Yummy mummy or scummy mummy?

[SweetRascal]

I look at other mums who look so well turned out, neat, tidy and manicured. I feel more like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards! It's not that I yearn to be a yummy mummy but I do wonder how and where they find the time. Or is that self care just a priority for them.

I definitely am more scummy mummy. I have a 1 and 4 year old. The 4 year old has sen. I work part time in education and have other family responsibilities.

I wash my hair twice a week. Give it a quick brush in the morning and that's it. I don't wear make up and wouldn't have the time tbh. The one year old likes to spread her food around so often I end up wearing it. I never wear matching socks. My clothes are years and years old. My skin is not great. Dry hands, ache rosacea.

It's not that I massively care about all these things. My children, dh, family, home, work, etc are my priorities and that's where my time goes. I'm just intrigued I guess how the yummy mummy's out there do it?

I’ve got three ( including a demanding toddler) and I work nights. I try most days to style my hair some and I have it coloured every 8 weeks. I curl my hair tightly once a week so I don’t need to do much and it just drops daily to increasingly looser waves. I wear makeup about 80 percent of the time. Sometimes I have to do it after the school run in the morning. Because I’m seen most outdoors, running round with the pram shopping etc, I’ve invested in decent coats, scarves and bags do look a bit more put together. You do have to prioritise yourself.

Condense your wardrobe, stick to a formula that works for you and your body shape.

So in this weather for me, it's oversized cord shirts with a thin rollneck underneath and faux leather trousers, smart leather boots from M&S or jumpsuits with a Breton layered underneath. I own multiples of the same item (in various colours) so that I don't have to 'think' about what to wear. I haven't worn jeans in over 3 years!

Nails get done every two weeks. Hair gets washed every other day, left to dry naturally and never ever brushed in between!

I don't wear make up day to day, but I do think a freshly washed and moisturised face and lightly filled in brows makes the world of difference.

When I was going through severe PND I realised that having a shower, putting on some fresh clothes and wearing a little bit of makeup (literally just mascara and lipgloss that takes me 60 seconds) made me feel so much better as a whole. So I make self-care a big priority of mine, even if it means getting up before my toddler.

I'm not with my child's father but luckily my two year old goes to nursery and I don't work (I'm a student) so when I want to get my hair coloured or my nails done etc I just do it whilst he's at nursery.

Yummy mummy has always given me the ick

Not heard scummy mummy before, not nice

How true that is. It is definitely easier for some. I’ve often thought I wouldn’t have to do so much if I was thinner and my hair was decent and if I was generally prettier. As it is I’ve got an extra few pounds I shouldn’t have and my hair is thin so I have to have extensions and they require a fair bit of maintenance. I don’t like my face much but it looks better with makeup. There’s quite a few I’ve seen at playgroups that aren’t wearing much makeup, don’t really have anything really put together on and their hair yanked back but they look fine because they’re generally decent looking and thin. A lot of them comment to me how glam ( ?!) Always feel it’s a bit of a back handed compliment like they think im trying too hard.

I’ve only got a seven month old so I’m aware my situation isn't the same as people with two toddlers, for example, but I haven't really struggled with self care since having him. I find time to shower, moisturise and do my make up every day, and I dress nicely - I’m just wearing my normal pre-baby clothes with a nursing vest underneath. I also work out or run four times a week (having a supportive DH is helpful here!).

The only things I haven't kept up as frequently are hair cuts, waxes and manicure/pedicures, but I’ve still managed these occasionally.

As you say, it's a matter of priorities, but I don't think it's impossible to prioritise them if you choose to.

You have a sen child. They require a lot more hands on parenting. Often they have sleep issues. I often wonder what I could achieve in that extra hour or two a day if my DC would just bloody well go to sleep before 10pm like an nt child.

