered, dressed, and make up on - but why? I'm only dropping the kids off then I'm back at home to work. I don't even do the dropping off normally - they walk - I've just been doing them a favour as it's been so cold and it's the end of term. When I need to, I scrub up well. I just don't need to very often lol!

Also I can't even brush my hair as it's curly, so I end up with a high pony every single day bar wash day. It sucks. I've taken to blowdrying my hair which looks lovely for ten minutes then the humidity makes it poof up and look shit again. Plus blowdrying takes me the best part of an hour.

Team scummy mummy and revelling in it. It's one of the wonderful things about getting older, you stop giving a shit about the shallow stuff or what other people think of you.

I also wash my hair twice a week. It takes about 30 mins to dry so I'm not doing it in precious nap time

I hate both of those terms and it’s silly to compare yourself to others. If you really want to change yourself, you find the time to do so. It might mean waking up earlier than your DC or staying up a bit later than usual to slot ‘self care’ in but so be it. If it’s a priority to you to look and feel better then you’ll figure it out.

I have 5 DC and teach FT but I still work out most days and manage to look presentable. I just fit it in around the DC and work.

Why would anyone happily describe themselves as scummy? It conjures up images of greasy hair, dirty skin and bag lady clothes. Being clean and presentable is basic really.

Prior to kids I wore make up everyday and certainly took pride in my appearance and made 'an effort' after kids I definitely stopped caring as much and I'm much more of a 'scummy mummy' (and I don't mind that term). I found finding time to sort myself out really difficult and I just didn't have the energy for it but the fact that I didn't have the energy for it made it even worse! So one year I made a resolution to make more time for myself, spend more time and money on myself. And I definitely feel better for it. I'm not in to procedures or blow drys or even getting my nails done, but I do schedule a hair appointment every 6 months for a bailage and cut and I spend more on my wardrobe (better quality stuff rather than more stuff) and it has really helped me feel better about myself generally.

I do think if it wasn't something that mattered to you pre kids then it shouldn't matter post kids but for me it was a sign of deteriorating mental health and lack of prioritizing my own wellbeing.

I don't view most of the things on your list as scummy.

Twice a week is plenty for hair washing. My hair is dry and I only do once a week. Do people brush their hair multiple times a day? I don't. It's hair type dependent surely and you can look groomed with hair tied up.

Loads of people don't wear makeup on a daily basis. Tbh I hardly notice makeup unless it's caked on.

Old clothes, if they haven't worn out and still fit, don't matter and are better for the environment. I have no idea how old anyone's clothes are by looking at them.

Keep moisturiser for your hands by the sink, pair your socks (or buy all pairs the same so you don't need to bother), and keep a spare top in your bag! Sorted.

If this stuff bothers you, then there are mostly easy solutions. If it doesn't, don't worry!

Not wearing make up does not make you a bad person. Or a good person.
Wearing make up does not make you a bad person. Or a good person.

We all have the right to choose how we present to the world. We do not have to be aesthetically pleasing to have a right to take up our space

But judging women by their appearance is misogyny.
Reducing mothers into derogatory categories is misogyny.

Judging other people’s perceived efforts through the lens of our own privilege shows a failure of empathy and imagination.

What you could do for starters is use a BB/CC cream on your facial skin. Then maybe add mascara, blusher and a lip crayon (Clinique’s are good).

It sounds silly but SIL uses Origins Ginzing moisturiser, a powder compact Clinique foundation, brown eyeliner, and a Clinique lip crayon.

Do bear in mind that put together means different things to different people. Excessive makeup and fake nails and tan screams low self esteem to most and does not actually look good.

I second the soolantra for rosacea. Was a turning point for me. Your doctor can prescribe it, or you can get from an online pharmacy. I'd use that at night, plus wash your face and moisturise in the morning.