A lot of it is down to priorities. A mum of a child in Ds’s class has been immaculately turned out every single day since I met her 7 years ago. Always looks stunning and perfectly groomed. I asked her about it once when we were drunk on a night out and she said that she gets up at 5am every day to make herself look like that and it’s down to insecurity. Now I would LOVE to look immaculate and pretty every day (who wouldn’t?) but am I prepared to get up at 5am to do it? Er, no. And I’m glad that how I look isn’t the most important thing in my life. However, I have to be clean so that is a priority and I like to smell nice.

stick a tube of hand cream next to your bed and put some on before you go to sleep every night - that will sort the dry hands out (priority because dry hands get so sore, not because of how they look), and spend 10 minutes pairing your socks up and chucking out any without a pair?

If you want to look put together you need to find the time. Example I start work at 8, I drop DS off at childminders at 7:30. I just make sure I'm up 45 mins before I get him up (I get up around 6) to get myself dressed, hair and makeup and I wash my hair every other night when he is in bed. It's not a big deal or a lot of effort, I just feel better when I look semi presentable.

For the acne from rosacea, this product keeps mine under control. Doesn’t cost lots and lasts ages. I put it on morning and night at first.
(I never seem to be able to time a break-out with a doc’s appointment in order to get the famous soolantra- one day!)

theordinary.com/en-gb/azelaic-acid-suspension-10-exfoliator-100407.html?dwvar_100407_size=30ml&quantity=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqIi47e-H_AIVW-rtCh1Z9gSIEAQYASABEgLEqvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I don't like the terms op but I definitely know what you mean.
I actually mentioned this to my aunt the other day about how I see other mums hair all done, make up, have a sort of secrecy around them(I don't know how to explain that!)
And then there's me and some others I see black leggings, hair up in a bun and I've probably not brushed it that day. I also have rosacea!

But my aunt said I'm doing it right, we haven't spent all this time being like the "yummy mummies" we have spent the time with our children (or as a pp said she got up and washed and dried her hair before the kids got up - em no thanks I've been up through the night feeding so I'd prefer more sleep than spend 30 mins drying my hair!). Also it depends if they have more support from family and friends and the two women I specifically know that look pristine go to their mum's house every day! That seems crazy to me!
Having said that, I think it's important for ourselves to put some time and effort in to looking good. I do now get my hair dyed every 6 weeks, I will put makeup on for certain things and put a bit of thought into my outfit for going out.
I wouldn't go to work looking how I look on maternity leave. I'm due to go back in Jan and I'm dreading it.

Both terms have been around for years and I'm not really keen on either.

I think it's just priorities and building it into your routine. A bit of basic skincare and make up takes 5 minutes. Treat things like (semi-) regular haircuts etc as you would dentist appointments- non-negotiable. Keep hand cream by every sink and actually use it.

As a mum and working woman, there is always something else you could be doing, so if grooming etc is going to get done you have to prioritise it. You wouldn't go out in the morning without brushing your teeth so (if you want to do this stuff) treat it the same way. Or don't, up to you.

But my aunt said I'm doing it right, we haven't spent all this time being like the "yummy mummies" we have spent the time with our children

FFS 🙄

This is why these terms are so objectionable- setting women against each other and judging other people's parenting based on whether they've put a bit of mascara on or not. Awful.

I think she just said it to make me feel better tbh.

Personally. How i look directly correlates to how i feel. So i do put a bit of time into it.
By a bit that can vary hugely. From 2 mins. To 20 mins to an hour. Depending on what time is available. Ive always managed a moisturiser and a tiny bit of make up either with a baby on the bed/floor next to me or in a high chair. If i look put together i feel put together and its means i tackle my day with a different approach.

It does get easier as they get older and the baby years are very ageing and its easy to loose yourself.

These days My school run approach varies hugely from barely out of pyjamas to glamorous confident professional. If make up doesn't go on by the school run it may be mid morning or lunch or maybe not at all.

I'm one of 'those Mother's' who likes to be well turned out. My kids are mostly grown now but I always made time for a shower, makeup and hair. It makes ME feel better, I feel good in my self when these things are done.

I would get up earlier before the kids, probably 45 mins, plenty of time to do these. The shower wakes you up. I would wear an old t shirt when getting the kids ready and change into my actual top for the day just before we left for the school run. I use to always get the comments about being 'done up' by the other mother's, but in reality it took very little time.

I had one section of my wardrobe with just clothes for the school run, nothing fancy or expensive, just things that all went with each other, it was handy to grab something and throw it on.

I've 5 kids, one who is severely disabled so I would leave all their things ready the night before, this saved so much time and things ran smoothly when I left everything ready. I hated doing it, but I'd tell myself when doing it that I'd be grateful in the morning.

You don't need to do all these things, a person who doesn't wear makeup would think I was done up with my day time makeup, whereas to me, I am only wearing a small amount. Just enough to look alive 😁

You could throw out your old odd socks, get some new ones for Christmas and get them one colour, this saves on ending up with odd socks. Have some handcream at the handbasin and use after you wash your hands, I have a big e45 pump beside the kitchen sink, quick pump of cream when needed.

The secret life of a scummy mummy is a funny, easy read. It's been around for years and still makes me laugh.

I've got a 1.5 year old and make a bit of an effort (clothes, hair, nails) because it makes me feel like me. I think only doable because I work 0.8 hours so have a half day or so to myself and because my husband is fantastic and does more than his share of the work with the little one when we're both home so I have a breather. Not sure it'll be the same if we have a second though!

I'm finding the idea women need make up and nails etc to look done quite offensive. No you do not look better, concealer yes, fake eyelashes absolutely not they look awful. Eg Angela raynor does not look put together she looks like she's going out clubbing but with work clothes on. Because of the excessive eye makeup, her eyes look great before any of that.
Men don't feel the need to do this to themselves! I'd say if you are clean with vaguely styled ie brushed hair, clean nails of any length and have a clean face and clothes you are perfectly put together.
Do try some of the suggestions for rosaca though as it can be sore. Anyone who judges you will also be judged themselves by others too, we all have different looks.

What an idiotic comment for your 'aunt' to make  there is no right or wrong way about it.

Let's not shame mothers who take a little bit time to make themselves look nice just because you don't want to or don't agree with it. What on earth is wrong with that?

Looking after yourself doesnt really take a lot of time. I don't give a toss about fashion but I still look after my skin and hair. Makes you feel better within yourself. Make up takes about 3 minutes as it's minimal but nobody has to wear makeup if they don't want.

Big bottle of E45 in plain site. Pump some on passing and rub it in somewhere. It's minimal effort.

There have always been people with a belief of never leaving the house without looking impeccable and presentable.
Look at Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping up Appearances. A caricature of a woman from a past generation who wouldn't be seen in public without being immaculate. It's probably priorities and perceptions of standards.

So fed up with this idea that women who look put together or investing time in their appearance aren’t good mothers who don’t spend time with their kids. It’s all about making time for what’s important to you!

It takes 10 mins to slap on some make up if that’s important to you - it is to me!

i like to look slim as it makes me feel better about the clothes I wear so I will have a walk/run/home workout when I can
I find it also important to be fit and energetic for my kids so it’s a good investment of time

I haven't got the energy and pretty much always look scruffy. But every time I've had bloods taken since I had children I've been deficient in various things. I'm trying now to prioritise actually taking my vitamins, maybe I'll be a whole new person full of the joys next year

I'm very low maintenance but I like treatments so use good skincare, have facials, have expensive hair cuts & colours. I love fashion but also like comfort. Even before dc I wouldn't bother with manicures or blow drying my hair, I don't wear much make up & happily go without it so think i'm in the middle. One friend never has a hair of place or a chipped nail, it's not that she spends less time with her dc, she wakes up earlier than me!